


Obscurus de Animo- an Obscurus of the mind.

by annarelise



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Harry Potter, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Obscurials (Harry Potter), POV Draco Malfoy, Physical Abuse, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 13:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 96,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17345954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annarelise/pseuds/annarelise
Summary: Draco Malfoy was not a killer. Perhaps he knew this, perhaps he did not. But in that moment, he did not have to courage to do the job Voldemort had set him. He greatly feared the consequences of not completing the task, of what it would mean to him and his Mother, but he was not a killer.Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore knew this, and yet, there was something in Draco that did want to kill. Badly.He had seen this too many times before.He had seen it corrupt the man he had once loved most in the world and had seen it almost corrupt himself.Emotions were tied inexplicitly to magic. It was why one could only cast an unforgivable with true hatred in their heart, and a sacrificial charm could only be cast through pure love. Anger, when allowed to sit in a magical being and fester for long enough, could take on magical properties. Anger, when left to rot and corrupt the brain, could turn a kind person into someone they would not recognise; and when you fed the anger, with fear, ignorance or pain, an Obscurus de Animo could form.An (eventual) Drarry Fic that's very canon complaint, with an actual, detailed character arc for Draco.





	1. Chapter 1

_Synopsis_ _: This story begins after Harry’s name is drawn from the cup, before the first task. I will be writing cannon through all the years from 4th onwards. Except for some minor details I changed. The most major of which is my introduction of Blaise as a transfer student from America in 5th year. I feel as though Blaise wasn’t an important character before 6th year (He had like one line) and didn’t really have much happen to him so to add interesting story elements I added this as a detail. Forgive me._   

 _This story is a Draco POV and is a_ _Drarry_ _fic. But_ _\-  there_ _isn't that much to do with Harry for most of the school years- yet_ _Im_ _writing them- in detail. Trust me, it's torture._     
There’s so much I have planned after school ends, but I want the character setup and exploration of Draco first, plus a few story elements that need to be there for after school.   

 _Setup: Its fourth year. Harry Potter had come out as Bisexual a few weeks before the Triwizard tournament. What was a quiet confession to friends somehow got posted in the prophet in a rumor column written by Rita_ _Skeeter._ _Harry didn’t make any move to dispute the rumors of his sexuality, despite the vicious reception it got from other people. Seamus Finnigan had made the mistake of being a bit too loud in the presence of Potter when he expressed his opinion on the existence of bisexuals._   

 _“They're not fucking real, like, pick a side”_   

 _In response, Hermione Granger had questioned the existence of his brain and Potter had blown up. People had then accepted that the rumors were real._  

****

“I expect two rolls of parchment describing the properties of Dittany to be submitted to me by Monday morning. Those who fail to complete this task shall face detention. Dismissed.”  After Snape left the room groans filled the air, punctuated by the grumbles of various students.   

Draco began to pack his books away, mentally calculating when he would have time to complete the essay, when his thoughts were interrupted by the loud swearing of the passing Weasley, “He's so fucking ridiculous, how does he expect us to write even one roll of parchment on Dittany, let alone bloody two!”  

“Oh come on Ron, Dittany is actually quite interesting. If you look at the specifics of its brewing method…”   

Draco's eyes moved from the Mudblood to look at Potter, who brought up the rear of the Golden Trio. His messy hair fell over his face and his eyes were cast down. He was avoiding making eye contact with anyone... something he now often did unless provoked.    
This change had come about after an article by Rita Skeeter had been published in Witch Weekly, labelling Potter as ‘Harry Potter...The curious or confused? That had created its own storm, and then, and barely two weeks later- Potter’s name had come out of the Triwizard cup, and the school had labelled him as an attention-seeking brat. He now walked around with his head down, barely speaking to anyone while the Mudblood desperately attempted to hold him and Weasley together. It was a rather amusing display of pure patheticness. Draco, however, didn't buy the rumors that surrounded Potter. Why would he come out as bisexual and then give everyone a reason to hate him a few weeks later? It didn't make sense. Potter was stupid, but not that stupid. An adoring fan from the older years had probably put the name in the cup, wanting to see their Golden Boy achieve more success… Draco caught himself staring and stopped before Potter caught him.     
Ever since Potter had failed to dispute the rumors that he was Bi, Draco had found himself watching the star of the school more and more. He was curious and was trying to see if Potter displayed any characteristics that might identify him as gay.   

 “Do you think they have weird threesomes?”     
Both Draco's and Potter's eyes snapped up to Pansy, who had uttered the words rather loudly. The Mudblood and Weasley whirled around, their faces red and their eyes narrowed.     
   
“Just cause I’m Bi, Parkinson, doesn't mean I have threesomes with-”   

“And I’m not gay, you fucking idiot!” Weasley cut Potter off, his face now a bright scarlet which matched his horrid hair.   

“Ron, Harry, please don’t go down to their level,” The Mudblood grabbed Weasley’s sleeve and dragged him away, leaving Potter to remain glaring at Pansy, before his green eyes slid to Draco.   

“Malfoy.” The hatred in his eyes and tone was obvious.   

“Potter.” Draco tried to match the contempt. He resisted the urge to criticize Potter, as he still had the ferret incidence hanging over his head, which- he reminded himself- he would get Potter back for. He and Pansy had some wonderful badges coming along.    
As Harry stalked away Draco found his eyes once again being drawn to his sworn enemy, his gaze slid lower, and centred on Potters rather round a- A loud sigh came from Theo who was sitting beside him.     
“What” Draco snapped at Theo, scared he had been caught staring. Theo had a disapproving look on his face, which didn’t help with Draco’s fear. He rolled his eyes “I can practically hear the scheming you’re doing.... It’s written all over your face.” Theo broke his disapproving look with a large grin “Don’t you ever get tired of it?”    
Draco grinned back in response, relieved. “Nope”  

He shook himself and turned to Pansy, trying to get Potter out of his head “We should finish the badges tonight.”   

Theo rolled his eyes “I bloody knew it, you literally never stop! It's amazing you have time to study.” Pansy just smiled sweetly, but there was a different, more mischievous kind of joy in her eyes.  

    
 Draco waited for his friends to finish packing up and they left to go to the library for their usual Monday afternoon study session- which usually ended up being gossip sessions.    
“I meant it though-” Pansy said as they walked up the seemingly endless staircases “Do you think Potter is in love with both of his weird friends?”   

The thought of Potter being in love made Draco feel sick- but not in the way he expected. Jealousy.     
He frowned and shoved the feeling back down in his stomach where it had come from.   

“I’m pretty sure the Weasel hates Potter at the moment,” said Theo, frowning and grabbing Crabbe before he stepped on to some steps which had started moving.  

Pansy shrugged “Yeah but I meant before-”  

“Who cares,” Draco interrupted, wanting to change the subject “He’s probably only doing it for attention. And besides, I think he only keeps the Mudblood around for her head and not her looks… I mean- have you seen those teeth?”   

Pansy snickered “Maybe she's secretly related to a ghoul!” Crabbe and Goyle barked out loud laughs, causing a sleeping painting on the wall beside them to wake up with a start.  

Theo frowned “Except your ghoul theory doesn't make sense because, as we love to remind her, she’s got muggles for parents?” His grinned as Pansy scowled and hit his shoulder “We’re just joking around, you mood killer”   

Theo’s grin widened “An apt title, as I love a little mood murder to spice up my life!”   

Draco sighed and rolled his eyes, “Merlin, you are such a loser”   

   
They reached the library, puffing from the stairs and sank gratefully into the large comfy chairs they always occupied. They practically owned the spot, tucked neatly away in the corner of the library, away from prying eyes and ears. Despite that, Pansy put up the usual privacy charms.  

Once- and only once- some second years had tried to sit in their spot, only to be subjected to Pansy’s wrath. It had been an amusing sight, albeit, not for the second years. Draco glanced at her as she unpacked her bag, laughing at a joke Theo had made.   

He could see the appeal that was there for other guys- the good bone structure, perfect skin, the wicked smile and playful eyes she taunted you with...but- Draco had never felt anything other than a brotherly love for the girl, and he had come to realise that he never would.   

She noticed him looking, smiled, and came and kissed him on the cheek. Draco took her hand and kissed it, ignoring the awkward feeling- He had long gotten used to it.  

“Come,” she said “I finished the designs for the badges, would you like to see?”    
  

****  

    
Pansy laughed in her high pitched way. “Oh these are perfect Draco! I can't wait to see Potter’s expression when he sees people wearing these!”     
 

Having returned from dinner, both Draco and Pansy were working on the badges. He hadn’t allowed Crabbe or Goyle near them since Crabbe had turned one bright pink and Goyle had somehow managed to blow one up. Theo sat in the corner studying, and had given up trying to convince them to do the same.    
 

Draco let a smile creep onto his face. “Yes, I do expect he will react rather nicely, we should show them to him tomorrow when we have potions... Snape shouldn’t mind too much.”     
Pansy nodded enthusiastically and her face turned red as she tried to hold back another fit of laughter.     
Draco and Pansy spent the next hour finishing the badges off while Crabbe and Goyle handed them out to all the Slytherins. They were all tasked with making sure as many people as possible wore them the next day, especially the Hufflepuffs.     
 

****  

   
“He’s coming!” whispered Pansy as they waited outside the potions classroom- and indeed he was. Once again, Potter was walking solemnly behind the Weasel and the Mudblood, his head hanging low and he shoulders slumped. What a pathetic sight.    
 

Because he was seemingly so interested in the floor, Potter didn’t immediately see the badges, but that made it all the better because Draco could see his face very clearly when he finally looked up. His face twisted first in confusion and then into horror as he read the text.    
Draco relished the moment and then caught Potters attention, “Like them, Potter?” Potter’s eyes snapped to him and narrowed, malice and hatred within them. Draco smirked and continued “And this isn't all they do, look!" He put his wand on the badge, knowing its words were twisting into ‘Potter Stinks!’   

Potters face changed once again, this time turning red accompanied by the expression of seething anger. Draco smiled.  

“Oh very funny, really witty” Granger’s voice called out. Some giggles followed her remark. Bitch. Draco felt his own face heat as he turned to the Mudblood.   

"Want one, Granger?" he said, holding one out "I've got loads. But don't touch my hand, now. I've just washed it, you see; don't want a Mudblood sliming it up." Granger paled and her eyes narrowed to match Potter’s.  

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter pull out his wand, so he reached for his own. Snape would be there any second, but that didn’t stop him.   

"Go on then Potter, Moody's not here to look after you now... do it, if you've got the guts."   

    
For a split second they looked into each other's eyes, and as Draco saw the rage in his opponent's eyes, he realised that perhaps duelling with Potter wasn't the best idea. Regardless, he had put himself into the situation- Committing, he decided to go with Densaugeo as it would disfigure Potters perfect teeth and therefore mess up his perfect face. He screamed the spell at the same time that Potter yelled Furnunculus! A pimple inducing hex- Apparently having had the same intention of facial disfigurement.   

The hexes met, midair, and with a fantastic BANG they rebounded- Draco’s onto the Mudblood’s and Potter’s onto Goyle. In all the chaos, Draco caught a glimpse of Granger’s buck teeth which were growing out of her face. He barked out a laugh but stopped when he saw Goyle’s face which was absolutely covered in boils.   

There was going to be hell to pay as soon as Snape arriv-  

"And what is all this noise about?" said Snape in his wonderful drawl. Everybody froze.  

Draco turned around, his lips lifting and his eyes going straight to Potter who looked like he was about to vomit up some slugs.  

“Draco” said Snape, not even looking his way, “Explain.”   

  

****  

    
After the situation had calmed down, and both Goyle and the Mudblood had gone to see Pomfrey, Potter and Weasley had received detentions and Draco was pleased to see Potter sitting alone with a stormy expression on his face.   

Draco smirked and began to draw an enchanted sketch of what he dubbed as ‘Pathetic Potter’ to throw at him. Draco turned around, smiling when Potter scowled at his glowing badge. He was about to throw the sketch when a small boy burst into the classroom, puffing like he had run a race.   

"Yes?" said Snape curtly- he clearly wasn’t happy with the interruption.   

"Please, sir, I'm supposed to take Harry Potter upstairs.” Snapes unimpressed look was replaced by a very cold glare.  

"Potter has another hour of Potions to complete, He will come upstairs when this class is finished."  

The small boy shrunk under Snape's glare. "Sir- sir, Mr. Bagman wants him," he stuttered "All the champions have got to go, I think they want to take photographs..."  

Draco rolled his eyes, and turned to glare at Potter. Of course Potter needed to do a photoshoot. It was retch-worthy. Knowing Potter though, who Draco had noticed didn’t really like attention, it would probably be like torture and it would also have the added bonus of making the entire school hate him more than they already did.   

So it wasn’t so bad after all.   

As Potter walked out, swinging his bag over his shoulder, Draco found himself watching him and once again slipping his eyes down to watch his rear end as he walked out of the classroom.   

“I hope Goyles okay,” said Crabbe, forcing Draco to stop thinking about Potters ass and realise he hadn't thought about Goyle’s face at all.  

“He’s fine, Pomfrey will have him better in no time” said Pansy, kindly patting Crabbe on the shoulder.   

“Yeah” Draco agreed, promising himself he would stop thinking about asses and think of a revenge plan for the Boy who Lived instead.   

    
 ****  

At the end of the lesson, with nothing but a sharp call of his name, Snape summoned Draco to his office. As Draco entered the familiar space his eyes roamed the shelves which were full of odd looking jars which contained even odder looking things. He settled in the comfy seat opposite his head of house. He knew the chair was charmed to become more or less comfortable depending on how much Snape liked the person in it.   

“How has your occlumency practice been going?” Snape didn’t look up from the parchment he was marking.  

Ever since the incident with his father last holidays, Snape had been keeping close tabs on Draco and had been teaching him occlumency. Whilst Draco wasn't a fan of Snape always wanting to know what he was doing and how he was feeling, he did appreciate the lessons.   

“It's going well, I'm finding it easier to bury memories now.”  

“Learning to block out unwanted foes will be a more important skill if you are to survive coming months, and you must focus on clearing your mind.” Snape said finally looking up and giving Draco critical eye. Before he could look down, Draco asked the question he knew wouldn't get an answer to.  

“What’s going to happen in the coming months?” Snape had been hinting at ‘something’ which was apparently going to occur ‘next year’ or ‘in the coming months’ for some time, but he never revealed what. Draco assumed it was something to do with the dark mark incident at the Quidditch world cup.   

“You know I cannot tell you, so stop asking.” Snape hesitated, grunted and then sighed, put his feather back into its holder, then stiffly twined his fingers on the desk in front of himself and straightened. Draco had just watched him go through a moral dilemma.   

Snape sighed again before speaking “To be truthful with you, I don't know. But something is brewing.” He frowned seemingly finished with his ominous speech, “Come see me in my office tonight at the usual time, and I will review your progress.”  

 

****  

    
The rest of the day went slowly as Draco was already ahead in most of his classes- all the lessons were incredibly boring. Ten minutes into charms he decided to start on his Potions essay as it gave him an excuse to ignore Crabbe and Goyle who were sitting to one side of him, making an absolute mess of the summoning charm they were learning. Theo saw Draco studying, nodded and pulled out his own books only to be hit by a pillow that Flitwick had them practising on. He swore as Draco began putting a shield charm up around them.   

    
“Mastered Accio already have we Mr Malfoy? And you too Mr Nott?” The squeaky voice of Professor Flitwick came from below him and Draco looked up from his essay.   

“Yes sir.” Theo and Draco answered in unison. They looked at each other and grinned.  

“Well...go on then!” Squeaked Flitwick. While Theo showed his mastery of Accio and Depulso to Flitwick by summoning and dismissing a pillow, Draco looked around for a more difficult object to summon.  

“Very good Mr Nott, ten points to Slytherin! And you Mr Malfoy?”  

In response, Draco gave a sly smile to both Flitwick and Nott. “Accio Quill!” he said, putting all of his mental energy into the spell. The quill he had chosen from Flitwick’s desk separated itself from about five others and zoomed into Draco’s waiting hand.   

Flitwick squeaked in surprise “Ah! And you have mastered summing one object from a group of similar objects! Fantastic, Mr Malfoy, that will be a further twenty points to Slytherin!”  

As Flitwick waddled away, Theo frowned and turned to Draco. “You cocky bastard”   

Draco grinned back “It comes with the name”   

    
****  

    
Later that evening, Draco forced himself to walk the last few steps to once again knock on Snape's door. While he did appreciate the occlumency lessons, that didn’t mean he looked forward to them.   

“Come in,” Snape’s response came from behind the thick door and Draco shouldered it open. He looked around the office for the second time that day.   

“Good evening, Draco, please take a seat.” Draco mentally readied himself for the attack before he even sat down. Snape had long ago stopped asking him if he was ready. As Snape had sarcastically told him once, “Your enemies won't ask nicely.” Sure enough, as soon as Draco had sat down he felt his walls being assaulted by Snape. He gritted his teeth.   

“Your defence is strong but still has cracks in it. You will need to make sure the foundation is stronger before you build upon it.” This was Draco’s only warning before Snape slipped through one of the forsaid cracks and was in Draco’s mind. Draco immediately tried to clear his mind. But he knew he was not successful as he felt Snape digging through memories, an unmatched force in his mind. Draco began to muster his strength for a counterattack. Snape stopped at the memory of Pansy and Draco making badges.   

“...We should show them to him tomorrow when we have potions, Snape shouldn’t mind too much...” Draco's own voice echoed through his head in the strange way any speech did when one experienced legilimency. He felt Snape's amusement, and then heard his mentor's voice also echo through his mind “Yes, I thought that was rather amusing-”   

Draco knew that Snape was distracted and took the opportunity. He had made himself out to be weak but now revealed the strength he had been building when he slammed against Snape and forced him out.   

Draco's eyes snapped open to see Snape rocking back in his chair.   

“Very good Draco”   

Draco’s chest warmed with pride. Snape continued “But your father might not make that mistake, or he might find something before you are able to force him out. Keep strengthening your initial defence. And clear your mind more effectively.”  

Draco reached for the self-filling cup of water in front of him and began to build his walls again, trying to take Snape's words into account. He knew he had precious few moments before Snape would attack again.  

He did attack. Again and again and again, until Draco’s back was wet with sweat from the exertion from it. It was a cruel kind of torture as it became more and more difficult to defend his mind as a headache formed.  

Eventually, Snape seemed to realised Draco could go no further. “Enough”  Snape handed him the potion that would help with the headache. Draco nodded and thankfully took the potion, knowing that meant their lesson was over.  

    
He returned to his rooms and begun to get ready for bed. As he stripped off his sweat-soaked clothes and climbed into the soft, feather duvet sent by his mother, he knew should definitely have a shower, but the medicine Snape gave him made him so tired and Draco couldn't be bothered. He started the meditations that would help shield his mind when he was asleep...   
  

“Hello Draco.” Draco looked around. He was back at home. In the living room stood Harry Potter, he was inspecting some photos on the fireplace mantle.   

“Hello Harry” It felt odd to call him Harry, but Harry had just used Dracos given name so he did the same.   

“Do you know why I’m here?” Draco didn't know, he told him so. Both their voices sounded odd.   

“I don't know either.” Harry's laugh rang throughout the room. Draco suddenly realised that Harry being in his living room was strange.   

“You shouldn't be here” Draco was panicking slightly. Harry went back to inspecting the photos. Draco's eyes went down to his ass. Fuck.  

“Don't you want me here?” Harry sounded disappointed.  

“N-no it’s alright I guess” Draco realised he did want Harry there, here they weren't enemies, just two guys, in a room. What?  

Harry slowly walked over. His eyes focused on Draco “Why am I here Draco?” He was very close. Draco didn't really know what was going on. “Why am I here?” This time Harry whispered the question. Draco shook his head.   

“I don't know”  

“Shall I show you?” Harry asked. Draco froze, unsure.   

Harry kissed him.    
 

Draco bolted awake. He groaned when he saw the very early morning light in the windows at the top of the room. The dream that had just woken him up was slipping away. Well, he was awake now--  

Something was calling his attention, he looked down and groaned again, settling on a morning walk over a cold shower to calm things down.    

As he tramped around the lake and the morning frost crushed beneath his feet, he tried to process what he had dreamed the night before. Most of it was gone but he could still hear the weird voice saying “Why am I here?” Draco shook his head… it didn't matter. There was no use giving himself a headache trying to remember a dream.  

He looked over towards the Quidditch grounds, and at the stands which rose above the morning fog to barely brush the beams of sunlight which barely made it through the mountains and cloud. He missed playing Quidditch. It was unfair that just because they wanted to host the stupid tournament that they should ban quidditch and make the rest of them suffer. Hopefully, the first task would be held in the Quidditch pitch, which would mean they might get it back soon, as the first task was just a couple of days away...    
  

****  

   
“Accio Firebolt!”   

Draco couldn't believe his ears, or his eyes, as seconds later Potter’s firebolt came racing towards him, as he stood in the entrance to the arena. His feet were planted squarely as he pointed his wand at the sky. As he skillfully mounted the broom and took off, Draco finally became aware of the crowd that was roaring beside him. The dragon shot flames at Potter and Draco clenched his fists as Potter narrowly avoided them.  

“Holy Shit” The words were out of Draco’s mouth before he could stop himself, and as Draco’s eyes followed the scarlet blur around the arena as he dodged flames again, Draco found himself in awe. Utter and complete awe. Harry was amazing, and seemingly calm in front of a fucking Dragon- no not just a dragon, a Hungarian Horntail. As he dodged some more flames and swooped in to go for the egg- the Horntail’s tail came out nowhere and slashed Potter’s shoulder. Draco found himself gasping with the rest of the crowd. Harry was an incredibly skilled flyer, he had always known that. But Potter was facing a Dragon on that broom, and it was fucking incredible. And the way his body twisted on the broom was so hot-   

Draco froze.   

What. The... Fuck?  

Potter was not hot.  

He tried to push the thought away but as Potter dropped into a dive and swooped down to grab the golden egg and the crowd screamed around him, Draco couldn’t hide from the fact that Potter looked very, very, hot. It became harder to deny as Harry hoisted the golden egg in the air, a triumphant look on his face, as the crowd went mental for him.    
  

Draco had long ago realised that he was gay. But he could never be attracted to Harry Potter. Being appreciative of a nice ass was one thing. And the only reason he stared at Potter so much was because he fucking hated him. But being attracted to him wasn’t acceptable. His father already hated gays. When his father had found the memory of Draco kissing Cassius Warrington last summer, he had beat him so much Draco had not risen from bed for a week. The crowd faded from Draco as his mind was taken back to the fists and curses that had rained down upon him. He felt his mind begin to retreat. Draco shuddered to think what would happen if his father got any hint of this new realisation, the Draco found Pott-   

No. It wasn't a realisation. He snapped himself out of it. It was just a stupid reaction to the actions of Potter. He would find anyone doing this to be incredibly hot. Anyone. Father would not find the image of Draco cheering for Potter in his mind. He would bury it.  

   
He resolved to practice his occlumency that night.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow hi, thanks for reading. This is my first go at fanfiction so any comments or suggestions are welcome!  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

_The weeks go by and the term draws to a close. Classes become easier and they excitement in the air for Christmas is obvious. Yet, to his friends, Draco strangely quiet. As the Christmas holidays get closer and closer he becomes more and more withdrawn until one day Pansy confronts him about it. He quietly admits to her that he cannot bear going home to face his father, and has signed onto the Christmas holiday student list, much to her distress._

 

****

“Draco!”

Draco snapped awake, having just been having a pleasant dream about a dragon chasing a boy on a broom with a black mess of hair on his head- to find Crabbe’s face far too close to his.

“Eugh!” He said, pushing the less than appealing face away from him. “Your breath is horrid.”

Crabbes face fell a little, and he hovered awkwardly at the end of the bed. “I just came to wake you, because we are all going to leave soon- Pansy told me to come wake you…”

“Oh, yeah.” Draco sat up and rubbed at his sleep filled eyes, his mood now ruined.

He had been dreading this day. All of his friends were going home for the holidays, and he would not be joining them. Because of his father.

It would only be a week before he saw them again, but he had never been alone for that long in his life, and he was frightened.

 

He pulled himself out of his bed, feeling like pure dragon shit and made his way down the stairs. All of them looked smart in their travelling robes.

Pansy looked most concerned of all. “Draco- are you sure you don’t want us to stay-”

“Pansy, I won’t tell you again. I’m not going to keep you all from your family, who would kill me if they didn’t get to see you guys.

Theo spoke up. “Actually my dad would kill _me_ , not you.”

Draco nodded, amused, “Regardless, I can survive a few weeks alone. Merlin knows I’m used to it in the Manor.”

Pansy sighed, then rushed over and hugged him. “Are you okay...truly?” Her whisper was close to his ear and full of worry.

“I’ll be fine, Pans” That was not a lie- he would be fine...once they returned.

She sighed and untangled herself from his arms. “Okay. Well- make sure you write me back, I’m going to be sending a lot of letters.”

“Okay,” He said, smiling, then he leant in and kissed her very gently.

 

He had come out to Pansy fairly quickly after realising he was gay, and she hadn't been surprised. She had simply stated that his “sense of fashion was far to good for a straight man”

Then when she had seen his bruises when his father had beaten him she hadn’t hesitated to offer her help.

So this year they had begun to create the fake memories in his mind. He gave her flowers, chocolates and (brief) kisses to convince his father that his gayness wasn't real anymore, that it had been a mistake. The next time Father looked into his mind he would see these memories. Draco hoped they would be enough.

They said their goodbyes, and then made their way down the stairs.

Draco did not go with them, scared his confident facade might crack.

 

****

_...“Are you sure you won’t be coming home for Christmas dear? I know it must be very exciting with the Yule ball being on Christmas night itself, but you could come home for a few days and then go back to school. I would love to see you, and your Father wants to check your progress._

_Whatever you decide I'm sure we can work around._

_Love, Your Mother.”_

 

Draco put the letter down for the third time that day. He missed his mother so much, he hadn’t spoken to her since the previous summer holidays, when Father had discovered Draco’s memories. After the nightmare that had been the following week Draco had locked himself away in his room, not wanted to see his friends, but he had needed his mother.

But, true to character, Father had forbidden that, as he had been incredibly angry and refused Draco any comforts. Draco secretly suspected that Father was afraid Mother would support him and that was why they had no contact. He hadn’t even allowed Mother to come to King’s Cross station to say goodbye.

The last paragraph where Mother had asked him to come home was torturing him. He knew he couldn't go home, his occlumency hadn't improved enough to face Father yet. And his Mother had hinted that his father wanted to “check his progress” that alone caused enough fear to stop him from caving and going home.

He desperately wanted to see Mother. He wrote his reply and suggested they meet in Hogsmeade the next day. As he tied his letter to Tawkins and sent the owl off as he ate another sweet from his Mother's 'Care Package’ and smiled at the flavour explosion in his mouth. He hoped she would reply quickly.

 

He sighed, looked around at the silent common room, empty due to the holidays. He missed his friends.

Deciding that being above ground might make him feel better, he took his Charms homework and went up to the library enjoying the bright sunlight streaming through the windows and the warmth that came with it. As he was getting settled at his table he saw the newly reunited Golden Trio walking by. Ever since the display Potter had put on for the first task, Weasley was no longer ignoring Potter. Draco scoffed, _such a great friend._ Apparently, they all heard him.

“Got a problem Malfoy?” Potter walked over to his desk. Malfoy, wary of the challenge, and of the fact that he had none of his friends around to help him, stood so they came face to face.

“Just admiring the way your so-called _friend_ over there” He sneered at the Weasel “suddenly loves you again… _True_ friendship.”

Weasley turned a bright red.

Potter growled “How's this any of your business? And besides, your supposed friends have left you as soon as the holidays started,” Potter stepped in closer “there's some true friendship right there.” Potter had gotten right into his face. Draco didn't feel like he could breathe properly. He managed to force a quiet “Fuck you Potter” out of his mouth.

Potter raised an eyebrow, then his lips tilted into a taunting smile “You wish” he said back.

Draco froze. He had been struggling to breathe before but now he just stopped. Did Potter know? How did he know? Draco's heart was going a million times an hour and he felt like he was going to be sick when Potter frowned at him, obviously confused by his silence “Oh you’re so disgusted by my Bi-ness that you can't even manage a response. Is that fear in your eyes I see? I was joking Malfoy- as if I'd even consider hooking up with someone as disgusting as you.”

Draco sneered at him, and watched as he walked away, his friends by his side.

Deciding that being above ground was doing nothing for him, Draco calmly gathered his things and walked out of the library. He had barely made it to a small alcove before the tears came out. They spilled down his face, he didn't understand why he was so affected. Suddenly, he got mad. How _dare_ Potter speak to him like that. He was a lot of things but _disgusting_ wasn't one of them. Anybody should feel _privileged_ to have his interest. Fuck Potter. Fuck his _stupid_ face, his _stupid_ mouth and his _stupid ass_. There was a wall opposite him. He punched it.

 

****

 

When he met Mother the next day he was still slightly annoyed. As he crunched through the snow on the way to the restaurant he was meeting her in, he found he was incredibly annoyed by some stupid Christmas carolers. He flicked his wand in their direction and muttered “Descendo” which cause a heap of snow to fall off the roof they were under straight onto them. Draco smiled at their shocked cries.

“Draco Darling, you look happy,” his mother said as he walked through the door and towards her table.

“Only to see you Mother” he replied taking his seat. Immediately the napkin rose from the table and settled itself onto his lap.

She smiled, in her usual reserved way. Showing emotion had never been her thing.

“How have your holidays been?” She asked. _So._ _Small talk then._

“They have been well, and yours?” Draco replied, as was polite.

“Yes, they have also been well-”

A waitress walked up to them, a quick quotes quill and a notepad hanging in the air beside her.

“What can I get for you today?”

Mother looked down at her Menu, her chin barely moving and her lips pursed. “I will have the Tebo salad and Draco can have the roast-”  
“Mother.” Narcissa looked up sharply at him, obviously disliking the interruption. “I can order for myself.” He turned to the waitress who maintained an impassive face- he could feel his own burning. “I’ll have the Salmon please, but only if its fresh. If not I’ll have the risotto”

The waitress nodded and waved her wand, which caused the correct cutlery to appear on the table before them.

It was only after the waitress had left that Draco’s Mother broke the strained pretence of politeness “Draco, you didn’t have to be so rude.”

“I’m not a child anymore, I can order for myself for fu- -Merlin's sake.” He was not stupid enough to swear in front of his mother. But slip of the tongue had not escaped her. Her eyes narrowed at the hint of the word.

“Don’t you dare use foul language in my presence, Draco Malfoy.”

Draco felt his face redden even more and he looked down “I didn’t.”

“That does not excuse you”

And just like that, the mood was ruined. Draco had no hope of bringing up the issue he really wanted- no- needed to talk about.  
He was glad when their plates floated over, as it gave them something to do other than sit in silence, with so much sitting between them.

It was almost as if she were pretending that nothing ever happened. Did she not want it to exist? He knew that she loved him, but did she love that part of him too? Or was she just ignoring it?

 

After returning to the castle, he angrily worked on his occlumency for hours. He didn’t sleep well that night.

 

****

The rest of the week passed slowly, especially since all of his friends had gone home for the break to their families. Draco wished he could do the same, but he was far too frightened. Thoughts of his father’s and his mother’s opinion of him filled his mind, and his nightmares, he felt as if he woke up every day in a haze.

However, two days away from Christmas he was surprised by Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle when they returned early, citing that they had ‘gotten bored’ at home. That had been a good night, full of laughter and boardgames. Draco had been happy.

 

****

 

“Draco, wake up! It's Christmas!”

Draco's eyes snapped open, and he was hit by the headache and tiredness that was a result of his occlumency practice the night before. He had been working for a number of days on burying the incident with Potter in the library and what occurred after.

 

“Fuck off Crabbe” He pushed the brute away from him, but couldn't help a smile as Crabbe ran down the stairs looking giddy as a child. He forced himself to get up.

 

As he slowly descended the stairs, his head pounding, he was relieved to find a cup of tea waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. He smiled thankfully at Pansy as he took the warm drink from her hands.

“How'd the occlumency go?” she looked concerned.

“I think I’ve buried what I needed well enough, but I'll need to make some memories with you to cover them.”

 

“Okay, let's cuddle on the couch then, and you can kiss me after you give me my present.” Pansy offered. Draco couldn't have asked for a better friend.

“Sure” he smiled.

Draco walked into the main common room and suppressed a gasp. He had never been at Hogwarts around Christmas and was surprised by the overnight transformation the house elves had given the room.

He walked over to the giant christmas tree which brushed the top of the dungeon roof, its spines dressed in silver baubles and angel hair. Enchanted snow steadily fell and dusted the tree, as well as the presents below it. Greenish blue light from the lake and the lamps on the ceiling put everything in the traditional Slytherin green tones whilst sunlight came from the enchanted windows set at the very top of the walls and made the tree sparkle. It was beautiful.

Underneath the tree, the massive pile of presents spread quite far, with narrow paths leading to the centre. Pureblood families tended to spoil their children, and as many had returned for the Yule ball, they would receive their gifts at Hogwarts.

 

“Merry Christmas Draco,” Goyle handed him his present, which turned out to be a new set of quills. He got a broom polishing kit from Crabbe and a very nice jacket from Pansy.

After giving Crabbe and Goyle their presents- massive boxes of their favourite chocolates and other treats, as well as some Zonko’s tricks, he walked over to Pansy.

“You ready?” He asked, smiling at her face which contained barely restrained excitement. She nodded.

He gave Pansy her present. As she unwrapped the necklace and earrings that Draco had noticed her looking at in Hogsmeade weeks back, she gasped.

“Oh Draco, this will go perfectly with my dress tonight! Thank you darling!” she stepped up to him and they quickly kissed. Pansy looked at him with adoring eyes, they both had agreed this was good for the fake memories. He made sure to cement the memory in his mind so it would be the first his father would find. Everybody, including Crabbe and Goyle, thought he and Pansy were dating, so nobody batted an eye. They then proceeded to cuddle on the couch as Draco opened the pile of presents from his parents and other relatives.

 

After sorting through all the cloaks, socks, books and whatever else his relatives thought worthy of him, Draco came to the end of the pile where his parent’s presents layed.

He unwrapped the beautiful three-piece suit they had gotten tailor-made for him, which had a dark green silk handkerchief included. He had also been given a framed photograph of him standing with his family. The picture had been taken before Draco's father had found the memory with Cassius, it had been taken less than a year ago. They all looked happy, and proud. Well, perhaps not his Mother, but she had never expressed emotion too strongly.  
Draco felt his heart sink. He missed the pride his father had once felt for him. He missed looking up to his father in adoration and not in fear. The happy family no longer existed. He felt tears welling in his eyes. What did his Mother mean by sending this? Did she want it back as Draco did? Or was she reminding him of his failures? Of his faults?

“Look there's something else here…” Pansy pulled a book out from under the folds of his new suit.

It was a brightly coloured book that read “ _The Best Classical pieces from the 20th Century._ ”

Attached was a card that read “ _Draco, Merry Christmas my love, I hope you have time practice. Your Father and I are very much looking forward to hearing you play something from this book. Love, Your Mother and Father._ ”

Draco smiled, and with encouragement from Pansy walked over to the piano that sat in the corner of the room. Having your child learn an instrument was a common practice among the richer pureblood families, this meant over the years, an array of instruments had made their way into the Slytherin common room. When Draco was six years old his mother and father had chosen piano for him. What was once a chore imposed on him by his parents now bought him immense pleasure and was what he used to escape his thoughts. As he sat down and placed his fingers on the ivory keys he felt his mind slip into that relaxed place it always did. He did a quick warm up with a Hayden piece and then moved onto a Bach piece. His fingers flew across the keys and the notes rose into the air creating wonderful melody and harmony.

Hours later he stopped playing. He had figured out the first couple of pages, could play them flawlessly, and he felt better. Pansy had long ago left to go get ready for the Yule ball so Draco played a couple of games of exploding snap with Crabbe and Goyle- and cursed when he remembered he had forgotten to give Snape his gift.

Two minutes later he found himself bursting into the gloomy office. The only change to the space was a few Christmas cards on Snape’s desk. He knew they would be from Dumbledore and the other teachers who got offended at Snape's lack of decorations each year.

 

“Merry Christmas Snape,” he said to Snape’s back. Snape was standing in the corner of the room above a cauldron, muttering enchantments. Draco sat and waited for his turn.

Eventually, a pale blue steam wafted from the cauldron, leading Snape to exhale and finally join Draco.

Snape stuck out his hand, and Draco placed his gift and card- which contained the short “ _Merry Christmas Snape, My thanks for the occlumency_ _lessons. Draco._ ” in his hand.

A second later the card was added to was added to the others on Snape's desk.

“What were you making?” Draco asked as Snape slowly unwrapped his gift, being careful not to tear the wrapping.

“A drink for the teachers and guests above seventeen to drink at the ball” Without looking, Snape slid a fist-sized box across the table. Draco had none of Snape’s careful reserves and ripped the wrapping off. Snape raised an eyebrow to his grin.

Draco looked down to find a small bottle, full of golden liquid, nestled in the box.

“Felix Felicis, otherwise known as-”

“Liquid Luck” Draco finished for him, his grin widening. Snape merely nodded, but there was a glint of amusement in his eye. A minute later Snape finished opening his gift. Inside was his secret guilty pleasure, treacle tart, as well as a gift card for the best potions shop in Diagon Alley.

“Thank you Draco, this is appreciated. Would you like some tart?”

Draco hated the overly sweet tart. “No thank you,” He looked over to the cauldron with the blue steam still rising from it “...but I’ll gladly have some of the potion” Barely a second went by before an enchanted book slapped the back of his head.

“Augh!” He rubbed his head, grinning and not missing Snape’s small smirk.

They spent the next hour playing wizards chess before Draco left to prepare for the Ball.

 

***

 

As he slipped the three-piece suit on he knew immediately that he looked good. A glance in the mirror confirmed this. The suit fit him perfectly. The jacket was based on the military style with a gothic twist. It's high collar contained beautiful embroidery which fell all down its front and was accented with hints of green and silver. Everything else was black. Just the way he liked it. It was magically enchanted to be warmer than it should have been, considering it wasn't the bulky dress robes that usually would have kept him warm in the winter air.

He smiled and applied some gel to his hair. After raising an eyebrow at himself he decided he looked better than good. He looked _very_ fucking good.

 _I wonder what Potter will think?_ He growled as the thought came unbidden to his head and he shoved it aside. He left the room feeling sour.

He walked down to the common room to find Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle waiting for him.

“Oh Darling you look practically edible!” The words, which accompanied a squeal of delight were from Pansy, who didn't look too bad herself. She wore a dark green velvet dress which clung to her body and had black lace twining around her above the chest and down the arms. Noticing Draco looking she gave a sly smile and turned her back to him. The dress had an incredibly low cut and was held together with thin metal chains. As he got closer he realised there wasana enchanted metal snake slithering along them. Around her arms sat a black and grey fur stole, ready to be worn should they step outside.

“Truly representing the Slytherin house aren’t we?” He said smiling as he took her hand. As they began the walk to the great hall he leaned in and whispered in her ear “As your boyfriend, I must say If I weren’t gay I think I'd be incredibly angry you were showing so much skin and looking so good”  
Pansy giggled. The necklace and earrings he had bought her sat on her neck and in her ears. They sparkled just like her eyes.

 

Shortly thereafter they arrived at the Great Hall. It had been transformed into a winter wonderland and looked... _incredible_. All four of them slowed down to take it in, not believing this was where they ate their meals everyday. The only feature which had stayed was the enchanted ceiling, which now dusted them with a light layer of enchanted snow which disappeared upon contact. He led Pansy over to the drinks table, noticing all the eyes on them. As he poured them both some punch he began to hear the whispers. “She looked incredible” and “I can't believe how different she looked!” Pansy practically glowed besides him, until they heard “And she got Viktor Krum! How on earth did that happen?” He and Pansy looked at each other in shock. Who had gotten Krum? They both looked around, not willing to actually ask somebody.

Then Draco spotted her over Pansy’s shoulder.

Hermione Granger had indeed transformed and he had to admit, she looked pretty good. She wore a blue dress, which seemed to float as she moved and he hair didn't resemble a birds nest for once. She was holding the arm of a very well dressed Viktor Krum, who’s normal frowning expression had changed to one of slight attentiveness. Draco frowned. Victor looked good. He had a contender for best dressed.

Pansy gasped as she spotted Granger “What the hell?” Draco could hear the disbelief in her voice, which coupled nicely with the small amount of fury in her features.

“Relax Pansy.” He placed a reassuring hand on her arm “You are the most stunning one in the room...I think everyone’s just a bit shocked because Granger looks respectable for once. You always look beautiful, so you’re not getting the same reaction.” She smiled gratefully at him, seemingly placated.

Draco looked around, hoping to spot the male parts of the trio, as he was surprised Weasley hadn’t taken Granger. He saw how he looked at her-

He snorted as he spotted the redhead who looked ridiculous with ancient looking dress robes, and was looking at Krum with murder in his eyes.

“That ought to cheer you up,” he said, snickering and pointing Weasley out to Pansy.

She barely held back her laugh, and let out a squeak instead as Theo scared her from behind. Theo had finally decided to make an appearance, and was dressed in badly fitting dress robes.

“He looks like a fool doesn't he.” Theo gestured “Bloody Weasleys...they make it so easy to make fun of them! Why... would you dress like that?! I wouldn’t turn up.” He laughed and held out a punch cup to Draco. “Want some?” Draco took the cup from him only to nearly spat out the drink upon sipping it.

“How much fucking firewhisky is in this?” Draco coughed “For fucks sake!” His throat burned.

“Eh, about 50/50?” Theo shrugged, his normal grin at home on his face as Draco continued to cough.

“You bloody menace” As usual, Draco couldn’t help but grin back. “Where have you been all night then? All week? We’ve missed you” Around him, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle nodded.

Theo made a face. “Oh here and there. I wasn’t going to come but _dearest_ Father bought another _whore_ home yesterday. And she ended up staying.” He looked around and swayed a little. “I only arrived in Hogsmeade about 20 minutes ago, via the knight bus. But I did manage to steal this from him.” Theo opened his jacket to reveal a flask sitting in his coat pocket, presumably filled with firewhiskey. “It was my present from him to me. Since he couldn’t be fucked to get me one I actually gave a shit about.”

Draco realised Theo was drunk.

“You’re drunk”

Theo didn’t even try to deny it. “Yuuup”

Draco sighed and shook his head “Don’t go to hard, alright mate?”

As he was patting Theo’s shoulder, Draco spotted Potter, who was dressed similarly to Theo in standard dress robes but unlike Theo, he looked good in them. Very good. _Fuck._ His tournament training had obviously benefited him physically and in addition to that, his normally messy hair was slicked back from his face. Draco found himself thinking the messier hair suited him better. More...Potter-ish.

Potter's eyes changed direction and he caught Draco staring. The champions face changed from uncomfortable to surprised. Draco knew the look came from his surprise at Draco's attire. All he ever saw Draco wearing were his baggy school robes. As Potter continued to stare in obvious shock, Draco took the chance to sneer at him. He turned away to find Pansy, who was helping herself to some of Theo’s drink and put a hand on her arm “Come on, let's dance” Pansy took a gulp of Theo's drink and coughed before looking at him and dismissing him with a wave of her hand “We can't, we have to wait for the champions to lead the dance.”

Draco’s sneer deepened into a frown. He snatched the cup from her and drained it.

“You fucking Bastard!” Theo was glaring at him.

Draco’s eyes were watering as he gasped out “I needed it.” He coughed to try and clear his throat of the burn and continued “This ball is fucking shit and I was about to pass out from boredom. Plus it’ll stop you from having so much. You’re already pissed enough.”

Theo rolled his eyes and gave Draco a rude gesture.

 

“Will the champions please make their way to the dance floor.” McGonagall’s magically amplified voice rose above everybody else's.

Draco turned, just like everybody else, to watch as the champions make their way through the crowd. But his eyes were drawn to one boy in particular. He watched as the now scared looking Potter was dragged by the one of the Patils to the floor where they stood stiff and still. _That is not the way to start a dance._ Draco’s point was proved as the pair proceeded to dance in the most awkward way he had ever seen. He suppressed a smile. Potter looked adorable- _No._ No, he didn't. That was just the alcohol talking. Draco turned to Pansy, “Its like they have sticks up their asses” Pansy giggled.

McGonagall and Dumbledore walked onto the dancefloor and began dancing in an odd way. They didn't seem to really care that people were watching, they were just having a good time. Eventually, the song ended and the other dancers were allowed onto the floor. He took Pansy’s hand. “Are you ready?”

She smiled at him. “Of course.”

 

They swept onto the floor in their usual, graceful, fashion. In addition to having their children learn an instrument, it was common for rich pureblood families to give their children dancing lessons- as they wouldn't want their children to embarrass them at social functions.

Since they were little Pansy and Draco had been dance partners, they knew each other's moves down to the core. As he swept her around the dancefloor, Pansy smiled brilliantly. They both knew they looked amazing.

Sure enough, once again all the eyes from the surrounding crowd were on them, and Draco found his eyes were once again looking for Potter.

 _There he was,_ looking at Draco and Pansy with a surprised look on his face again. Draco mustered his courage, winked. Potter looked taken aback at that, and then frowned. Draco scoffed, amused, and turned back to Pansy. This was going to be a good night.

 

****

 

_“Hello Draco”_

_This time they were in the Gardens. Draco had always liked it there. Harry was in his Dress Robes. He looked good._

_Harry tilted his head. “You don't look so bad yourself” Harry looked him up and down. “I couldn't stop looking at you all night”_

_Draco smiled. “I know”_

_“And the way you danced. Beautiful.” Harry smiled and reached out a hand._

_Draco took it and suddenly they were dancing. He was leading and Harry was grinning. They swirled around the garden and Draco was laughing. This felt right. But he wanted- he wanted something more._

_Suddenly Harry leaned in, his breath mingling with Dracos and they kissed. Harry’s lips were soft and warm and sent fire through his own. Draco felt his chest explode with excitement, he pulled back to look at the boy he had a small crush on since the beginning and saw- his father's face._

_He let out a loud yell and stumbled back._

_"What are you doing Draco?” His Father's voice sounded odd... as if he were in a dream- ah. Draco regained his composure, now aware that he was dreaming and his father had infiltrated his mind. His father wasn't angry yet, he didn't know who Draco had been kissing._

_“I was dancing with Pansy” Draco hoped he could warp the memory of Pansy and him dancing to fit the dream._

_“You’ve been blocking me out.” It wasn't a question._

_“My dreams are my own.” Draco was in survival mode, making sure his walls into the other parts of his mind were strong._

_“Your mother misses you.”_

_“I know”_

_“You will come home today, I will meet you in hogsmeade at 1 pm.”_

_At Draco's protest, he said “This is non negotiable” and disappeared from Draco's dream._

Draco woke up. No “goodbye”, no “I love you.” Nothing.

The headache hit him hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Please leave comments and suggestions! No seriously, please leave a comment to make me feel as if I'm doing something because someone wants to read it?... Maybe a kudos? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing man.


	3. Chapter 3

Draco trudged down towards Hogsmeade, considering his dream from the night before, with his suitcase levitating beside him. His chest felt light and warm from the memory, but simultaneously it left a very sickening feeling in his stomach. This was his _sworn enemy_ he was dreaming about dancing with and kissing. He arrived early into the little village, feeling incredibly conflicted and decided to get a butterbeer while he waited.

As he sat drinking in the corner he noticed a family a couple of tables away. The father was holding his little son and they were laughing as he made faces at him. Draco felt a pang of jealousy as he thought of his own, now distant, father.  

As if called by Draco’s thoughts, a sneering Lucius pushed through the bar’s door. He looked around, his face turning mildly disgusted. He spotted Draco, and the disgusted look did not go away.  He gestured with his chin and swept out the door, knowing Draco would follow. Draco got up, collecting his suitcase on the way, his feeling of dread growing larger as he got closer to the door. He was so frightened his father would look into his mind and find the dream Draco had not yet had a chance to bury. Yet- he had no choice. Like an animal being lead to slaughter he followed his father, dread in his gut and mind.

He stepped outside and met his father’s cold glare. He took his arm.

 

_BANG_

 

Draco felt sick. His father left him as Draco recovered and struggled not to vomit. He sighed- he was home...yet it didn’t feel like it.

He closed and rubbed his eyes, sending a thankful prayer to Merlin that his father had not peered into his ill-prepared mind, and opened them to find his mother hurrying towards him.

“Oh Draco,” she said as she swept him into a tight hug. For a moment Draco felt better, as the familiar smell of his mother’s favourite perfume surrounded him.

She drew back and held his face, inspecting it. “It's good to have you home darling. Come, give your things to the elves… You must be tired, but- perhaps you would like to go for a walk in the gardens later?”

From the way she said it, Draco knew she wanted to talk. He could not bear another awkward experience like Hogsmeade, yet he knew he had to get the questions off his chest or he would go mad. So he decided to take the opportunity to talk, as they had often walked together in the gardens when he was a child, and Draco had always run ahead to pick his mother flowers. It would be a good place to ask the questions.

He smiled, trying to sound happy “I'm not too tired... why don’t we go now?”

And with that, she gave a small smile and linked arms with him. Soon they were walking through the very same gardens he had danced with Harry in the night before, but it was now covered in snow, and only a few magically strong flowers survived.

They walked for some time, the reality and threat of his father getting further and further away.

“You're quiet Draco.” She waited for his answer.

“Just lost in thoughts is all…” He paused, trying to gathering courage, but failing “How have you been?”

She was silent for a second, her lack of answer conveying that she was surprised he had taken this route. “Well.” was all she said, before stopping to bend a glowing yellow flower to her nose.

The awkwardness and unspoken questions hung in the hair, tangible. He needed to do it.

“And how was the ball?” His mother began to lead him towards the hedges which towered above them.

“It was lots of fun” He didn’t mention that the alcohol he had ingested had definitely been responsible for that.

She nodded, and once again, they fell into silence. He could barely breathe. Thoughts swirled in his head, demanding attention. It was time.

He took a shaky breath, summoning courage-- The words stuck in his mouth, defying him. He took another breath hoping this one would not fail him.

“Mum, what did you think when father found the memory of Cassius?” It tumbled out- but once he had said it Draco felt as if he could finally breathe.

Narcissa remained quiet for a short time. Seemingly thinking about what she was about to say.

“I thought you were with Pansy now-” She paused then softened “-but regardless, I was shocked, but I have come to realise that I don’t _care_ Draco. You are my son and I will love you no matter what you do and I will always love who you love.”

The answer had obviously been prepared and rehearsed. Nevertheless, Draco actually felt everything deflate, relief flooding into him. He didn't know what he would have done if the answer had been different. She was so different from Father, so loving and accepting. She always had been. He was stupid for thinking otherwise.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked, needing the truth.

A pause. “I feared your father’s response” She refused to meet his eyes and stopped to inspect another flower. This one was delicate looking and white. As she bought it to her nose he noticed her hand was shaking. “You are not the only one he peers into the mind of. I- I am able to fight back but sometimes he catches me off guard...”

Draco frowned, disgusted “Mother... why are we still with him?” The angry words came out before he could stop them. His mother inhaled the scent of another flower, her hand still shaking and little blue lights rose from it in response to her touch. He could sense another prepared answer coming.

“It’s not that simple... Draco, he loves you. You are still his son. He is just struggling to change a belief he thought was wrong his entire life. His father did incredibly cruel things to him as he grew up and he thinks that his treatment of you is normal.” Draco felt tears prickling in his eyes.

 

_Bullshit._

 

“But it’s not normal!” Out of the corner of his eye, Draco noticed his mother put up a privacy charm around them at his outburst, it didn’t stop him. “No-one's father at school practices legilimency on them when they misbehave! All I did was yell at him _once_ and he invaded my mind... He invaded everything that was private to me! He found that stupid fucking kiss and tried to beat it out of me- _Beat it!_ As if it were something he could change!” He felt anger rise up in him, his voice became shaky. “Trust me I’ve tried to change it and I- I can’t! I tried to feel something for Pansy and I can’t!” The tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably now.

His Mother tried to hug him but he shoved her away, putting his head in his hands where it felt more stable. He breathed a shaky breath. He let his hands drop.

“I’ve needed you mum-- I _needed_ you and you weren’t there…” He couldn’t bear to look at her, but he heard her sob. He closed his eyes, wishing for-- he didn’t know. Something to make this _hell_ easier.

“Draco I- I-- I fear him. Greatly. And I-”

“Then why are we still _here_?!” He yelled, his fear escaping through anger.

His Mother froze, and she looked at Draco with fear in her eyes.

“Draco I- I- No…” She crumbled and Draco saw the resistance go out in her eyes. She leant out to hold herself on a small rock wall, and whispered the words “I- I can't leave him Draco. He has full control of the finances... even my Black inheritance...He controls me, has control of all of my friends through bribing their husbands- Without him we have-- we have and are _nothing_ Draco…I would not condone my own son to that- I _cannot._ ”

Draco felt sick. Not just in his stomach, but in his entire body. His legs and arms were weak, sweating. His mouth was dry and his eyes could not seem to focus-- neither could his head, it jumped from one incomplete fear to the next and each thought made him feel sicker. He was lost for words for a long time. His Mother became silent as well.

“ _Fuck!”_ His curse rang throughout the gardens. _What the fuck._ He had not planned for this.

Eventually, she led him to a garden bench and softly spoke to him, “I have tried to hide that side of your father from you for so long. But I cannot pretend after what he did to you. I am sorry- I am so sorry I haven’t had this conversation with you sooner, I was just... so ashamed.” At Draco’s expression, she clarified, “Of myself. Not you Draco- never you.”

“But why?” He whispered, not really sure of the question he was asking.

Yet Narcissa knew. He needed more. And she had to begin somewhere-- She looked to the sky, as if for help.

Quietly, she began to open up. “I once loved him you know, but that was long ago.” She smiled sadly and her eyes went distant “He was handsome and charming when I met him. Quite the catch. I was convinced I was the luckiest woman in the world. I... I was happy. But as time passed the facade he had maintained for my parents dropped. He became more distant... and then angry, I struggled to hold up my belief in him and the happiness. But I stayed because my family demanded it, and I feared the consequences of leaving him. My parents became very… _insistent_ after Andromeda left. Certain measures were put in place, magical bindings.” She snorted. “Bellatrix never had those measures put in place for her. She was devoted not to her husband, but the cause.” Draco clenched his teeth.

“And then,” She closed her eyes, her face holding a pained expression at the memories she was reliving. “He joined them _._ Those bloody disgusting bastards. He... He became a death eater and _somehow_ I managed to convince myself that I still loved him, despite his flaws.” Her eyes came back at Draco, her eyes frighteningly intense.

“I thought I had to love him… Because he was the father of my son.” Her cool, gloved hand came to rest on his face after tucking some hair behind his ear. Draco was struggling to breathe.

“But I was naive. Stupid. _So_ stupid. I thought I could hide his violent side from you. I stopped loving him and- And I only stayed because I could not bear the shame of leaving him, and I told myself you needed a father. I kept digging myself into this hole and now it’s so deep that I can’t get out--” She paused, tears welling in her eyes. Her voice had gone cold.

  
“But when he hit you... when he turned that side onto you- I saw what I had so ignorantly been hiding from myself. Any love that might have still been there... left me, and I realised having no father would be better for you than having _him_. I was wrong. I was so stupid. But I was also too late, _years_ too late.” A lone tear fell from her eye and her voice began to waver and grow heavy. “I am so sorry Draco, I’m sorry I didn't do anything that night, I was too frightened- I- I froze, I thought he might stop after a hit or two like he usually does... If I could go back I would- I would guard you with my life.”

His mother was crying in earnest now and Draco found he was too, but her shaky words had awoken a fear in him.

“Mother, does he-” He didn't know if he could face the answer. “Does he hit you?” he barely managed to get the words out. His Mother looked at him, her eyes had gone blank. Draco already knew the answer before the whispered words left her lips.

“Never on the face, otherwise you and my friends would know”

Everything in Draco’s head came to a standstill. He choked and gathered his mother up. They held each other as if their lives depended on it.

 

****

  
Sometime later, snow began to fall, and Draco felt himself come back. He withdrew from the safe little space of nothingness in his mind. With it came the quiet realisations of lies he had shoved away long ago.

“How many more beliefs of his are wrong?” He whispered to his Mother and himself. “All my life I have been told I'm better than others, because of my blood. But suddenly I’m worth nothing to him because of something I can’t control? How is this any different?” She sobbed into his shoulder “--I’m so angry all the time Mum. I- I’m so _horrible_ all the time. And people who are good and kind hate me for it. What-” He knew the next sentence was very risky but could not stop it from tumbling out of his mouth, just as his other words had “What if _we_ the ones in the wrong Mum? We always thought others were below us, but what if we are the ones who aren't worth a thing?”

Narcissa sobbed against her cold son’s shoulder, while he did nothing at all.

  
Something had awoken in Draco.   
It was so intense he almost feared it.  
_Anger._

  
****

  
Eventually they returned and Draco retired to his rooms. He didn't want to come across his father, the fucking monster. He loved his mother more than anything. He started to pace, wondering how he could get them out of this mess. Nothing came to mind. Hitting Draco was one thing, but his _Mother?_ He felt the anger that had been building come to a crescendo.

He screamed and grabbed the closest thing to him, an ancient vase, and threw it across the room. With the force of both his arm and uncontrolled magic behind the throw, it exploded upon impact, and thousands of pieces flung across the room. A piece hit Draco's cheek.

His mind stopped functioning, and he sunk to the floor sobbing.  
He didn't know how long he sat there but at some point a house elf appeared and vanished what was left of the vase, telling Draco dinner would be served in an hour.  
Draco sniffed, slowly drawing himself out of the haze. He couldn't see any way to make it better so for now...just for now- he would play along.

He went to his bathroom and cast an anti-swelling charm on his eyes and a healing spell on his cheek that had been hit by the vase. Dried blood was crusted on his face and stained his shirt. He cast _Tergeo_ , watching as the blood slowly got sucked into nothingness. He then washed his face, gripped the side of the basing and breathed deeply.

His father would pay. Eventually.

But right now he had to protect himself, and his mother. He began to bury memories that he would have to face his father with, including the conversation he had just had with his mother. All the while he stared into the eyes of the boy opposite him, and watched as they hardened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo hefty chapter, the topic and conversation were hard to write so hopefully, it came across well. Please leave any suggestions for how I might have written it better! Or what you liked! It will definitely be appreciated and help a lot!! I don't have a Beta reader so its all in my head dude I cannot see whats bad.  
> Short chapter I know, sorry. But I felt it had to split there. :(  
> Anyway thanks for reading, much love!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- Graphic depictions of physical abuse in this chapter

Dinner was roasted pheasant with a lemon and mustard sauce. Draco’s Father sat to his left. Draco did not look at him. He could not bring himself to, fearing he might explode if he did. As they sat quietly eating it his mother attempted to break the silence. She looked much better than she had in the afternoon.

  
“How is school going dear?”

Draco began counting off how he was doing in all of his subjects- very well in all of them, “In Charms, Ancient Runes and Transfiguration I’m second-”  

“To the Mudblood as per usual I suppose?” his father sneered at him.

“And I’m first in potions.” Draco went on as if he hadn’t been interrupted. While Snape was a family friend, this was not favouritism, Draco was very good at potions.

“Hmm-” his Father interrupted him again “Is that who has been teaching you occlumency? Snape? He was always rather good at it.”  
Draco’s eyes snapped to his father who calmly took a sip of wine and continued to eat while both Draco and his mother froze.

Draco's heart was racing, and he began to build his walls, from the ground up, as Snape had taught him to. He forced the word “Yes” to come out of his mouth. He didn’t know how his father would react to this information. He had been stupid not to see it coming, Father knew Draco had been blocking him out of dreams, and would know he was being trained.

“Good,” Lucius said.

Draco nearly dropped his fork in response.

“You will need strength in the coming months.” Lucious was still eating calmly “Something is coming” His father's words were too similar to Snape's. A pang of worry appeared in Draco’s chest. He ignored it and continued to build his walls. He had almost finished when-

“Let’s see how well Snape has trained you. I shall test you” Draco panicked to finish the last of his wall with the little warning he had.

His father slammed against his them, shaking Draco to his core. “Very good” his father said, “But you will need to become more familiar with your walls so they can be put up faster, and then you will avoid cracks” his father proved his point by slipping through the cracks of the last bit Draco had hastily put together.

Draco heard himself curse. He quickly put his Pansy memories at the forefront of his mind, and then began to clear his mind of emotions. He began to gather strength for a counterattack. His father paused at the memory of them dancing at the Yule Ball, “ _Very nice_ ” Draco took the opportunity and _slammed_ against his father, forcing him out. They struggled for a moment and Draco searched for extra strength. He found the memory of his mother crying in his arms and gathered the anger.

  
Lucius rocked back in his chair. He smiled coldly at Draco. “Very good”

Draco suddenly didn't know what to think. He hated his father but such compliments had always been rare. Something had warmed inside him. He despised it.

“Thank-you Father.”

Lucius stood up, seemingly finished with his meal. Draco noticed the sneer on his father's face too late.

“But really Draco...did you actually think-” Draco’s heart froze at his father’s tone, it was a cold and sarcastic one “-that you could fake a relationship with Pansy and I wouldn’t notice?”

The dining room settled under a deathly quiet. Draco didn’t dare to breathe.

Ice began to creep through Draco’s veins and he began to rebuild his walls as his father’s voice slowly raised in volume “I see your feelings! I see how disgusted you are by having to kiss her. Just to _hide_ from me. You _coward._ ” Draco felt his face heat. _He was not a coward._

“You think I would just forget the shame you have brought to this family?”

Draco stood up, trying to put on a facade of courage but ruined it by stuttering “I- I am trying to fix it, I thought that-”

“-You thought to trick me?!” Lucious went on as if Draco were not there, “You _disgust_ me!” Lucious whipped his wand was out and Draco desperately grabbed at his in his pocket. But before he could draw it, he felt his body seize up. His father had used petrificus totalus. And so Draco was forced to listen as his father went on. “You think to hide from me? You are my son! I see you, and I see the little _Pansy_ that you hide behind! I see your conversations! I see everything!” Draco felt invisible hands wrap around his neck, and begin to lift him off the ground. He was choking silently. Mother screamed. “Lucius, no! He is your so-” With a flick of his wand, Father sent her flying backwards into the wall behind her, a sickening thump making Draco’s stomach drop in panic. Lucius turned to her, a deranged look upon his face, “Don’t you dare defend him! He brings shame to the Malfoy name- you stupid woman!” Father's attention on Mother broke the lifting curse on Draco. His petrified body fell to the ground, meaning he hit his hip on the dining chair along the way. He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, as his mouth wouldn't open. He began to panic as he saw his father grasping his mother's throat- with real hands this time. Draco went to scream, but it got caught in his tightly sealed mouth. He was powerless and could do nothing. Tears began to leak from his eyes, blurring his vision. His heart thundered in his chest- he was panicking.

He watched as his Mother slowly turned red and then purple as his father continued to yell various slurs at her.

As he desperately searched for anything that could help him-- it struck him like a bolt of lightning. _His hand was still wrapped around his wand in his pocket._ He had never attempted wordless magic but he knew the theory behind it. Draco hesitated for only a second, the fear freezing him. He shoved it aside, _his mother was in danger._ He screamed _FINITE!_ in his mind, directing all of his magic towards it-- and felt his body become his own again.

He scrambled off the floor and pointed his wand at his father, “ _CONFRINGO!”_ Lucious was blasted back from his mother, and onto the floor.

For a second it was silent, as all in the house realised what he had done.

“How dare you!” His father’s eyes were wild as he leapt up from the ground.

Draco felt the curse hit. He cried out and dropped his wand to the floor as pain shot down his arm.

His father came over, Draco scrambled for his wand but also prepared himself for the hit to come. It was a magical backhand across his face.

Black spots appeared, his balance escaped him and he cried out and fell to the floor. He made eye contact with his Mother who was also on the floor across the room. Her neck was a deep red from the choking. He looked back to his father only to be grasped by the shirt and pulled up, His father used that grip to anchor Draco as he began hitting him.

“How.” _Slap_.

“Dare.” _Slap._

“You” **_Smack_ ** White spots exploded across his vision. Tears ran down his face. The hand grasping his shirt turned to a hand on his neck.  
“I am your _father_ .” The hand tightened. Draco couldn't breathe “Don’t you _ever_ do that again. And if you ever lie to me again, I will know.” Seemingly satisfied with his lesson, Lucius let go of his neck. Draco collapsed to the floor, gasping for breath. He could hear his mother whimpering and sobbing. Lucius squatted down, and laid a hand on Draco’s shoulder, his voice had softened “You are my son, I only want what is best for you” Draco was silent, tears coursing down his face “I love you very much, my son. But sometimes...you make me so _angry_ . And if you didn’t, none of this would happen.” He patted Draco’s shoulder, “You may stop pretending to have a relationship with Pansy now, learn to bury your memories better. And if I ever find a memory of you kissing a boy again. I _will_ kill you.” He stood and walked out of the room. Draco let out a sob.

He looked up to see him mother crawling over to him. It was then that he noticed her red eye as well. His father had hit her in addition to choking her.  

“I’m so sorry” She was holding him and sobbing. They stayed there for a while- wrapped in each other's arms for the second time that day, sickened and shocked by what they had been through.

Eventually, Draco realised they needed medical attention, and he called for the house elves.

 

It was only after he was bandaged up and was trying to sleep that Draco’s brain fought through the shock and realised his father hasn't made a comment on the memory of him cheering for Harry at the first task, nor had he seen the memory of Harry calling him disgusting and Draco's reaction to it...or the memory of him dancing with Draco in his dreams. He had not heard Draco’s traitorous words which he had spoken to his Mother just that afternoon. Draco had buried those ones well enough not to be found.

Despite his father thinking he knew and saw everything-- yet he did not. Draco sent a silent thanks to Merlin and breathed a sigh of relief. 

****

Five days later, after essentially spending the entirety of that time locked in his room recovering, Draco returned to Hogwarts.

He immediately went to Snape’s office.

Snape looked up from a book as Draco entered. Immediately his face changed from unimpressed to horrified as Draco pulled his hood off and he registered Draco’s state. Draco was covered in colourful bruises from the beating.

Draco cleared his throat. “Uhm, I need  to borrow some bruise reducing-”  
“Of course” Snape immediately stood and summoned a brown bottle. Draco knew how disgusting it tasted already.  

“Just take one capful,” Snape said, the rare sound of concern filling his voice. Draco nodded, not in the mood to talk back to Snape and remind him that he had taken the potion the previous summer.   
He threw back the potion, gagging as it slithered down his throat, and then shuddering as the disgusting sensation of slugs writing under his skin occurred everywhere.  


Snape took the bottle back as Draco shoved it back at him, glad to be done. He sunk into a seat, placing his head in his hands, emotionally and physically drained.

“What happened Draco?” Snape said softly.

“What does it look like?” Draco couldn't keep the bitter tones from his voice. “He lost his shit again”

“It wasn’t as bad as last time, as this time you can walk,” Snape said in a neutral tone.

Draco snorted “Well, this time he beat my mother too- while I _watched-_ ” He heard Snape’s sharp intake of breath “-so I wouldn’t say it wasn’t as bad”

There was silence, and then something Draco never thought he would ever hear come from the stony professor was softly spoken, “I’m sorry Draco.”

Draco bit back the sarcastic, hateful words he wanted to say- _he didn’t need his pity-_ and just nodded, unsure of what else he could do.

He heard a rustling of cloth as Snape walked over and placed a hand on Draco’s shoulder. Draco flinched away before half relaxing and letting the warm contact stay. _Perhaps he needed it._

  
Draco sighed and let it spill out of him “He entered my dreams on the night of the Yule Ball. I- I was too tired to remember to do the meditations. He called me home. I woke up late and didn’t get to tell you.”

Snape was quiet.

“Draco, I saw you that night, I know you drank. And now you know the dangers of not meditating, so I assume you shan’t do it again. Your father can access your dreams because you have a blood connection, so you must always meditate before you sleep--” He sighed and stopped his lecture “But it does not matter now.” Snape squatted down “Did he get in? Did he see your memories?”

Draco nodded “He got through my walls, I wasn’t fast enough when I put them up… he saw through the Pansy stuff but it distracted him enough that I hid the memories.”

Snape sighed in relief. The hand on his shoulder patted him. “Well done. That would have been incredibly difficult. You did well.”

  
****

  
Draco felt like he was floating as he made his way to the common room- but not in a good way. He felt disconnected, disorientated. He only found his way back because he had walked the path so many times.

“ _Callidus,_ ” he said to the nondescript part of the wall which marked the entrance to the secret passage. He slowly walked in, caught in his thoughts, only to be assaulted by a ball of robes which squealed “Draco!”

“Hello Pansy,” he said, smiling and hugging her back before detangling himself. He blinked as he saw the rest of his friends who all looked happy to see him and grinned as Theo gave him the finger in greeting.

“Nice to see you too,” he said to Theo before trudging towards the stairs towards his dormitory to dispose of his suitcase.

He unpacked quickly, wanting to go be with his friends who had improved his mood greatly. He sent some books towards his bedside and was about to close his suitcase when he saw the red corner of “ _The Best Classical pieces from the Classical Period_ ” peeking out from under a jacket.

He grabbed it.

In no time he was sitting down on the uncomfortable piano stool ready to begin. He opened the book, only to be surprised to find the loose pages of a song that had not been there before. With it came a note.

_Draco,_

I was listening to the wireless the other day and heard this song. I fell in love with it.  
It comes from a muggle composer, but after our conversation in the gardens, I know that won’t stop you.  
  
_Love,  
_Mother.

Draco put the note to the side and considered the piece before him. It was titled _The Heart asks Pleasure First._ He nodded in approval.   
He put his fingers to the piano and played.

****

The rest of the school year passed slowly. Draco mainly kept to himself, always thinking, going in circles with himself as he tried to think of a way to get away from his father. They had no family that would accept them- and Andromeda could not be contacted due to the magical restraints put on his Mother. Narcissa had not seen her sister in decades, so even if she _could_ contact her- she had no idea where she was.

Each day was a struggle. Draco buried himself in his school work to distract himself. Always the knowledge that he could keep Father as happy as possible if he kept his grades up spurred him on.

He kept to himself, and barely noted as the second task passed. The only thing he could remember from that day was that Potter had played the idiotic hero, as per usual.  
Pansy, Theo, Crabbe and Goyle kept close to him, and while he could not express it to them, he was eternally grateful.  He did not go home for the Easter holidays, fearing what he might find there, so he just lost himself in his study.  
Exams came and went, and Draco, despite not quite remembering most of them, figured he had done well. He always did.

****

It was only when Barty Crouch went missing that Draco’s attention was brought back to reality. Snape was incredibly agitated by the disappearance and this worried Draco.

“This does not bode well Draco… there is dark magic involved in this death, though we can prove nothing. The wheels have been set into motion, something is indeed coming.” Draco was beginning to get very worried. What was coming?

Draco was surprised to find that the third task was less than a month away-  _where had the time gone?_ And so Draco found himself once again watching Potter. He was training hard but didn't seem to be outwardly affected by the pressure of the third task at all. But Draco knew he was feeling many more things then he let people see. He himself was familiar with outward facades. Potter was a little too stony, a little too quick to laugh at jokes- and when he thought no one was looking he often rubbed his eyes with his hands, signalling tiredness.

Draco wished he hadn't always been such an ass to Potter, and he realised what had started out as jealousy and hatred had eventually turned into a way to get attention. He liked Potter's eyes on him.  
Draco hated himself for ever being so stupid. But he couldn't help it. Potter had everything. Potter was the fucking Chosen One, and was kind, and didn't have a father that he both hated and simultaneously wanted to please. He knew how kind the Weasleys were to him. And Potter could have any girl, or guy for that matter, that he wanted. Draco felt sick with want and jealousy. He pushed it down.   
Besides, as Draco fondly remembered, Potter thought he was _disgusting._ He shook himself. Why was he wishing for someone who thought he was worth no more than the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Fuck him.

He decided to focus on his upcoming exams and 15th birthday instead, wondering what Pansy had gotten for him. As he found out a few days later, she had organised a lunch for her, Crabbe, Goyle, Theo and Draco at his favourite restaurant in Hogsmeade. It was a lovely day full of laughter and good food, and Draco relished the opportunity to escape from his reality for a while. Afterwards, he found Snape's present on his bed, which was a Draught of Peace potion along with the note “ _3 drops in any drink will always be sufficient, this an early taste of one of next year's potions. Attached is a recipe for your own use_ . _Happy Birthday._ ”

Draco used it that night and got the best night's sleep in months, as his dreams weren’t full of his Father beating him, or beating his mother while he watched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :l  
> Another heft chapter.  
> Once again, it was difficult to write and anything you liked/didn't like commented down below would be appreciated.  
> The version I imagine Draco (eventually) playing of "The Heart Asks Pleasure First" is similar to that of Valentina Lisitsa. Its one of my most favourite piano pieces to play. (Fun Fact! I'm a musician!)


	5. Chapter 5

The third task had finally arrived. The quidditch stands were full of fans holding various coloured banners and cheering for their chosen champion, the sounds of which mixed together in a cacophony of ear piercing cries. Draco had placed a silencing charm around himself and been in relative peace, only to get hit by Pansy when she had realised after five minutes of talking to him that he couldn't hear her. He was no longer allowed to use the charm.  
The horn for the Diggory and Potter rang out, and Draco grimaced as the crowd grew even louder, screaming their adoration for the Hogwarts champions. Potter and Diggory both hesitantly entered the maze, their faces both pale and their wands out. Shortly after Krum and the French one entered too. Draco sighed- now they just got to watch the wall of the maze and wait for the winner to be announced. He was only here because Pansy had dragged him down saying she “Wanted to see Victor!” Draco sighed again. He got out his transfiguration homework.  
  
He was a quarter way through the essay on  _The Potential Problems and Predicaments faced when doing Cross-Species Transfiguration_ when Pansy and the rest of the crowd collectively gasped, and Draco looked up to see red sparks fading away from near the centre of the maze.  
The crowd buzzed around him, and after a minute or two of speculation, Krum was dragged out looking unconscious, or close to it.

Pomfrey rushed over, her face pinched and focused. She kneeled over him- and then they were both obscured from sight by Krum’s fellow Durmstrang students crowding around. Within a couple of minutes, he was rushed to the medical ward. Draco watched as several galleons changed hands in response to the first casualty- and as he followed the money he noticed the Weasley twins seemed to be the centre of the gambling.

The crowd around him buzzed, and got even more excited when the French girl was carried out by Hagrid. She was unconscious and limp. Draco sighed and was trying to return to his homework to attempt to ignore the annoying cries of the Beauxbatons when he was once again interrupted, this time by the unmistakable sound and sight of a portkey being activated.

Draco looked up, wondering where it might have been destined to go, when he happened to notice Dumbledore going very pale. The other judges seemed to share this sentiment as they all began arguing amongst themselves.

Something was happening.

Draco quickly packed his homework away. As he zipped up his bag he saw Dumbledore get up and made his way out of the stands. Draco followed, ignoring Pansy’s cries of annoyance.

He began to suspect something was very wrong when Snape appeared and hurriedly spoke to Dumbledore, his normal pasty skin now white as a sheet. Draco rushed to follow them as they walked away from the crowd. He rounded a corner and saw Snape thrusting his sleeve up to show Dumbledore a blackened Dark Mark- which Draco could tell, even from the distance, was moving. Snape’s face was a picture of fear.

Draco's stomach dropped. He had seen his father's mark but it had always been a faded red, and most certainly had never _moved._ What the _fuck_ did this mean? Draco was frozen in fear. Could it possibly mean that the Dark Lord was bac-

 _No._ Impossible. The Dark Lord was _dead._

Snape looked up and saw Draco standing there, obviously stunned. He rushed over and gripped Draco’s shoulder. “I am being called. Which means he is back. Hide, do not be around when the word gets out. You will be a target.” Snape strode away, his robes billowing behind him. Draco stayed where he was, stuck. The thoughts crashing through his head.  
_Snape could only have meant one person. The dark mark. The fear on his face._

Voldemort was back.

_Harry._

Draco tore himself from Snape’s grip and sprinted over back to the stands, having figured out the connection between the portkey and Harry to Voldemort. Draco followed Snape's advice and was cautious. He hid behind the stands, with a good view of the entrance to the maze.

In the previous months he had been mentally distant, but now was the complete opposite. Thoughts rushed through his head faster than lightning and he felt entirely present, he felt emotion strongly for the first time since he had left home six months previously after Christmas beating.

He felt fear.

****  
  
A hand clamped down on his shoulder, he whirled around to find-- _Dumbledore?_ He stepped back, not sure how to deal with the proximity to the odd headmaster.

“Draco, this is all happening too fast.” The usually gentle voice was rougher and full of panic “You must get yourself and your mother to safety. We can keep you safe. Tell her to come-” The second sound of a portkey snapped through the air, interrupting Dumbledore.

Dumbledore and Draco looked out to see Harry and Cedric on the ground in front of the maze. Cedric was unconscious.

Draco stared as Dumbledore rushed off, Draco having been forgotten by him. Something wasn't right. He could now see that Harry was sobbing and Cedric was still... _too_ still.

  
Cedric was dead.

_What the fuck._

  
Dumbledore reached Potter and Draco lost sight of them as the crowd once again closed in.

Draco was frozen for a second, processing the death, but Snape's and Dumbledore's words came back to him quickly enough. _He had to stay hidden and he had to get his mother._ But how? He couldn't apparate, he couldn't get home. How? Panic streaked through him before he had the realisation that Snape's office was connected to the flu network.

And just like that, he could _move._ He sprinted, he feet feeling lighter then they had ever felt, and going faster than they had ever gone. His breaths came fast and burned his throat. He had one thought and one goal. He _had_ to reach his mother. Dumbledore had said he could keep them _safe._ It was the solution he had been looking for for months. Upon reaching what now seemed like the steepest hill he had ever encountered, he forced himself to keep running, his heart pounding and mind racing.

_Mother._

He was not sure what he would do once he reached her, but he did not stop to think of that.

He reached the castle doors, skidding to a stop, his shoes slippery with mud, and he pushed the mass of wood open. He felt like he needed to vomit but he did not stop, he _could_ not stop. He ran through the empty halls, his pounding footsteps echoing off the walls of the vast corridors, his shadow reaching out ahead. He prayed he would reach her in time. He couldn't breathe but he forced his legs to move, fear for his mother motivating him.

He slammed through Snape's office door, knocking over a side table on his way to the fireplace. The crash barely made him flinch. He stopped only for a second-- to take a deep breath and shout “THE MALFOY MANOR!”  

He waited until his living room fireplace came up and jumped through. And there, in all her elegance, sat his mother, who had just looked around in shock. “Draco?”

He had made it. They were going to be-

Then, as if from the depths of his nightmares, an unfamiliar voice spoke, and it was one that sent fear through every inch of his body, “I don't want any more unexpected visitors, Lucius. Close off the network” Draco froze as his father said “At once my Lord”

Draco couldn't turn around, he couldn't breathe. He made eye contact with his mother. Her eyes reflected the fear in his own. He started to build his walls. Slowly, but surely they began to rise. Faster- he forced them up. This could be life or death. His most recent memory was Snape talking to Dumbledore and Draco being told to save his mother. Voldemort could not see them.

“So this is your son,” Voldemort. “Look at me”

Draco turned around, he knew to go down on one knee and bow his head. His breath caught as his eyes found a massive snake, coiled around Voldemort's feet on the floor. He forced himself to concentrate, his walls were almost complete. “My Lord.” He made sure to sound respectful, to not let the quiver of fear into his voice.

A pause, then, “He is well trained... Get up” Draco felt his legs move without him commanding them to. He kept his eyes averted, but he could _feel_ Voldemort's red eyes looking him up and down, scrutinising him. He didn't dare make eye contact, only focusing on his walls. His Mother came and took his arm. Her nails bit into his skin- a small distraction. The final defence in his mind clicked into place as Voldemort tilted his head, considering.

Draco wondered what exactly he was considering when he felt it in his mind, a small assault. It drew back, surprised at the defence it found. It stood up higher and _pushed._ Draco held his breath, checking every part of his defences. After a time it stopped. He opened his eyes to see The Dark Lord’s red eyes staring at- no- _into_ him “I am weak after so long away, however I find your resistance strong. You will be a useful servant.” The Dark Lord looked to his mother, and saw the way she clutched at his arm. Draco almost wanted to step in front of her to shield her from the red gaze. The red eyes returned to him, a small smile was upon Voldemorts face, and he commanded attention as he rose from his seat “You will serve me, you will devote yourself to me and you will submit to me. Otherwise, you and your mother will die.” Draco felt the blood drain from his face.  
He had thought he had been frightened before- well now… he was petrified.

Everything had changed. There was no way Draco could leave now.  His mother was in danger. There was no safety, there was no hiding. They could only put their heads down and pray they wouldn’t be noticed.


	6. Chapter 6

_The weeks pass. Draco spends most of his time in his room, reading his father's books, distracting himself and seeking shelter from the new occupants of the house. He never again sees the Dark Lord but lives in constant fear of him, scared he will invade his mind or know that Draco is unloyal to the cause. Voldemort has his power back and is very well versed in_ _legilimency_ _. Draco knows that if the Dark Lord wanted to, he could enter his mind._

Everything had gone to shit.

It was the dead of night. Draco paced the small confinement of his room. Thinking. Always thinking. He was getting tired of the way his brain never stopped. This week he had been particularly bad as the final plans had been laid in place to crumble the ministry. He was incredibly ashamed that his father was so involved.

He had watched as media outlets nationwide had discredited everything Potter and Dumbledore had said, and watched as the Minister for Magic went bat-shit crazy in his attempt to consolidate power.

He had watched as Voldemort orchestrated it all from his position in the Malfoy Manor, and had wreaked havoc within the folds of the ministry itself. He had watched as his Mother had hosted the death eaters, putting up with their requests for her to make them meals and other bullshit when they had house elves.

He had watched as dissenters of Voldemort were brought to his _home_ and tortured. He began to question every thought he had ever had about muggle-borns as their screams echoed from the dungeons and into Draco’s dreams. He had been ignorant to call people mudbloods. He realised this, when their blood, which was the same crimson colour as his, covered the robes of death eaters that walked the halls of his house.

He had watched... and done nothing. He had mastered his ability to put on a face, to meet Pansy in Diagon Alley and pretend that he was okay with all of this, as she was.

He had begun to slowly drift from his childhood best friend as she nattered on about how disgusting muggles were and how good it was that their fathers were back in their old positions. He reminded himself that only a year ago he would have ignorantly agreed with all of this too. Pansy was just spewing out words her mother and father had taught her, but that didn’t mean he could forgive her for it.

Snape was one of the many visitors to the house and Draco didn't know how to feel. He looked up to Snape, but here Snape was, participating in the meetings. Draco began to question himself… everyone around him thought this was okay, but why didn't he?  
Because it was _madness_ , he reminded himself. It was disgusting, horrible, madness.  
Yet, a small part of Draco was thankful because he was on the winning side. Voldemort had once been unstoppable and would have won the war if not for the freak accident of Harry Potter. He would surely not make the same mistake again.

Always, his mind would play these events and words over and over. He could do nothing, but surely he could do _something?_ Then he would remember he was bound by blood, and his mother would suffer far more if he rebelled. He could do nothing.

The only solace he found was with the piano, and the escape it offered from his mind. He lost himself in his practice, to the point where his fingers and wrists would ache after each session.  
Additionally, he filled his days with the practice of occlumency, wordless magic and recently, shifting the Imperius curse. Snape helped him with all three, giving him meditations and potions to help open and close his mind. Draco seemed to fail again and again but Snape would remind him that the power Draco had over his own mind was formidable, especially for someone his age. Snape wasn't the type to lie about such things so Draco felt somewhat comforted.

The rest of his time was spent thinking. Not only did he have to confront everything he had ever been taught, but everything he had stupidly believed. He knew for a fact that muggle-borns could be brilliant, as seen by Hermione Granger. He knew that she was kind and he was cruel. He knew she was better than him. How could he have ever believed that he was better because of his blood? _Stupid._

He had come to the realisation that there was no such thing as blood purity and cried for nights on end, hating himself and everything he had become. The anger he had felt had been overpowering, and more than once he had found himself screaming and breaking things.

More than once he considered ending it all, but knew it would crush his mother, and he could not stand to hurt her.

A knock came on Draco's door, wrenching him from his thoughts. He found himself laying in bed, the headache from his excessive occlumency practice killing him. He could not be bothered to speak. He flicked his wand in the general direction of the door and chanted ‘Alohomora’ in his mind. He smiled as the door opened.

“Draco” It was his father. Draco’s stomach dropped and he sat up. The world rocked on its hinges. He struggled not to vomit.

“The Dark Lord is throwing a celebratory dinner for the progress we have made with the ministry next Friday, you will be our entertainer on the piano.” The door shut. Draco groaned. He had of course done such things before, and he was completely prepared due to his hours of practice each day, but this meant he would have to be in the same room as death eaters and... _Voldemort-_ for _hours._

He pointed his wand at the shelf where he kept his medicine for the occlumency headaches. He used the potion only when he had to, as he didn't have an infinite supply, and due to his excessive occlumency practice, it went down rather quickly and was difficult to brew and therefore, replace.

A quick but concentrated ‘accio’ in his mind bought the potion to his waiting hand, which was another small testimony to his hard work with wordless magic.

He gulped it down, shuddering at the taste. In a few minutes the headache had faded to a dull throb and he was able to get up and drink an anti-tiredness potion to counter the headache potions side effect. As he looked in the mirror and saw the pronounced bags under his blood-shot eyes, and he knew this wasn't good for him. He turned away, not being able to stand the sight.

He walked over to the piano which dominated the corner of his room and sat down to create a program that was suitable, and wrote a letter to Pansy, who would be very pleased to play some violin pieces for the Dark Lord. It would also be nice to have a familiar face there- no matter how much he was starting to hate it. He invited her for a rehearsal that Friday.

****

The night had arrived and Draco was wearing his Yule Ball suit again. He sat at the piano, playing through the program, trying to ignore the company and words surrounding him. Pansy stepped up for her scheduled solo piece and Draco decided to get some water for them both. On the way, he unfortunately ran into his father, who looked rather intimidating in his black robes.

“Draco,” he said, tightly gripping Draco's arm, “What are you doing down here?”

“Getting some-”  

“There are house elves, use them. Stay where you are.” His father interrupted him with a frown.

Draco turned back, fuming. He was being treated like a _dog,_ being told to stay. He just wanted to walk around after sitting for over an hour. He returned to the piano and on the way summoned a house elf for the water.

As he sat down and waited for Pansy to finish he made a decision. The house elf came over with the water and Draco asked it how long until dinner was served. “About 3 minutes sir” _Perfect_ “I am going to play another piece and then I will announce dinner for you” The house elf nodded, and he sent it away.

Pansy’s second piece came to a close. She looked at him, ready for the duet that was next. He shook his head, signalling he wanted to play something else. She nodded and stepped away.

He set his fingers on the keys and forced himself to be in the moment, for nothing to exist except him and the ivory keys in front of him. He took a breath, let his heart settle, and committed. He began to play, the notes and keys an extension of himself. _The Heart Asks Pleasure First_  wasn't the background music his audience had been listening to, and it demanded attention. It was intense, expressive and complicated. One by one those in the room turned to watch him. But Draco didn’t see this, he played the song without thinking, allowing the weeks of constant practice to take hold of him. His fingers whirled across the keys and the notes blended and danced in the air in response. It was beautiful, and the audience knew it.

What they didn't know, was that one of the dirty, _disgusting,_ muggles they had been discussing all night had written it. Draco found himself smiling.

As the piece ended and the room erupted into applause Draco’s small smile widened into a grin. He stood up and bowed, “Dinner is ready, if you will all make your way to the dining room please,” he said after rising.

But then, as he surveyed the crowd, his cocky attitude was frozen as he locked eyes with the red eyes of the Dark Lord, who was lazing in a throne-like chair across the room and was looking directly at him. And like a rabbit in the presence of a snake, Draco was unable to move.

“Come here boy” The Dark Lords voice carried across the crowded room, even though he hadn’t spoken loudly. Draco felt like pissing himself, and his heart began to beat rapidly. He started to build his walls. His practice over the last month had been intense, and it paid off. His walls were built quickly, and they were strong. By the time he crossed the room, they were up.

He knelt at the Dark Lords feet, not moving until commanded.

“You may rise.” Draco did so on shaky legs, hoping nobody could see that it were as if he were under a jelly legs jinx.

“That music was...pleasant, you are very good at what you do” Draco bowed his head, knowing that few received praise from the man in front of him. “Thank you, My Lord.” As he spoke he felt the same presence in his mind again, small and inconspicuous, considering his walls.

Voldemort was trying to get into his head.

His already racing heart felt as if it would stop. He was confused. The first time the Dark Lord had entered his mind he had been weak, it made sense to be small. But now he was back to full power. It didn’t make sense for him to still maintain the small size. In front of him, the Dark Lord smiled, chilling Draco’s blood. “Ah, you have noticed me. Very good.” Voldemort rose, towering above Draco- and with him, the presence inside Draco’s mind began to grow.  “I could tear these down, so...carefully built. They are strong, no doubt- to anyone who was reasonably skilled at occlumency they would pose a challenge. But to me…” The Dark Lord trailed off.

Horrified, Draco watched as the presence in his mind was transforming into a towering mass of darkness. Draco was distantly aware of his body stepping back, interpreting the distress signal Draco was subconsciously sending it- _Get away._

The towering darkness still grew, slowly becoming twisting smoke and flashing red light- a storm in Draco’s mind. Made of nothing but power. “ _To me… you are nothing.”_ The terrifying voice filled every corner of his mind, and Draco wanted to scream.

In that moment, he knew anybody who encountered someone so powerful was dead. There was no winning. There was no running. He could only hide. So Draco did. He hid every important memory he could, deep, _deep_ down. Out of sight almost to himself, hoping and praying to all the gods whom he had never bothered to pray to before.

The darkness reached out, and crumbled his defences. Draco cried out as the walls he had placed his faith in turned to smoke. There was a feeling of amusement as the Dark Lord considered him. Draco knew he saw the cowering boy, but he took no pity. Draco could now feel what Voldemort felt. There were no walls between them now. He felt… _disinterested, he saw nothing of use._ And with that, the Dark Lord left his mind.

Draco took the largest breath of him life. He opened his eyes and found himself on the floor. He did not remember getting there. “Leave now, boy. You are too young for the table” The Dark Lord left the room. Draco pulled himself off the ground and with Pansy’s help went back to his rooms. He couldn't believe he had succeeded in hiding the memories. He had managed to fool the _Dark fucking Lord_. He knew if Voldemort had wanted to, he could have searched Draco's mind, but Draco had played the worthless child well and hadn’t been of any interest to the Dark Lord. He felt some of the desperate fear that he had felt leave him.

He was alive.

****  
  
After making sure he was okay and getting him some of his occlumency medicine, Pansy left to get them dinner from the house elves. Soon she had returned and was questioning him. He described what had happened, and she was shocked. “It only lasted for like, a second” she informed him, “You went up to him, he spoke to you and stood up, then you stepped back and fell to the floor. Then he told you to leave. That was all”

Soon the conversation moved to other things, Pansy complimenting his playing and expressing her joy at how well the night had gone up until his encounter. Draco thanked her and informed her he never wanted to be within a foot of the Dark Lord ever again. She laughed at that, but said he was lucky to have even spoken with the Dark Lord. She began to talk about the importance of this moment in time, how soon the muggles would soon be put in their rightful place and- Draco felt his mask slide up, he felt his head nodding and his lips smiling. He felt disgusted. He felt it rising in his chest again. _Anger._ It was so intense that he feared he might explode. He shoved it down and bottled it up.

 

“Schools back soon,” he said, interrupting whatever shit what coming out of Pansy’s mouth. She looked shocked. “It’s almost September” he continued, “are you excited for next year?”

“Ahh…. Yes.” Pansy was obviously perturbed by his interruption

Draco continued, struggling not to scream at her. “I know we are going to brew a Draught of Peace...Snape told me. Should be useful for tests huh?”

Pansy agreed, and soon their conversation was all about the coming year. He felt the anger slowly subside, he breathed deeply, thankful he hadn’t exploded at her.

 

Later that night as he made his way to the library to find a book to get lost in, he heard raised voices echoing from the dining room.

Sneaking closer, he made his way to the doorframe of the drawing room, which was more than close enough to hear the debates of the Death Eaters.

“They are difficult to control! If anything goes wrong, Thickness shall be the one to blame and I could lose vital control in the ministry.”

Draco heard his father’s voice next  “As much as I usually disagree with Yaxley, I cannot help but see the potential disaster the giants could create. Why not wait until we have a better grip on the ministry to campaign for their support?”

Then came the hissing of the Dark Lord himself, Draco blanched, not having known He was there “Do not question me so boldly Yaxley.” A silence filled with anticipatory fear followed his words. “The enemy has already sent someone to persuade the giants. I have heard whispers from certain agents that they have already sent the half-giant fool Hagrid and Madame Maxime from Beauxbatons to talk to them. We have to act now, and we have to act quickly… Yaxely, you will be in charge of this” Draco heard a strangled cough coming from who he assumed was Yaxely. He knew enough from studying the Giant Wars in History of Magic that the massive beasts were very difficult to work with, and had alarmingly short attention spans and quick tempers, and were harder to subdue than dragons. Yaxely was right to be afraid.

“We will need the giants on our side for the coming war, Yaxley. They are stupid creatures and that makes them easier to control. Do not fail me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hi. Things are moving kinda fast now aren't they? We just finished fourth year. Please, please, leave a kudos or a comment if you liked it so far, and a comment about the things you didn't like and maybe I could have done better- or anything that confused you? Comments and Kudos's are so important for my moral, to know people want to keep reading motivates me to edit and upload some more. 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed it so far! I've been really sick with the flu so even getting this up has been hard.  
> Much love :)


	7. Fifth Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Itssss fifth year!

Draco had his usual breakfast, tea and newspaper delivered to his rooms, and was halfway through his fruit salad when his attention was caught by the headline “ **_MINISTRY CREATES NEW POSITION AT HOGWARTS. 'INQUISITOR’ TO BE FILLED BY DOLORES UMBRIDGE._ **”

Underneath the rather disturbing sounding headline was a rather disturbing looking woman. Her hair was curled in tight ringlets around her rather bulbous head, her face was pinched into a patronising smile and her eyes came out cold through the paper. He picked up the prophet, raising his eyebrow at the ugly woman who couldn't see him doing it. Of course, the Prophet was utter shit these days so he didn't really believe it when it cited this new inquisitor was “ _all for the welfare of the students._ ” The minister was corrupted by his Father, and as his father had appointed this ugly looking bitch, there was no way she was remotely good.

He was surprised the front page wasn't filled with the usual hate piece on Dumbledore or Potter, but he read on all the same- only to find himself uninterested by the waffling of the reporter, and so he turned the page.  
_Ah._ There he was. _2nd page, still not too bad._ Potter stared out of the page at him. His eyes hollow and exhausted. Miserable.  
  
He could see a lot of himself in the other boy.  
  
He tried to enjoy the picture... After all- _Potter would never have felt empathetic for him_ \- but-- he couldn't muster any happiness. Mustering any positive feeling was difficult these days.

He knew how angry he would feel if he was in Potter’s position. Most of the wizard community didn't believe him because of the stupid newspapers, yet they were telling the absolute truth.

Draco snorted. He would know, as he currently lived in that truth.

 _Stupid Fucking Prophet_.  He felt the anger in his chest rising again. He threw the paper to the ground in a fit of rage.

Huffing, he stalked over to his shelf to get a book to calm himself, and noticed a change of decoration. _The house elves must have placed it there._ The framed picture that his mother had given him for Christmas stared out at him. There he stood, a boy from only a year ago. He was happy. And his father had his hand upon his shoulder. They were _proud._ Draco felt the same longing for better times... but then growled as the anger came back in full force. He threw the photo across the room, but it didn't break as the vase had last time. In response, Draco punched the wall. A large dent opened under his fist and pain blossomed up his arm. It felt good. Realising he didn't want his father in his room he cast a silencing charm. Then he punched the wall again.

  
****  
 

By the time he had finished his fists were bloody. About twelve dents were scattered around the wall. He picked up his wand with his hand delicately. His breaths were deep and shaky, but at least he felt as if he could breathe again. Now that his rage was over he could feel the pain. He cast some quick healing spells before repairing the wall. His fists still hurt, he knew the damage was deeper than surface injury and beyond simple healing spells. He went and ruffled through his potion store and growled when he realised he didn’t have what he needed. He would need to go into his Father’s stash.

 

He slowly made his way downstairs, flinching anytime he had to open a door using his wand and therefore his hand. He snuck into the potions room, quietly tinkling through the bottles until he found a tendon healing tonic.

Draco waited a minute for the medication to take effect- sighing as it did- and then left the room. Only to almost scream in fright as he came face to face with his mother.

“Good Morning Draco,” His Mother looked a bit distant- she had been since Voldemort had come into the household. She didn’t even seem to find it odd that Draco was out of his rooms.

“Mother,” Draco stared at her for a second, looking at her hollow face, and bloodshot eyes. He had the sudden urge to sweep her into a hug. So he did.

The smell of her perfume wasn't there. He frowned. She grasped his back weakly, seeming to need the contact, “How are you?” Draco asked, head still in her hair.

“Getting through” was her response. She untangled herself, “I’m so proud you made Prefect dear” The letter from Hogwarts had come two nights before. Draco had tossed it away, not caring. It had been expected.  
Mother patted his shoulder “You should begin packing today, as you’re leaving in a few days after all” Her smile was bittersweet, the fact that she wouldn’t be leaving hung in the air between them. Draco nodded, unable to speak. He hurried back to his rooms and began to pack, all the while ignoring the tears on his face. He had been crying too much lately.

   
An hour later he was at the piano, escaping, when there was a knock at his door.

“Yes?” he called, flicking his wand at the door which opened to reveal a house elf.

“Master Lucius wishes to see the young Draco in his office, sir.” Before Draco could say anything, the elf had raised its hand and _clicked!_ away, leaving Draco by himself as he muttered “I’m _not_ young”

He groaned and pulled himself up, wandering over to the mirror to make sure he looked presentable.

He did not.

His hair was a mess, his clothes were rumpled and his eyes were hollow and bloodshot. _Ha. Just like Potter._ Draco scolded himself for thinking about Potter. Why did he _always_ have to think about Potter?

With a few waves of his wand and a new set of clothes, he looked close enough to the part and with another groan he set off for his father’s office.

   
He knocked and waited for the muffled “Enter” to respond. It was a longer wait than usual. Merlin, his father was such a _dick._

When the harsh word finally came, he pushed the well-oiled door open.  
His Father glanced up, beckoned him in and then went back to his work. Draco, assuming this meant he would be ignored for some time, sat in the chair in front of his father and began picking at his nails and looking around the room he was rarely allowed into.

Books and scrolls absolutely covered the walls, (Draco knew there was a secret door behind at least one of the panels) and the one wall the books didn’t fill was home to a large window overlooking the gardens which held a painting on each side of it. One was of the French countryside, where Lucious had spent much of his time in his youth, while the other was of Draco’s great grandfather, Septimus Malfoy, whom his father used as an advisor.

When Draco made eye contact with the painting, Septimus made a face of disgust and exited his portrait. _Lovely._

Bored, he went back to picking at his nails.  
  


Finally, when Draco was finished picking his eighth nail and was onto his ninth, Father spoke.

“Did you read the prophet this morning?”

Draco raised his eyebrow. He hadn’t been expecting that. “Yes.”

“The Umbridge woman, the one on the front page. I have a task that pertains to her.”

Draco nodded, laughing on the inside. Of _course,_ his father, who couldn’t stand the sight of him usually, was suddenly happy to talk to him because he had a _job_ for him. _Delightful._

His father continued on, unaware of the waves of hatred coming from Draco. _“_ I need you to… how do I put this? ...Get on her good side when you are at school. She’s not only smart but resourceful, and managed to consolidate a lot of power while at the Ministry. And while I still have control of her while she remains there, I cannot know how she will react when faced with the unattended power she shall have at Hogwarts. Therefore, you must get in her good graces and keep an eye on her for me.

“Oh?” Draco said- this was certainly not what he had expected.

“Yes. You will only write to me if you believe she is hiding anything from the ministry.” Lucius looked at him with a calculating eye and then dismissed him by looking back down at his work. “That is all.”

The tone was clear. _Get out._

So Draco did. He was angry but not surprised. This was Lucius Malfoy, the great manipulator, he had a plan for everything, and plenty of minions to execute anything.

 

Draco returned to his rooms, slamming the door when he got there and continuing to pack for Hogwarts. He was looking forward to finally leaving this place. He as he was packing he caught sight of the prophet which was still on the floor from where he had thrown it that morning. Potter stared back at him. Draco paused, and stared at the boy that was so similar to him as a thought came to him. _He would have to continue to play the asshole_.

The Dark Lord, one of the most powerful legilimens ever known currently lived in his house and also happened to hate Harry Potter, so Draco could not afford to break character. If Voldemort got even a small inkling of his sympathy for Potter, his Mother and himself were as good as dead.

Despite the fact that Draco finally had realised his mistakes, had finally realised he was an asshole- Had been ready to just quietly let Potter get on with his life and not torment Granger anymore-- _Despite_ all of it… He was trapped, he _had_ to play his part.

Draco felt the anger well up inside him and screamed, watching as the paper burst into flames. He hated his life.

   
****  
 

The first whistle for the Hogwarts express echoed shrilly across the platform, meaning the students could board the train. Pansy grabbed Draco's hand and began dragging him towards the Hogwarts Express. Draco broke the contact, disliking the feeling of her sweaty hand in his. She looked back, confused.

“We don’t have to pretend anymore remember? My dad knows” Draco explained.

Pansy went a bright red and stuttered “Oh- I... Of course” she finished lamely. She turned and hurried away. Draco rolled his eyes, Pansy got so needlessly emotional sometimes.

 

He boarded the train, and a long breath came out. He had made it through the hell that had been the holidays. He was safe, away from any attacks on his mind, away from the screaming that he heard in the middle of the night sometimes when he forgot to put up silencing charms. Away from the horrid strangers in his life and _finally_ amongst friends. He felt a smile, a real smile, come onto his face. It was the first one since the night of the piano concert.

Then he paused. Mother was still in that hellhole. He pulled the smile off his face, and felt his chest began to tighten, suddenly breathing was difficult. She was alone, with all those fucking deatheat-

   
“Draco!” He had no idea how long he had been standing there. He looked around. The train had already started to move. In the carriage door was Pansy, she had been the one to call his name.

“Come on, stop standing there. What’s taking you so long?” She looked concerned, at Draco’s shrug she made a face but continued “Well- there’s a _very_ handsome boy from America sitting with us... he seems pretty interesting. I call dibs if he's Bi.” She said with a smirk and began walking away, checking over her shoulder that he was following.

“What?” Draco said, hurrying to keep up.

“Well, he’s giving me gay vibes, because he didn’t really _look_ at me when I first said hi, y’know? But I’m not sure, he might just be playing the game really well” With that, she directed him the cabin that Crabbe and Goyle had reserved for him and found the boy Pansy had been talking about.  


He was looking out the window as Draco entered, which was good because that meant he didn’t see Draco go red.

Pansy was right, he was _quite_ handsome. He sported a rather angular face and a decent build, his skin was dark and he was exceptionally neat looking. Draco liked him immediately. The boy looked away from the window, and Draco was caught staring at the face which raised an eyebrow and grinned slyly.

“Hi, my names Blaise, you must be Malfoy” Draco shook the offered hand.

“Pleasure” Draco felt a tad embarrassed at having been caught staring. Blaise, seemingly unconcerned, smiled at him and Draco felt a smile of his own appear. Suddenly he realised he was looking at Blaise’s smile and therefore his lips. They looked soft. Draco cleared his throat.

“Draco, dump your stuff. We have to go to the Prefects carriage,” Pansy drew him out of his thoughts which were currently about finding out if the lips were indeed as soft as they looked. He nodded at her and a minute later they were walking towards the Prefects carriage.  
“Definitely gay.” Pansy stage whispered, causing Draco to splutter.

“Oh please-” Draco started.

“No, don’t even try to bullshit that with me Draco. Did you _see_ the way he smiled at you? I didn’t even get anything _close._ And I am way hotter than you.” Pansy huffed and continued on. “Such a tragedy… anyway, we’re nearly there- game face on.”

Draco steeled himself and tried to control his nerves, realising that Potter would definitely be in the Prefects cartridge. There was no way he wouldn’t have been made Prefect.  
  


They were nearing the Prefects carriage so Draco plastered a sneer on his face, opening the sliding door, preparing for the face that had been haunting half of his dreams in the holidays and found- _Weasley_?

Where was Potter? Granger was of course expected, but _Weasley? Over Potter?_ The redhead scowled back at Draco, and Draco almost burst out laughing. Pansy had no such control, and her laughter filled the carriage.

“Miss Parkinson, if you would like to share the joke that has you in such a state, please go ahead. Otherwise, sit down and be _quiet_.” McGonagall spoke from the back of the carriage, surprising both of them.

“Yes miss,” said Pansy, then snorted as she struggled to control herself. “Nope, sorry, I'm-- done now.” then let out a high pitched sigh as she sat down. Draco followed her, shaking his head but grinning anyway. Weasley looked ready to kill.

 

After what ended up being a brief meeting with McGonagall addressing their privileges and responsibilities, they were dismissed and told to go onto patrol. Pansy said she couldn't be bothered and retreated to the cabin. Draco was happy to have a bit of time alone, when he heard the grating voices of Crabbe and Goyle. “Draco, wait up! We want to come with you” Unseen, Draco raised his eyes to the roof.

“Lets go and see how Potter’s coping with being beaten by Weasley! ...Pansy told us.” Their smiles were cruel. Draco had never noticed that before. But after having spent a number of weeks with Death Eaters he now noticed the small details. The glint in the eyes- The eyes that held no kindness at all. He wandered how often he had once worn the same smile.

“Um, yeah- sure” Draco agreed, inwardly hating that he was being forced to confront the last person he wanted to see.

 

They began to walk to the gryffindor carriage, Draco remembering last minute that he usually sauntered. He completed the look by once again put a smirk on his face as they entered the carriage. He found himself looking to Harry’s face which was just as tired looking as in the papers, and then to his lips, wandering if they too were as soft as they looked.

“What?” Potter was aggressive. That made it easier to hate him- and to taunt him.

“Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you a detention,” Draco was careful to drawl. “You see, _I_ , unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments.” How Draco would love to have Harry in a detention all by himself where he could-

“Yeah,” said Harry, “but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone.”

Draco felt his lip curl. The others in the carriage laughed. _Bastard,_ “Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?” he asked. He saw the laughs turn into looks of anger and apprehension, they all looked at Potter.  

“Shut up, Malfoy,” said Granger sharply.

Draco smirked 'I seem to have touched a nerve,” He had indeed “Well, just watch yourself, Potter, because I'll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line.” Potter nearly turned white. _That was odd-_

“Get _out!_ ” Granger yelled her words this time. She had shot to her feet and had _that_ look on her face. Draco had last seen the look shorty before receiving a punch in the face by the crazed woman herself. He decided upon a tactical retreat.   

   
Sniggering, Draco gave Potter a last glance, noticing Potter still looked fairly rattled. Draco felt like shit for having caused that. They left, and heard the compartment door slam shut behind them.

They walked back into the Slytherin carriage and upon entry Draco realised he wasnt in the mood for Pansy’s endless chatter, or Crabbe and Goyle's complaining, so as he sat down next to Theo, who was reading, he decided to copy the behaviour as reading would allow him to politely ignore everyone in the cabin for the rest of the trip. He opened his Ancient Rune’s textbook, which he had been reading for the purpose of getting ahead in study.

The newcomer Blaise, however, had a different idea.

 

“So, how were your holiday’s guys?” Draco glanced up and found Blaise looking directly at him. He realised everyone in the cabin was looking at Draco too.

“Uneventful” was all he said, hoping that would get the message across. He looked back down.

“Oh come on, you had to have done something, surely?”

Draco knew they were all still staring at him. “Nope.” He didn’t even bother to glance up. Goyle decided this meant he could speak.

“Well I went to see the game between the Cannons and th-” Draco lost interest as soon as Goyle started talking, and focused on the textbook instead.

 

He had finished and taken notes on three chapters, and was well through his fourth when Pansy said “Draco, come on, we’re almost there. We should change into our robes now.” Despite being annoyed at the interruption he knew she was right. He got up and slowly stretched, he hadn’t moved in hours. He was pleased to see out of the corner of his eye that the new boy, Blaise, was watching him.

Pansy slapped his arm “Come on, stop showing off your _gorgeous figure_ .” she said in a sarcastic tone. Draco grinned at her, laughing when she poked her tongue out at him. It felt good to be amongst friends again.  


****  


The train pulled in and immediately Crabbe and Goyle rushed off, pushing through the smaller first years. Theo sighed, obviously unimpressed, Draco could not help but share the sentiment. He had never really noticed that Theo was like that… maybe it was because he was usually _with_ Crabbe and Goyle.

“Hey watch it!” A second year hufflepuff called out. Pansy grabbed Draco’s arm and dragged him over to the little girl who had yelled after Crabbe and Goyle. “ _You_ watch it.” She sneered. “You should respect your elders, otherwise my friend Draco and I might have to put you on detention!” She said, pointing to her badge. The hufflepuff paled, before running back to his friends. Draco sighed.

Crabbe and Goyle had made their way back over, and targeted the Hufflepuff “Yeah, do you have a problem with us?” The cruel look was back in their eyes again.

Draco suddenly couldn’t be bothered with it. There was a hole opening in his chest and he couldn’t breathe properly. The anger he had escaped was simmering in his stomach again.  He needed to get out. He began to make his way to the carriages, abandoning his friends. Crabbe and Goyle took this as a sign and followed Draco, taking the liberty to push lost first years out of the way. Draco just watched it happen, not able to care, and just focusing on _getting out._

They reached the carriages, meaning he felt as if he could breathe. He took a large inhale, and felt a hand on his shoulder. He was ready to shove it off and tell Pansy to leave him alone when he noticed it wasn’t Pansy, but Theo.

“You alright mate?” Theos voice was soft, unheard by anyone else. Draco tried to put a brave face on. “Im- Im fine”  
Theo nodded, and patted his shoulder.

“Over here!” Came an American accent, and it took Draco a second to realise it was Blaise calling them. They made their way over to what looked like a pretty uncomfortable Blaise. “Why do you look like you’ve seen a Boggart?” Said Pansy as they walked over.

“Well that horse looks pretty fucking creepy,” said Blaise pointing to the air in front of the carriage. Draco looked, confused.

“What horse?” Crabbe and Goyle asked, also frowning. Blaise looked at them as if they might be mad, a look that they were currently also giving to Draco. “There's a skeletal horse, that’s black, that is pulling the carriage-” Blasie looked around “ _All_ the carriages. Look!” At their confused looks Blaise desperately looked around, then pointed “They see them!” He was referring to two people standing, near a carriage, looking up, as if at a horse. Draco realised it was Potter and some blonde girl. The girl reached a hand out to the air, as if she were petting a horse, then smiled at Potter and climbed into their carriage.

Theo had remained quiet the entire time, but as he climbed into the carriages he gave the air in front on the carriage a strange look and spoke quietly.

“They’re called Thestrals. I can see them too.”

Draco raised an eyebrow at Theo who shook his head, clearly giving the message- _don’t go there._ Draco nodded back at him, and climbed into the warm carriage, thankful to get out of the cold night air. He would research the Thestrals later.

“Well. I’m glad I’m not fucking crazy then” said Blaise who brought up the rear and slammed the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd put out a bit of a longer chapter this time, as the last few were short and a little heavy.  
> Here's Blaise! Hope you don't mind the American exchange thing. I just think it gives more of an interesting backstory. Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment if you did, telling me what I could have done better ect. Hm maybe I shoudld get a beta reader?  
> Much Love!


	8. Chapter 8

The feast looked delicious as always, but Draco didn’t have much of an appetite. He picked at his food, his thoughts drifting to his mother, when he looked up and found Pansy watching him. Before she could start mothering him, which he would not be able to stand at that moment, he quickly shoved a large spoon of mashed potato into his mouth. Cheeks bulging, he smiled at her, inwardly disgusted at how the potato didn't taste like much at all. Pansy just gave him a half disgusted half confused look and went back to chatting with Blaise.

“Uh Draco, you’ve got some...” Goyle pointed at the corner of his mouth. Draco swiped at his face, only to find a large glob of mashed potato.

Turning red and looking around to see if anyone had seen, Draco made eye contact with Blaise, who had a small smile on those stupid lips. He had seen it Draco smiled back, turned to Goyle, desperate to look anywhere else. "So Goyle, tell me about your summer?"

Goyle looked at him. "Uh, I already did on the train"

"Ah yeah, you saw that quidditch game right? How was it?" Draco spared a glance in Blaise's direction to find he had turned back to Pansy, seemingly to answer a question.

Draco inwardly sighed and then tuned back into Goyles monotone account of the game- which actually sounded as if it had been good.

Soon enough, dessert was served and he decided not to have any, claiming a foul stomach- which was partly true. As everyone ate and talked around him, his eyes wandered. In seconds he found Potter, whose messy hair made him easy to spot. He was laughing with his friends and was munching down treacle tart, which was his favourite dessert.

Dumbledore stood up and all the students turned to look at him, and were immediately quiet. Draco remained looking at Potter, who looked very tired and content. Draco couldn't remember the last time he had felt that way. Content. Happy. He sighed to himself and turned to finally pay attention to the headmaster.

“...Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me, for what he tells me is the four-hundred-and-sixty-second time, to remind you all that magic is not permitted in corridors between classes, nor are a number of other things…”

Draco’s eyes immediately drifted from boredom and were drawn to the most out of place thing in the room.

She was wearing various shades of bright pink and looked even worse than she did in the papers. _Umbridge._ She had a smile on her face, and it was one that Draco once again recognised. A very cruel smile.

“...We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.” The pink woman stood, to a polite applause that Draco took no part in.

Dumbledore, seemingly done with the introductions, continued, “Tryouts for the house Quidditch teams will take place on the-”

 

Umbridge was still standing, and let out a little cough to attract Dumbledore's attention. “Heh, hem” Draco frowned, he needed to know about quidditch. It had been over a year since he had played.

Dumbledore looked surprised at the interruption but quickly recovered and sat down. As Umbridge launched into her speech Draco remembered his Father’s words. _“She’s not only smart but resourceful, and managed to consolidated a lot of power while at the Ministry.... I cannot know how she will react when faced with the unattended power she shall have at Hogwarts.”_

Well, she certainly seemed comfortable with it.

She continued her speech, saying things like “progress for progress's sake must be discouraged” and “pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited” which sounded a lot like the kinds of words that had been said by the death eaters at his home- They just sounded a little more refined than “purging of the muggles and mudbloods from our society”

Draco’s frown deepened. He _knew_ this woman. Despite wearing copious amounts of pink, and using fluffy words, this woman was just as vile as any of the ‘guests’ in his home.

After her speech was finished, the students were finally dismissed and just before Draco could make his way to bed, he found he had the unwanted task of showing the first years to their dorm.

“First year Slytherins! This way Please!” Pansy’s voice caught the attention of the nervous looking children who quickly flocked towards them.

“Welcome to the family” he greeted one girl who looked more frightened than the others. She smiled nervously and stuck out her hand.

“Hi, my name’s Bethany.” Draco took the offered hand, amused “I’m Draco” The small smile Bethany gave him was one of shyness and of innocence. Draco felt a pang of longing for the time when he had been- well not shy, but certainly innocent.

“Follow me please” Pansy began leading the first years away, and Draco glanced up to see Potter leaving the hall, looking distressed, and the source of his departure was clear. He was being followed by looks of apprehension, fear and some which displayed outright hate.

The students were all incredibly stupid to believe the prophet, but it was just a tactic his father had engineered to alienate Potter and Dumbledore from their peers. Father had already orchestrated the removal of Dumbledore from Wizengamot, then the International Confederation of Wizards. Seeing Potter’s distressed and angry face, Draco allowed himself to feel some pity for the boy who lived.

He hurried to catch up with Pansy and the first years. Bethany talked to him all the way back.

****

Breakfast the next day was appropriately served under a dark and gloomy sky, and as Draco poured himself tea he noticed that the Golden Trio were sitting alone. All their fellow Gryffindors had spaced themselves away from them, a display of just how badly the Prophet had influenced everybody. To have the other houses hate you was bad, Draco could understand that. But everyone in Potter’s _own house_ didn’t like him and kept their space. He couldn’t imagine just how horrible Potter must have felt, Draco once again felt some pity and also a little guilt accompanied this time, for how he had always treated Potter. _And how you’ll have to continue to treat him._

His dark thoughts were interrupted when he saw Snape, striding down the table handing out timetables. When he reached Draco he paused and retrieved a note from his pocket which he added to the timetable. Snape nodded at Draco, Draco nodded back.

“ _Meet me after dinner in my office”_ Draco knew Snape would want a full fill in on his situation, in a place not filled with Death Eaters, unwanted ears and occasionally the Dark Lord. He sighed, not looking forward reliving his memories of the holidays and glanced at his timetable.

He was pleased to see that he had double potions after History of Magic and had a free period later in the day before Ancient Runes. Tuesday, however, bought Defence against the Dark Arts. He couldn’t help but wonder what lessons with Umbridge would bring.

After almost falling asleep in History of Magic, thankful for his ability to take notes even when incredibly bored, Draco made his way to potions and grinned when he saw the potion sitting at the front of the class. They would be making the Draught of Peace which he was already proficiently good at, thanks to Snape's gift from the previous year.

Mood lightened, he made his way into the potions stockroom and began gathering the required ingredients.

He wandered out, the ingredients whizzing by him to find their place on his table, which was now accompanied by… Blaise.

“Draco, I am aware you usually like to have your own desk, however as Mr Zabini here is new to the class and curriculum, and you are the most capable student here, you will be assisting him.” Snape ignored the glare Draco sent him. He _hated_ working with someone else on his desk.

Draco just looked at Blaise, who was smiling at him pleasantly. Draco just gave him a tight one in return and made his way over. _Well,_ he mused, glancing at Blaise, _it could be worse._

“Mixing implements and knives are there-” he pointed at the cupboard, “- and the ingredients are where I just came from.” He glanced up at the chalkboard, seeing that it was blank. “It’s not on the board yet, but today we are making the Draught of-”

“Draught of Peace, yeah I can see it in the cauldron up front.”

“Oh, well okay then.” Draco shrugged then began measuring the moonstone powder.

“Doesn't mean I know how to make it.” Blaise had a stupidly kind smile on his face.

Draco rolled his eyes and got back to measuring, “The instructions will appear on the board once the Gryffindors get here…they always take their time. They don't like potions.”

Blaise snorted a little, leaning in closer to Drac, _Merlin he even smells fantastic_ to whisper “No wonder, Snape doesn't seem like the most pleasant-” Draco cleared his throat, edging away from Blaise, who’s low whisper was far too attractive to be safe for Draco. Who would _not_ develop a crush on him- Images of Draco’s father flashed through his mind and he frowned.

“He's a good man” Draco said, perhaps a little coldly. He cleared his throat, attempting to sound a little friendlier. “Despite it all… and I know there's a lot... he's actually not a bad man.”

Blaise nodded slowly and leaned back, the small smile returning to his face, “I'll take your word for it…” he tapered off and then gestured to his cauldron “Um- So what exactly am I doing?”

Draco grunted, then flicked his wand at the cupboard, summoning more of the ingredients he had just gotten.

“I’ll get them for you this week, but just so you know for next week, the ingredients in the cupboard are in alphabetical order, vertically, top to bottom. As you go right they move on. There's no difference between liquids, dry, hot or cold. It's only alphabet-” Draco looked up to find Blaise staring, his mouth slack in a perfect 'O’

“What?” Draco asked, concerned.

“You just...did wordless magic.”

Draco paused, “Oh.” He had gotten so used to using wordless that he had forgotten it was uncommon for wizards his age. “Yeah- I ah, taught myself.” He cleared his throat again. “Anyway- measure out 2 ounces of lavender oil, and 6 ounces of moonstone powder”

“Right-” Blaise said and sprung into action, following Draco's muttered instructions in an awkward way- that was until the Gryffindors barged in, chatting loudly and distracting Blaise.

“Pay attention” Draco flicked his wand at Blaise's cauldron, “Your flame was too high, you could have ruined it”

Blaise shook his head, giving Draco a grateful smile and got back to it.

Draco had a smile of his own... He was actually enjoying this.

 

Draco and Blaise finished their potions quickly- Blaise's colour and scent were slightly off, causing Snape to inform him it might; “Let someone have a peaceful 3-hour _nap._ ” But it was seemingly acceptable. They were packing their things away when Draco looked up and noticed Potter’s cauldron had grey smoke coming out of it- and Weasleys had green sparks flying out of it. Draco smirked, he knew Snape had been unfair, the first potion of the year was quite difficult.  That didn’t stop it from being funny though. Blaise had been lucky to have him. He looked around to find that Pansy’s potion was a little too dark and its steam was lavender instead of blue, while Theo seemed to have made a potion that was similar to Blaise’s.

While Crabbe and Goyle… _well._

Draco sighed and turned back.

Snape had also noticed Potter and Weasley’s cauldron and had made his way over, a smile on his face.

“Potter, what is this supposed to be?” Everyone else in the class looked towards them

“The Draught of Peace,' said Potter. You could hear the hatred in his tone, being tightly restrained.

“Tell me, Potter,” Snape had lowered his voice now that he had the class's attention, “Can you read?”

Draco couldn’t help it, he laughed and then shoved his hand over his mouth, dismayed. Something about being in the potions environment again where he had always laughed at Potter made it easier to laugh.

“Yes, I can,”  said Potter, the tenseness in his voice was growing

“Read the third line of the instructions for me, Potter.” Snape was enjoying this.

"Add powdered moonstone, stir three times counterclockwise, allow to simmer for seven minutes then add... two drops of syrup of hellebore." The tenseness had drained out of his voice, replaced by dismay. He had realized his mistake.

“Did you do everything on the third line, Potter?” Potter muttered something in response

“I beg your pardon?” Snape was making him speak loud enough for the rest of the class to hear. Draco was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“No,” said Harry, more loudly, but his voice was void of emotion “I forgot the hellebore.”

“I know you did, Potter, which means that this mess is utterly worthless. Evanesce.” Snape vanished Potter’s botched potion attempt. Potter just sighed, obviously used to it and began to pack up his things. Draco frowned, it was a reminder of how cruel he had always been in potions.

Snape addressed the class, “Those of you who have managed to read the instructions, fill one flagon with a sample of your potion, label it clearly with your name and bring it up to my desk for testing,” said Snape. “Homework: twelve inches of parchment on the properties of moonstone and its uses in potion-making, to be handed in on Thursday.”

Draco left the room as he had already put the potion on Snape's desk.

Feeling sick, he realised he needed fresh air. He hurried out, cursing the long walk from the dungeons to the doors leading to the courtyard, as his chest got tighter and tighter.

 _Why had he always been so cruel to Harry? Why was_ **_Snape_ ** _cruel to Harry?_

He finally rounded the corner and entered the courtyard, breathing in the fresh breeze. He stood there for a second, until a Ravenclaw pushed past him, muttering about blocking the walkway.

“Fuck off!” He called after them... knowing they were right.  

He moved out into courtyard after realised he didn’t want to go back inside. He had greatly missed the freedom of being able to walk around in open spaces due to his hellish summer and a walk around the lake sounded like a luxury.

He set off, feeling troubled, yet freer then he had for the first time in months. It was one of those days in autumn when it had been cold in the morning but was stiflingly warm in the sun now that it was midday. Draco stripped off his robes and sweater, draping them over his arm. He had a whole hour until Ancient Runes and decided to walk slowly.

He breathed in the fresh air surrounding him and let a little of the constant tension go. It was difficult, as all he could think of was his mother, yet he knew he had to do it to survive. He couldn’t afford to punch any holes in any walls to release his rage, especially if they were the stone walls that the castle happened to be made of. Nor could he throw vases or photos across rooms. Or scream, or cry, or breakdown… no one could see him like that. He had to learn how to control his emotions in case he blew up and caused more trouble than he could handle.

He spent the rest of the time walking, and taking in the environment surrounding him, noticing how at peace he felt walking among nature. The lake, forest, mountains and sky all seemed bigger than him and somehow that made him and his problems seem small. Their pristine qualities seemed to help cleanse his tight lungs and calm his ever-busy brain. Eventually, he finished the circuit and regretfully returned to reality. He walked back to the castle, wanting to drag his feet like a child.

 

****

“Enter.” The call came from the inside of Snape’s office, and Draco was already pushing the heavy door open. It had only been a couple of months since he had entered the musty room which was filled with bottles of strange looking things and the jars of stranger looking things, but it felt like it had been so much longer.

“Good evening Draco”

Draco nodded, “Good evening.”

He hovered in the doorway, unsure.

This was a man he had always respected and in a way loved, but he had come to hate the beliefs he had once shared with him.

He had always been the more tolerant father figure in Draco’s life… and Draco was fairly sure he knew Draco was gay. Snape taught him everything useful he had ever known and had always made sure he was okay. But Snape acted as a double agent against Dumbledore, he was a pivotal figure in the meetings between the Death Eaters... Snape was on the wrong side.

Draco had known since it had all begun that he couldn’t trust him.

He felt broken at the prospect.

“Sit down” Draco tried to settle, but was somehow unable to in the usually comfortable chair.

“You have been distant the last couple of lessons we have had at the Manor.” It wasn’t a question. He had been distant ever since Voldemort had returned, since his life had been totally _fucked._

“Yes, well, I was sharing a house with torturers and- oh yeah _The Dark Lord”_ ” Draco didn’t know what the fuck he was doing…. this wasn’t a good idea. If Snape told his father that Draco was questioning everything, that might somehow get to Voldemort and he and mother could be killed and then he might be tortured and then-

“Yes, I do understand how that may not be beneficial to one’s mental state. Is that all that has been causing you to be distant?”

Draco stared at him, incredulous. He had just thrown away Draco saying the Death Eater were torturers, and his angry tone when mentioning The Dark Lord- But- _You don’t trust him._  

_Was there anything else causing me to be distant? Well, there’s the fact that I’m doubting the cause- actually, I hate the cause, I have an abusive father and a Mother whos in the same boat as me but she’s literally stuck there._

“No. Nothing else.”

“What about your father?” Snape raised his eyebrow, sensing the lie.

“Has backed off since the Dark Lord returned.” This much at least, was true.

“And your Mother?”

Draco looked down “She’s fine.”

“Like how you are fine?”

Draco looked back up, to look directly into Snape’s eyes and unflinchingly replied “Exactly”

They sat there, staring at each other, until Draco broke the silence.

“Is that all Sir?”

Snape was looking at him with a strange mix of pity and respect in his eyes. It didn’t sit well with Draco. He decided that now was the time to leave. “I have to get to bed, you know, long day…” Snape nodded, the look not leaving his eyes, and turned back to his bookshelves. “Goodnight Draco.”

 

****

Draco climbed into bed, mentally exhausted after the long day and the meeting with Snape. He had needed something to distract and calm him, so the shower he had was so hot it had left his skin red and raw. The pain had felt surprisingly good. Afterwards, he had felt like he could breathe again. He stripped down to his undies to sleep, enjoying the feeling of the cool sheets against his still warm skin. He began the meditations that would shield his mind in sleep. He would never forget those again. Seconds after he closed his eyes he was asleep.

_“Draco…-you’ve been gone a long time” Harry looked just as sad and upset as he had in the hall that morning. Draco looked around, they were on the Hogwarts grounds, near the lake. Where he had walked earlier that day._

_“I’m sorry, I've been away for so long.” Draco did actually feel remorse at that “I wasn’t in a safe enough place to return here. But I am now.” It felt strange to be talking to Harry again._

_“Yes, Hogwarts is my safe place too…” Harry paused “Well. It used to be.” He sat down on the gravel, the small crunch echoing through the dream._

_“I’m sorry,” Draco said, then sat down too._

_“Surprisingly, it’s not because of you this time,” Harry said and smiled sadly. He picked up a small rock and tossed it into the lake. The ripples were odd, not circular but wavy._

_“It’s partly because of my father, and I feel ashamed by it” Draco explained. He began to apologise again before Harry turned and placed a hand on Draco’s shoulder, silencing him with a look._

_Draco's heart raced._

_“Those who raise us don't necessarily define us. They only do if we allow them to. You are not responsible” Harry removed his hand, Draco felt sad at the loss of touch._

_Draco looked across the glistening lake, smirking. “You sound like fucking Dumbledore.”_

_Harry snorted. “Indeed,” He said in a surprisingly good imitation of the wistful professor._

_They burst into laughter for a moment before Draco sighed, returning to reality. “I'm still making your life shitter though.”_

_Harry sighed too “Yes.”_

_“I'm sorry.” Draco felt the hole opening in his chest. “For everything I've ever said or done and everything that I’m still going to do. I’m just so scared he will find anything Harry. If I say_ **_one_ ** _nice thing to you. What if he finds that? Mother- I can't- I won't put her at risk. I have to hurt you more than ever now.” He felt tears welling in his eyes. Harry pulled him into an embrace, wiping away his tears which began to fall._

_“Shh... you're okay, it's okay.” Harry lowered Draco into his lap and began to stroke his hair._

_It calmed Draco and he let himself enjoy it for the time he could._

_After an eternity that was too short Harry spoke. “I have to go. You'll wake up soon.”_

_Draco nodded. “I'm never going to be able to see any of this stuff to you, am I? You'll probably get killed or something, and I'll never be able to say sorry in real life.” Something inside him broke._

_Harry just continued to stroke his hair in response, then quietly spoke “Goodbye Draco... Don't do anything stupid.”_

Draco opened his eyes to his tear-soaked pillow, hating the day already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry its been a while, I had a music festival I was attending and had no laptop, plus when I got back I realised there were some plot inconsistencies ect.  
> Hope you enjoy this one, please leave a kudos, or even better comment if you did! it helps a lot!


	9. Chapter 9

Draco walked into the great hall, chin high and shoulders straight. He had been too obvious the day before. He was _fine_. And no-one else would think otherwise.

He strode over to the Slytherin table, made eye contact with Pansy who was grinning at him and smiled slyly back.

He sat down between her and Theo, and reached for an apple. That would be all he could stomach this morning.

“Morning,” he said to them both, before taking a bite of the apple. Its flavour was a little subdued, but manageable. They mumbled their replies, both too caught up in their food and drinks to seriously reply. It also seemed as if Theo had not yet been affected by his coffee yet.

“Hey, Blaise!” Draco called down the table, causing the boy to look up, halfway through a mouthful of food. Draco snorted at the sight. “How close are you to finishing breakfast?”

Blaise looked down, “Uh, about halfway through… why?”  
“I need you for something before class starts, so hurry up” He took another bite of his apple and then turned to Theo, who was frowning at him.

“What?” Draco asked, acting innocent.

“What are you up to now Draco?” Theo asked, exasperated.

“Absolutely none of your business. And how is your breakfast this morning?”  
Theo barked out a laugh, then said, “If your going to use me as an excuse to not look at Blaise after that little _display_ -” He took a large bite scrambled eggs, making the rest of his words barely intelligible “-You can bet your ass its my business.”

Draco shrugged “I have no idea what you talking about…” He glanced at Blaise, who had gotten two more bites in and was now onto his third. “...But I think I’ve let him eat for long enough, don’t you think?”

Theo just rolled his eyes.

“Blaise! Let's go.”

Draco sprung up from the bench, and stepped over it.

Blaise looked at Pansy who gestured at him to follow with a grin on her face. He looked to Theo, who just shrugged at him. His confused eyes finally came to rest on Draco who gave him another sly smile. With an eyebrow raised, he turned on his heel and walked out of the great hall.

 

Blaise caught up with him a minute later, puffing as Draco powered up the stairs. Draco smiled and kept going.

“Where- are we going?”

“To visit Professor Umbridge”

“Why?”

They reached the top of the stairs, and Draco strode forward at a fast pace. “Well, my father asked me to get in her good graces, so I need to visit her before class and butter her up… and I have to have a viable excuse to do so. I’m going to use you.”

“You’re going to… use me?” Blaise shook his head then seemed to accept it. “Right. - Also, why does your father want with-”  
“He’s an asshole, plain and simple.” Draco sneered at a painting who looked shocked at his language. “-He doesn't like how much influence Umbridge has here by herself. He knows people high up in the Ministry but doesn't have as much power over her as he’d like… so he wants someone to keep an eye on her… And that fell to me. Also- I figured that telling her I was showing you around the school would be a good enough excuse to come in early before class starts.”

They strode past some windows, the air was fresh and the view was nice. He had missed this dumb castle.

 

Blaise bought him out of his pleasant thoughts with a deadpan tone “Your dad sounds like a dick. I can’t wait to meet him”

Draco stopped, causing Blaise to almost trip in his rush to do the same.

He searched for an answer in his head before slowly asking the question “Why... would you ever meet my Father?”

Blaise looked at him, confused, for what seemed like the longest time. “He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me _what_?” Draco frowned, getting annoyed

Blaise looked perplexed and at Draco’s deepening frown Blaise rushed to explain “Just that my Mom’s living at your house at the moment, and in the holidays I will be too-”

“ _What?_ ”

Blaise just kinda shrugged at him, awkward “We just came in from America, she wanted to join the movement and we had no other place to go...”

“Oh.” _Of course, Blaise’s Mother was a death eater. All of his other friends had parents that were death eaters too. Why not Blaise fucking Zabini too? Merlin’s fucking Balls._

 

Draco started walking again, this time at a more determined pace.

“Um, Draco?”

“ _What?_ ” He was a little short toned, but for Merlin’s sake, Draco had thought Blaise might be the first actual _good_ person he had interacted with in a positive way- had been untainted by the mess that was the rest of Draco’s life. And that had somehow meant something.

_Or maybe he was just being stupid._

 

Blaise seemed taken aback by his tone. So Draco slowed down and took a breath, and then in a much gentler tone said “Sorry… Yeah?”

Blaise looked at him for a moment, then gave in “So we are using you showing me around as an excuse to butter up Umbridge?”

Draco raised an eyebrow, “I believe that is what I said.”

“Well, could you?”

Draco glanced at him from the side of his eye, “Could I what?”  
“Show me around the school. I mean, when I came here a week ago to get sorted and do the admin and everything they gave me a quick tour but it wasn’t very extensive and I kinda forgot everything anyway.” The word vomit ended just as quickly as it had started as Blaise realised what he was doing.

“Oh,” Draco said, taken aback. It was his turn to be silent for a moment. Then- “Okay”

Blaise smiled at him. He felt his cheeks warm.

  
Soon after, in rather comfortable silence, they reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Draco stopped outside the door, readying himself.  


Part of Draco’s _education_ that he had received when growing up had been all about social manipulation. His Father had seen it as a necessary part of growing into a broadly skilled young man.

_Draco, my job is manipulating those around me. In order to rise above those around us, magical strength is not key- while it is certainly important... it is mental strength and wit that is the key to success in the hierarchy of the magical world._

And so Draco had learned to read personality types, had learnt to see and manipulate greed and fear in others, while always masking his own interests. _It is like a game of chess_ his father had always said _One must predict exactly what his opponent is planning and be three steps ahead._

 

So when Draco knocked Umbridge's door for the first time- he was armed with his most charming smile.

The door creaked open, and from the back of the room, there was a shrill, “Come in!”

Just as he had done in the Great Hall, Draco strode in, chin high and back straight.

“Hello Professor,” He said in his charming tones as he strode up to her.

“Aha!” She said as she looked up from her desk, a pink quill scribbling furiously in front of her. “You must be Draco Malfoy! I would recognise those features and that hair anywhere! So wonderful to meet you. Your father is a friend of mine” Inwardly, Draco laughed. His Father wasn’t _friends_ with anyone. Umbridge stood out stuck out her hand, Draco went to shake it and wasn't surprised by how clammy it was.

“Yes, Father did mention he knew you, he's very excited to see just what you can do with the school.” He gestured to Blaise who stood awkwardly beside him. “This is Blaise, an American exchange student, I’m just helping him out by showing him to all his classes.” He paused and smiled at Blaise, then gestured back to Umbridge “But this is also a great opportunity to introduce you to one of the more _reputable_ people in the school Blaise! Never mind our odd Headmaster, this is the woman you should come to have you any troubles…” Umbridge tilted her head at him, smiling. _Merlin, she was easy._ Blaise stepped forward and shook her hand, then subtly wiped his hand on his robes. “I believe you were once a Slytherin, Professor?” Draco asked.

“Yes well, I do maintain my old house pride!” She smiled at them, then sat down in her seat, “It’s good to see such lovely young gentlemen surviving in what is...quite the mess of a school system. Hopefully, my presence here will change that.” Her smile was predatory.

“Yes, I do quite agree, and I hope you can make the difference that all of us students here truly need.” He said, smiling back. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Breakfast had finished, the other students would be here soon.

 

As if called by his thoughts, Crabbe and Goyle burst through the door behind him. He could tell it was them by the oafy laughs and the loudness of their steps.

“Well, it was lovely to make your acquaintance boys, but class is beginning now, so if you would please make your way to your seats.”

Draco smiled and nodded deeply. “Professor.”

Blaise just smiled at her.  
  
**** 

The next hour was absolute hell.

No wands. No Magic. The most basic of written theory. Yet he smiled at the fucking _toad_ in front of him and did exactly what he was told, hating every second.

****  


They walked into the out of the castle and towards the groundskeeper’s house, rejoicing to be free of the inane torture that had been Defence against the Dark arts.

“More like- ‘Defence Against the Art of Intelligence!’” Cried Theo, prompting groans from the rest of them for his terrible humour, and a grunt from Crabbe who had, it seemed, enjoyed the lesson.

“Ten points to Slytherin for reading quietly!” said Pansy, perfectly recreating the tones of Umbridge, who had actually awarded them points for such a stupid endeavour. “Merlin,” she continued “You’d think she would realise that's an embarrassment to the house, giving us points for something so stupid!”

“Congratulations,” Said Theo, in a Snape-like drawl “You have just awarded mediocrity” -this time he got giggles as a reaction.

 

They came over the top over the hill and looked down to find the usual swarm of Gryffindors awaiting them, the bright red causing Draco to sneer.

They were approaching the majority of the class when Goyle spotted Potter. He snorted and exclaiming “Oh look, it’s the new _celebrity_ of the school” in a rather fantastic impression of Snape.

Everybody but Draco laughed and Potters head snapped up. Immediately his eyes looked to Draco, who wasn’t laughing while the others were. Draco knew Potter thought he had told a joke about him. Draco inwardly groaned before he realised that this is what he promised himself he would do. He _had_ to act like a dick.

“He was on the first page that many times, you’d think the prophet would get tired of the witch hunt,” said Pansy “Also, he’s not even a celebrity anymore...more like an _anti-_ celebrity.”

Draco grunted in agreement, too caught up in his own thoughts to care.

 

The class with Grubbly-Plank began, and immediately Draco spotted the bowtruckles the Professor had bought with her. They were little, green, stick looking things that… he reached back in his mind for the answer.

 _They guard trees, often wand-wood trees._ He was about to call that out when he realised Granger had already beaten him to it- her hand was stuck up in that stupid way of hers, like she was bursting with the answer. Draco, hating himself, took the opportunity to make fun of her. He imitated her- much to Pansy’s delight whos laugh turned into a scream when she noticed the Bowtruckles. The little creatures had jumped at the noise of her scream.

Draco felt stiff as Granger went a little red, yet continued to answer every question adeptly, and he continued to make fun of her, hating everything he was forcing himself to be.

 

Finally, when they were assigned the task of drawing and documenting the behaviour of the bowtruckles, Granger was forced to shut up, and Draco could stop being a dick.

But of course, Potter ruined it “Where’s Hagrid?” Potter asked the professor. At a poke in the back from Crabbe, Draco sighed, and seized the opportunity. He recalled the meeting he had overheard about Yaxely working with giants, and the mentioning of Hagrid being on the same journey. He slipped his mind into the asshole part of him that he had long ago shoved in the back of his mind. Bringing it out felt disgusting. In his head chanted; _for mother, for mother, for mother._

Setting a smirk on his face, he leaned over Harry, his breath catching at the closeness. He forgot what he was doing for a second. _Fuck_. Harry smelled good- a lingering smell of the grass from the quidditch pitch, with a hint of an older, muskier smell that was like...- he snapped himself out of it and seized the largest bowtruckle.

“Maybe,” he said quietly, “the stupid great oaf's got himself badly injured.”

“Maybe you will if you don't shut up,” Harry muttered quietly.

 _Yes._ He realised he wouldn’t mind that. _Please hit me. Make me stop. I hate this._

"Maybe he's been messing with stuff that's too big for him, if you get my drift." Malfoy walked away, smirking over his shoulder at Harry, who looked pale. _Fucking Dammit._

 

As he gave the large bowtruckle to Blaise to sort out, he nudged Pansy and raised his voice “Yes, Father was talking to the Minister just a couple of days ago, you know, and it sounds as though the Ministry's really determined to crack down on sub-standard teaching in this place. So even if that overgrown moron does show up again, he'll probably be sent packing straightaway.”

Pansy snickered and Blaise frowned at him. Draco hated himself.

 

****

 

The next couple of weeks he avoided Potter, hating having to interact with him at all. He was doing well enough at avoiding Potter, just making snide remarks in the occasional classes they shared together.

One night whilst the rest of the Slytherins were in the common room he returned to his dormitory and began to pace. He hated that this person who inhabited the school halls and wasn’t him. Sure, it _had_ once been, but now Draco was different. He was trapped in his own head, unable to be who he was and it was torture. He had thought coming back to hogwarts would be safe and that he would be able to relax for the first time in months.

Whilst continuing to pace and realised he wanted to go for a walk again, but it was dark and he wasn’t allowed out of the school. Additionally, he had begun to worry more about his mother. It had been two weeks and he hadn’t received a single letter from her. He had sent her his weekly letter, yet had received no reply. Had something happened to her? Was she okay? The thoughts had begun to dominate his head. He needed someway to release his energy. He hit his pillow but it was too soft and didn’t offer up enough resistance. He glanced around for something better.

He punched his bedpost, and pain ricocheted up his arm. The action along with the pain felt good. He hit it again.

Within a minute his hands were bleeding but he didn’t care and kept going. _Thump. Pain. Thump. Pain. Thump. Pain. Thump. Pa-_

“Woah, Woah!” Cool hands wrapped around his wrists, stopping them and he looked up with crazed eyes to find Blaise holding them. He hadn’t noticed the boy come in due to his rage.

“What are you doing?!” Blaise held up his bleeding hands for inspection. “We have to get you to the hospital ward.” Concern filled his eyes.

“No!” He wrenched his hands from Blaise’s. “No- There’s a potion in my trunk that can heal me.” Draco used his wand to summon the small bottle from his trunk and saw Blaise looking at him with worry in his eyes.

“Thanks, but I’m in control of what I’m doing” He turned away from Blaise, not liking the pity which had now joined the worry. Draco needed to make him leave.

“Obviously you aren’t” Blaise had his arms crossed over his chest.

“Actually I am. Please go away”

“No”

“Fuck off” Draco _needed_ to be alone.

“No, not until we have a talk bud.”

“I’m _not_ your bud.. _._ Now _Fuck OFF_ ”

“NO.”

They stared at each other, stubbornness clear in each of their faces. Draco broke and looked away, he was not in the mood nor mental space to fight.

“Sit down” said Blaise and Draco did as he was told. He drew his knees up to his chest and hid his head, hating this whole situation.

Blaise sat beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He began to speak, his voice warm and comforting.

“Hurting yourself is never the answer. It’s just a fucking hole that you dig deeper every time you do it. And then you dig so deep that you can’t get out. And it’s shit and you hate yourself for it and then you hate yourself so much that you can’t stand it and then you hurt yourself again.” Blaise’s words reminded him of the words his Mother had once spoken in the garden.

“I don’t hate myself for it” Draco mumbled from his knees. “I hate myself for other shit. It’s a relief to feel something other than the shit in my head.” He felt like a child, hiding his head from the world as if that could fix everything.

“Well, there are other ways to make your head shut up. You’re not in control if you turn to something that is painful. That means the pain is controlling _you_ and forcing you to be self-detrimental. Trust me.” Blaise's hand was still on his shoulder, and it began rubbing in small circles.

“You were already on the right track with the punching, you just need something soft that won’t hurt you hands.” Draco felt Blaise’s cool hand touch his own. Draco flinched, his hands still hurt as the potion hadn’t yet fully healed him.

“Have you ever heard of punching bags?”  
Draco looked up and shook his head.

 

A few minutes later Blaise stepped back from the mock dummy he had made from pillows and blankets, bound together with magic and levitating off the floor. He beckoned Draco over “Hit it.”

Draco hit it with all the force he could muster. It felt good. And his hand, which had now healed, only hurt the smallest amount. It was enough.

He began to hit it without thinking, _thump thump thump._ He lost his mind in the action.

A while later he stopped, puffing and sweating.

“Feel better?”

He glanced over at Blaise who he had almost forgotten was there. He didn’t feel as if he could speak so he just nodded and left for a shower.

 

Blaise was gone when he emerged, and a piece of paper was sitting where he had been.

_Running, Punching (soft things), Walking, Quidditch- pretty much any exercise will help. Practice controlling your breathing, fill your lungs, hold it for a second or two and then release. Continue until you’re calm. Talking to someone will help too. I’m here if you need, but talking to anyone you feel comfortable with is always be a relief. Remember, don’t let the pain in your head control you. You have to control the pain. (Not with pain)_

Draco wordlessly incendioed the paper, unwilling to let anyone know about his issues.

****

  
“Form up!” Draco grabbed his broomstick and followed the new captain, Graham Montague’s, orders. It was the day after his breakdown and trials for the quidditch team were on. Draco felt ready for them as, thanks to Blaise, his head was clear. He had been for a run that morning, having felt the urge to just _get out,_ and had been amazed at how clear his head felt during and after. Blaise himself was next to Draco, and was trying out for a chaser position.

“Any tips?” He muttered to Draco.

Draco snorted. The put a hand on Biases shoulder, liking the way Blaise tensed slightly and looked nervous at the contact “Take you own advice, breathe and you’ll be fine”

Crabbe and Goyle made their way over, cracking their knuckles and grinning. They were fairly confident they were going to get the beater positions. Millicent Bulstrode was a contester for one of the beater positions but Draco thought that she wouldn't have the chemistry that the two boys did.  

“Alright! Let’s start off easy” said Graham, who was a chaser himself. They all launched in the air.

Draco had missed being on his broom and raced around the pitch while Montague gave orders to everyone. As no one else was going for seeker he didn't really have to be there, his position was guaranteed- but he knew it would be good to turn up in support of the team.

The wind was racing through his hair and that in combination with the sun on his face set something free in him. Draco was grinning as he sped around the pitch. He increased his speed, pushing the broom to its limits as a laugh slipped from his mouth, he hadn’t realised how much he missed being on his broom.

He pulled back in as the team begun some drills. Crabbe and Goyle were happy to get the beater positions and boosted Draco’s good mood as the afternoon progressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh whoops sorry, I've been camping and without internet for a week. But good news! My next chapter is also almost done so it'll be up tomorrow! Check back then :)


	10. Chapter 10

Finally, two days later, Draco received a response from his Mother. It was in her handwriting, but was not written in her usual style. His stomach twisted itself into a rather large not upon that realisation. The writing was far too cold and simply informed him that she was ‘well’. He requested a meeting with her for lunch, hoping that he could see her face to face and have his worries put to rest, only to receive a reply a day later saying she was ‘too busy’ with the guests in her home. Draco knew then, with no doubts, that she was not writing the letters, or was being forced to.

Draco found ‘boxing’ as Blaise called it, and running, were his favourite ways to help his head from flying into fits of rage or horror at the situation... not that he didn’t. Several times he found himself kicking or punching walls, or even sometimes statues, and suits of armour- much to their distress.

Yet, the exercise helped. He was thankful Blaise had found him when he did, but wished he had known about how helpful exercise was during the holidays, maybe he could have helped his mother more. He resolved to tell her when he got home.

Also thanks to Blaise, he had gotten quite good at controlling his breathing and could use the technique Blaise had taught him to help distance the angry and emotional part of his mind from the rest of it, which lessened the frequency of his fits.

  
It was a bright, cloudless morning and he was stretching- about to begin his daily run around the lake when Blaise jogged up “Can I come? ...If you don’t want me to I can run somewhere else.” Blaise looked hopeful, Draco couldn’t turn him down.

“No- it’s alright, you can come.”

Minutes later they were running in comfortable silence and Draco discovered the benefits of running with a partner. He pushed himself, a subconscious part of him wanting to impress Blaise. Sure, it made his lungs and legs burn… but it was fun. Towards the end, they both began to sprint, wanting to beat each other.

“Come back here-- you long-legged bastard!” Blaise yelled as Draco pulled ahead.

A laugh burst out of Draco and he kept sprinting, beating Blaise to the end of the run.

He felt great.

As they collapsed onto a grassy hill puffing and laughing, Draco suddenly became aware of Blaise’s body which was awfully close to his. As noticed that, Blaise’s knee bumped against his. He bumped it back. A second later their knees were resting against each other and the small contact sent electricity through Draco. He could focus on nothing but- he looked across at Blaise laying across from him, face tipped back with eyes closed to appreciate the sun that warmed his face, with lips that curled into a satisfied smile.

 

Draco wanted to kiss those-- _No._

The idea stuck and he couldn’t stop thinking about it... _were they as soft as they looked?_ No matter how many times he told himself that he knew kissing boys was a bad idea, the thought kept nagging at him.

“So...tell me about America?” He said, trying to distract himself.

Blaise came out of his beautiful sun appreciating session launched into answering Draco’s question, his face lighting up at the memories he was obviously experiencing. This was worse. Draco now had an excuse to stare at his lips.

“...so coming here was...difficult.’ Draco tuned in towards the end “But Mom says your house isn’t so bad.” Blaise finished.   
“You’ve heard from your Mum?” Draco asked, wondering if Mrs Zabini’s letters were being screened too.

Blaise looked a little surprised. “Yes, but she’s only allowed one letter per week... something about security measures.”

Draco stilled, his pleasant mood soured. “Yeah, My Father’s like that sometimes…” he paused, seeing an opportunity. “Has she mentioned my Mother?”

“Yeah,” said Blaise, “She said they’ve become good friends, and she’s managed to get close to her- apparently they have tea together most afternoons”

“Oh,” Draco sighed, “That’s good. My Mother wasn’t doing so well by herself I don’t think.” He looked away from Blaise, and up at the bright blue sky. _Neither am I._

 

“How are you going?” Blaise removed his knee from Draco’s and stood up, Draco missed the comfortable contact. Blaise made up for it when he stuck out his hand to help Draco up. Draco knew it was wrong but took it anyway.

“Well-- Better... much better” Draco blushed, “I’ve been meaning to thank you for your advice...I’m finding it easier to control myself”

Blaise smiled warmly “It’s fine. Anytime…” Then his expression changed to that of concern “Did you take my other advice? Have you talked to anyone?” Blaise sounded sincere and Draco felt guilty that he couldn’t talk to him. They began to walk back toward the castle.

“No. I- I can’t.” At his sceptical look, Draco apologised “I’m not being dramatic, I would like to… but- I really can’t.”

Blaise paused then a small smile crept onto his face “What if I promise not to tell anybody?” He was smiling in the most appealing way and Draco desperately wanted to open up.

_But you can’t._

“No. I’m sorry.” Blaise looked a little taken aback. The silence stretched between them. Draco instantly wished he had made up some bullshit problems to avoid this.

Blase cleared his throat “Ah, well, we should jog back… it’ll- ahm- keep us warm.” They jogged back in silence.  
As they did Draco forced himself to be reasonable. He needed to distance himself from Blaise before something regrettable happened.

 

****

 

Two hours later, Draco, Pansy and Blaise were walking down towards Hogsmeade. Draco walking between them. Pansy, as usual, was nattering away about some gossip magazine’s newest drama. Draco managed to make eye contact with Blaise, they both rolled their eyes and grinned. Draco silently cursing at how good Blaise looked when he grinned. They made their way into The Three Broomsticks where Crabbe, Goyle and Theo, who was looking uncomfortable in the presence of the bigger boys- waited inside with Butter beers. They all chatted for a while before Draco excused himself with the reason of needing to buy some new gloves for quidditch, as his older ones from didn’t fit anymore and the weather was getting colder. Blaise realised he needed some broom polish and decided to come along.

In reality Draco just needed some air as he could feel the constricting hole opening in his chest again.

They made their way to Spintwitches Sporting Needs, the smell of leather and wood polish drifting pleasantly into their noses as a small snitch came and flew around their heads. The shop owner bustled over to them and upon request quickly showed them to the gloves section. He pointed out a couple and was obviously trying to sell the most expensive ones. Draco shrugged and bought a pair of Clabbert Leather and Dragonhide gloves ‘for both comfort and grip’ it was his father’s money, whom he hated, so why not waste it? It wasn’t like his father would find out.

 

“Want to go for a walk?” Blaise asked as they left the shop.

Draco, still needing fresh air and not wanting to go back into the confines of the pub agreed to it, so they began to walk towards Goblin's lookout. As they walked, Draco explained the history of the 1612 goblin’s rebellion and how the lookout had been used as a vantage point to spot the enemy by Wizardkind.

 

They reached the lookout after a ten-minute walk, and stood there, watching the sky, which was currently filled with swirling clouds that made Draco feel very small. Blaise pointed to one of the mountains which was being obscured the clouds.

“You think that’s snow?”

Draco shook his head “No it’s too early, we won’t get any until November at least”

Bliase just nodded.

They stood there for awhile longer and Draco breathed deep, enjoying the moment.

He suddenly felt the need to talk, to get stuff off his chest, which he had been wanting to for the last month- exemplify.

“I miss being a kid. When shit didn’t matter” Draco spoke quietly, unwilling to disturb the view that stretched out in front of them for miles.

“Yeah- me too” Blaise’s reply was understanding and just as quiet.

And strangely, that was enough for Draco. Someone was there with him- and _seemed_ to get him.

 

They stood there for sometime before Draco felt something brush his hand- he slowly opened his palm to take Blaise’s hand, which was warmer than his. Something in him fluttered, he knew this was wrong but he couldn’t stop himself. So- instead- he smiled, enjoying the freedom. They stood there for a little longer, watching the sky, their hands intertwined.

 

****

 

As Draco got ready for bed that night, he finally let in the thoughts that he had repressed all afternoon. He knew these feelings. He had felt them around Cassius two years ago when times were simpler. And his father had found the memory, and everything in his perfect life had gone to shit. Draco sighed, not knowing whether he should throw caution to the wind, or lock himself away from anything enjoyable.

He decided to refuse to feel anything and instead began digging his nails into his palms, looking for a way out of his thoughts.

 

Sleep was tough that night and when he finally escaped he found Harry waiting for him.

 

_“Hello Draco”_

_They were at Goblin’s lookout, the wind was whipping through Draco’s hair. Draco leaned against the barrier. He looked at Harry who stood beside him and sighed. Draco saw the still healing wound he had seen on Harry earlier that day had appeared in the dream too._ I must not tell lies _was inscribed upon his hand. Umbridge was fucked up._

_“Am I interrupting something, or should I say... someone? Why isn’t Blaise here?” Harry sounded pissed._

_Draco snorted, then felt something in him rise to it. “I never going to…  I mean- No! Shut up- Oh for fucks sake YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL!” and with his outburst, his anger flew into the wind around him as well as his words, deserting him. He sat on the ground. Deflated._

_Harry continued to stand. “No...None of this is real.” Draco continued. He closed his eyes and began to whisper. “I don’t get to meet you- ever. I don’t get to have you as a jealous boyfriend. I will_ **_never_ ** _have that. So I can have Blaise if I want!” He felt the anger rise up in him again, only to be crushed by a realisation. “Actually no. No I can’t- I don’t get to have_ **_anyone_ ** _at all… I’m not allowed.” He breathed deeply “I only have fucking walls to punch.” He laughed at the stupidity and sadness of his own sentence. “I- I get nothing. And that’s so fucking lonely and fucked y’know?”_

_He looked up for Harry’s response but Harry was gone. He laughed at the irony, He was truly alone. “I would rather you hate me, that makes it easier to hate you.” He said to the wind._

_He stood up, and watched a storm coming in._

 

_“Draco”_

_It was his father. Draco didn’t even turn around. He realised that when he had given up in his dreams he had in reality too, and let his walls down._

_He whirled around, the anger returning to him “Why? Can’t you just leave me alone?”_

_His Father was silent for a second._

_“We have a blood connection. When you let down your walls you appear to me”_

_“I know! Why are you here, Father?”_

_His father looked out at the view “I have a task for you. Otherwise, I would not be here._

_You are to bring the Umbridge woman under control.. She is gaining more power than she should have- the wretched woman. I need you to... remind her that she answers to people.”_ _  
_ _Draco barked out a laugh. “You want me- a_ **_fifteen_ ** _year old, to convince a crazy woman, that she answers to people? She has crazy ass punishments by the way-”_

_“Language” His father warned, but Draco went on, not caring._

_“She literally inscibes lines of words into people's hands! Who does that?! To Students?! She is a teacher and I am a student, yet I- am meant to tone her power-hungry activities down?” He barked out a laugh “Sound relatively hard and there is_ **_nothing_ ** _in it for me but potential failure?” Draco sneered._

_His Father raised an eyebrow, unimpressed and stepped in close to Draco, so he was slightly above him. Draco had grown but this still freaked him out slightly._

_“Yes, there is nothing in it for you. You are just following your Father’s orders. My influence will protect you from her morbid punishments. Which is exactly the type of behaviour I am trying to bring under control” Then he paused, and it was a pause that was a little too long._

_“Or perhaps I should tell her to go right ahead on you and inscribe ‘I must not be insolent’ on you? As punishment for spending the stupid amount of my money you spent on a pair of gloves?! When you already had a pair? Or should we talk about you hitting and potentially damaging Hogwarts property like an uncontrolled child? Or better yet you putting holes in my walls? And damaging my irreplaceable Vases!”_

_Draco did not notice he was cowering. He only saw the man he had loved and feared all his life- disappointed, and angry- again._

_“Yes. I am disappointed.” His father continued. “So you shall do as I say.” His Father stepped back. “Win me an ally in the Umbridge woman. Bring her under control- I trained you for this. It is not a request.”_

_His father disappeared._  


Draco woke angry, and dragged himself out of bed. He needed to go for a run.

However, upon coming downstairs and seeing a new poster on the common room message board- he changed his plans;   


‘BY ORDER OF THE HIGH INQUISITOR OF HOGWARTS

  
All student organisations, societies, teams, groups and clubs are henceforth disbanded.’  


“What the hell?” said Blaise, who was standing behind Draco. Draco was thinking the same thing. His Father had been right. This bitch was out of control. The word that stood out to him was the word _teams_ . Did that mean quidditch? It couldn’t, quidditch was the first thing that had brought him real joy in over two months. He hadn’t been able to play the previous year at all so there was no fucking way he wasn’t going to be allowed to play again. His Father's words came back to him. “ _Win me an ally in the Umbridge woman.” --_ Well, there was no time like the present. It was time to get this woman under control.

Minutes later he found himself making his way up to Umbridge’s office. Just before he reached the door a hand grabbed his shoulder.

“Breathe Draco” said Blaise, who was puffing himself, and was still trying to button his school robes up.

“Just give me a second” Blaise said as he finished tied his tie. “You left so fast I didn’t have time to tell you to wait- while I grabbed my robes.” Blaise was smiling at him, but Draco didn’t smile back, he had to stop whatever _this_ was with Blaise. Before his Father found out. His father in his dreams last night proved he was still weak.

Oblivious, Blaise continued his lecture. “I can see you’re angry, but yelling at her won’t do any good,” He placed a hand onto Draco’s arm “she’s high inquisitor now and you heard and saw what happened to Potter in his detentions... She’s got power, so I don’t know how much a good idea-”  Blaise stopped at the look Draco was giving him.

“Who said anything about yelling?” Draco pulled his arm from Blaise’s hand and walked away, Breathing deeply a few times and putting his mind into the familiar calculating state.

He knocked sharply on the door, immediately a high pitched “Come in” sounded from within. He pushed the door open and sauntered in.

  
“Professor Umbridge” he drawled “How are you?”

“Mr Malfoy! And Mr Zabini! Why you have me quite unprepared! Did you make an appointment I’ve forgotten about dear?”

“No, this is just a spur of the moment visit” he said. She narrowed her eyes are him, obviously not liking his lack of formality.

“Well if you’d like to make an _appointment_ I’m sure I-”

“Are you busy at the moment?” he asked, sitting on the pink fluffy seat in front of her without being asked. Her eyes widened.

“You see, I just received a letter from my _father_ yesterday.” He lied, stopping her from dismissing him. He could actually see the words stop in her throat as she forced out the word- “Oh?”

“He was telling me about how impressed he was with your new program and ideas. Thinks this is _exactly_ what this joke of a school needs... You do know how involved with my peers and my own education he is.” Umbridge nodded. The mentioning of his father had caught her attention.

“You see, he said that Cornelius was expressing doubts as to whether messing with the school to this level was a good idea, and those punishments...well. But of course Father had to try and convince him that what you were doing was right. But even father thinks those punishments were a little...outdated.”

Umbridge’s eyes bulged “He what- dear? I have heard none of these doubts from the minister!” She was struggling to maintain her pleasant expression, and her face was going red.

“Oh, they were privately expressed of course. You do know that Father has the minister’s ear.” He didn’t even try to veil the warning in his voice.

“But I’ve been writing to father about how much more ordered the school is and he’s taken my side on the issue. I just wanted to pass on the message that no matter what happens, you _truly_ have the _Malfoy’s_ support.” He put on his most charming smile.

  
He was threatening her of course, and she knew it. But people could only get pushed so far. The words he had not said were clear in both their minds. _Work with us and Father won’t get you fired._   

“Oh, well-” She had gone even redder. She needed time to process the information he had just given her. He didn’t give her that time.

“I saw your decree this morning. I think it’s a great idea. Clubs truly can be dangerous if they aren’t regulated well.”

“Yes, I agree, obviously, that is why I conferred with the _minister_ and he also agreed to incite this new order, for the benefit of the school of course-” Her stumbling over the words highlighted her uncomfort. Draco knew she was close to cracking.

“Tell me,” said Draco, _Don’t scare her into acting rashly, please her._ “is there anything Blaise and I could do to help?”

_Put yourself back in her power, give a false sense of security through your generosity and kindness._

Umbridge paused, eyes flicking to Blaise, seeing him for the first time again, as she considered them both.

“There is perhaps something you could help me with…” She paused, licked her lips, and considered her next move. “...What I want, is for you to gather information about some certain students and teachers for me. You see, I am trying to- restore some order in this school, but as you have highlighted, this is difficult with no allies, _Mr Malfoy._ ” “You, however… and Mr Zabini, could be a very useful resource and I need people I can trust...”

Her little eyes were scheming. Draco smiled and nodded, _don’t interrupt, she needs to feel in power._

Her eyes brightened, she had come up with an idea. “I would like you both to gather some of the other reputable members of your house for my own, _special_ , little team. Let's call it… the Inquisitorial squad! How does that sound?” Draco was vaguely reminded of a hound attempting to smile by the look she gave him.

“What exactly would this _squad_ do? Apart from gather information?” Her eyes snapped to Blaise who had spoken for the first time. Her shudder-inducing grin widened.

“Well, my dear, You would help me keep an eye on the school: patrol the halls, give and take points. Enforce order. That sort of thing.”

“Give and take points?” Draco could hear the shock in Blaise’s voice. Draco himself was shocked- Even prefects couldn’t do that.

“Yes I could make that happen, it will take some time, but it will happen.” She gave him one of the hideous smiles again. His Father had been right, this woman did have power. Too much of it.

“Sounds good, where do I sign up?” Blaise didn’t actually sound that enthusiastic.

Umbridge giggled. “Oh, this is very secret at the moment Mr Zabini. I shan't be letting anyone know what you are doing, so you shan’t be signing up to _anything_ \- hem- if you get my meaning. Now both of you should go and eat breakfast, should you not?”

Draco nodded and stood up, but he was not done.

“The Slytherin quidditch team will be approved for training and playing, won’t it?” He deliberately made it sound more like an order than a question. Umbridge and Draco stared at each other, each with a fake smile on their face, two wolves having a fucking pissing contest.

“Of course, Mr Malfoy. I’ll write the Slytherin team a permit right away.”

 

****

 

When they were nearly at the great hall, Blaise grabbed him and pulled him to the side of the corridor.

“What the fuck Draco?” Draco raised an eyebrow in response.

“What?”

“How the hell did you walk in there and just- You became a different person! You just- How- how did you _manipulate_ her like that?” Blaise was looking at him like he were crazy.

“She was getting out of control.”

“Draco, she’s a teacher. No- she’s a high inquisitor, what of you had gone too far and fucked it up for yourself and the rest of the us?”

Draco shook Blaise's arm off him, “I know her type. She’s going to be cruel to anybody below her, just to prove she can, and I’m not going to be treated like shit. She doesn't see us as people, she sees us as students to control.” He continued walking to the hall, and Blaise scrambled to keep up “However-- she will snivel up to anyone _above_ her because that's how she’s clawed her way to the top.” _Reminds me of my father and a certain Dark Lord_ “She doesn't have money, she doesn't have a family name, she only has her own resources. I put myself in a position of power above her, and despite that conflicting with her because I’m a fifteen year old boy-” Draco paused, admiring his own abilities for a second, “She ultimately realized there was someone with power over her and her most automatic response is to submit.”

 

They made their way into the great hall, Draco’s belly grumbled, he hadn't been eating that much lately, but suddenly he had an appetite. They made his way over to the Slytherin table where Pansy immediately made space for him and shot Blaise a dirty look. Blaise was forced to sit a couple of seats down from him as there wasn’t room. Why the hell would Pansy act like that? Draco had thought she liked Blaise.

“Draco , are you okay? You've been really distant la-”  
“Not now Pansy” he interrupted her and began piling some eggs onto his plate. He didn’t want to deal with her mothering right this moment. _Speaking of mothers._ He looked up as the owls swooped in with the packages, expecting nothing from his Mother as he had already received his weekly fake check-in letter. He frowned and stabbed at a sausage. Then an owl landed on his table.

“Tawkins!” He couldn’t stop himself from yelling, but he did restrain himself from hugging the bird, knowing he might get his face scratched off if he did. Usually, it was the Mother's bird that sent the fake letter, so this might actually be a letter from her.  _Finally._ Thought Draco as he untied the letter from the bird's leg. He gave the owl a pat and some of his sausage, and sent it on it’s way then ripped the letter open.

_  
Dearest Draco,_

_My apologies for not sending a letter sooner, it has been difficult to make any communication with anyone, as your father has banned all outside contact for security reasons. I had to get up at a late hour to send this letter._

_I just wanted to let you know I am okay... your father has gotten more stressed lately but I have been managing to stay out of his way for the most part. I think you might have realised the letters he has been sending are by my hand, but not me. He sends me a letter to copy out weekly. I think he is just trying to exercise what little control he has left in his life._

_I think he is getting worse because they are planning something. I don’t know what it is. But be mindful to stay quiet and out of the way if you come home for Christmas._

_I am doing well, as we have a new housemate, Anna Zabini- I’m sure you’ve met her son, Blaise. She has bought a much needed joy to my life, and keeps me company most days._

So do not worry too much about me, focus on your studies and your friends.  


_Love, Your Mother._

 

Draco felt the weight, the constant words that whispered in his mind, and his sour mood- disappear. He sighed, smiling. _His Mother was okay._

He was well into his breakfast and was chatting happily with Crabbe and Goyle about quidditch when he spotted his father’s owl swoop in, which he could recognise due to its signature grey shine. Draco’s stomach dropped, his father had never sent him an owl before, not at Hogwarts. What was so important that his father would send his own owl? Had he discovered that Mother had sent an owl?

It dropped a letter to Blaise. What?  


_****_

As they waiting for Snape outside the potions classroom, Draco confronted Blaise, “Why did my father’s owl drop a letter to you?”

Blaise just looked at him, a confused expression on his face “My mother doesn't have an owl, he lets her use his.”

“Oh” Draco felt stupid for a second, and then angry.

Of course, Blaise's Mother could use his owl, and send actual letters to Blaise. But his mother had to get up in the middle of the night to sneak Draco letters. Draco had a strong urge to hit something, but his thoughts were interrupted by Weasley who walked by them, talking loudly to Potter and Granger. “She can’t just ban Quidditch, I mean- It’s quidditch!”

Draco felt a smirk come onto his face and seized the opportunity. This would help him let off steam. He took the permit he had gotten from Umbridge out of his pocket and signalled to Pansy, “Yeah, Umbridge gave the Slytherin Quidditch team permission to continue playing straight away, I went to ask her first thing this morning.” He said loudly. Pansy began to snigger and then grinned.

“Was it difficult Draco?” She asked him back, at a similar volume.

“Well, it was pretty much automatic, she knows my father really well, he's always popping in and out of the Ministry ... it'll be interesting to see whether Gryffindor are allowed to keep playing, won't it?” Pansy snorted.

“I mean,' said Malfoy, raising his voice a little more, “if it's a question of influence with the Ministry, I don't think they've got much chance... from what my father says, they've been looking for an excuse to sack Arthur Weasley for years” Weasely shot him a very dirty look, but Granger’s hand was holding the redhead back.

Draco continued “and as for Potter…My father says it's a matter of time before the Ministry has him carted off to St. Mungo's, apparently they've got a special ward for people whose brains have been addled by magic.”

Draco didn’t think that one would hurt Harry too much, as he had said worse things with no reaction, but was then surprised by a large figure who materialised from the crowd.

Neville Longbottom charged at him.

Draco stepped back, alarmed by the face on the boy. Weasley and Potter grabbed Longbottom and held him back while he desperately tried to get at Draco.

While Draco had been wishing that someone would hit him in the fucking face, this wasn’t who he had had in mind. He mentally rebuked himself- he should have known Longbottom would react that way. Draco knew what had happened to his parents.  


“Un-lucky,” said Crabbe, who stood beside Draco cracking his knuckles, “I would have liked to have a go at the fat one,” he said, referencing Longbottom. Goyle nodded beside him.

“Crabbe,” said Draco, “That is not the best insult, considering _you_ are fat.”

Crabbe looked at Draco and smirked. “That doesn't mean I wouldn't have enjoyed punching him in his fat little face.”

Draco sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! Please leave a comment or Kudos if you enjoyed! They help a lot! Any critique- good or bad would also help! Hope you guys like the budding romance between Blaise and Draco. it's kind of something to keep you going until we get to Harry :) - which is still a while away augh.  
> Also its important to character development so I hope you don't mind. Harry will be back. Dream Harry will def be back even sooner.   
> Hope you liked this chapter. The next one will be up sometime in the next week as I'm starting work again so I'm going to be a bit busier.  
> Much Love!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Just letting you know that as requested I've created an Instagram account to let you all know when I'm uploading! Follow me at annarelise01 (yes my profile pic is Kermit the doggo (not the froggo) and i'll answer any questions you have plus post to my story whenever I know the time of my upload :)))   
> Plus it lets me see my audience and what yall want. Would love to talk to you guys!  
> Oh I also have a tumblr but I dont plan to upload anything to that as im kinda mad at the website anddd its not as easy to get the word out about uploads, but if you dont have insta and want to ask me a question, feel free to follow me at satan-incarnated  
> Much Love!

They all made their way into the potions classroom, pushing and shoving, and soon enough were all seated in the classroom. Snape had a sour look on his face. “You will notice,” he said in his low, sneering voice, “that we have a guest with us today.”

Umbridge had apparently already been in the room waiting for them, and was sitting in the back corner, her pink fluffy outfit looking very out of place in the dark and gloomy room.

 

“We are continuing with our Strengthening Solution today. You will find your mixtures as you left them last lesson; if correctly made they should have matured well over the weekend. Instructions” he waved his wand “are on the board. Carry on.”

 

Draco was well into completing his potion when Umbridge, who had been sitting quietly in the back of his room for half an hour, stalked up to Snape.

 

“Well, the class seem fairly advanced for their level,” she said sharply to Snape's back. “Though I would question whether it is advisable to teach them a potion like the Strengthening Solution. I think the Ministry would prefer it if that was removed from the syllabus.”

Draco rolled his eyes. It was necessary to be able to be able to brew complex potions for their classes, as they would be tested in both OWL’s and NEWT’s. The more complicated the potion the more powerful it tended to be. 

 

“Now . . . how long have you been teaching at Hogwarts?” Umbridge asked, looking very small and fat besides the tall potions master.

“Fourteen years,” Snape replied to her question. His face blank and uninterested. 

“You applied first for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post, I believe?”  _ Oh no. _ Snape hated being reminded of this. 

“Yes,” Snape’s voice had gone quiet. 

“But you were unsuccessful?” Snape's lip curled.

“Obviously.”

Umbridge wrote something on her clipboard.

“And you have applied regularly for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post since you first joined the school, I believe?”  _ This bitch is crossing the line. _

“Yes,” said Snape curtly, barely moving his lips. He was furious.

“Do you have any idea why Dumbledore has consistently refused to appoint you?” asked Umbridge.

“I suggest you ask him,”Snape's tone was dismissive, he was done with the conversation.

“Oh, I shall,” said Professor Umbridge, with a disgusting smile.

“I suppose this is relevant?” Snape asked, his black eyes narrowed.

“Oh yes,” said Professor Umbridge, “yes, the Ministry wants a thorough understanding of teachers….backgrounds.”

She came towards Draco’s table and began to ask Pansy questions. Draco was furious, she was out of line. 

“So in your opinion, he is the best-”

“He  _ is _ the best teacher here” Draco interrupted Umbridge, glaring at her. She looked taken aback. 

Draco looked down at his scales, making sure to add the right amount of powdered Griffith claw. He didn’t want her idiocy to cause him to fuck up the potion. He didn’t look up as he quietly spoke “He is off limits. He and my father both have.... similar interests within the school. You would be wise not to interfere.” Draco didn't bother to keep the threat out of his voice. 

At Umbridge's scoff, he looked up. 

“ _ Don’t. _ Trust me. Do what you want with the other teachers, but Snape… you don’t touch him.” He stood up, using his height to further intimidate her, then walked off to get some ingredients from the cupboard.

Upon returning Umbridge was gone from the room. He frowned, hoping he hadn’t overreacted. Pansy was looking at him with wide eyes. 

 

****

 

Quidditch practice that afternoon was filled with congratulations for Draco for approving the team so quickly, but Draco didn't care for them. He was in a sour mood. He got on his broom as quickly as possible, chasing after the snitch as if his life depended on it. The team practiced hard, knowing that if the Gryffindor team got approved they would be versing them in less than four weeks. 

 

By the time Draco had packed away showered there was an hour and a half before dinner. As the team walked back, shoving each other and joking around, Draco found himself lagging behind, thinking. Always thinking. Thoughts of Umbridge, his mother, his father and the Dark Lord swirled around his head, never stopping for a break.

 

“You alright?” The dark tones of Blaise’s voice brought him out of it. 

Draco looked up, hoping he didn’t look too bad and tried to attempt a smile.  

“Yeah I’m good” He shrugged “Just caught up in thoughts is all…” 

Blaise nodded “Wanna talk about it? Any plans until dinner?”

Draco shook his head, his cheeks heating

“Do you wanna hang out then...play exploding snap or chess or something?” 

Draco considered, then an idea popped into his head. “I uh- never made do on that promise I would show you round did I?... How about we-”

Blaise's face dropped causing Draco’s stomach to do the same. He immediately stopped talking. Blaise looked down, obviously embarrassed too. “Ah- sorry man… It’s been a couple of weeks and I didn’t want to push you into hanging out with me… I already got showed around by a senior. But I’m up for a wander around if you-”

Draco felt his face heat to an uncomfortable level, and he immediately began to stammer “No! No- it’s fine really, I should have expected that, stupid for me to not have taken you up on it in the first place-” He clamped his lips together, stopping the rush of words, then looked up to the sky and sighed “Chess it is”

Blaise chuckled and then patted his back. “It’s fine bud, really.”

Draco nodded, frustrated at his stupidity. Soon enough they were back in the common room playing chess and he forgot all about it.

Mostly. 

 

****

 

The next day Draco found himself using his lunch period to meet with Umbridge and the other members of the new Inquisitorial squad for a ‘luncheon and some tea.’ Draco inwardly groaned as he sipped his barely above bath water tea- this was the last place he wanted to be.

He had gathered Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy, while Blaise had gotten Millicent Bulstrode and the new Quidditch teach captain Graham Montague to help them. Theo had not wanted to come, claiming he ‘didn’t have time for the Toad.’ Upon reflection, Draco saw this as a very wise choice.   
  


“Well everyone,” Umbridge’s sharp tones pierced Draco’s ears. “I’d like to thank you for coming here this afternoon. I’m sure Draco and Blaise have explained the purpose of this m-”

Umbridge paused as a knock sounded at the door. 

“Come in” Her disgustingly singsong voice called out, revealing the last person Blaise had invited without mentioning it to Draco. 

 

Cassius Warrington walked through the door. 

“Sorry I’m late” he saw Draco and started. 

 

Meanwhile, Draco was panicking.  _ No.  _ He couldn't have memories of Cassius for his father to find.  _ Shit shit shit.  _ He sat down and grabbed the copy of witches weekly which was on the table next to the armchair. He his face behind the magazine, not looking at Cassius at all. Usually if Cassius was in the common room he would either not be in the room, or make sure his back was to him at all times. 

“Into the drama Pansy was on about are we?” Draco looked up to find Blaise who had sat down on the arm of the chair.

“Why the  _ fuck  _ is  _ he _ here?” He whispered as Umbridge resumed welcoming everyone. 

“Who?” Blaise sounded amused.

“Warrington!” 

Blaise paused, then frowned, confused. “Oh- you mean Cassius?” Draco nodded sharply the stuck his face back in the magazine.

“Well he’s been talking to me and showing me around the school and stuff when you were busy... he’s really nice.”

Draco knew Cassius was nice, probably the nicest Slytherin on the planet, “He can’t be here!” Draco whisper yelled, feeling his face heat. At Blaise's confused look he explained, “He’s my Ex.” 

Blaise's eyes widened. “Shit- I- I didn’t know… he offered to come to the meeting after I told him I was scared at the prospect of it.” 

Draco scoffed. “Of course he did…”  _ Who the hell was a nice Slytherin? _ “Okay, well, you can help keep him away from me then!” he hissed as Pansy wandered over. 

“Are you okay Draco?” She gave Draco a concerned look and stroked his arm before glaring at Blaise “I can’t believe you invited him.”

“I didn’t know!” Whispered Blaise, glaring back. Pansy sat on the other side of Draco, with her hand on his shoulder- which provided no help to the tightness in his chest and his inability to breathe properly.

Umbridge began making a speech about their importance to the school and the roles they would play in her ‘redefining’ of the school. Draco tuned out, thinking about Cassius and his father, sweating, panicking- only to brought back into reality when he heard the name “Harry Potter”

“What?” He asked Pansy quietly. 

“Apparently Potters started a secret club teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts,” whispered Pansy.

Draco grunted-  _ Of course he had- Bloody hero complex.  _

Admittedly- it made sense, considering Umbridge was the worst teach they had ever had- and that included the idiot Lockhart. He didn’t blame Potter for starting a club… he realised he actually wished he could join.  _ Don’t be idiotic _ he scolded himself. 

He also realised this explained Umbridge's little decree which had banned clubs and quidditch. It had been created to stop Potter’s club- but knowing Potter and his friends, the decree wouldn’t stop them. 

“It will be our highest priority to make sure this little  _ club  _ does not re-form or re-meet ever again.” Umbridge continued “I want any suspicious activities to be reported directly to me.” 

Draco snorted quietly. Their  _ highest priority.  _ Merlin- she was scared of him.

She gave them further instructions and then released them for patrol. 

Draco began to walk out of the classroom, wanting to do anything but patrol- only to be stopped by Pansy, who grabbed him and placed her arm around his. “Come on, Umbridge said we have to patrol the halls in pairs” then a little louder, “You’re mine”    
As Pansy dragged him from the room, Draco saw Blaise’s expression, which was a little panicked.

 

They began to walk around the school, and after they had gotten far enough from the other members, Pansy sighed and then muttered “Finally got you alone,” 

Draco raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Well- all you ever do is hang with that Zabini now!” She had a frown on her face.

Draco gave her a frown of his own. “It’s Blaise, and yes, he’s a friend to  _ both _ of us.”

“Oh, I think he’s  _ more _ than a friend to you!” Pansy sounded incredibly vicious.

Draco stopped and wrenched his arm away from her.

“Would you have a problem with that!?” He returned angrily- affronted that Pansy, who had been his only true ally the previous year would imply such a thing in such a way.

“No!” She turned away “Well…” She clenched her fists and then whirled back around to face him, face furious.”Well yes! If he takes my best friend away from me!” He didn’t realise how upset Pansy was until he looked at her face again, which was close to crying.

“Shit Pansy” He gathered her into a hug, stroking her hair as she grasped his back and buried her face in his robes. 

It was true, he admitted to himself. He had indeed been spending a lot more time with Blaise than Pansy.

“You got so distant in the holidays, it- it was like I was never talking to _ you _ …You were just some shell. Did- did something happen?” her speech was muffled in his chest, “I was so worried about you.”  She looked up at him, eyes red and full of concern. “And then finally school came back and I thought I’d be able to figure out what was wrong but you just started hanging with Blaise and I could never get you alone!” She huffed “What happened Draco?” 

Draco pulled her to a bench and sat her down. He pulled a handkerchief from his bag and handed it to her. 

“Nothing happened Pansy” he lied, “It was just difficult being home with Father. That’s all” She nodded and dabbed her eyes. 

“You didn’t seem okay after the Dark Lord went into your mind though” she sniffed and recovered to her former self. 

Draco had forgotten she had seen that. And had forgotten he had nearly strangled her after she began spurting blood purist bullshit.

“I’m fine now, it was just shock that was all” he assured her, and hugged her again, she relaxed in his arms. They sat there a little while longer before she sat up. “You need to talk to Theo more too. He’s not doing so well without you.” She picked some fluff from his cloak.

 

“Yes, you’re right. I will.” He smiled at her, then got up and held out a hand, “Come on, let’s patrol this stupid school” She took it, smiling abashedly. 

 

They walked around, enjoying watching and laughing at the first years as the attempted basic spells and failed. At one point Pansy took Draco’s hand and he allowed her to hold it, understanding that she needed the connection to feel close to him again. 

 

“Draco!” A voice called from behind them and was accompanied by thumping footsteps. Draco whipped around to find Cassius Warrington hurrying towards him, followed closely by Blaise. They came to a stop and Draco untangled his hand from Pansy’s, not missing Blaise's look of contempt at their contact. As he had done anytime he had ever seen Cassius around the school, he turned away, fearful of what would happen if his father invaded his mind again. 

 

“Draco, we need to talk.” Cassius’s voice was pleading. Draco knew that his voice would turn up in Draco’s memories.  _ Shit shit shit.  _

He turned back to Cassius, determined to put an end to it quickly.

“Sorry but I can’t- I never really liked you. I was only doing a bit of exploring…” Cassius paled. Draco felt guilt mixing with the panic. So he turned and walked away. But before he went, he muttered cruel words- “Piss off- C’mon Pansy.” -and held back his need to flinch at Cassius’ betrayed expression.  _ Chin up Draco. _

Pansy didn’t say a word as she followed him- she knew not to. 

 

****

 

The memory of Cassius’s expression still pained Draco as he walked up the owl tower that afternoon. His father would want a report on Umbridge and her little squad, and he needed to reply to his mother’s secret letter. He had placed a charm on his reply which meant the writing on it would change once it was in her hands to reveal his real reply.

 

He stomped up to the tower, trying to dispel the cold in his feet, only to encounter Blaise standing in the center of the room, looking up at the owls and looking a little lost. 

“Hey,” Draco said, smiling at the boy. 

Blaise looked down and jumped “Shit! You scared me.” Blaise held a hand to his chest, then grinned back at him, still looking a little rattled by it. 

“What’s up?” Draco said, gesturing to where Blaise had been looking. 

“Oh nothi- Was that a pun?” Blaise said with a playful scowl.

“Not my best, I’ll admit.”

“Ew gross…” Blaise looked up “Um- just checking this place out, haven’t been here before…”

“And delivering a letter?” Draco hadn’t missed the envelope clutched tightly in Blaise’s hand. 

“Yeah” Blaise looked down at the letter “Where’s your dad’s owl? I want to send a reply to my Mom.”     
Draco nodded “You might not have much luck… My fathers owl probably returned to him, it’s not the type to wait around...And my home isn’t far from here so it wouldn't have needed too much of a rest.” Draco squinted and looked for Tawkins, upon finding his he held out his arm and watched as the owl came swooping down “You can double up with my owl, I’m sending an owl to my mother too.”

Blaise frowned, “No. I- I need to send this to your father… mom said all the letters had to go to him first…” Draco nodded- that made sense. Father must be screening  _ all  _ the letters, not just his Mother’s.  _ What a fucking control freak. _

He gestured for Blaise to give him the letter. “I’m sending a different letter to my father too, so we can still double up.” Blaise gave him the letter, titled in neat lettering ‘ _ Lucius Malfoy, the Malfoy Manor.’  _ Draco frowned and found a quill in his bag, and scratched ‘ _ the Malfoy Manor’  _ out and replaced it with ‘ _ The Ministry of Magic’  _

“He’ll get it faster this way- he always attends meetings at the Ministry on Wednesdays,” Draco explained and attached the two letters to the for-hire owls that resided in the owlery. The owl looked at him expectantly, waiting for payment. He added a knut to the collection bin, causing the bird to hoot at him and take flight. 

He and Blaise walked outside, looking at the incredible view of the Scottish highlands that stretched out before them.

“I’m sorry for blowing up at you this afternoon... About Cassius, you- you didn’t know.”    
Blaise was quiet, “...And how about apologising to Cassius? For how you treated him?” 

Draco winced “I can’t-” upon seeing Blaise’s frown he continued to splutter, “I can’t explain either...but- I didn’t want to. Trust me. It hurt me just as much to say that to him.”

Blaise laughed coldly. “No actually, I don’t think it did.” Blaise stepped away, from Draco and began making his way down the stairs. The playful tone was gone from his voice “He was really fucking hurt.” 

Draco let Blaise walk away, unable to explain. Unable to excuse himself. 

He looked to the view set before him, and sighed. 

 

****

 

The next four weeks were filled with the Gryffindors and Slytherins clashing in classes and in the corridors as a result of the upcoming game. While Draco didn’t take part in most of it, he did have fun taunting Weasley. He hadn’t forgotten the way the redhead had treated Potter the previous year and still thought little of him... his friends would never treat him the way the Weasel had treated Potter. Pansy had suggested they write a taunt to say to Weasley in the corridors to psych him out, as he noticeably didn’t do well under pressure. 

 

Thus began the writing of “Weasley is our King” which Draco, having some sense of musical form, rhythm, and rhyming- wrote the majority of lyrics to. 

 

On the day of the match, Pansy handed around badges in the shape of little silver crowns, “I transfigured the badges from last year” she explained, a proud look on her face. Draco looked at the badges which had ‘Weasley is our King’ neatly etched onto them. 

Draco grinned, despite the nerves that were making him feel sick. Time to win.

_ Against Potter? Think again.  _ Draco growled and pushed the thoughts away- this time they had the badges and song on their side.

 

**** 

 

“THAT'S WHY SLYTHERINS ALL SING

WEASLEY IS OUR KING.”

 

Draco laughed as he sped fruitlessly around the pitch, searching for the snitch. Slytherin were up 40-0 to Gryffindor. Draco lyrics were indeed working on Weasley- who was missing every shot.

 

Just as he was grinning at the talentless nature of Weasley-- Johnson, the Gryffindor captain, scored, wiping the grin off Draco’s face and making the other house’s cheering temporarily drown out the Slytherin’s singing. Draco kept an eye on Potter as he raked his eyes across the sky, searching for the telltale golden glint of the snitch. The Slytherins once again rose in volume. 

 

'WEASLEY WAS BORN IN A BIN

 

HE ALWAYS LETS THE QUAFFLE IN

 

WEASLEY WILL MAKE SURE WE WIN ...

 

Potter sped off towards something, his face frowning in concentration. Draco panicked and found the snitch Potter was hurtling towards. 

He urged his broom, making it go as fast as possible, beeling for Potter, who kept having to swerve in his pursuit of the snitch. He caught up and suddenly they were flying side by side- Draco’s heart pumping faster than the snitches wings. 

Sensing them both, the Snitch skirted the foot of one of the goal hoops and flew towards the other side of the stands.    
It happened so quickly. 

One second Draco was reeling his broom around, and the next they were both reaching for the snitch. Draco noticed Harry’s hand, which was uncovered and displaying the red letters that read “ _ I must not tell lies _ ” Draco could see it was pussy and infected, yet the scars still looked fresh.  _ Very  _ fresh.  _ Umbridge hadn’t stopped. _

Draco’s shock at that fresh scars sealed Slytherin’s fate as Potter seized his opportunity. His hand wrapped around the snitch, and Draco, upon realising, panicked and scrambled at the back of Harry’s hand. A jolt of electricity went through him at the contact. He pulled back, knowing they had lost.

 

Luckily, he had pulled back just in time as a bludger, hit by Crabbe, hurtled past him and hit Harry clean off his broom. Almost in slow motion, Draco watched as Potter crumpled sideways upon impact,  hit the ground, and rolled, absorbing the impact. Draco felt his heart stop in concern.

Two of Potter’s teammates rushed over and he was helped off the ground, and Draco was comforted to see Potter smiling... His stomach, and awareness of the world came back to him. 

Draco looked around, the sound of the crowds cheering slowly filtering into his ears. Crabbe had gotten a penalty and Madame hooch was still yelling at him. Montague was yelling at Draco, but he tuned him out as he returned to watching Potter.

He looked ecstatic. 

Draco felt himself growl, and he threw his broom to the ground in a rage.

Weasley whizzed past and Draco heard the words that were spat at him- “suck shit Malfoy” Draco felt the anger rise to a crescendo “Fuck off King Weasel!” Potter, having heard, turned round to look at him. 

Madame Hooch was distracted, and Potter stalked over to confront him.  _ Shit.  _ But Draco didn’t even have to summon the brat, he was just so  _ angry! _

 

“Saved Weasley's neck, haven't you?' he spat at Harry. 'I've never seen a worse Keeper... but then he was born in a bin…” He put a cruel smile on his face “Did you like my lyrics, Potter?”

 

Harry, surprisingly, didn't answer. He just paused, closed his eyes and sighed, then amazingly- turned away. He met the rest of his team who were now landing one by one, yelling and punching the air in triumph. Draco felt the fight immediately leave him. Harry had so many people that loved him. They all gathered around him hugging and laughing. 

And Draco? He stood alone. 

He was sick of his life, everything he had to hide and pretend. He was sick of  _ everything. _ His mother being trapped, the Dark Lord and his fear of Him. His ill treatment of Pansy, the whole Blaise situation. Being trapped in his own fucking head. Losing to Perfect, popular Potter!  _ As per usual. _ The anger had come back in full force. But this time, it was at himself. And it was so hot it almost burnt through his skin. He  _ needed _ to hit something- then a small part of his brain whispered…  _ or be hit. You deserve it. _

 

Fueled, Draco pulled back at his bratty side, hauling it back  “We wanted to write another couple of verses!” he called “But we couldn't find rhymes for fat and ugly… we wanted to sing about his mother, see-”  _ Hit me.  _ **_Hurt_ ** _ me.  _ “We couldn't fit in useless loser either...for his father, you know-' He had attracted the Weasley twins attention.  _ Yes, c’mon you bastards, come at me! _

 

“Leave it!” said Johnson, taking one of them by the arm. “Leave it, Fred, let him yell, he's just sore he lost, the jumped-up little-”

“But you like the Weasleys, don't you, Potter?' Draco interrupted, giving his best sneer.  _ Come on, one of you must want to play. _ “Spend holidays there and everything, don't you? Can't see how you stand the stink, but I suppose when you've been dragged up by Muggles, even the Weasleys' hovel smells okay”

 

Potter grabbed hold of the other twin, both of who were now straining to get at him. Malfoy laughed uncontrolled, hating himself so  _ fucking _ much. He summoned the words that would surely cause Potter to lose it

“Or perhaps,” said Draco, leering as he backed away, “you can remember what your mother's house stank like, Potter, and Weasley's pigsty reminds you of it”

Harry’s face changed, Draco smiled, beckoning them on. Harry and the twin he had been holding began to sprint at Draco, and time slowed down. They tackled him and Draco felt the wind get knocked out of him as Harry punched him in the gut. Draco would have laughed if he had the air. Instead, he choked and grinned. 

Harry hit him again and again and  _ again _ , and Draco lost his head in the pain. This felt right. After all the shit he had ever said to Potter, now- pain instead.   
  


Harry was blasted off him as he was hit with an impediment curse from Hooch, and Draco curled into a ball, happy to escape from the world for a while. He wasn’t sure if he was crying because of the pain in his head or body.   
  


He was taken to the hospital ward where he was given pain medication that made him so… tired...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to follow me at annarelise01 so i can let you know when im uploading as my schedule is nonexistent. love love love  
> Also am I droning on a bit with the story? My biggest problem when I first started writing was everything would go wayyyy to fast, so i put in filler stuff to build the relationships and make it feel more real. But now Im worries Im getting clogged down in it :l   
> Let me know in the comments or the socials I listed! :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Its been so long, next chapter will take way less time!  
> To make up for it I put up an extra long one :)

 

_“Draco”_

_Draco didn’t open his eyes, he couldn’t bear to see Harry at the moment._

_“No, you don’t get to ignore me, not after that.”_

_Draco opened his eyes and found they were back at Goblin’s lookout. This time there was no wind, and without its whistling, the view before him seemed odd- the imitation didn’t quite fool his brain._

_It took him a couple of moments to calm himself. He couldn't look Harry in the eye._

_“Look at me”_ _  
_ _Draco shook his head, feeling like he was four._

_“Draco”_

_He looked up to see the green eyes of Harry looking at him in concern._

_“Why did you need me to hit you?” Draco closed his eyes, unable to face the question. He needed to wake himself up._

_“Draco it’s not okay, you need to find help... you should talk to Dumbledore.”_

_Something in him snapped awake. Anger._

_“What good would that do?” Draco laughed “What the_ **_fuck_  ** _do you think the Voldemort would do if he found Dumbledore in my head?! His greatest enemy?” Draco had already had all these thoughts._ **_Hundreds of fucking times._  ** _“He’ll hurt- maybe even kill Mother if I leave. Either way, I am trapped.”_

_“You’re fear of Voldemort only makes him more powerful! Talk to Dumbledore.”_

_“No! Just leave me alone! I’ll deal with it-”_

_“No, you won’t, and you haven't been. You’re still turning to pain! It’s not oka-”_

_Suddenly, the absent wind picked up. But this time- it didn’t just whip through Draco’s hair. It began batting him around._

_“What’s happening?!” He yelled to Harry who shrugged, and yelled something back at him- but Draco couldn’t hear him, his voice was obscured by the howling of the wind._

_“I can’t hear-”_

_“_ **_You called me…You said my name...”_ ** _Draco and Harry looked at each other in horror as none other than Voldemort's voice invaded his head, echoing, yet getting louder with each word. Draco whirled around trying to see if the Dark Lord was present like his Father usually was. He wasn’t._

**_“Where are you boy?”_ **

_Draco realised that he had not done the meditations in the hospital bed. His mind had not been protected when he had spoken the Dark Lords name. Voldemort had heard Draco say his name. How?_

_It didn’t matter, he tore himself away from the fear and forced himself to think reasonably. He looked back to the messy haired boy, standing frozen in shock beside him. Harry Fucking Potter was in his dream. And Voldemort was too._

_Draco needed to leave this dream. Now._

_He looked around and saw the edge of the lookout. It would be a long drop down._

**_Fuck it._ **

_He swung himself over the barrier- feeling Voldemort's presence growing stronger. Fear of The Dark Lord made him ignore every instinct as he threw himself off the cliff._

_For barely a second, as he arched outwards, unreachable to even the steady hands of gravity... he felt the fear retreat to leave a quiet peacefulness. Nothing could touch him. Then, the steady, yet firm hands grasped him and they pulled. He screamed as the ground began rushing towards him._

_“_ **_Ah- there you are”_ **

_Draco hit the ground._

 

His eyes opened, and the scream that had come out of his mouth was choked off as he realised he was safe. His heart thundered in his chest, and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe- but he was alive.

Madame Pomfrey rushed in, but he sent her away, claiming truthfully that he had suffered from a nightmare.

 _How the fuck did Voldemort get into my head? How the_ **_fuck_  ** _had he used legilimency from so far away when he didn't have a blood connection to Voldemort?_

He looked at the clock which hung above the door to Pomfrey's office. ‘3.27’ He looked to the windows, noting it was dark. So it wasn’t 3.27 in the afternoon.

 _Great._ He felt well and truly awake. He had gone to sleep at some time around 1 pm the previous day. In fact, he marvelled at how long he had slept, usually these days it was something close to 3 or 4 hours.

Draco pulled himself from his bed, groggy, yet knowing exactly what he had to do. He groaned as he looked down at his left arm, which was in a sling- It was going to make getting changed difficult.

He shrugged, deciding it wasn’t worth it, then reached for his wand and flicked it, settling into his cloak as it wrapped itself around him. One more flick and his slippers were on his feet, and he was ready. He snuck out of the hospital wing, flinching at every creak and noise he made.

Eventually, he made it out to the corridors and began the long walk across the school towards the Slytherin dungeons. Pulling his cloak tightly against him, trying to keep the cold at bay, he slipped into the first of the many secret passages he had been taught by the older years, getting lost in the memories of all the use he had gained from them, and soon enough he arrived at the large wooden door that led to the Potions classroom.

He pushed it open, knowing he was triggering the wards that would wake Snape up.

He shuffled over and sat at one of the desks, then noxxed his wand, it's light too bright now that he didn’t need it.

Snape came through his office door, looking very dishevelled and in all black pyjamas with a black robe and black slippers.

Draco wasn't surprised in the slightest by his attire.

“Draco? What on earth are-” 

  
“He got into my dreams”

Snape stopped speaking, and a very concerned look came onto his face. After a period of silence, he spoke.“I assume we are talking about the Dark Lord?”

Draco nodded once and heard a muttered curse come from Snape.

“Did you call him?”

“Someone in my dream did.”  
  
“Was it a lucid dream?”

Draco nodded once again.

“Did you do the meditations?”

Draco shook his head “Pomfrey gave me medicine for the pain… it knocked me out before I could.”

Snape made a  _hmph_ sound, and then put a hand to his forehead and began musing to himself, “It’s  _possible…_ well, it’s the only explanation... He might have gone through your father’s connection...They would have had to have been already in communication before you called him. Which is likely enough... It’s a very stable way to communicate.” Snape frowned then turned to Draco.

“When creating the Dark Mark, The Dark Lord creates a fake, magical- kind of... blood connection, which means he can communicate to his followers-  _if_ they leave their minds open to legilimency and call him. It's how we communicate with his so effectively over large distances." Draco nodded- he knew what happened when Death Eaters touched their Dark Marks.   
"The Dark Lord knew it was possible to communicate over distance because of Dream Legilimency, so he structured the spell around it... It's also a very failsafe method- as no one can listen in on the conversation unless they have a blood connection to the deatheater in question, and happen to be sleeping at the time of communication."  
  
Draco nodded "So I left my mind vulnerable and called him when we already had a connection due to my father."

“Yes. He probably didn’t realise the connection was there until you said his name, which already has strong magic attached to it.”

Draco nodded. It made sense. But it didn’t make him feel any better.  
...When he had heard the Dark Lord’s voice in his head...  _Hunting_ for him… Draco shivered at the memory.  
  
“Are you okay Draco?” Startled, Draco looked up. He had momentarily forgotten Snape was there.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Snape nodded curtly. “If you ever need to talk-”  
  
“I know, I know- you’ll be there with open arms.”  
  
Snape only gave him his signature raised eyebrow before gesturing towards the door, “Come, I will escort you to your dormitory.”

“No, I have to get back to the hospital wing, I don’t really want to face Pomfrey if she finds me gone in the morning.” 

Snape nodded, “Very well, I shall escort you there.”

They walked back in complete silence, each caught up in his own thoughts and fears.

Finally, at the hospital wards doors, Snape spoke. “Draco, you must never forget to do the meditations,  _never again._ Do you understand me?”

Draco just stared blankly at Snape. “I have never been so frightened in my life. I learnt my fucking lesson.”

The Professors lip curled at Draco’s cursing, but he made no move to reprimand Draco. He nodded, then flicked his wand at the door, opening it.

“Goodnight Draco.”

 

****

 

At breakfast the next day, after insisting upon his release by a rather reluctant Pomfrey, he received a damning letter from his father.

 

“  _Do not send letters to your Mother, they are to come through me. If I ever find out about a letter from you again, there shall be consequences._

_I am pleased with your progress with Umbridge._

_-L.M.”_

 

As usual, Draco’s stomach immediately began twisting up upon himself. His Mother had gotten up late to send the owl. He had been stupid not to do the same. His father probably had someone watching the house for owls... he should have seen it coming.  _Idiot._    
  
Beside him, Pansy cackled. “ _Banned?_ You’re kidding! Draco, did you hear that?” Draco turned to her, still feeling sick from the news he had received from his father. What would Father do to his Mother?

“Sorry, what?” he asked Pansy, struggling to care about what she was saying.

“Potter and the Weasley twins! They got a lifetime ban from playing quidditch! Serves them right after what they did to you!”

Draco felt the already sick feeling in his stomach sink into absolute nausea. He had thought that at worst Potter might get a few  _weeks_ detention, maybe banned from a game. Not a  _lifetime_ ban!

“Umbridge even took away his broom!” Pansy beamed at him, clearly thinking Christmas had come early. Draco attempted a smile back, then pushed his food away, not able to maintain the pretence of eating anymore.   


****  


He felt even worse when on Monday Harry gave him a vile look as they walked towards Care of Magical Creatures. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if someone banned him from the sport, he knew Harry must get a similar amount of joy as Draco from flying.

He was so caught up in the guilt and worry for his mother, he almost missed the oaf Hagrid saying they were going to be going into the forest for the day's lesson to study a creature that “preferred the dark”

“What prefers the dark?” Draco said sharply to Crabbe and Goyle- the last time he had been in the forest it had not been a fun time. “What did he say prefers the dark, did you hear?”

He didn’t miss Potter’s smirking face when Draco expressed his fear. He frowned.

“I don’t know,” said Crabbe, and Goyle just shrugged. Draco groaned, exasperated.

“Ready?” said the oaf, looking around at the class, his beady looking eyes looking more excited than Draco had seen them in a while. “Right, well, I've bin savin' a trip inter the Forest fer yer fifth year. Thought we'd go an' see these creatures in their natural habitat. Now, what we're studyin' today is pretty rare, I reckon I'm probably the on'y person in Britain who's managed ter train 'em.”

 _So-_ they were difficult to train. Draco felt fear lash through him. The last creature that had been  _difficult to train_ had nearly scratched his arm off.

“And you're sure they're trained, are you?” Draco trusted the half-giant about as far as he could throw him. “Only it wouldn't be the first time you'd brought wild stuff to class, would it?”

Hagrid frowned, some of his excitement visibly leaving him, then upon deciding to ignore Draco, he promptly turned and led them into the forest, collecting a dead cow carcass on the way. Draco struggled not to retch as the half-giant swung the dead animal onto his shoulders and it made a disgusting thunk and slapping sound. They made their way further into the forest and Draco had to make an effort not to turn around and run in the other direction. He couldn’t embarrass himself like that.

After a terrifying walk through the forest- every slight noise from around the students making Drco flinch slightly, they arrived at a dark clearing and Hagrid dumped the cow carces on the ground. After a second or two the oaf raised his massive hands up to his mouth began to call out in a high pitched wailing noise. Draco could feel the panic building up. He looked into the trees, straining his eyes to try and get a glimpse of the creature Hagrid was calling.

Nothing came.

Hagrid called again, to no avail. “Eugh” said Blaise who was looking at the dead cow.

“Yeah I know, it’s disgusting” agreed Draco.

“I thought you couldn't see them?” Blaise was looking at him oddly.

“Wha-”

“Oh, an' here comes another one!” Draco was interrupted by Hagrid, who was now pointing to the trees, beaming. Draco felt his stomach come towards his mouth, the panic rising before... Nothing emerged.

Hagrid turned around, looking pleased with himself. “Now... put yer hands up, who can see 'em?” he looked around as Potter and Longbottom stuck their hands up. Blaise cautiously raised his too. “Yeah ... yeah, I knew you'd be able ter, Harry,” Hagrid looked sincere 'An' you too, Neville, eh? An...” Hagrid trailed off, obviously not knowing Blaise’s name. Theo slowly raised his hand, an uncomfortable expression on his face.

“Excuse me,” Draco interrupted, annoyed at the whole experience. “but what exactly are we supposed to be seeing?”

In answer, the oaf just pointed to the cow. Draco looked at the cow again, despite how gross it was, and held back a need to sprint in the other direction as he noticed a strip of flesh that seemingly tore itself off the carcass.

Draco along with the rest of the class gasped, someone near that back made a retching sound.

“What's doing it?” One of the Patil twins asked, obviously terrified. “What's eating it?!”

“Thestrals,” said Hagrid and Draco’s mind was taken back to the night when they had gotten off the Hogwarts express. Theo had mentioned the beasts.

Draco inwardly cursed as he remembered he had forgotten to look up the animal. He had forgotten to show Blaise around too. Perhaps he needed to invest in a remembrall.

“But they’re really, really unlucky!” One of the panic-stricken Patils bought him from his thoughts, “They’re supposed to bring all sorts of horrible misfortune on people who see them. Professor Trelawney told me once-”

“No, no, no,” Hagrid waved a dismissive hand, whilst a low grumble that Draco assumed was a laugh came from the half giant “tha’s jus’ superstition, that is, they aren’ unlucky, they’re dead clever, an’ useful! ’Course, this lot don’ get a lot o’ work, it’s mainly jus’ pullin’ the school carriages unless Dumbledore’s takin’ a long journey an’ don’ want ter Apparate — an’ here’s another couple, look —”

Draco looked around for any signs of the invisible horses, when the Patil twin screamed “I think I felt something, I think it’s near me!”

“Don’ worry, it won’ hurt yeh.” The oaf had a toothy grin sticking out of his bushy bead. But Draco could see nothing to smile at. He shuddered.

“Righ’, now, who can tell me why some o’ you can see them an’ some can’t?”

Granger raised her hand. “The only people who can see thestrals,” she said, “are people who have seen death.”   


Draco paused, processing the statement. Then glanced at Theo and Blaise who were currently standing besides one another, looking solom.  _They had both seen someone die?_ Who had they seen die? Draco took a moment and guessed Theo might have seen his mother die, but Blaise? He began to see them both in a new light.

“Heh Hem”

Draco snapped out of his thoughts and suppressed a groan, Umbridge was the last person he wanted to see at that moment.

 

****

 

After Umbridge had sufficiently embarrassed and flustered Hagrid, they began the walk back towards the castle, and Draco couldn’t help himself “Who have you seen die?” Blaise looked at him coldly, while Theo gave him a side glance. Draco regretted asking the question immediately.

“Don’t go there Draco,” Blaise shook his head and began walking away, his legs powering him up the hill. Draco would have followed him but had to get to Ancient Runes. He sighed, knowing Blaise would never open up to him, as he could never open up to Blaise.

 

_****_

 

 _The weeks pass, Draco once again avoiding Harry after the quidditch incident._ _  
_ _It brings him shame to think about it. He worries about everything, but most of all his Mother and confusing relationship with Blaise. He spends hours every night editing the memory of the dream in which Voldemort had entered his mind, frightened that The Dark Lord might wish to know why he had been called, and enter his mind. The days blur together, but eventually, the Christmas holidays come and Draco goes home to a cruel father and a cruel environment. Because his mother is there too, Blaise also comes to live at the Manor, making things a little more tolerable._

_To add to it all, Draco hears of Arthur Weasley's ‘accident’ and begins to regret his treatment of Ron Weasley that year._

 

****

 

“Draco, wake up” Blaise came into focus as Draco attempted to wake up, cursing the occlumency headache. He had still been practising defending his mind, despite the apparent futility of it. Voldemort would always be more powerful than him.

“Fuck off Blaise” He turned over trying to escape the headache. A second later bright sunlight blinded him and sent a searing pain through his head.

“Augh!” He cried out and buried his head under a pillow.

“Na-uh” said Blaise who whipped the covers off him. “We... are going for a run.” Draco groaned, hating Blaise with a burning passion. “Nice ass by the way.” Blaise chuckled as Draco yelped and jumped out of bed, clad only in underwear. He covered his junk with his hand.

“Fuck off!”

“Get dressed,” said Blaise, smirking and throwing some shorts at his face.

Draco quickly went to the toilet to piss and take his potion for the headache. Not even ten minutes later and they were running along the garden path, which had an anti-slipping charm on it to counter the snow and ice which covered it.

 

Draco had found he always felt worse if he didn’t start his day with a run. While all the days in Malfoy Manor were terrible, the worst ones were spent cooped up in his room, when the weather was too bad to run. Unfortunately, Draco often forgot how good running was for him, as waking up early wasn’t exactly his strong suit. So, to counter this, Blaise had stopped waiting for him and had started coming in before he was awake to force him to go running. Something which Draco both loved and hated him for.

“What did you get me for Christmas?” Blaise puffed as they ran.

Draco smiled at him, “What did you get me?”

He was answered with a grin as they continued to run. Once they got going, the run around the gardens was the most peaceful time of Draco’s day, and this day was no exception. The soft smell of pine filled the air and the soft glow of the morning light glistened on the frost. The only interruptions to the peace were Draco’s and Blaise’s footsteps and heavy breathing.

Soon enough they reached the halfway point, which was the top of a hill which overlooked the property. Sitting down upon the old body of a fallen tree, with his breath coming out in a steamy puff of cloud, Blaise asked the usual question.

“How are you doing?”   
  
Draco joined him on the log, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Fine” Draco resorted to his usual response.

“You know, one day I am going to get you to open up” Blaise rested his hand upon Draco knee and Draco struggled to breathe for a second. He wanted to open up to Blaise, but knew he never could. Sighing, he changed the subject.

“I used to pretend this was my dragon breath,” said Draco, sighing again and watching the swirl of cloudy breath rise into the air.

“Well, your name does mean dragon after all”

Draco smiled “Sometimes I wish I was one… I could just not give a shit about anything and just burn everything in my way.”

Blaise chuckled and got up. “Cmon, dragon boy, I’m getting cold. Shall we race?”

Draco was beginning to rise to join him when Blaise yelled “I’m gonna win!” and took off.

Laughing, Draco chased after him, “You fucking cheat!”

They raced down the hill and through the gardens, and Draco managed to overtake Blaise when the American yelped and slipped on the ice, having strayed from the path in order to take a shortcut.

Draco laughed as Blaise scrambled back up, cursing Draco.

 

They re-entered the manor and made their way to their rooms, Draco teased Blaise and playfully shoved him. “If you hadn’t strayed from the path you might have won, idiot.”

“Yeah well you have such long legs I have to take every chance I get, don’t I?”   
They slowed as they reached Draco’s room.

“I’ll see you at breakfast,” Draco said and went into his room, smiling to himself.

  
After dragging himself out of his hot shower he found Blaise already waiting for him, reading a book, their breakfast sitting on the small table at the end of Draco’s bed.

Draco rubbed at his still wet hair with his towel and picked up the newspaper. Same old boring headlines.

He sat down and picked up his tea, sipped it and sighing at the warmth of the drink and enjoying the quiet company.

Life, for once, was a little simpler and easier.   


Draco and Blaise had gotten closer over the holidays, as Blaise was also living in the Malfoy manor now, due to his mother’s involvement. He didn’t seem to mind the death eaters being in the house, but kept Draco company as he was the only one of the same age around. It only made Dracl feel more confused about how he felt about the American.

“Do you want some food?” Blaise asked.

Draco denied any, he wasn’t hungry in the mornings anymore.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Blaise began to pile food onto Draco’s plate. “You have to eat Draco, we talked about this.”

“So we did” muttered Draco, frowning as the pile of food grew higher

“Shut up and eat” said Blaise, grinning and raising an eyebrow. Draco sighed and did as he was told with a smirk of his own.

“Are you excited for Christmas?” Blaise asked, and Draco rolled his eyes,

“I thought you just told me to shut up”

“Yeah, I meant your grumbling. C’mon, answer my question.”

Draco relented “Not really. It means I have to have dinner with Father.”

Blaise knew Draco didn’t get on particularly well with his father- but that was all he knew. “Yeah, that’s shit. But this year it should be different right? With my Mom and I there?” Draco shrugged.

There was a knock at the Draco’s door. Draco flicked his wand at the door, not surprised to see their mothers, “Good morning Mrs Zabini, Good morning Mother,” Draco said, inviting them in them in.

“Blaise, hello dear, and Draco- my darling,” Draco’s mother looked considerably better now that Draco was home and she had befriended Anna, Blaise's mother- who carried the Italian Zambini name. The woman was drop-dead gorgeous and was a known widower. She had given Blaise his angular features and his eyes,  _and_ his brains.

While she was considerably younger than his mother, they had bonded over their love for their sons and mutual love of fashion and anything expensive.

“We are going to Diagon Alley today dear, would you and Blaise like to come?”

“Of course!” Draco quickly agreed, thankful for any chance to get out of the manor.

He was happy at the sudden lenience of his father these holidays, who hadn’t let Draco off the manor grounds the previous year and had only allowed Draco to go to Diagon Alley if he was present. Draco suspected it was because now that Balsie and Mrs Zabini were watching, Father feared their judgment. Draco quickly wrote a letter, duplicated it twice and sent one each to Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle and Theo, asking if they would like to meet.

He sent Tawkins off and ten minutes later they were all stepping into the fireplace, and out into the Leaky Cauldron.

Blaise was next to him and his mother was happy. He felt something loosen in his chest.

He and Blaise split from their mothers and vanished into the crowd, enjoying their freedom. Blaise grabbed Draco hand, and began dragging towards Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, saying he wanted a hot chocolate. Draco couldn’t bring himself to let go, enjoying the warmth of the hand in his, as well as the buzz he felt from their connection.

They met up with their friends an hour later and spent most of the day in Gambol and Japes, as well as in Sugarplum's Sweets Shop. He found his mother at some point, and she informed him that she and Mrs Zabini were staying in Diagon Alley for dinner while he and Blaise were to go home at sundown.

****

Draco was still smiling when he stepped through the fireplace into the living room- but it was wiped from his face upon seeing the sight that greeted him. Voldemort and his father stood in the living room.

He slammed up his walls, despite knowing what little they would do to stop an attack.

“Bow, boys” Draco felt his legs bend as they succumbed to the Dark Lord’s magic His knees hit the ground, hard. He winced and bowed his head. Blaise had also been forced to kneel beside Draco.

“My Lord.” He didn’t mean to let the fear show in his voice, but he was betrayed by the slight tremble it held.

A pause, then “ _Ah,_ the Malfoy boy. I  _almost_ forgot about you and your little call.” Draco actively suppressed the shudder Voldemort’s voice caused. “I almost- didn’t care. But I can’t ignore it now. Not after what happened with Arthur Weasley”

“It was just a dream, My Lord.” He didn’t dare look up and betray himself further.

“Ah, but dreams can be surprisingly powerful. They can...show one things... secret things.”   


This time when Voldemort entered Draco’s head he didn’t bother to put on his show of fire and lightning, he just threw aside Draco’s walls. Draco felt himself cry out from the shock.  _“I fear I have been compromised, Arthur Weasley was found too quickly...”_  The voice spread through his mind and Draco felt his body tense- This was all happening too quickly for him to process.

Despite his fear, Draco stood tall in his own mind, knowing this time Voldemort was taking a specific interest and wouldn’t be tricked by the sight of a small cowering boy- he was hunting for evidence of foul play, and anything to do with Potter. Draco could feel his hunger through the connection legilimency created.

But Draco was prepared. He had not spent all his time burying everything important and creating fake memories for nothing. He had known this might happen.

So when Voldemort went looking, he found all memories of Draco bullying Potter and his friends that had been carefully layered over everything. The memories played back to Draco and he struggled not to wince at his own cruelness.

He felt a low sort of amusement from Voldemort, and while he was distracted, Draco nervously brought the memory of the dream Voldemort had invaded forth, which Draco had very carefully edited.

There stood Blaise, speaking similar words that Harry had spoken on Goblin’s Lookout.

_“Voldemort won’t look at these memories, but regardless, you need to stop turning to pain to help your anger. You’re not in control if you turn to something that is painful. That means the pain is controlling you and forcing you to be self-detrimental. Trust me.”_

He had figured this would be the safest explanation, to pretend that he was fearful of anyone finding out he used pain to cope with his emotions.

It had taken weeks of work, but he had done it.

Voldemort watched the fake dream, and was still--  _considering_. Too still. Suspicion filtered through the link between them and Draco felt panic begin to cut through him. Voldemort’s laugh echoed through his head and the panic increased tenfold. He felt his body begin to scream. Voldemort knew it was fake. 

Then Voldemort did something unexpected.

He began to search Draco’s mind for memories of Blaise, and Draco stood in shock as he flicked through the memories of them running, talking and eating together and finally found the one Draco had made that day of Blaise holding his hand and dragging him through the crowd in Diagon Alley. He had not buried it yet.

 _“ No!_ _”_  He felt himself cry out  

A cruel laugh echoed through his mind. And Draco couldn’t do anything, he was paralysed in fear.

_“So this is what you hide from me? Do you think I wouldn’t notice a tampered memory when I saw one? Ashamed of your feelings are you?... What would your father think?”_

The words triggered the memory of the night Father had beaten Draco and his Mother.

 _“You disgust me!_ ” His Father’s words sounded strange in his mind. Draco saw the replayed images of his father hitting him, again and again, and then saw his mother crawling to him. Draco had never wanted to relive that night again.

Draco felt the understanding echoing out from Voldemort. “  _Ah, so he has already found you."  
_

_"...He is a stupid man, isn’t he? We are wizards, and we are purebloods. We do what we like... To hit two purebloods is... foolish. As long as you provide him with an heir or two, it does not matter whom you feel...lust for.”_ A pause, then excitement came through the connection  _“I shall have to punish your father.”_

He felt Voldemort’s anticipation of the oncoming violence as he withdrew from Draco’s mind.

Draco opened his eyes. He was on the floor- but this time he was not shocked. He pulled himself off the cold flagstones, his mind in a protective blank state, and grabbed Blaise’s hand to drag him from the room- ignoring the pounding in his head from the occlumency. His Father’s scream of pain filled the room as they ran from it and he could hear more screams as he ran through the hallways to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions or suggestions, please leave a comment, or ask me on my Tumblr; satan-incarnated or Instagram; annarelise01  
> Much love!


	13. Chapter 13

Draco didn’t feel anything. His body and mind didn’t let him until he had reached the safety of his rooms, where he let out what sounded like a mix between a cry and groan. He almost collapsed, his mind unable to comprehend what to do with the terror which had taken ahold of him, that had filled his so deeply he hadn’t known where it had ended and he had begun. 

He felt sick. He ran to the toilet and vomited, gasping as the air finally seemed to flow again and the tears began to flow as well.

“Come on now, you’re okay” Blaise's soft voice came from beside him and a warm cloth was pressed to his mouth, wiping the vomit. 

Draco turned to Blaise, not really seeing him “He found you, but-but he didn’t care and- and he- he’s hurting father now, b-because I was weak and I didn’t prepare-” 

“Shhh, you’re okay now, it’s okay.” Blaise was holding him and he was grasping at Blaise’s shirt, his fingers gripping it so tightly they were numb. 

Draco got lost in the space around them, and his brain once again retreated, preferring not to feel anything rather than be overwhelmed by the rush of thoughts and feelings Draco was experiencing.    
Draco floated in his own mind as his vision went blurry. He forgot Blaise was there, yet was aware of the boy’s breathing and subconsciously synced his own to it. He felt a calming, stroking of his head and became lost in it. Eventually, when he came back into reality he was surprised to see it was Blaise who was stroking his hair, and not the boy who he really wanted it to be. 

 

Blaise noticed Draco stirring and with some gentle coaxing, managed to get him to stand. He led the ghost-like Draco from the bathroom to his bed where he helped him get out of his vomit-stained clothes and into bed. 

 

Draco fell into a deep and dreamless sleep almost immediately. 

 

****

 

He woke to find the sun shining through the gap in the curtains, and his eyes were drawn to it. The light’s edges were so crisp that it looked like someone had drawn a line of dusty brightness in the air.

Draco stuck out his hand and played with it, watching as the light danced across his fingertips. 

 

Someone stirred on the floor beneath his hand, disturbed by the light flickering on their face.  Blaise sat up and stretched, and Draco noticed his bed had been made up entirely of blankets laid on the floor. For a moment, Draco wondered why Blaise was there- before the memory of the events from the previous night slammed back into his mind. Dread filled him- his father was going to be very angry with him, and he worried if that anger had extended to his mother...

But at the same time, he felt massive relief. He had succeeded. He had hidden his feelings for Harry Potter and his lack of loyalty from the Dark Lord. Admittedly, it had come at the cost of revealing a secret that Draco had not been willing to share, but it had somehow worked out. 

And perhaps… perhaps it would mean his Father would not touch his Mother or himself anymore, out of fear of punishment. 

Draco let the small murmur of hope live in him, unable to push it away- not with the handsome boy beside him, who inspired a small bit of hope himself.

He smiled tiredly as Blaise, “Hey,” he croaked, his voice hoarse from the vomiting. 

“How are you doing?” Blaise immediately asked. Before he answered, Draco wordlessly summoned a cup and filled it with water. He began to gulp it down, the water was cool in his ravaged throat. 

“Better” he gasped after the last drop had been drained. 

Blaise smiled, then got up and stretched, and Draco couldn’t take his eyes off Blaise’s figure as he reached in the air and groaned as some bones popped in his body.    
Opening his eyes to find Draco watching, Blaise’s smile widened. He walked over to Draco’s potions cupboard and rifled through it. 

He came back with a pain potion, neatly labeled in Draco’s own hand and rang the small bell beside Draco’s bed- telling the House-elf that appeared to make them breakfast, but first to bring a honey tea.

 

When the house-elf had bought the tea, Blaise added the pain potion to the cup, and passed the drink to Draco.

“Thanks” Careful not to burn his stomach acid-ravaged throat even more, he used a cooling charm on the hot drink, sipped it, and then sighed in contentment as the honey infused tea soothed his throat.

Blaise just looked at him, care in his eyes. He sat down on the other side of the bed began to pick at Draco’s blanket. It was then that Draco noticed the bags under his eyes as they had been difficult to see on his dark skin. 

“You didn’t sleep much last night did you?” Blaise didn’t look up, but he nodded. “Sorry” Draco wished Blaise hadn’t slept on the floor, he wouldn’t have minded if he had slept on the other side of the large bed.

“Not your fault idiot.” Blaise's voice softened “The... The Dark Lord went into your mind didn’t he?”

Draco froze and then nodded, realizing Blaise was waiting for an explanation...    
  
He had to tell him.    
  


Not  _ everything _ … but he owed him  _ some _ kind of explanation. The very notion of it sent shivers of fear, but also a small amount of excitement through him. He was going to  _ talk  _ to someone.

After a moment he decided to start from the beginning. He breathed in- it was easier because Blaise wasn’t looking at him. 

“You know how Cassius is my ex?” A nod from Blaise “Well, he wasn’t even my boyfriend for that long. I mean- I was thirteen. He was only fourteen at the time. All we did was kiss, and without tongue” Draco snorted, his mind shuddering at how awkward he had been.

“I felt so fucking free, y’know? I was being who I felt I was, and I didn’t care what people thought...-- well, I did” Draco let out a laugh, backtracking “We kept it hidden. But still I- I felt free in a way I’d never felt before. I wasn't doing what my mother or father had told me to do... I wasn’t living in my father's shadow. And I loved it. It was the happiest three months of my life... And because of that, I became so much more confident in myself. I began to want to not just be a Malfoy… I wanted to be  _ Draco _ fucking Malfoy.” Blaise let out a small laugh. Draco smiled, enjoying the feeling of the words he had always kept to himself flowing out.

“I started acting up like a little shit, talking back to my parents and things. And one day when father said something really bad about gays- I think it was something like ‘they should be in with the mudbloods,’ or something... Anyway- I got angry. Really angry.” Draco quietened as the memory came back to him in full force. 

“I yelled at him. Telling him not to be such an old man… And instead of talking it out or yelling like a normal fucking parent, he- invaded my mind- used  legilimency to find out why I had been acting out. Found a memory of me kissing Cassius…” Draco paused, struggling to continue, “I’d never seen him so angry in my life up until that moment- I nearly fucking pissed myself. And then it got worse.” Draco looked and saw Blaise was finally looking straight at Draco, with an intense worry in his eyes. So Draco closed his own. The sudden darkness comforted him.

“He began to hit me, saying he would  _ beat it _ out of me. He didn’t stop for about ten minutes. I was drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time... I’m not sure if my mother was screaming or not. I don’t really don’t remember much apart from the pain and the curses and the swearing.” 

Blaise was still silent. Draco was ashamed but he  _ needed _ to finish the story. It had started, and he could not stop it. 

“When he was done he disapparated, and mum called the house elves. She was screaming like a maniac, I think she thought I was dead or- or that I was going to die.” Blaise was still silent beside him, but the silence had grown heavy. Heavy with pain and pity.

“I didn’t wake up for two days. They put me in a coma while they healed me. She called an old friend who was a matron, and she worked on me non stop. I- I came close to death. After I woke up I stayed in bed for a week... and- I was unable to summon the energy to walk.” Draco opened his eyes and sipped his tea again, then sighed. The worst of his story was over.

“Pansy came over, wondering why I hadn’t responded to her letters. And she saw me. I don’t think I have ever seen her cry like that- or get so angry. She and Mother stayed beside my bed until I could walk, keeping me company. Pansy said she was going to kill my father” Draco scoffed “Mum owled Snape, told him he had to help me protect my mind- and I began lessons as soon as I could.” 

"Shit" Blaise said, the word barely above a whisper

Draco breathed a long breath out, but his story was not finished.

“Last year, Father entered into my head again, despite my best efforts to block him. He beat me, and this time he beat my Mother too”

Blaise let out a breath “Cassius…  _ that's _ why you were so rude to him.”

“Yeah, and why I said I couldn’t explain why.” Blaise nodded, pushing him on. “I'm good at occlumency now, to the level I could probably block Father, but the Dark Lord...he’s something different. I’ve never experienced power like that in my life. His magic is- Well… he was so successful in the first wizarding war for a reason.” They were silent for a moment, both appreciating the gravity of the statement, and the unsaid words.  _ And why he’ll win this one. _

“The Dark Lord...He... found the memory of father beating me and my mother last night-” Draco dodged around the fact that he had found it because of how he felt for Blaise “-and he said that us purebloods could do what we liked, as long as I provided an heir to the Malfoy line it didn’t matter. And he decided to punish father for hitting two purebloods- my mother and I. But I could feel he was just really, _really_ angry at something and wanted an excuse to hurt someone.” Draco fell silent as the flow of words were abruptly cut off from the memory of the previous night. He could still hear his father’s scream in his mind. 

 

They were silent for a while, sitting next to each other on the bed. Eventually, the house elves arrived, with more tea and breakfast. 

Draco closed his eyes and lay back on his bed, appreciating the feeling of some of the tightness leaving his chest, and the hole that was constantly in it closing somewhat. He wanted to reveal his distaste at the pureblood hierarchy and the whole premises of Voldemort's rise to power... but he held back, not really knowing where Blaise stood and not wanting to compromise himself. 

But this was enough- for now. 

 

He looked at Blaise who was now sipping on some coffee, obviously needing it. 

Blaise looked at him from the corner of his eye, and exhaled. 

“I feel as if I owe you an explanation of my behavior now” Draco shook his head, but said nothing, not wanting to push Blaise in either direction. Blaise just nodded to himself then after a moment of silence, launched into it.

“My Mom is known as a serial widower.” Draco knew that. “I’m the child of her late fifth husband.” Draco nodded, still silent. 

“Around the time her third husband died under suspicious circumstances, she was told by a friend that she was under investigation from the Aurors. She got freaked and left the country, and went to America, where she wasn’t known. She met my dad who had discovered the effects of some exotic animal’s hide in removing warts from the skin when applied properly. I don’t know,” Blaise exhaled “I didn’t ever meet my dad. She didn’t talk about him and I didn’t want to know about him… she told me he left when he found out she was pregnant.” Blaise went silent for a second. Then the quiet words slipped from his lips 

“Truth was, she killed him before realizing she was pregnant, then had me.” 

“Fuck” Draco felt the word come out of his mouth before he could stop it. Blaise snorted at Draco’s curse and then continued.

“I grew up with a single mother who never wanted me, but grew to love me as much as herself. I had a lot of- ah... problems- growing up with a woman who left me with a nanny while she went out on dates with strange men 3 nights a week.” Blaise looked at Draco with a funny look in his eyes. 

“That why you like running” Draco concluded.

A nod from Blaise. He took a breath and continued “Number six was around when I was about eight. I think he lasted for about three years. Then she got rid of him. I was, of course, oblivious. Didn’t like the guy, he was a dick… Then number seven arrived two years ago. She murdered him by getting him to hang himself under the imperius curse...I- wasn’t meant to see.” Blaise had a very distant look in his eyes.

“That’s why you can see thestrals” Another nod from Blaise. Draco felt the need to shuffle over to Blaise and laid his head on his shoulder. 

He continued “You know- I hated the guy. I didn’t really give too much of a shit. I mean- I was shocked to see my mother do such a thing. But he was a real cruel bastard.” Draco could hear the lie easily. Blaise’s mother was a serial murderess who had killed Blaise’s father, that wasn’t something you didn’t give a shit about.

“And then.... she got noticed by the American authorities after that. So we had to take everything and run again. We went to Italy for like half a year, but they knew about her there because she had become so notorious in England and America. So when she heard Voldemort was rising up, she sent me to Hogwarts while she put everything in order and joined me here… This is the only place she can avoid persecution for now...” Blaise trailed off. 

“Fuck” was the only word that Draco felt he could say.

 

A desperate knock sounded at the door. Draco sprang away from Blaise, not wanting to be caught with his head on the boy’s shoulder. He opened the door to find his mother who had a strained look on her face. Before he could say anything she swept him up into a hug and placed her head under his chin. 

He hadn’t realized he had grown so much.

He hugged her back. 

 

****

 

Mother had come home about half an hour after Voldemort had finished with his father. Lucius had been left on the lounge room floor, his blood splattering everything. Luckily Mrs Zabini who happened to know the charms to get blood out of things had arrived with Mother and was able to keep her calm. Mother had rushed to check on Draco- but found both him and Blaise sound asleep, and more importantly, unharmed. She then dealt with father while Mrs Zabini had cleaned the living room. When Mother had returned it was as if nothing had occurred, Mrs Zabini had even found Father’s tooth so it could be returned to his mouth.

 

The following day, some workers Mother had hired before it had all happened arrived to erect the Christmas tree and decorate the house, unaware of the chaos that was just under their feet. Father stayed in his room all day and the while the Death Eaters were all out on some mission. Draco felt free in his own home for the first time in a while. 

 

Draco had wandered around the mansion, surprised nothing had changed when his life was so,  _ completely,  _ different. The hallways where he had played in as a child now seemed like a prison, yet the wallpaper was still made up of the same boring patterns and the same portraits still hung on the wall, silently judging him as they always had.

He felt the best he had felt in a long time. He had finally opened up to Blaise, and Blaise had opened up to him. He finally had someone his own age he felt comfortable with whom he could share an extent of his hell with. He had a friend who understood why his head was messed up, and how it felt to have a messed up head. For some reason, this shared understanding felt so important Draco. He wasn’t alone in his suffering, and that was a massive relief. Pansy and him had never had this connection. She lead an easy life. 

 

It was Christmas Eve- and... life didn’t seem so bad anymore. He smiled at this realisation and felt his heart warm and it spread to his belly and his face. 

 

The warmth lasted all night. Right up to the moment he placed his hand discreetly in Blaise's hand who was sitting next to him on the lounge after dinner. Mrs Zabini and Mother were playing chess. The fire was crackling and the enchanted lights on the christmas tree sparkled. He felt happy, content and a tad drowsy. He squeezed Blaise's hand. Blaise squeezed back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I mean, that was pretty hefty stuff, maybe hard to enjoy?  
> Poor, Draco. Finally had something going for him, and then that literal mind fuck, but I guess it worked out.  
> If you enjoyed, please leave a comment or message me!  
> Let me know what you think about pacing, character development and plot! I'm still new to this haha  
> Much Love!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! There are some delicate issues covered in this chapter. Please check the notes at the bottom before you make any judgments!

Draco woke to something tickling his cheek “Meugh”

It turned out to be Blaise’s finger. He grabbed the hand and pushed it away, trying to escape back into his pleasant dreams. 

“Draco, wake up” 

He groaned and rolled over, not wanting to leave his warm cocoon for a dumb run. A laugh followed him.

“No Draco-”

“I don’t wanna go for a run!” Draco buried his head beneath his pillow 

“It’s Christmas you idiot,” said Blaise, laughing. 

Draco paused underneath the pillow for a second, processing the information, and fully waking up. He smiled slyly to himself, then much to Blaise’s surprise, he exploded out of bed, making Blaise yelp in shock. Draco pulled on his pyjama pants and robes, not missing Blaise looking at his ass. He grabbed Blaise's hand and began to drag him towards the door. Pulling, stumbling and laughing they made their way towards the living room.

“Draco- stop” he laughed again, but Draco kept dragging him, feeling giddy for Christmas for the first time in years. 

They raced into the living room where the tree stood, and dozens of presents sat underneath. Draco took in the sight and felt joy bubbling up in him.

“Merry Christmas Blaise” Draco said, grinning at him. 

“Merry Christmas Draco” Blaise smiled back. 

 

Blaise pointed to a spot beside the tree “Disillusionment charm” 

Sure enough, when Draco squinted at the spot beside the tree, he could see  _ something _ wasn’t right. When he turned his head, something big shimmered in the corner of his eye. Grinning, he got out his wand and muttered the counter charm. 

A large cylindrical shaped black thing hung from a metal frame and two- what could be described as overly large red gloves, were attached to it via magic. 

“What is it?” Draco asked. 

He felt Blaise hug him from behind, his mouth near to Draco’s ear. 

_ That was new _ \- Draco felt his stomach flutter in response and a shiver go through him. 

“It’s a real punching bag this time” said Blaise, still close to his ear. Draco smiled at the memory of Blaise’s impromptu punching bag of pillows and blankets and decided that this one- looked better. Draco reached out and took the gloves from the bag-

“They protect your fists” interjected Blaise.

“Obviously” Draco smiled and put the gloves on. He hit the bag, which was harder than he had expected. It rocked back and swung a little bit. 

“You’ll have to work on your form a bit, but i think this will be good for you.” Blaise squeezed Draco around the abdomen then let go. Draco turned around and hugged Blaise, enjoying the smell of his aftershave.

“Thank you” He said, hugging him. 

“You’re welcom...” Draco could feel Blaise’s smile against his cheek- then Blaise whispered in his ear, once again causing shivers to sliver down his spine “Where’s my present?” 

“Oh!” Said Draco, some having almost forgotten. He took Blaise's hand and gently led him to the other side of the tree.

“I didn’t know what to get you” he said, picking up the carefully wrapped presents. “So I got a few things” 

Blaise smiled as he opened them. Inside were a pair of black sneakers, charmed with an anti-slip spell, a small self-shaving razor and an enchanted floating mirror set, as well as a framed picture the Draco had requested of the American School Draco knew Blaise had been to- Ilvermorny.

 

Blaise looked down at the picture and smiled, looking a little lost. The quietly expressed “Thank You” made a small smile come to Draco’s face in response. 

Blaise shook his head and returned to the other gifts. He let out a laugh. “Thanks, Draco, these should come in use…” he laughed “Maybe I’ll finally be able to beat you when we run hey?...” 

Draco nodded, and widened his smile in return. “I have one more gift.” he said, gesturing at the package that was now floating behind Blaise.

Blasie turned, then gave Draco a jokingly suspicious look, before gently plucking the box from the air. He hesitantly removed the lid, gasping at what he found underneath. 

A beautiful tailor made suit, (the measurements courtesy of Mrs Zabini) with a floral print on the jacket. A few thread and silk butterflies gently fluttered around, pausing to feed on the flowers which caused them to change their colour to that of the flower they were feeding on gradually.

Blaise gasped as he took it out, his face adorably shocked as he stroked the fabric and began stuttering “Draco- I can’t accept-...” 

“Uh-uh” Draco grinned at him “It's a gift. You have to” 

Blaise sighed and put the suit back gently, looking at Draco with something in his eyes. “It’s- It’s  _ beautiful. _ ” 

Draco paused, gathering courage “Well I figured since I’ll be wearing all black on our dates, you should wear something colourful” The overly practiced line was not executed with the charm and confidence it had contained in the mirror. Rather, it came out sounding nervous and far too quiet … but- it had the desired effect. Draco’s lips lifted as Blaise’s eyes widened, and he nodded mutely, obviously shocked. The air between them snapped into… something different, and he watched Blaise become nervous and swallow, not making eye contact. Draco waited, unable to make the next, most important move.

“I- I also have another gift” Blaise said looking back into Draco's eyes, and this time, with a look in his eye. Mischief mixed with a whole lot of fear. 

“What is it?” Draco practically whispered as Blaise came closer, knowing exactly what was coming. Something was dropping in his stomach, and he felt his mouth began to dry. He swallowed too and found himself once again staring at Blaise's lips, wondering if they were as soft as they looked. He glanced up to find Blaise looking into his eyes, they both smiled small, nervous smiles. 

Draco closed his eyes as Blaise leaned in and their lips made gentle contact. Draco was pleased to find his lips were indeed just as soft as they looked. Blaise’s arms came up to wrap around him and Draco found his doing the same. Draco kissed him back, joy exploding in his chest. 

 

They broke apart and Draco felt himself come back into the world...but now the world seemed different. He placed his forehead against Blaise’s, feeling incredibly happy yet so nervous. 

“Merry Christmas Draco” Blaise whispered

“Merry Christmas Blaise” Draco whispered back. 

 

About ten minutes later their mothers walked in, oblivious to the looks Blaise and Draco were giving each other. They ate breakfast and enjoyed the company that Draco had missed the previous year. Blaise had a hand on Draco’s thigh beneath the table for the majority of it.

After breakfast was finished Draco and Blaise opened the rest of their presents, Draco’s pile being larger than Blaise’s because he had quite the extended family. 

 

****

 

They were playing a game of exploding snap when Father walked in, leaning heavily on his cane. They all stopped talking.

Father looked dreadful, and something in Draco was filled with shame. It was like looking at a wounded animal. Draco had caused this.    
He was slimmer than usual and had bags under his eyes, a fresh scar on his cheek and was leaning heavily on his cane. 

Something overcame Draco and he stood up, walked over and gave him his arm. He helped his father over to an armchair. 

 

Draco knew what he was doing was wrong. The fierce hatred of the man was still there. But- the small child in him that had always looked up to his father had almost broken when he had seen the hollowed man in the doorway, looking as if dementors had kissed him. 

 

“Merry Christmas Father,” he said quietly. His father looked to him- something like fear and anger filled his eyes, but there was also the smallest hint of appreciation and perhaps, love.

Maybe he was imagining it. Draco returned to Blaise’s side and swallowed before a determination came over him and he took Blaise's hand. Blaise immediately tried to pull out of it, but Draco held firm, he had to make a stand to his father. Blaise stopped pulling and the hand became warm and reassuring in his own. 

He looked his father in the eyes, daring him to say something. Draco felt his chest swell. 

His father stared at their clasped hands then looked away, angry but silent. Draco didn’t really know how he was feeling. 

 

Father sat in the chair all day, simply watching as they played games and exchanged talk around him. While it did add an awkward nature to the air, it felt right. Father had always been there for Christmas, asking to see Draco’s presents. Draco wanted that time back.

 

That night after stuffing themselves full with roasted duck, ham and Christmas pudding, Draco laid on his bed, reading a Transfiguration textbook and laughing as Blaise ate fizzing whizbees and floated a few feet in the air each time. Eventually, Blaise collapsed onto the bed beside him and lazily began stroking Draco’s arm, his fingers trailing lazy circles all over the risen hairs and skin. Draco froze at the touch, feeling the tension in the room rise. He glanced at Blaise from the corner of his eye and saw that Blaise had a playful look in his eyes. 

 

Breath short, Draco turned back to his book, only to have the thick tome fly out of his hands. He looked over to Blaise who had scrambled off the bed and had his wand in one hand and Draco’s book in the other, there was a smirk on his face. 

“Fuck off- give it.” Draco said and raised an eyebrow.

Blaise raised his eyebrow back at Draco, still smirking. “Come get it” 

Draco grinned and narrowed his eyes, and paused for a second, before launching himself at Blaise, grabbing at the book. 

He was surprised to find Blaises let him have it, but used the sudden closeness to put a hand on Draco’s chin, tipping it up. Draco barely had any time to process that before Blaise kissed him. It was better than the one they had shared that morning- This time Blaise had his wand hand on the back of Draco’s head and the other was caressing his cheek. Draco felt the warm exploding feeling in his chest again as Blaise began with gentle kisses, then got a little more hungry. 

After a minute or so, Blaise pulled back, their hot breaths filling the space between them.   
Draco was still kneeling on the bed and put his arms around Blaise’s shoulders, signalling he wanted more. 

Blaise responded by kissing Draco again but this time it was possessively. He slipped his tongue into Draco’s mouth, and their tongues engaged in a small dance, dipping, swirling and touching. Draco was lost in it, unable to think of anything other than the feeling of their mouths clashing together, the heat of Blaise's body and the soft stokes of Biases tongue against his own.

Eventually, Blaise drew back and stood up. Draco tried to follow but ended up grasping Blaise around his torso and pressed his head against his hard chest. 

“Don’t go” His voice was muffled in Blaise's shirt. Blaise laughed a low laugh and stroked Draco’s head.

“I’m only going to push our parents so far… it’s late Draco, I should go to my own room.”  

“No” Draco tried to tighten his grip but Blaise gently pried him off. 

Draco laid back on his bed, giving Blaise his best tempting smirk. 

Blaise laughed again and took Draco’s hand, raising it to his lips and pressing it gently to his lips.

“I wish I could stay for more… you are  _ very _ tempting- but... Goodnight Draco”

Draco frowned as Blaise walked away but as he reached the door Draco relented. 

“Goodnight Blaise,” he said quietly. Blaise turned around to give him a smile and a wink. He closed the door softly, and Draco heard the floor creak as he walked away.

Draco grinned and began to prepare himself for sleep, smiling even in his dreams. 

 

****

 

It was a week later and Draco was walking to the library, having finished his book, when he heard his father’s voice coming out of his office. 

“You would do well not to fail me again Anna, if it had not been for Miss Parkinson informing me of my wife’s drunken foolery _ , _ we might have had a disaster on our hands. Luckily, I have  _ vigilant colleagues _ ” 

Draco paused, and hid himself around a corner, his interest piqued. 

“I’m sorry sir, I won’t make such a mistake ag-” Mrs Zabini’s words were suddenly cut off.

“Remember your place Anna. I can make bad things happen to you. Now leave me.” 

Draco scrambled away as he heard footsteps, and he watched as Mrs Zabini walked away. His head was whirling with questions he knew he would get no answers to. What had his mother done? Drunken foolery? Why might it have caused a disaster? Why was his father threatening Mrs Zabini? 

 

He reached the library, realising that the feeling of being a caged animal was creeping in again. His father was back to his usual self. Draco’s chest had begun to tighten and his breaths were short. He quickly gathered the books he needed and made his way back to his room ann slammed the door as the fear bubbled up inside him. The walls began to feel as if they were closing in on him. He strode towards the punching bag which now lived in the corner of his room and wordlessly summoned the red pair of gloves. He began to hit the bag-  _ thump, thump, thump.  _

 

****

 

Draco came up for air, his lips swollen from the kisses that Blaise had been giving him. 

“Blaise-” he said breathlessly, “I thought we were going to go slow?” Blaise was now making his way down Dracos neck, his kisses sending tingles to every inch of Draco’s body. 

“Yes-” Blaise was now down to Draco’s chest. “But you- are- irresistible-” 

Draco let out a laugh and pushed Blaise back, gazing into his dark eyes and raising an eyebrow. 

“Eugh, fine.” Blaise puffed out and laid his head on Draco’s chest. 

Draco let out another throaty laugh, feeling at peace. 

“Schools back next week,” said Draco, absentmindedly stroking Blaise’s hair. 

“Yeah” Blaise’s muffled voice sounded tired. 

“Will we be- well, y’know- open?” Draco hated that he sounded nervous. 

Blaise shifted his head so his eyes peeked up at Draco, “Do you want to be?”

Draco hesitated, taking the second to admire that once he would have crucified anyone who was openly gay. 

“I don’t think so. I mean- I’ve been nervous enough to tell Pansy, let alone the rest of the school...” Blaise nodded. 

It was decided then, Draco felt himself relax back into his peaceful state. He was looking forward to the rest of the year. 

 

****

 

The train ride on Hogwarts express went quickly for a few reasons. Draco was surrounded by friends and for the first time in a long time, he had few worries. His Mother had her new found friend in Mrs Zabini, (despite the worrisome conversation Draco had overheard) and when Draco had kissed her goodbye when getting onto the express she had looked something close to happy. He himself was happily in a relationship, and whilst it was secret, he still felt comfortable. His father now didn’t bother him and he had less of a need to fear Voldemort. Everything was alright again. The small voice in the back of his mind still argued that he was surrounded by blood thirsty, prejudiced and cruel people and there was still a certain messy haired boy who occupied a small part of his mind- but he suppressed it, knowing he was on the winning side and that for once, he could let himself be happy, so he would.

 

The country landscape sped by the windows, eventually turning into mountainous territory. Blaise’s hand rested secretly on the side of his thigh and Pansy laughed and told stories opposite him. He smiled, so very close to content.

 

He should have known that it couldn’t last. 

 

****

 

**MASS BREAKOUT** **FROM AZKABAN. 10 DEATH EATERS ESCAPED**

 

He couldn’t look away from the woman who laughed maniacally out of the newspaper at him. Her cheeks had long ago been hollowed out by the effects of malnourishment and her skin was pale from lack of any sunlight. But what caught him most were her eyes. Manic and cold, her eyes had lost any hint of sanity they might have once held.

Aunt Bellatrix had changed from the beautiful woman in the family pictures and portraits he had seen. Of course, he had known where she had been all these years. Her legacy was well known in pureblood circles. 

The Perfect Slytherin. The Perfect Black. The Perfect Lestrange. The Perfect Death Eater. 

 

The Perfect Pureblood. Voldemort’s favourite. 

 

A small part of him was glad he would never be the target of any of her spells- he had heard of her insane sense of loyalty- to both her family and her cause. That meant he was protected. But being faced with the reality of the witch out in the world caused a different kind of fear. It wasn’t an all-consuming fear as he felt around even the mention of the Dark Lord. No, this fear was mingled with disgust and shame. He was  _ related  _ to this monster. 

He knew her crimes. 

He looked up and searched the hall.  He  _ knew  _ why Longbottom had a  _ very  _ white face at the moment. 

She had tortured his parents to insanity. 

 

Draco folded the paper away, nervous of what he would be going home to in the Easter holidays. He sighed when Pansy grinned. Bellatrix was her idol.

 

That night Blaise comforted him in the common room, echoing Draco’s reliefs that the woman would never turn against him. Theo just patted his shoulder and said he knew what it felt like to have “bat shit crazy people who shared his blood” and Pansy managed to make Draco more infuriated when she asked if Draco could set up a meeting between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its not very nice that Draco still feels love for his father, however its quite common that victims of abuse, especially those that are victims of their parents, still feel attached.   
> I view this as a depth of character and an obstacle to be overcome. If you have any thoughts on this please don't hesitate to message me anonymously (or not) on Tumblr at satan-incarnated.  
>  If you are a victim of abuse please contact someone for help. Reachout.com or kidshelpline.com are really good resources  
> Much love!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going a little faster in pace here, going from the end of Christmas all the way to the beginning of the next chapter which shall be the Easter holidays, so be mindful of that.

 

_ The rest of the month passed rather stressfully, with Peeves wreaking Havoc in the school and the teachers quietly rebelling against Umbridge by refusing to do anything about it at all. Which meant that Umbridge heavily relied upon the inquisitorial squad to help. Draco was pleased to find that due to the workload, Cassius ended up leaving the squad. _

_ Blaise and Draco maintained their secret relationship, and as Valentine's day grew closer and closer Draco got more and more excited. _

_ But also fearful.  _ _   
_ _ He had not yet managed to bring it up to Pansy, who had been jealous of Blaise for taking him away from her once before. He knew she wouldn’t be too happy. _

 

****

 

Draco woke to the smell of roses. There, on the cupboard at the end of the bed, sat a bunch of red roses and besides them was a box of his favourite chocolates and a card- ‘To My Valentine.’ Draco smiled. 

 

Goyle was yawning and on the edge of his bed when he spotted them, and immediately woke up. “Can I have one?” Draco looked across the room to see Blaise sitting in his bed smirking.

“Yes Goyle, you can have one” Draco laughed and mouthed ‘ _ Thanks’  _ to Blaise.

“Who could have sent you these? I thought you and Pansy broke up?” said Crabbe who had also wandered over to shove some chocolates in his mouth. 

 

“I don’t know who sent them” said Draco, smiling and looking at Blaise- “I said  _ one  _ Goyle!  _ Crabbe! _ ...I don’t know who sent them and...they  _ obviously _ don’t know me, as my favourites are  _ white  _ roses” he said, smirking at Blaise who frowned slightly. 

 

As he wandered downstairs into the common room to place the roses in a vase, Pansy walked in. 

“Oh hey Pans-” 

She saw him holding the roses, turned as red as the petals, then coughed, saying she “needed to go to the toilet” and ran away from him before he had the chance to say anything. 

Frowning, Draco wordlessly transfigured a pencil into a large water goblet using _Vera Verto_ and filled it with water. The flowers were beautiful. 

 

“Nice” said Theo as he joined them downstairs and grabbed a handful of chocolates.

“ _ Okay _ . Last time I checked these were my chocolates and I haven't had one. And half of them are gone.” Draco slapped Theo’s hand away as he reached for more. 

“Yeah but remember that one time where you stole half my firewhiskey?” 

“You were already drunk, I was helping you,” said Draco, smirking and finally managed to pop a chocolate in his mouth. He moaned as the flavour burst into his mouth.

 

Pansy wasn’t around for breakfast and didn’t turn up when their group met in the library for their weekly studying session. 

Worried, Draco began searching.

He found her not too far away, in the small alcove just outside the library that Draco had once hid and cried in. She paled and turned to escape, slipping out of the alcove. 

“Pansy if you run away again I swear I’ll full body bind you!” He called after her. She froze and turned back around. 

“You’ve been avoidi-” He spotted her eyes “Have you been crying? Oh Pansy, shit-”

“I’m fine,” she said, swiping at one of her eyes aggressively.

“What’s wrong?” He insisted. 

“Nothing!” Draco raised an eyebrow.

She sighed “Fine. My crush didn’t send me a valentine. That's all. When I saw you with your flowers looking so happy I just got really sad and jealous. I couldn’t be around you.”

“Ah”

“Yep.”

“Wait-” Draco’s mind backpedalled “Who’s your crush?” He asked, mortified he didn’t know.

“Well…” She frowned “Whos yours?!” She fired back “Also, they obviously don’t know you very well because your favourite flowers are- 

“ _ White _ roses,” They said together, and a small smile appeared on her face. 

“I should probably tell you about that” He started, raising the roses- only to be interrupted by Pansy, who’s smile had disappeared to form a frown again.

“Oh don’t be stupid, do you think I’m blind? You are an  _ idiot _ Draco Malfoy!”

He stopped, mouth open “What did I d-”

“I’m just upset you didn’t  _ tell  _ me you were going out with Blaise” She finished, frowning at him.

“Oh” He said lamely

“Yep.” The conversation was seemingly repeating itself. 

“So will you tell me who your crush is then?”

“No, because you didn’t tell me yours.” 

“Oh”

“Yep.” Pansy was smiling again, thank Merlin.

“Okay we need to stop talking like this” 

“I agree” 

They both grinned at each other and he suggested they go meet the others in the library. Pansy linked her arm through his and began trotting towards the doors.

 

As they approached the table Theo looked up and smiled, a glint in his eye “Are you guys back together? Is that who the roses were from?” Theo gestured to their linked arms as they came closer.

“No” They both said back. Draco dragged out a chair. 

“Oh…” Theo mock frowned “So…” He pointed at Blaise who was sitting across from him “You're still with Blaise then?” 

Draco nearly fell out of the chair he was halfway into while Blaise choked then let out a bark of laughter. 

“Are we so obvious?” Blaise asked.

“Yes” Theo and Pansy replied. 

“Fuck” Said Draco, reddening.

Pansy laughed “We are your best friends, as if we weren't going to notice. Idiot.”

Crabbe and Goyle looked incredibly confused.

 

****

 

_ Meet me in room 204 after lunch finishes _

_ -B _

 

The note was written in Blaises small neat writing, and Draco smiled as he stashed the note in his pocket, his stomach flitting with pixies.

 

As he opened the door he was met with the sight of an adorable looking Blaise who was perched upon a desk, his tie loose and his legs swinging.

“Hi” said Draco, grinning.

In response, Blaise pounced off the table, coming over to hug Draco and give him a long kiss.

“Hi” Blaise said, smiling as he pulled back.

“Will you be my valentine?” Draco asked and pulled a yellow flower from behind his back. 

“What's that?” said Blaise, looking at the flower curiously.

“This” Draco proudly gave him the flower “is a  _ Pinewald _ flower. When you smell it you smell the things you love most in the world, it’s a critical ingredient in amortentia- the most powerful love potion known to wizardkind”   
To the wizard who had discovered it- Berticus Grunwald, it had smelt of the pine trees that surrounded his home, and unknowingly, Grunwald had named if after them. When Draco smelt the flower he could smell the fresh cut grass of both his home and the quidditch field, his mother’s perfume, and- as he had discovered from sniffing the flower- a mysterious smell of an old moth stricken closet. A smell which he was familiar  due to the many old cupboards and passageways in him home. But why did he smell it?

 

Blaise breathed in deeply and his face adopted a sad smile “I can smell my old home in America” 

“Oh” said Draco, suddenly regretting his choice of gift.

“No, no it’s wonderful” said Blaise, inhaling again. “I haven't smelt this in so long, oh my god” 

Draco smiled as he watched a now peaceful looking Blaise inhale several times. 

Eventually, Blaise looked up and launched himself at Draco, and hugged him tightly.

“Thankyou so much Draco”

In response Draco pecked his cheek “Thankyou for my flowers and those very delicious chocolates.” 

Blaise smiled “I didn't even get you the right flowers though, did I? Even Pansy knew you liked  _ white  _ roses...” he mock frowned.

Draco laughed “Pansy is my best friend, she knows everything about me,” Draco paused, considering “but you did get my favourite chocolates right. How did you know?”

Blaise brushed his fingers over Draco’s cheek. “Your response to them when you ate them at the Manor” Blaise laughed “In case you don't remember- as usual, you moaned when you ate them this morning” Blaise put his arms around Dracos hips and came in close, whispering “Something that made it very difficult to not kiss you then and there” 

Draco felt his breathing increase as Blaise once again came in for a kiss, and this one became very heated. 

Draco managed to finally remember his other gift as Blaise trailed kisses down his neck “I’m not finished- you have another gift.”  

Blaise drew back, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow on his face. “What is it?”

Draco blushed “Well- it’s… We have a couple of hours until I can show you, but why don't we go for a walk to hogsmeade in the meantime?”

Blaise snorted “Its dinner isn’t it?”

Draco blushed in response “Maybe”

 

****

 

It was near the end of March when he read the second headline that year which made his stomach drop.

 

**RITA SKEETER REVEALS ALL.** **_HARRY POTTER SPEAKS OUT AT LAST: THE TRUTH ABOUT HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED AND THE NIGHT I SAW HIM RETURN_ **

 

The issue of the Quibbler was slammed onto the library table by Theo, who looked angry- an emotion Draco rarely saw on the boy’s face. 

 

“I- I have worked  _ so hard _ to distance myself from my fucking father. I have been getting nothing but top grades and- and I  _ never  _ draw attention to my self like you guys fucking do- and- and he’s gone and thrown my fucking name in the dirt!”

Theo slumped down opposite Draco, his face red and his pupils dilated. 

Draco flipped through the magazine until he found it. Right next to an article about “ **_The child-safe Niffler?_ ** ”

“He throws us all under the bus. Crabbe, Goyle, Me, You- I'm surprised Pansy’s dad isn’t in there. Perhaps Potter didn’t recognise him” He spat the name.

“Fuck,” said Draco as he skimmed through the condemning article. Theo scribbled a letter and sent it to Crabbe and Goyle.

 

They arrived about ten minutes later, they face red and their breathing hard. 

“Where did you come from- China?” asked Theo, gesturing at their red faces.

“No-” said Goyle oblivious to the sarcasm “just from upstairs”

“You have a red face from running  _ down  _ stairs? Incredible.” said Theo shaking his head. 

 

“Sit down” said Draco, and Crabbe and Goyle rushed to do his bidding. 

“We have a situation-” 

Theo interrupted him “Potter’s gone and named our fathers as Death Eaters”

Crabbe and Goyle looked confused. “Why is that bad?” 

“Look around the library Goyle, look at how many people are giving us dirty looks” Theo hissed “Being a death eater is a dirty thing and we are now being associated with them”

“I don't care,” said Crabbe, shrugging. 

Draco rolled his eyes, “Crabbe, if something happens and they start hunting death eaters again... Our fathers might go to Azkaban”

The two boys paled, finally realising the seriousness of the situation. 

“Fucking Potter,” Goyle glared at something behind Draco, cracking his knuckles menacingly and Draco turned to see the boy himself, sitting there with his stupid friends, glaring right back. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, ignoring the flutter in his chest which Potter had created “Fuck him” 

 

****

 

The next couple of days meant that the usual glares followed Draco around, however, Theo wasn't used to it. 

They were sitting in the dormitory, studying for their upcoming OWL’s when Theo let out a frustrated growl.

“I feel like someone’s going to fucking kill me,” he said. Taking a sip from a bottle which Draco knew was just firewhiskey Theo had bought from one of the older years. 

“Theo, slow down on the drink man. And calm down, no one's going to kill us, trust me.”

Theo tucked his bottle back into his bag, glaring at Draco, “No-one's going to kill _ you.  _ You’re a fucking Malfoy.” He took a swig from his bottle. “ And you’re not taking it away from me again asshole.” At Draco’s returned glare he relented “Fine I won't drink any more”    
Blaise snorted. “Okay then Theo”

Draco turned back to his Potions textbook, which happened to be one for 6th year. 

 

Ten minutes later Theo went to the bathroom and took his bag with him.

“Theo” Draco called out, Theo paused and looked over his shoulder “I don’t see why you need to take your bag to the bathroom.”

“Fuck off Draco”

“No” Draco relented and held out his hand “Give it here”

“You’re not my fucking father-” 

“Yeah I like to think of myself as more of a brother, all this studying and stress is getting to me too. Come here and share some, asshole. It'll make you drink less.”

 

They proceeded to get quite a little bit drunk, more than they should have, perhaps. 

Draco grinned at Blaise, noticing how much he wrinkled his nose and eyes when he laughed like that. He liked the warm feeling in his belly.

 

“To being brothers! And not fathers!” 

Draco laughed “Fuck our dad’s! We only need each other.” 

Theo put an arm around Draco, slurring his words “Seriously though, you are like a fucking brother- and a father to me- I don’t know what I would do without you man. My father has  _ fucked _ me up so badly” 

“Yeah, me too man, me too.” Draco paused, realising how this would sound to Blaise, who had never even gotten to meet his father.

At Draco’s look, Blaise spoke quietly from his corner “Fuck my Mom. I love her, but fuck her. For taking my Dad away from me.”

Theo was quiet, obviously unaware of Blaise’s story. 

Draco spoke up “Fuck our parents who have set the worst possible example. Fuck my father who treats my mum like shit and makes her feel as if she can’t live her life” 

Theo took a deep breath “Fuck my Dad for taking his grief out on me. Fuck him for not being there for me after my mum died” Theo was crying.

The alcohol in Draco’s system loosened his lips.  _ Say it, who fucking cares _ “Fuck my dad for siding with fucking psychopaths, who torture and- and  _ twist  _ the world. Fuck the Death Eaters! They are cruel, and they are wrong and I  _ hate  _ them!”

Theo and Blaise were silent. Draco had just said the traitorous words which had haunted him for the last year. He felt his stomach drop, the warmth in his belly turning to a nauseous feeling.

A heavy silence filled the space... it became deafening. Then- 

“Fuck my Dad for doing the same thing” Theo quietly spoke then looked at Draco. There was something in his eyes. Draco nodded, reaching out and grasping his shoulder.

“Fuck my Mom for getting us into a situation where we have no choice but to side with the psychopaths.” Draco looked to see Blaise had the same look that Theo had in his eyes.  

Draco started, realised that it was the eyes of boys, who were slowly becoming men. Hardening, hating, but also realising who they were for the first time. They were steadier than before. Stronger.

They were not their parents. 

“Brothers,” said Theo “You are the brothers I never had.”

 

****

 

_ All members of the inquisitorial squad will come to my office, immediately. _

 

_ \- D Umbridge  _

 

The message was written on the usual pink paper which was charmed to deliver messages from Umbridge in a similar fashion to the ones at the ministry. 

Draco rolled his eyes as Pansy sprung out of her chair, ready to assist Umbridge in any way shape or form. 

“Come on Draco!” She said, gathering up her books.

Draco didn’t move, “I don’t want to go. OWL’s are coming up soon and I haven’t been doing enough study due to the stupid squad.” 

Blaise nodded his head in agreement “Doesn’t she realise we are  _ students _ ?”

Theo snorted. “Well, she hasn’t given us anything new to learn all year, perhaps she thinks the other teachers have done the same.”

 

Pansy frowned at them “Guys, come on. We have a responsibility... Draco, you have never once been behind in study in your life, you certainly aren't now. And Blaise you’ve been staring at the same page for fifteen minutes, I don’t think you’ll lose any study if you come along. Besides- it’s probably just a quick meeting. Crabbe and Goyle will be pissed you guys dont come… not to mention me. Come  _ on _ .” Pansy’s last word was emphasised by her pulling out Draco's chair which screeched across the floor much to the annoyance of the students around them. Draco looked around and spotted Madam Pince, who now sported a very angry look on her face and began stalking over to their table.

 

“Oh Shit, Pince is coming” Draco began shoving his books in his bag.

“Pansy you Bitch!” Theo, who wasn’t even in the squad, was now hurriedly packing up as well. 

Blaise didn’t manage to pack up his stuff in time so as they ran, his books pelted themselves at the group, thwacking themselves over the heads.

 

****

 

“Thank-you for coming everybody.” Umbridge was looking happier than usual. It didn’t suit her. 

“I am pleased to say that we have a lead on the secret society that I have long suspected Mr Potter has been running. I have been told that tonight there shall be a secret meeting in a secret room on the seventh floor, in the room that is sometimes reffered to as the ‘Room of Requirement.’” 

“Whats the Room of Requirement?” asked Draco. He liked to think he knew where all the rooms were in the old castle, and he had certainly never heard of it.

“It’s said to be a magical room, when asked correctly will give the user whatever they require.”

Pansy snorted, looking sceptical, “How do we know this isn’t a fake tip off, or a rumor?”

“Because, Miss Parkinson” Umbridge had a very happy look on her face. “When Miss Edgecomb told me, her face sprouted a few… pimples, which spelt out the word  _ Sneak _ . I assume this was an unknown punishment for betraying the group, as she was quite shocked to see them” Umbridge giggled “Besides it hardly matters, I have had my suspicions of the activities involved in this corridor for quite some time, this simply confirms what I could not prove to myself or the minister.” Umbridge clasped her hands “So! Tonight- we catch them at their little game.” 

 

****

 

Draco lay in wait behind a gargoyle near the supposed entry into the hidden room. He had been given his instructions, and now they bounced around in his head, making him question everything. 

_ “If you see anyone, but especially Mr Potter, Mr Weasley or Miss Granger, You are to free to apprehend them immediately, and may use whatever force you consider necessary to do so, and as usual, you have my protection from any consequences.” _

 

He was with Blaise now, so he  _ had _ to let go of any feelings he had towards Potter. 

There was a war coming, and Draco had to pick sides. He had to pick the one that would keep his family, friends and himself safe. It was time time to let go of his childish mentality, and man up, just like his friends had done... It didn’t matter that he was siding with psychopaths, what mattered is that they were most certainly the winning side, and to abandon that side would put his mother and himself in certain danger. 

He picked his family, and his friends… Blaise, Theo, Pansy.  _ Mother. _

 

And so he had to pick the wrong side.

 

Students began streaming past him, running from their secret meeting. But he made no action until he saw the messy haired boy he had just decided to side against. He could not let Voldemort ever see a memory of him hesitating.

He wordlessly cast the trip jinx and called for Umbridge. She sent him off on some other mission but he just went back to his dormitory, trying to convince himself he didn’t care. A small voice was whining at him.  _ What have I just decided to do?  _

  
  


****

 

The next thing he knew, Umbridge was headmaster. Immediately, she officialised the members of the inquisitorial squad, gave them small badges, and much to the delight of Pansy, came through with her promise to give them the power to dock points. Immediately they had all gone around the school docking points. It had felt good to have some sense of control of things again.

Draco had been enjoying it, with that small voice in the back of his head nagging at him that he was an utter ass, when out of nowhere the school had erupted into utter chaos. Someone set off magical fireworks which seemed to resist every spell Umbridge could throw at them. Montague went missing and a couple of days later a swamp appeared on the third floor. 

Blaise and Draco tried not be involved and hid in the library as much as they could.

 

They did, of course, have to leave the library on occasion; To eat, sleep and use the amenities. It was on one of these occasions when Draco was in the boys toilet, taking a piss when a large BANG scared the shit out of him. 

He quickly zipped up his pants, opening the toilet door to find a boy with his head down the toilet, muffled screaming echoing from the cubicle.  

He recognized that ass-  _ “Montague?!” _

He ran over and tried to pull him out of the toilet, only to find the boys head was jammed in. Draco panicked.

“Bombarda!” The toilet cracked and water began gushing out. He pulled Montague out of the toilet, finding him unconscious. He would have breathed in the toilet water- he was drowning. 

Draco considered using Anapeno, but feared it wouldn’t be a powerful enough spell for an entire lungful of water.

Draco concentrated, remembering his charms lesson, and focused on the water that was in Montagues lungs  _ only _ .

“Accio water!”

Graham made a retching noise as the water was forced from his lungs, and then a large gasping noise escaped from his mouth as air finally returned to him. 

_ “Shit. _ ” Draco checked and found him to be breathing again. He didn’t want to leave. 

“HELP!” he hoped someone would hear. He screamed again “HELP!” 

A ghost drifted in, looking alarmed at the sight which greeted her. 

“Go get Pomfrey” The ghost nodded and flew through the far wall. 

 

After she had assessed Montague, Pomfrey was quick to praise Draco. “There’s not much more I can do Mr Malfoy. You have saved his life.” She patted him on the shoulder “I will mention this to Severus and suggest 100 points to Slytherin. Go inform the Headmistress that Mr Montague has been found please. Well done.” 

 

Draco rushed to Umbridge's office and upon entry noticed how flustered she looked.

“What is it now?” She snapped at him.

“Montagues been found, he’s in the hospital wing.” She nodded and rushed past him, bustling towards the hospital wing. He followed.

 

They found a very confused Montague and a worried looking Pomfrey- but then again, Pomfrey always looked worried. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Umbridge was rather flushed from her fast walk to the hospital wing. The redness in combination with the frown on her face made her look like a quite like deamon. 

“He is in shock and has a small amount of amnesia accompanying it.” 

“Hm yes well I would like him to be fixed as soon as possible please-”

“ _ Fixed?  _ With all respect Doloris, you cannot rush healing, we are dealing with the health of a student. He just needs rest, that’s all.”

“Its  _ Mam  _ to you” Umbridge snapped. Pomfrey stepped back, looking shocked. “And if he is not healed soon I will have to face his parents, whom have already sent several letters. Draco, got fetch Professor Snape, perhaps he will be of more use than the Matron. 

Pomfrey scoffed. “I can assure you that Professor Snape will prescribe the same treatment for Mr Montague. He respects my  _ professional _ opinion.”

The two women were engaged in a very fierce stare off. Umbridge broke it to glare at Draco.

“Draco, did I not just tell you to go get Professor Snape?” Draco rolled his eyes and jogged from the hospital wing, sighing. He hadn’t even had any time to process what had happened. 

 

****

 

Snape's office door banged open as he rushed in. “Professor Snape,” Sitting opposite Snape was none other than Harry Potter “Oh- sorry” Draco stuttered. Potter was glaring at him. Something stirred in his stomach.

“It's all right, Draco,' said Snape “Potter is here for a little remedial Potions.”

Potter’s face turned bright red, he looked adorable. Draco smiled.

“I didn't know,” he said, leering at Harry, who turned even redder. Draco suppressed a laugh.

“Well, Draco, what is it?” asked Snape. 

Draco took a moment to come back into himself and recall why he was there in the first place.  _ Graham. Umbridge. _

“It's Professor Umbridge, sir- she needs your help, They've found Montague, he turned up jammed inside a toilet on the fourth floor.”

“How did he get in there?” demanded Snape. 

“I don't know, sir, he was a bit confused.” Draco glanced at Harry who was still looking fairly adorable.  _ No. Shut up. You’re with Blaise now. _

“Very well, very well. Potter,” said Snape, “we shall resume this lesson tomorrow evening.” He swept out of the office in his usual manner.

Draco mouthed, “ _ Remedial Potions? _ ” at Potter from behind Snape's back before following him. 

If looks could kill. He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be back at the normal pace, it was just important to get through a bit of time because I don't want to bore any of you.   
> Hopefully you enjoyed!   
> If you didn't let me know.  
> How's my romance? It's a bit weird for me to write and difficult (not hard to read though)  
> Let me know your thoughts!   
> Socials-  
> Tumblr; satan-incarnated   
> Instagram; annarelise01


	16. Chapter 16

_You will come home for the Easter Holidays, not only does your Mother need you, I also need to speak to you._  

_-Father_

 

Draco probably could have refused on the grounds of studying for his OWLs, but he knew he had studied more than enough and he wanted to see his Mother, he was worried what the presence of Bellatrix had done to her. Blaise had also decided to come to support Draco and to see his mother.

They trudged towards Hogsmeade, they hands clasped together. They hadn’t held hands much at all due to being at school, so when the opportunity presented itself, they took it, despite the risk. Draco knew they needed each others strength for the oncoming hell that would be the Malfoy Manor. He had told Blaise about Bellatrix's crimes, and Blaise in return had remarked that perhaps she was crazier than his mother.

They made it to the small village, and despite the Easter joy that seemed to be in the air, they were both solemn-faced. Draco pushed the door of the three broomsticks, sighing as the familiar smell and atmosphere hit him. He looked around, his father nowhere to be found.

Draco frowned “He must be late, c’mon let’s buy a butterbeer”

They began to approach the counter, only to be stopped by a heavy hand which fell on Draco’s shoulder.

“Are you the Malfoy boy?” Draco turned to find the owner of the hand was also the owner of an unknown face- most of which was covered by a large and heavy hood. But from what Draco could see, it was hairy and sported quite a few scars.

Draco shoved the hand off “Yes, and who are you? What the hell do you want?”

The man smiled, showing a set of very pointy and menacing teeth.

“Fenrir Greyback,” he said in a low and barely audible tone “I’m here to pick you up for your father.” He looked to Blaise, his gaze becoming amused “And you must be the boyfriend. Heard _all_ about you…” Blaise looked very uncomfortable. “Come on” he turned and left the pub, several people hurrying out of the way as he strode towards them.

Draco shrugged at Blaise and followed him, not surprised that his father had sent someone in his stead.

 

After the sickening feeling of apparition, they arrived home and were greeted by their mothers. Bellatrix was nowhere in sight.

“Mother” He embraced her, relaxing a small amount at the smell of her perfume. He pulled back

“Is she here?” He didn’t even have to speak the name. His mother nodded, a smile on her face.

“Yes, and it’s wonderful to have her back. It was... difficult at first, but she is slowly regaining her own mind once again. Come, Bella will want to meet you.” She led him into the antechamber and through to the sitting room.

Bright sunlight came through the windows, shining down and beautifully lighting one of the darkest witches in existence.

She lounged in an armchair, her posture beyond relaxed and her eyes closed. She was strikingly beautiful, the paintings had not captured it quite correctly.  
Upon Draco’s entry, her head turned to meet his gaze, a small smile playing upon her lips, which were red as blood.

She stood up and walked over to him, her movements graceful and confident. Draco felt a shiver run through him, his hairs raised. He was on edge.

Her heavily lidded eyes looked him over “Draco Malfoy.”

“Aunt Bellatrix.”

“I’ve heard you’ve been coming second to a mudblood.” Straight off the bat.

“Everyone is.” He paused, considering the woman. _She likes confrontation_ “I heard you were fucking crazy” He heard his mother's gasp behind him, but he was focused on the woman in front of him, whos amused smile had widened into a manic grin. She cackled, her hollowed out eyes suddenly lighting up with an intensity Draco could not have foreseen.

“At least you’re not as uptight as your parents.” She swept out of the room, calling as she left “I will train you to be better than the mudblood, have no fear”

Draco felt nothing _but_ fear at the prospect.

 

He turned to his mother who had come to stand beside him. “How are you going?”

“Better,” She smiled “Much better. Now that Bella is here- and you too! It’s wonderful to have you home.”

He hadn’t realised how sleep deprived his mother had looked the last time he had seen her. But looking upon her face now- and her eyes, which didn’t have permanent bags under them and had the spark of life in them he could see just how bad she had been. He smiled at her, glad to see her looking so well.

 

“Sissy! Come here!” A call from Bellatrix brought him back to reality, and by the look of it, his mother too. She returned his smile then followed her sister from the room.

Draco breathed out, the hardest part of coming home over, and was surprised to find himself alone. He decided to find Blaise, perhaps he would want to go for a run. It was spring after all, and the gardens would be looking beautiful.

 

He wandered from room to room, unable to find him. Eventually, he heard hushed whispers from a door which was slightly ajar.

“C'mon kid, I heard your Mother’s wild in bed. And you know you’ll have to pay a pretty price for me not to spill your little- or should I say- _big_ secret. All of these fucking families have fortunes stored away. So pick the price, I’m happy to be accommodating.” The growl of Fenrir Greyback drifted out of the room.

“Fuck _off!_ My Mother’s not a whore! And we don’t have a fucking fortune- we’re technically _homeless_ you fucking asshole.” It was Blaise’s voice that held the panic. Draco burst into the room, wand out.

Fenrir Greyback looked up, a sinister smile on his face.

Draco levelled his wand at the beast. “What the fuck are you doing?!” Fenrir ignored him and looked back to Blaise.

“You decide pretty boy. But pay my pretty little price. Or else” Upon the last two words, Greyback looked up and winked at Draco and left the room.

 

“What the _hell_ was that about?” Draco asked as he grabbed Blaise a seat.

Blaise sat down and a bead of sweat broke from his forehead.

“He was threatening to tell the whole wizarding world-” He breathed in a shaky breath “-th-that my mother and I are here.”

“That’s bullshit,” Draco said, and Blaise snapped his head up “You have my father's protection, and my father is employing that man. Bad things happen to people who cross my father.”

Blaise nodded, looking a bit empty.

“I’ll speak to my father about it. It’ll be fine.”

“No!” Blaise looked panicked. “I’m fine Draco, really. I don’t want you to have to go to your father unnecessarily. Greyback’s just another asshole who would do anything to get with my mother. I don’t want to make him feel he has power over me if your father cracks down on him. Just- just let it cool down.”

Draco frowned, but nodded. Truth be told, he hadn’t really wanted to speak to his father anyway.

He changed the subject, not liking the fear on Blaise’s face “You want to go for a run? The gardens will be nice.” Draco hoped a run would calm Blaise down a bit. Merlin knew it would help Draco clear his head...He did not like that his aunt was home.  
 

Not long after that, they were jogging in the gardens, the smell of various flowers filling their nostrils. Draco had missed them and the colours they held. As they jogged past the broom shed Draco pulled up and gestured. They had abstained from flying during the winter- But now... now it was spring. Blaise grinned and they rushed to grab some brooms and a practice snitch.

Draco laughed as they took off, the air beneath them and the sky theirs to claim. It was a good afternoon, and they both forgot most of their worries.

They returned at sunset, their face’s windburnt and plastered with laughs and smiles.

 

****

 

“Shields up!” Bellatrix commanded of them, firing curses that Blaise and Draco barely managed to block.

“Corner me! Find a way!” Bellatrix was in her element, her eyes were alight.

Draco twisted out of the way of a stunning spell she fired at him while Blaise tired to circle around her.

She fired another curse, forcing Blaise to step back to his original position. Draco took the opportunity.

“Stupify!” She blocked it easily.

“Don’t use words, you stupid boy!” A sharp shock jabbed Draco in the arm as she punished him for his mistake.

Draco conjured a protego, anticipating the oncoming curse- only to be thrown off his feet, along with Blaise, as Bellatrix growled and stalked over to them. They were both still on the floor.

“You,” she said to Blaise, “Need to work on predicting where I will fire. Trust your instinct, not your brain.”

“You,” she turned to Draco “Never cast a protego too early. It will simply allow me to fire a spell that cannot be blocked by a protego, as I just did- and it is a drain on your magic. I’m getting some water. We will go again after lunch.” She swept from the room.

 

Draco breathed a sigh of relief. They had been training hard over that last couple of days, preparing for his Defence Against the Dark Arts exam.

Bellatrix was not the kindest witch, but she knew all about the Dark Arts and therefore, knew how to defend herself.

While Draco was not exactly happy to be spending so much time her, he was grateful for the knowledge he had gained and the practice he was getting. While he wouldn't have the substantial amount of time Potter and his friends had to train, he did have an incredible teacher.

 

“Shit... I couldn’t think that entire time.” Blaise, looking exhausted, exhaled and placed a hand on his temple. “It was like _don’t get hit_ , and that's all I could do. How does she manage it?”  

Draco shook his head, in just as much shock as Blaise.

“I manage it, Zabini” Bellatrix came back into the room, a glass of water in her hand. “By practice. I do not need to think of the spells I need to summon. I just summon them. That is only achieved via _hard_ work.”

Draco gritted his teeth. She was implying they hadn’t been working hard.

“Oh don’t give me that look Draco. Do better.” She snarled as she rebuked him. “For now, not getting hit is a good place to start. It’s good to develop your dodging instincts. But eventually, you will start having to be on the offensive.”

Draco swallowed his rebuke and tried to push back his exhaustion.

A house elf bought lunch in for them.

They went back to if as soon as Draco had put the last bite in his mouth.

 

****

 

Later that night Draco was making his way to the library, to pick up some more books to study when he spotted his father in the hallway. He turned to hide in a side room.

“Draco,” Draco froze, his father had seen him, it was too late.

“Draco.” his father sounded a bit impatient. Draco steeled himself and quickly set his walls, he stepped out into the hallway, his wand gripped tightly in his hand, he would not be caught unprepared.

At Draco’s lack of reply and stony face, he raised an eyebrow.

“What?” The word came out harsher than Draco had intended.

“We need to talk-”

Draco snorted “You lost the right to talk to me some time ago.”

“Draco Malfoy, you are my _son!_ I have lost no right and I refuse to let you ignore me as you have the last week! _Enough!_ ”

Draco’s back automatically straightened at the tone his father had taken. He panicked and turned to leave, feeling sick to the stomach.

His fathers magic grabbed his arm, and dragged him back. “Don’t you dare walk away from me you little-” His father exhaled. “I don’t have time for this. Come.” His father released him and turned away and gestured to the door next to him- the basement.

“Down here, I want to show you something.” Draco felt his stomach drop- the basement was where the majority of prisoners were held and… tortured. His mind shuddered at the word and its connotations. Late at night when the Death Eaters had forgotten to put up silencing charms he could sometimes hear their muted screams, and sometimes he heard them in his dreams. Why was his father taking him into the room?

“Is anyone down here?” The fear in his voice betrayed him as they descended down the stairs.

“No.” His father’s response was curt and short, but welcome.

 

As they walked into the basement, Draco fought the urge to vomit.

The large concrete room had not been subjected to the same cleaning charms his living room had been given when father had been tortured- the walls and floor were splattered with blood. The smell of it filled his nose, along with the smell of piss and shit.

Draco noticed a potions cabinet with bottles in it which he recognised were labelled in Snape’s hand. Draco didn’t know the effects of any of them but assumed the worst.

 

“I’ve bought you down here for a reason,” Draco turned to his father, who was casting a silencing charm on the chamber. Draco froze, knowing the panic would be showing in his eyes. _His father was going to torture him in revenge for the torture he had experienced at the hands of Volde_ -

“I’m not going to hurt you” Draco felt some air make its way into his lungs.

“I’ve bought you down here as a reminder… this is what happens if you do not obey the Dark Lord, or if you cause him any displeasure.” Draco swallowed, nodding. He knew this, he had only spent two years living in that fear.

“I know-”

His Father held up a hand to silence him, and then advanced on him, a look in his eyes. “I feel the need to remind you to never... _never_ say or do anything that could compromise our family’s position in the Dark Lords mind.” He gripped Draco’s shoulder, Draco now recognised the look as a vicious anger, cold and under a facade of deathly calm. “Do not do anything stupid, such as getting drunk and saying _blasphemous_ words, you _fool.”_

 

Draco froze. For a second, his head struggled to catch up with what he already knew what his father was alluding to. Everything stopped, his stomach and chest began to riot.

 _No._ How on earth could his father know? Draco had been too far away for occlumency, and he hadn’t been asleep. He had spent weeks burying that memory. _What the fuck?!_

“How do you-”

“Never mind how I know, you stupid boy, only that I have eyes _everywhere_ , but I can assure you that the Dark Lord does too! _Never_ do that again! Do you understand?! You not only put your entire family at risk, but you _shame_ me- and you shame your blood!”

Draco mind was racing. “ _How do you kno-”_

His father slapped him. Shocking him into silence. “Quiet boy!”  It hurt, but Draco was more focused on the panic spreading through his entire body “Swear to me-” His father's eyes had suddenly become very still. “Swear to me- that you shall never do that again. That you shall _never_ speak ill of me or of the cause ever again- swear to me.” Lucius put his hand out, gesturing for Draco to give his own.

Draco felt rooted to the ground. He looked into his father’s harsh eyes, hating him. His Father would crush him in a duel if he tried to fight it. He had no choice.

He gave his hand. His Father placed his wand onto Draco’s wrist “Do it!”

Draco considered his words. “I swear to never again, while drunk, speak ill of the cause you follow.” He met his father's furious look. “I will say no more. You will not put me in a cage like that.” His father grunted, a furious look upon his face.

Yet he accepted it.

Draco’s wrist burned as the spell settled on him.

“It is not an unbreakable vow, I am not stupid enough to do such things, but if you break your vow I will know.” Draco nodded. He needed to process all of this shit.

 

His Father continued “Regardless, I did not come down here just to lecture you- There have been a few Death Eaters staying here recently but- there will be more. If all goes well in the next couple of weeks- well... I cannot tell you, but the Dark Lord is planning something, and I am to be involved.” His father looked uncomfortable “But if all does not go well, you shall be the head of house. Until I am able to return. I will leave no power to your mother, as she has become too unstable-”

 _What?_ “Mothers not unstable, you’re just afraid she will leave-” Draco knew she finally did look stable.

“She has been sober enough when you are here, but when you are at Hogwarts she has been turning to alcohol to control her emotions- and she is prone to lashing out when she is intoxicated…” “Apparently it runs in the family,”  Lucious muttered under his breath as he retrieved a piece of paper from his pocket. Draco’s face heated.

“This piece of paper declares you to be in charge of the family’s fortune when you reach your 17th birthday, and that you shall become the master of the house should something happen. You also cannot pass the position onto anyone else unless death, serious injury or incarceration occurs. Sign here” Draco paused, considering the implications. He sighed, realising once again, he had no choice. He raised his wand to the paper and his magical imprint was singed into the paper. The smell of smoke mixed with the smell of blood. His father nodded and tucked it away before stepping towards the doorway.

“Father,” Draco called, remembering, but discarding Blaise’s worry. His father paused and turned, looking annoyed.

Draco continued, not caring. “Is it- Is it possible that Fenrir Greyback could let the wizarding world know that the Zabini’s are here?”

He father frowned. “That’s impossible. I have him sworn under oath. He would risk death if he betrayed any of our secrets.” His father left.

 

Draco was left alone with the blood.

 

His mind raced with what had just happened. How had his father known about his drunk words? Who had been spying on him? Or What? Maybe a house elf at Hogwarts, or a painting in the common room? There were plenty of old Slytherins loyal to pure-blooded causes that hung upon the walls.

He decided to continue on his way to the library, and gathered all the books he needed. But before leaving he paused. Perhaps his father had been spying on him through the occlumency, despite him not sleeping. Maybe it had something to do with him being drunk.

He went back in and found a book on Legilimency and Occlumency. “ _The Secrets of the mind, how to find and protect them.”_

He sat down at a table, wanting to know as much as he could as soon as he could. He found the section on blood connections and began.

 

After some time, he determined that there was no _way_ his father could have used occlumency. It simply wasn’t possible. The distance and the fact that Draco had not been dreaming, so he would not have been vulnerable to infiltration. His hangover the next day had confirmed that. What then? _Who_ then?

He let his head fall to the table, the thump muted by the book on the desk.

A voice whispered to him. _What about the people in the room? What about Theo, and Blaise?_

No. _That_ was also impossible.

_Is it?_

He opened his eyes, lifting his head of the table and saw the words printed on the index page.

_Spying on the mind._

Fuck.

He turned to the right page and began reading.

  
Upon returning to his room he walked past Blaise closed door. _No._ It couldn’t be him. Not Blaise… Theo then.

 _No!_ It couldn’t be Theo either. It had something else, _anything_ else.

He was about to knock on his boyfriend's door, planning to tell him and seek his advice, when a voice sounded behind him.

 

“Wandering what secrets he’s hiding?” Draco found the growl belonged to Fenrir Greyback as he stepped from the shadows. Draco hadn’t even seen the man- if you could call him that.

“It’s something that comes with the teeth” Fenrir smiled, his teeth glistening in the lamplight. “Blending in with the shadows that is.” He snorted “Not the secret that I keep.” He gestured to Blaise’s door “I’ve been watching the boy’s door. Don’t want him running off without payment now.”

Draco paused. Fenrir was trying to tempt Draco with a secret. He was looking for payment from anywhere.

And suddenly, Draco’s mind rushed. Greyback would only be trying to tempt Draco with information if it was something that had been kept hidden from him. A secret Blaise knew and he didn’t, something Blaise didn’t want him to know... Draco closed his eyes. It was something that _Draco_ didn’t want to know.

But now he did. _Betrayal._

He _knew_ his father manipulated people, and used people. He _knew._ He himself had been used as a spy for Umbridge.

 

His mind flickered back to the signs. The conversation he had ear dropped on between Mrs Zabini and Father, where Lucious had rebuked Mrs Zabini for not keeping a good enough eye on Mother. So- _Blaise had been doing the same thing_ ... Apparently, it ran in the family _._

Draco kept searching, and he suddenly remembered his father's owl delivering a letter to Blaise- when Mother had told him that his father was limiting owl use for security reasons. Then Father had found out about the letter Draco had set back to his mother, even though Draco had _known_ he was at the Ministry at the time. Draco had assumed it was just someone watching the Manor, but it was just someone watching _him!_

And the final clue- Draco closed his eyes in pain. Blaise had been one of the two only witnesses to Draco’s words on the night he had gotten drunk.

He opened his eyes to stare directly at Fenrir who was staring at him hungrily.

  
“He's been spying on me hasn’t he? Been reporting to my father?”

Fenrir’s shocked look was the final proof he needed.

Draco felt something stir in him. Anger, fear, disbelief... and shame. How could he have been so _stupid- so ignorant._ Why hadn't he seen the signs? Why had he let someone he hadn't known get so close to him? Someone that he _knew_ Father had access to.

“Shit, you’re not meant… you’re not meant to know that.” Fenrir looked paniked. Draco flicked his wand at the dog, making him yelp in surprise. “Fuck off” Draco didn’t even enjoy watching the beast scowl and skulk away. He could only feel the anger, consuming every part of him.

_Blaise had betrayed him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo hooooo!  
> Who saw that coming? Let me know on my socials if you picked up on any other of the clues sprinkled throughout! If you have any questions be sure to hit me up too.  
> Tumblr; satan-incarnated  
> Instagram; annarelise01
> 
> Is everything making sense? Im scared the writing quality has gone down in my rush to get chapters out :l  
> Much love!!


	17. Chapter 17

_ Blaise had betrayed him.  _

 

He casually walked into Blaise's room- wand out. And there sat Blaise, tears streaking his face. Draco found he didn’t care. Had everything been faked between them? Did Blaise even feel anything for him? 

_ Hurt him. _

“Draco-” Blaise must have seen the anger on his face. 

“It’s  _ Malfoy  _ to you now. Asshole.” He flicked his wand as Blaise scrambled to draw his, Zabini’s wand flew straight into Draco’s waiting hand.

“I do not take kindly to those who lie to me- or to those who betray me” Another flick of his wand and Zabini was flung to the ground.  _ Hurt him like he’s hurt you.  _  “You fucking asshole! You were  _ spying  _ on me!” 

Blai-  _ Zabini _ started to get up. “Draco, it's not what you thin-”    
“BULLSHIT” Draco had not expected the word to burst from his mouth, nor did he expect the growl that followed it. “I trusted you. With my secrets and everything I held close! Why would you do this to me!? Why the  _ fuck _ would you DO THIS TO ME?!” 

 

Draco wasn’t even aware when he raised his wand, and he wasn’t really thinking when he cast the spell, but when he found himself in Blaise's unprotected mind, he knew he had subconsciously used the techniques he had been reading about for the last two hours… had been learning about for the last two years. For to defend yourself from something, you had to understand it. He had wanted- no _ , needed- _ answers so much.... that he had used legilimency. 

Well.  _ Might as well take a look. _

He saw the memories that Blaise was experiencing thinking about flick by. Lucius using legilimency on Blaise, Blaise being helpless to it. 

Blaise writing letter after letter, describing Draco’s actions. 

Blaise kissing-  _ was that Cassius?  _  What the  _ fuck _ ? When had they kissed?

Blaise crying, alone. 

No, that wasn’t a memory. This was now. 

Draco bridged the strange line between consciousness and reality. 

Blaise opened his eyes as Draco towered over him, unaware of how monstrous he looked.

“Cassius?!” Draco demanded. 

Blaise panicked “It- It was before we started dating! I thought you were with Pansy- that's what Crabbe and Goyle told me! I thought you were Bi-” The words came in a torrent out of Blaise's mouth “Being your ex, he was the only gay I knew of in the whole school! And he needed someone when you were so cruel to him!” 

**_Hurt him!_ **

“AGH!” Draco barely had control as he fired a spell past Blaise and the table behind his now ex-boyfriend blew up and shards of wood rained around them. Blaise stopped, his eye’s widened. Draco saw the intense fear, and it halted the explosive anger which drew back to be replaced by a far more dangerous, logical one. 

  
The next words came at a deadly quiet “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you protect your mind.- You  _ know  _ that I could have helped you! But no- you had to go behind my-”

A memory came to the forefront of Blaise'ss mind. Lucius threatening him. 

“ _ Your Mother would not enjoy Azkaban, you may be confident in that...” _   
“Draco-” Balise choked out “I had no choice. My mother-” Blaise was pleading with him now. And his words forced Draco to stop- And consider the crouching, shivering boy in front of him. He  _ knew  _ how Blaise felt.  _ Hopeless. Trapped. Acting only to protect those he loved.  _ Yes, Drace was very familiar with those feelings, he  _ knew  _ that boy. And just like that, the anger drew back, leaving a strange emptiness.

 

“Did you even feel anything for me?” The words came as a whisper as Draco collapsed into a chair.

Blaise paused, and his memories stirred, and changed directions. Legilimency was very different to occlumency, and it was very disorientating.

Potter rose the surface of Blaises mind _. Potter?  _ _   
_ “Can you please get out of my head?” came Blaise’s voice, strained. 

Draco withdrew, and the room suddenly got a lot brighter, and warmer- Though he hadn’t been cold. He just had been feeling much of anything physical.

“How fucking dare you invade me like that.” Blaise's voice was shaking. “First your father, and now you… and- and you know what it’s like not to have control of your own head! What the  _ fuck  _ Draco. Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

“What, and I'm supposed to take everything you say for granted?” Draco fired back, “Like I already did? And then found out you lied? I don’t fucking think so.” Draco could feel the anger begging to return. “Now. Tell me why the  _ fuck  _ Potter was in your head. Did you have a makeout session with him too?!-” Jealousy spread through him, and he wasn’t sure who it was for "-Before or during your time dating me?” Draco could feel the fire spreading to his fists which tightened. 

Blaise stood up to meet Draco’s glare. “As if I would do that you idiot! Grow up.” Blaise snarled and then scoffed “And as to whether I ‘even felt’ anything for you… I would ask you the same question.” There was a bitterness in his voice and he was meeting Draco’s intense glare.  “I see the way you look at him--  _ Harry Potter. _ ” He spat the name “ _ That _ is why he was in my head. I am  _ not blind _ . So don’t give me shit for Cassius. You were using me- as- as a distraction, for your little crush!” As he spoke the words, Draco felt the fight once again go out of him. Blaise- curse the bastard- was right.

 

Blaise turned away and placed his hand on his temple. “I do feel things for you Draco...it was... useful for what your father wanted... but that doesn't mean it wasn’t  _ real. _ ”

They both became silent for sometime, lost in their own thoughts and anger. Draco realised a few things. 

He still felt betrayed. Understanding and relating to Blaise's actions didn’t undo them. No. Draco couldn’t unfeel the things he felt. He had been stripped of every bit of trust and affection he had felt for Blaise in a less than a minute, and his head was still reeling from that. 

Secondly, he realised that Blaise had been right. Draco had been using Blaise to distract himself from Potter… he _did_ feel things for Blaise- but it had never matched the yearning for Harry he had held for so long in himself. It would be wrong to keep using Blaise this way. 

Now that he now could see exactly what he had been doing all along- he could no longer to return to his ignorance. 

Draco wanted to apologise… he wanted to say  _ something _ but he… couldn’t force the words out.

 

Eventually, he sighed and Blaise looked up. 

“In answer to the question you never asked...” Draco whispered “I- I did feel things for you too. But Potter was always hanging over my head. I’m- I’m sorry I used you like that.” He paused “I’m also sorry I invaded your head. You’re right. It was horrid of me.”

Blaise’s face softened somewhat and they were once again silent for a while before he addressed the issue which hung in the air around them both “We can’t continue after this can we?” he asked. 

Draco sighed again and shook his head.

 

He stood up, not sure what he was feeling, and left. 

He wandered around for some time, eventually finding himself on the hill he and Blaise had often run to.

He sat down on the fallen log they had always shared and stared out at the view for some time. 

Eventually, the feelings came out of their cage, and so the tears did too.

 

****

 

The sun had set by the time he returned, he knew he had missed dinner. He retreated to his room and was about to lay down, when he realised something. 

He had openly spoke about his feelings for Potter to Blaise, who was under the watch of his Father. If father saw that memory they had just created… 

Merlin, they were idiots.

 

Panic pushed a hundred solutions though his mind. None of them worked. 

He could not fix this one. There was no explanation out. There was no excuse for admitting to having a crush on the ‘Chosen One’. 

...Unless he convinced his father not to look into Blaise’s mind anymore. 

 

He began striding towards his father’s office before he stopped, and barely stopped a scream of desperation.   
This wasn’t going to work. HIs Father was an arrogant bastard and hated being told what to do, and was very difficult to manipulate. As a master manipulator himself, he often saw through others motivations. 

Yet, Draco had to make it work.

He could not out-duel his father. He had to use words, and words alone. 

A small plan came to him. It was desperate, and risky, but it could work. 

If it didn’t… Merlin help him.

 

The panic forcing him to set his mind to it, he continued on his his way to his Father’s office and eventually came to the large door. He spent a second building up his walls, marvelling at how quickly he could do it now, and knocked.

“Enter”

Draco closed his eyes, breathed, and went in. 

The office was silent except for the scribbling of the quill on the parchment. 

Lucius looked up, face calm.

It really was only hours ago that they had been in the basement when Father had confronted him.

How things had changed in such a small amount of time. 

Draco stayed where he was, Lucious flicked his wand and Draco heard the door click close behind him.

“Yes?” His father had not taken his calculating eyes off him. Draco stopped. His mind clear in its survival mode. But then he let the crazy in- just a little bit.

“You win.” Draco felt the need to smile- he barely smothered a laugh. “I thought I did. For just a second there I thought I was free to love who I wanted to. That’s what the Dark Lord said. I thought...I could have it--” this time he did laugh. He assumed he sounded mental. “But you can never lose, can you Father?” 

His Father was silent. 

“You got my own _ boyfriend _ to spy on me. Do you even  _ understand  _ how much you just fucked me up?” He was yelling. 

“Figured it out then did you?” There was a slight sneer to his father’s tone.

“Why can’t you just leave me be?!” The anger gave him confidence. “Why can’t you just let me fucking be?”

Draco paused, and felt something digging at his walls. He tilted his head and laughed, throwing back his head. He had  _ known  _ his father would do this...He had counted on it. The presence and force grew stronger. He looked back down at his father, who looked slightly annoyed. Draco supposed it was at the strength of the wall he had put up.

 

He let it break. 

 

He screamed as his Father ventured into his mind, let his eyes flutter close, and fell to the floor.

“Foolish boy, You thought you could keep me out?” His Father’s words echoed around his head. Draco made no effort to reply, he was too focussed on making sure the walls he had built around his buried memories stayed strong. 

Immediately, he let his Father see he and Blaise arguing, screaming, Blaise being thrown to the ground, the table that blew up behind him, Draco screaming some more. Draco threw the memories at him, hoping the sheer number of them would mask the fact that one of them was missing.

He gave his Father his memories- all of them but the most important one. 

He let him see Draco being broken by his realisation, the hours spent wandering around, the cracks that had formed going deeper until Draco knew they would never be filled. He pushed those feelings over the mental connection they shared. He let him see Draco crying, alone. Being silent, alone. 

He let him see what he had done to his own son.

As the numbers of the memories began to dwindle Draco summoned the anger that sat at the back of his mind. He was surprised at the presence he found, as it was massive. He guessed that was appropriate. Gathering it up, he used it to fuel him and  _ pushed  _ his Father from his mind. 

It was surprisingly easy.

Draco came back into his body. For a moment he didn’t open his eyes.   

When he did, his Father was still sitting at his desk. He no longer looked arrogant. 

Draco slowly pushed himself up- the headache from the effort he had just gone through threatened to overwhelm him.

 

“Are you happy?” Draco asked. The words, so quietly spoken, filled the space. 

Father averted his eyes. 

“Is this what you wanted?” Draco persisted. Father looked back up. 

“There is a war coming Draco, we cannot afford to be weak.” 

“You made  _ me  _ weak.”

“No Draco. You were always weak. I’ve just been making you stronger-”

“Shut  _ up _ ! You do not get to say that! You are my  _ Father! _ ” 

His Father did not even flinch. 

“I did not set out to make you hate me. You just grew to be more and more troublesome along the way.-”

Draco scoffed, but Father continued, as if uninterrupted. “Or have you forgotten the traitorous words you spoke? Wanted to protect Narcissa from all of this did you? Well, learn to hide your misgivings better. You, of course, don’t know the horrified look that comes upon your face whenever some blood is spilled in front of you. You’re lucky the Dark Lord is too occupied with it to look at you- You’re lucky he doesn't care enough about little  _ boys  _ to look in your head with actual care! You want to keep your Mother safe?! Harden up! Put on the mask Draco! Learn to live with it. It will mean that after the war we will be safe and more powerful than we could have ever im-”   
“I DON’T CARE ABOUT POWER!”

The scream shut his Father up. 

“I just want to live my life without you looming over me every fucking second! I don’t care about the cause you follow! I’m not going to stop you, or try to break away on some heroic mission because I actually give a shit about Mother’s life, and the Dark Lord scares the fucking _ shit  _ out of me. But I don’t want to take part in any of your missions. I don’t want to  _ toughen up.  _ I don’t want to torture people! I’m  _ sorry _ that I don’t have that urge. You cannot ever fuck me up enough to want to torture people. No matter how much you fuck me up, I will never be okay with killing and torturing people. So just leave me be! Just leave me  _ fucking _ be!”

They stared at each other, Draco’s chest rising and falling so quickly it was if he had run a race. 

After a minute, or maybe longer, his Father tilted his head forward slightly. A nod. 

Draco blinked. 

His Father had nodded at him. 

 

“Okay.” Draco was in shock. 

“Okay,” His Father replied, “I am done with you then, leave me.” 

Draco nodded slowly, slowly turned around. And left. 

 

****

 

It felt unusual not to be able to kiss Blaise anymore. But the thought of kissing Blaise was also wrong. There was a strange distance between them now, and Draco felt more alone than ever. They had agreed to be friends, but that seemed to be difficult at the moment. He hadn’t missed Pansy’s concerned looks- though he had just dodged her continuous questions. 

Draco hoped the awkward phase between them would be over soon. He missed his friend.    
Additionally, he had forced himself to let go of any romantic feelings he had felt for Blaise (which had been surprisingly easy) when he had acknowledged the feelings he had for Potter. They were there. They always had been. But that didn’t mean he had to act on them- he feared the consequences of doing so.

He didn’t want to think of what would happen if his feelings for the Boy Who Lived were ever discovered- but the smell of blood from the basement still haunted his mind. 

He shivered and got back to studying. 

They were in the Slytherin common room, having returned the day before. The holidays were over in two days, and after their end, the teachers would be working them hard to revise for O.W.Ls. Draco was not sure if was looking forward to it or not. 

 

He had finished most of the tasks set for him by each professor, except those set by Umbridge, he instead chose to study from the older recommended textbooks which had actual advanced spells in them. 

“I thought we weren’t supposed to be studying those spells” Crabbe interrupted Draco as he was reading. 

“Yes Crabbe, but I actually want to pass my exams, so I'm studying them” Draco turned back to the book. 

“But Umbridge said we could pass our exams without reading those sorts of books-”

Theo sighed rather loudly, beating Draco to it.

“Yes Crabbe, but Umbridge is incredibly stupid.”

“Oh” Crabbe was confused.

Theo mused to himself, “You know, Potter might have actually been onto something, starting that little club-” Inwardly, Draco tensed at the mention of Potter’s name. “-at least they will pass their fucking exams.” Theo slammed his hands on the table, snapping Draco away from his thoughts of the ‘Chosen One’.

“We should duel each other, to make sure we pass. I couldn’t stand it if we were beaten by everyone in that club,  _ including  _ the  _ Hufflepuffs _ .” He looked around at them all, “What do you think?”

“I'll do it” Pansy immediately volunteered and the rest of them began nodding. They all looked to Draco, who felt something resembling excitement for the first time in days “You do realise I will thrash you all, don’t you?” 

 

They hurried out of the common room, and searched for an empty classroom. It wasn’t hard to find one, due to the holidays still being in session.

Immediately, Pansy locked the door with a couple of charms, Draco put up silencing spells so no one would hear them, and Theo cleared a space in the centre of the room and placed up some magical barriers. 

“Alright,” said Draco, automatically taking the leading position “Let’s start with some basic jinxes and shielding charms, just to warm up” 

Immediately, everyone paired up; Draco quickly grabbed Theo so Blaise was forced to be with Pansy. Crabbe, ofcourse, went with Goyle. 

As the wizzes, pops and crackling of the offensive spells filled the room, Draco found himself laughing as he and Theo went at it. They were quite evenly matched and so soon enough Draco was sweating as he twisted and dodged.

Draco moved insticitely as a bat bogey hex came straight at his face. He dodged, thankful for the extensive training he had received by Bellatrix. 

Using a stabbing technique she had taught him to improve accuracy, Draco fired a slip jinx at Theo, managing to get it beneath his Protego.

He slammed to the groud, crying out, giving Draco the oppoutunity to quickly petrify him. 

“Bastard,” said Theo after Draco had released him from the grips of the spell. “It’s no fair that you can use wordless” He picked himself up, gave Draco the finger, then smiled “Teach us?”

 

Draco looked around to see everyone looking at him. 

 

“Okay” He smiled, glad to be back amongst friends. “Well it has it benifits, but it’s also got downsides. Everyone always forgets that wordless makes your spells weaker. If you want to cause as much damage as possible, its better to use your words. For example, I’d vocalise Protego, as your opponent is usually expecting it and the spell needs to be as strong as possible... it could be the difference between blocking a spell and going away injured, you should vocalise.”    
They all listened attentively, and Draco relished being the teacher. He was drawn back to the memory of teaching Blaise back when they had first been in potions together. It bought a bittersweet smile to him. He had been so awkward, yet happy. And then--

Draco bought himself back to reality. He needed to stop thinking about it.

 

****

 

While they were away, a poster had appeared on the notice-board informing the students they would have a career advice session with their head of house. Draco had considered not going, as he and his father expected Draco to go into the Ministry of Magic- as the men and women in his family had done for generations, but he figured if he did not turn up Snape would not be impressed. So when his appointed time came, he made his way through the series of tunnels that lead to the potion master's office. 

 

After waiting for the student who filled the appointment in front of him to finish, he walked into Snape's office, glad for the fire which crackled in the corner.

“So. Draco.” Snape looked slightly fed up, as per usual “I have as responsibility as your Head of House to make sure you are aware of the options of employment you can have access to when you graduate from Hogw-” Draco decided to stop him short.

“It’s alright Sir, I’ll be going into the Ministry of Magic. Father has a position ready for me…” He trailed off as he saw Snapes face. Which looked unimpressed and a bit insulted.

“Do not interrupt me, Draco. I am aware that your  _ Father _ wants you to go into politics, but have you considered what  _ you  _ want? There are far more options available than those dreary offices can provide for you. Have you considered becoming a healer?” As he spoke he began to slide brightly coloured pamphlets with moving designs towards Draco. “Or perhaps a dragon trainer? A curse breaker?” 

The last pamphlet caught Draco’s eye.  _ Do you love ancient artifacts? Do you want to go out and explore the world? Would you like to earn a very, very decent wage? Then a Gringotts curse breaker is just the job for you! Mind you- it's very dangerous. Plenty of people have lost limbs, their minds or even their lives! How exciting! Submit your application to the address listed below!”  _

Draco drifted back into the conversation Snape was having with him. “All of these options are yours to choose from due to your excellent marks in each subject...  _ Draco. _ ” Draco snapped his eyes up from the curse breaker pamphlet to look into Snapes concerned ones. “You do not have to follow in you fathers footsteps.”

_No._ _No, he didn’t._

Draco felt a warm, buzzy from his stomach begin to climb onto his face- but he forced himself to stop it. His father would kill him if he became a curse breaker. And regardless. There was a war coming. He would not be working. He would be fighting, and then he would be needed to help build the new world. Draco sighed.  _ But- But after all of that _ … he looked down at the pamphlet again- and felt his face drop. 

_ Required fields: A high N.E.W.T level in Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Defence Against The Dark Arts, Charms and Transfiguration.  _

“I’ve never done Arithmancy, so I couldn’t do this-”

“I am happy to give you private tuition in Arithmancy. And I believe that you are beyond competent in all the other listed subjects.”

Draco swallowed, and nodded his head slightly. 

“Good. Focus on your upcoming exams, but after you complete them, we will begin.” Snape saw Draco’s face “Is there anything else?”

Draco shook his head, wishing he _ could _ talk to Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, all right, I know it's been a while, especially on that cliff hanger.   
> You'll have to forgive me! I have an explanation.  
> I live in Australia and go to university and I'm four weeks in and the work has been piling up :))))  
> So this was on the back burner for a bit, I've still been writing, but it's far more fun to write new content then revise old, PluS- I kept missing my upload time and would just be like yeah I'll upload tomorrow but it never happened :((  
> Forgive me.   
> Also please leave a comment, I cannot explain how happy they make me and make it worth it - plus the messages on tumblr make me beyond happy! (plus these motivate me so if you want that new chapter you better bet yo ass Ima upload better content more quickly if you leave suggestions/critical advice and love!)
> 
> Tumblr; satan-incarnated  
> Instagram: Ill let you know when I've uploaded there :) annarelise01


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the time has come to move through some time quickly.  
> The next chapter uploaded will be 6th year, when things start to get very interesting...

 

Over the next couple of days he and his friends got together and dueled whenever they could, using empty classrooms to practice. No one reported them, because who would report the inquisitorial squad? Not even Peeves bothered them, as he was wreaking havoc in other areas of the school. Again and again Draco won against all of them- except for Theo on occasion- as the boy had a fantastic protego. It was a good distraction to Draco, whos head quietened in the action, and when his laughs and true smiles came out. 

 

So, when exams came, Draco was ready. Each exam was a breeze as per usual. But he still tried incredibly hard, adding extra information in essays and pushing himself when he cast spells. He had to beat the Mudblood. 

_ Don’t call her that. _

He refused to listen. He had to harden up. 

 

At last, he walked out of his last exam, a small weight lifting off his chest. He barely noticed the lightning of his still heavy load. 

Lost in his thoughts, he leaned against a pillar and watched the doors, waiting for the rest of his friends. He almost didn’t notice it when Harry came hurtling down the stairs, a very odd look on his face. Draco felt a small bit of concern stirring in his stomach, but put a sneer on his face, ready to tease Potter.    
Why hadn’t Harry been in the exam? And why was his face so pale? 

Before Draco could figure it out, Harry had grabbed Granger and Weasley and dragged them toward an adjacent corridor. Pansy happened to walk past them, her eyebrows raised.

She approached Draco “Do you know why Potter looks like he’s seen a Boggart?”   
“He probably just did foully at his exam” Draco explained, hoping that the false explanation would deter Pansy from telling Umbridge.

He didn’t want to get involved anymore. 

Pansy nodded, then waved at Theo and Blaise who had just exited the hall amidst the rush of students. They both had large smiles on their faces. 

“We are done, we are done...we-are-done!” Chanted Theo, his fist pumping and his grin contagious. 

“Shall we have a post-exam celebration?” asked Pansy, gesturing to the window which gave a glimpse to the outdoors, which was currently beckoning them.

“The lake?” Blaise asked. 

They all nodded. 

 

Soon enough they were tossing pieces of bread to the giant squid, their ties loosened, the sun warming their faces and their outer robes discarded on the ground. They were laughing, chatting and playing various games. Yet, a small niggling at the back of Draco’s mind kept him from fully embracing the brilliant feeling of freedom…  _ why had he looked so frightened? _

 

It was not even half an hour later when Crabbe was trying (and failing) to toss every flavour bean’s into Goyles mouth, much to everyone’s amusement when the group were interrupted from their after-exam relaxing session when four pink paper messengers sped towards them, ruining their afternoon.

 

“ _ All members of the inquisitorial squad will come to my office, immediately. _

_ \- D Umbridge” _

 

“For fuck's sake” Blaise slammed fist to the ground, “there’s no way in fucking hell I’m going. I’ve had enough of her.”

Draco did not miss the glance Blaise gave him. He could guess another reason Blaise wasn’t going. He didn’t have to keep an eye on Draco anymore. 

Draco frowned then hurried to catch up with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle, who had already begun to pack their things away.

_ I’m not running away from Blaise,  _ Draco reasoned with himself... He was suspicious this would have something to do with the reason Potter’s face had looked so frightened after the exam. That was why he was joining them.

 

On their way to Umbridge’s office, they came across the woman herself, huffing down the corridor with the other members in tow. 

 

“Oh good, you all got my letters. Quickly! There are intruders in my office!” She steamed past them, red-faced and eagerly dragging... was that Weasley?- was he-  _ gagged? _

They hurried to keep up with the surprisingly fast Umbridge, rounding a corner to find another Weasley- the girl and her friend, the blonde girl-  _ what was her name? Loony? _ \- standing in an empty corridor, looking awfully suspicious.

The alarm on their faces gave them away. It also didn’t help that they both began chanting “WEASLEY IS OUR-” at the tops of their voices-  _ very Inconspicuous- _ only to be stopped by Umbridge as she disarmed them and given them same gags that Weasley had.

“Get them! Here take him-” She shoved Wesely into Cassius’s arms and continued trotting on. Draco snorted at the sight of the large redhead, who was at least a foot taller than Cassius. Cassius seemed to realise this and looked quite uncomfortable. 

They followed Umbridge and burst into her office to find-  _ well.  _

That was  _ Potter’s _ ass sticking out of Umbridge’s fireplace.

Draco might have stopped to appreciate the ass presented to him- but Umbridge quickly pulled Potter out of the fire, his hair gripped tight in her hand. Granger, who Draco now realised was there too, was grabbed by Millicent.

 

Umbridge continued to pull an ash-covered Potter backwards as he sputtered from his interruption from floo communication, she was hissing something in his ear as she dragged his hair back so he was forced to look at the ceiling. Draco almost growled, but remembered his fears and his facade. 

“Take his wand” Umbridge commanded “hers too” She gestured at Granger.

Draco found himself in a position he rarely was in. He got close to Potter, reaching into his robe pocket, and brushing his chest. He inhaled, caught in the moment and smelt ash, but underneath there was the certain smell of the green grass of the quidditch pitch and... moth balls! His mind was snapped back to the scent he had smelt when he had sniffed the Pinewald flower he had gifted to Blaise. Even back then, he had smelt his mother's perfume, grass from the quidditch pitch and  _ mothballs. _

He should have fucking guessed. 

_...Why did Potter smell like mothballs? _

Potters struggling under his arm brought him back into the present. He patted around, trying not to enjoy it too much until he found the wand. 

He drew it out and retreated as Umbridge began her interrogation. He already missed the contact.

 

He made his way to the open window, seeking the cool air to calm him down. He was not enjoying the shit Umbridge was putting them through, but it sure had felt nice to have Harry in his arms. He began to toss Harry’s wand, up and down, and modified the smile on his face so it fit the malicing one Harry was expecting to see. Umbridge threw Harry into her desk, momentarily breaking his act as he struggled not to cry out and curse the bitch. Yet his act was good enough, for when he made eye contact with Potter, he found himself looking into eyes that were filled with hate. 

_ As they should be.  _ He reminded himself. _ It is easier to fight you the more you hate me.  _

Draco knew somewhere in him, that despite knowing the feelings he felt, he couldn’t, and  _ wouldn’t,  _ confront them. That was too much of a frightening thought- so instead, he acted like the twat he was.

 

Crabbe, Goyle, Montague and Cassius burst into the room holding the girls they had seen outside, plus Weasley and  _ Longbottom too?  _ Merlin, this was turning into quite the parade. They were all gagged. 

At Umbridge’s look Cassius, who was holding the newest captive explained. “Tried to stop me taking her,” he pointed at the Weasley girl, who was attempting to kick the shins of the beefier Montague and not doing very well, “so I brought him along too.” 

The Weasley girl finally seemed to realise that kicking Montague in the shins was doing nothing, and changed tactics. She leaned forward and whipped her foot up behind her, making contact with his junk. Montague grunted, stumbled, but managed to maintain his grip and recover quickly enough and put her into a chokehold with one arm. He pulled tight, then levelled his wand to her head and quietly growled, “I’d love to have an excuse to hurt you, Weasley, to get back at your brothers' for forcing me into that stupid fucking vanishing cabinet... so don’t give me a reason.”

The Weasley girl quietened, her face going pale, while her brother began to scream into his gag “‘ont you- ‘urt my ‘ister!” 

Umbridge grinned, seemingly enjoying the moment “Good, good... well, it looks as though Hogwarts will shortly be a Weasley-free zone, doesn't it?” Draco laughed, forcing it out of himself, despite  _ really  _ wanting to hit something. He began to breathe as Umbridge questioned Harry some more. Draco froze a smile onto his face.  _ In, out...In...out- _

 

“-It's none of your business who I talk to,” Draco hear Potter say. He sounded like a trapped animal, but fuck he was fierce.

“Very well,” Umbridge said, in her girlishly sickening voice, “...Very well, Mr Potter...I offered you the chance to tell me freely. You refused. I have no alternative but to force you. Draco- fetch Professor Snape.”    
  
Draco struggled to move from the spot, but a look from Umbridge sent him moving. He put Harry’s wand in his cloak and exited the room, shaking. What the fuck did she want Snape for? What if Snape told the Dark Lord about all this shit? What was all this stuff even about? He shook his head. Even if Snape told the Dark Lord about this nothing would happen… right? Voldemort had no power here.

Draco rushed to find Snape. 

 

He burst into Snape’s office. “Sir, Umbridge is requesting your presence… they’ve found Potter with his head in her fireplace.” 

Snape rolled his eyes then strode from the room.

 

“Ah, Professor Snape,” Umbridge said as they returned. She sported one of her unsettling smiles. “Yes, I would like another bottle of Veritaserum, as quick as you can, please.” 

Draco repressed a snort. She dared to treat Snape as he was a dog, able to send him to and fro for simple errands. 

Snape’s lip curled “You took my last bottle to interrogate Potter...Surely you did not use it all? I told you that three drops would be sufficient.” 

Umbridge’s face turned a light shade of red. “You can make some more, can't you?” Draco once again repressed a snort.  _ Only if she wanted to wait a month. _

“Certainly,' said Snape cooly “It takes a full moon-cycle to mature, so I should have it ready for you in around a month.” 

Umbridge’s flush turned a lovely shade of purple. “A month?… A month!? But I need it this evening, Snape! I have just found Potter using my fire to communicate with a person or persons unknown!” 

“Really?” said Snape looking at Harry, one eyebrow slightly raised. 'Well, it doesn't surprise me. Potter has never shown much inclination to follow school rules.”

 

“I wish to interrogate him!” Umbridge sounded like a small child, demanding a new toy “I wish you to provide me with a potion that will force him to tell me the truth!” 

Unfortunately for her, Snape was not a wish-granting Genie.

“I have already told you that I have no further stocks of Veritaserum. Unless you wish to poison Potter- and I assure you I would have the greatest sympathy with you if you did… I cannot help you. The only trouble is that most venoms act too fast to give the victim much time for truth-telling.”  _ Merlin bless this sarcastic man.  _

 

“You are on probation!” screeched Umbridge  _ and there goes the tantrum…  _ “You are being deliberately unhelpful! I expected better, Lucius Malfoy always speaks most highly of you!” Draco cringed at the mention of his father “Now get out of my office!”

 

Snape gave her an ironic bow and turned to leave. Draco hid his smirk behind a cough, jumping when Potter screamed unexpectedly “He's got Padfoot! He's got Padfoot at the place where it's hidden!” Snape had stopped with his hand poised on Umbridge's door handle. Snape slowly turned around as Umbridge started shrieking excitedly.

“Padfoot? What is Padfoot? Where what is hidden? What does he mean, Snape?!”

Dracp’s mind began to race.  _ Something important happening. _

“I have no idea,” said Snape coldly. “Potter, when I want nonsense shouted at me I shall give you a Babbling Beverage. And Crabbe, loosen your hold a little. If Longbottom suffocates it will mean a lot of tedious paperwork and I am afraid I shall have to mention it on your reference if ever you apply for a job.” He closed the door with a snap.

Draco glanced at Crabbe, noticing that Longbottom was indeed  _ very  _ red. He nodded at Crabbe who shuffled a bit, causing Longbottom’s face to return to more of a normal shade.

 

“Very well,” Draco’s ears pricked up as heard the malice in her voice. Umbridge pulled out her wand- Draco gripped his in his pocket. “Very well … I am left with no alternative- this is more than a matter of school discipline.. this is an issue of Ministry security. Yes.. _.yes. _ ”

She had made an important decision on that last word- he could sense it. 

“You are forcing me, Potter... I do not want to,” said Umbridge, she was twitching as if she were holding something in, “but sometimes circumstances justify the use... I am sure the Minister will understand that I had no choice” 

Draco was getting ready to pull his wand out and stun Umbridge. He did  _ not  _ like the tone of her voice. 

“The Cruciatus Curse ought to loosen your tongue,” Draco could not keep the shock and horror from his face. Luckily Granger’s scream distracted everyone in the room

“No! Professor Umbridge- it's illegal!” 

Umbridge raised her wand. No one noticed as Draco subtly got his out too.

“The Minister wouldn't want you to break the law, Professor Umbridge!” Between Granger and Umbridge, no one noticed Draco underhandedly pointing his wand at Potter, wordlessly putting an invisible shields between him and Umbridge. He knew this would be pointless against Cruciatus Curse, but  _ surely  _ she would not use it. And as for the sudden, unexplained shielding spell, well, Potter had survived the killing curse, anything was possible. 

 

He tuned back into Umbridge’s rant “but I was the one who actually did something about it.. only you wriggled out of that one, didn't you, Potter? Not today though, not now…” She raised her wand, her smile having turned into a much more wicked and cruel example of her usual sneer. She was  _ actually  _ going to do it- Draco discreetly pointed his wand at her, deciding that if he caused her arm to move, she would miss Potter. “Cruc-”

 

'NO!' shouted Granger, Draco deflected the curse he had already begun to summon onto his leg, causing it to spasm. No one noticed as their eye’s were all glued to Granger.

 

“No- Harry... we'll have to tell her!” Granger wailed. Draco was surprised, as was everyone else in the room. Draco had always thought she was stronger than that…  

 

“No way!”  Potter yelled.  _ Well _ , you couldn’t say Harry Potter wasn’t brave, even if it was stupidly so.

 

Granger sobbed, “We'll have to, Harry, she'll force it out of you anyway, what's… what's the point?” 

Weasley was attempting screaming through his gag. Granger had begun crying, her face was buried in her hands. “Well, well, well!' said Umbridge, looking triumphant. “Little Miss Question-all is going to give us some answers! Come on then, girl, come on!”

“I'm- I'm sorry everyone,” Granger said, and as she sobbed, Draco noticed something- Granger, who still had her face buried in her hands, wasn’t crying. Despite her consistent sobbing, there was not a tear in sight.  _ She’s faking it.  _

As Granger began giving Umbridge the lies she so desperately wanted to hear, Draco noticed all her friends go still in shock at her ingeniousness- now  _ there  _ was the Granger he knew. 

“What kind of weapon?” Umbridge asked, lapping it all up.  _ Merlin _ , that woman was  _ stupid _ . Umbridge’s face had once again transformed, this time showing nothing but greed- “Lead me to the weapon!” She cried out. He struggled not to roll his eyes, but could not keep the small grin from his lips.  _ Umbridge had a habit of underestimating the students. _

“I'm not showing… them,” said Granger, looking around Draco and the rest of them, still keeping her dry face mostly covered. 

 

'It is not for you to set conditions,' said Professor Umbridge harshly. 

Draco’s smile got wider, Granger was good _._

 

“Fine,” said Hermione, now sobbing into her hands again. “Fine... let them see it, I hope they use it on you! In fact, I wish you'd invite loads and loads of people to come and see! Th-that would serve you right- oh, I'd love it if the wh-whole school knew where it was, and how to u-use it, and then if you annoy any of them they'll, be able to s-sort you out!”

Oh  _ Merlin-  _  could it get any  _ better _ \- 

 

Draco was too slow to wipe the smile off his face as Umbridge turned to him and saw his grin. 

Umbridge suspected him.  _ Just like Granger wanted.  _

Well… he could play this little game. “All right, dear, let's make it just you and me… and we'll take Potter, too, shall we? Get up, now.” 

_ Time to play. _

 

'Professor,' said Draco eagerly, “Professor Umbridge, I think some of the Squad should come with you to look after-”

 

'I am a fully qualified Ministry official, Malfoy, do you really think I cannot manage two wandless teenagers alone?' said Umbridge shrilly.  _ Probably not. Stupid bitch  _  'In any case, it does not sound as though this weapon is something that schoolchildren should see. You will remain here until I return and make sure none of these-” she gestured at their captors. “-escape.”

Draco did his best to look sulky and disappointed. He nodded. “Alright.”

 

As Umbridge, Granger and Potter left the room, Draco was already on board with their-  _ probably stupid _ \- plan. He put a  _ very  _ light tickling jinx on Crabbe and Goyle, meaning they were both off balance when Weasley and Longbottom threw them off, the two large boys managing to get them to the ground. Draco turned his attention to Montague, who was far more capable then Crabbe and Goyle combined. He fired a subtle slip jinx at him. 

The weasley girl reused her kicking technique and managed to throw him off. As chaos erupted around him, Draco stunned Millicent with a well-placed spell, and fired a few badly aimed ones past his enemies, giving them time to react. 

Then- “Augh!” He cried. There were bats crawling out of his nose. The Weasley girl had hit him with a Bat-Bogey hex. 

“Eugh!” Cried Draco, clawing at his face, but resisting using the counter charm, knowing it would give them more time. It was very unpleasant.

Before he knew it he was bound and gagged. 

 

He hoped it had all been for something.  
  


***

Draco could not get Potter’s face out of his head as he attempted to sleep that night after Snape had returned and released them, giving Draco a look as he did so. Draco had kept his walls strong, especially after feeling of a light touch on them. Snape could not see what he had just done.  

When he finally slept, he heard a legimency call from his father in his dreams. 

_ “My Lord! Please assist us! The enemy is here! They are overwhelming us!”  _

He shot out of bed, breathing hard, as the lingering feeling of intense fear that had accompanied his father’s voice faded.

His father was in danger. Something had gone wrong. Draco didn’t know if he felt happy or fearful of the prospect. 

 

He knew he wasn’t going to go to sleep, So he wandered down to the common room, building the fire with magic to fight the cold that dwelled in the dungeon.

He looked out of a window, looking into the depths of the great lake, wandering... 

_ What was going on? _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the great feedback on the last chapter! Loved it, made my week. :)


	19. 6TH YEAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> itsssss 6th year!

_ One can only endure so much cruelty, stress, worry, anger and despair before they began to turn into somebody that they wouldn’t have liked in better times. _

  
Father was in Azkaban. Mother looked like she hadn’t slept in the month since it had happened. 

And Draco? Draco didn’t feel anything at all. He had begun to numb his own mind to escape the thoughts feelings that came with being awake. He was sixteen now, he had been since the day after exams had finished, but that day full of happiness seemed long ago. 

Blaise and Mrs Zabini had moved out of the mansion to avoid detection from the ministry, so he was alone, with only his devastated Mother for company. Blaise had argued that he should stay, as the ministry was aware he was there- officially, Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had taken Blaise in as an exchange from America to finish his schooling in his Mother’s ‘home country’, but Mrs Zabini had wanted to be with her son, so they had fled to avoid questioning.   
  


He watched from the hill that he and Blaise had often run to as the ministry officials came and went. They were looking through the house for any sign of ‘illegal activities or possessions.’ 

They would find nothing. The Dark Lord had prepared well for this possibility.

 

Draco looked down at the cuts which littered his left arm, some were from the night he had gotten home from Hogwarts when the Dark Lord had expressed his full displeasure… and some cuts which were self-inflicted. Draco had played no part in his father's failure, but that hadn’t made him exempt from the punishment. He and his mother were the warnings to other Death Eaters,  _ Don’t fuck up, or your family will suffer. _

His mind was drawn back to that terrible day. To the hell and seemingly endless pain he had experienced as Voldemort had used curse after curse, including the cruciatus curse, to torture Draco and his mother. The pain had been worse than anything Draco had ever experienced. And then- the sudden break in the tempest when Draco had naively thought it was all over, when Voldemort forced him to stand on a broken foot to receive his final and most damning punishment. 

“ _ In order to restore my faith in your family and loyalty- You will kill Albus Dumbledore. Otherwise, your mother and yourself shall die instead. Swear to me that you shall complete this task, that you shall dedicate yourself to both the task and the cause... Take the Dark Mark.”  _

His eyes moved to his covered right arm where the Dark Mark now lived. It made him want to retch. His cuts didn’t go remotely near it. He had not touched his right arm since it had happened, he could not let the Dark Lord know of his misgivings.  Bellatrix had begun to train him as soon as he had recovered, and she had been pushing him hard. The training, coupled with his running and boxing, piano, occlumency practice and intense study- kept him sane enough during the day... but at night, ironically, he couldn’t help but turn to the physical sensation of pain to release the endless torrent of thoughts and fears in his head. He sighed and healed the fresh cuts from the night before, which, in his empty state, had forgotten to heal. 

He had forgotten to do a lot of things lately. 

Eat. Showing affection to his Mother. Self-care. Smiling. 

He knew his Mother was worried about him, and he was worried about her. But talking seemed...difficult. Very difficult. So he often came up here to read, like he was trying to do currently- but the words of  _ Arithmancy for Beginners  _ kept blending together. He sighed and shut the book, ready to give up and return to the house when he spotted someone was walking up the hill towards him. _Oh no._ He quickly rolled down his sleeves to cover the scars from Voldemort which could not be healed.

Draco recognised the man. 

It was Arthur Weasley. 

“Hello Draco.” Authur had stopped a short distance away and lifted an awkward hand in greeting. 

Draco just looked at him coldly.

“Ahm...you should be careful with that magic. The ministry is keeping a careful eye on the premises, and they'll notice if you and your mother cast a spell at the same time. That would be underage magic.”

“Is that a threat?” Draco asked, not keeping the contempt out of his voice. Arthur Weasley's face dropped. 

“No. Just a warning.” 

“Wonderful, you can go now.” Draco went back to the book.

“Look- Draco. I’m not just here to exchange pleasantries.” Draco could hear his voice straining. “Just to offer some advice”

“Yes, well you already did that.” Draco didn’t look up from the book. 

“I’m a member of the Order, you know that right?” Draco looked up, confused. Of course he knew- 

“We can help you Draco. I  _ promise _ you we can. You only need ask.” 

Draco laughed. A fake, horrible laugh. But he couldn’t help it. Arthur looked slightly taken aback. How stupidly hopeful people could be.   
“They would kill me. And my mother. As soon as they win the war that is coming-” He paused, then snorted “ _No_ , I’ll take that back!” Draco realised he sounded a bit crazy “When they _inevitably_ win the war that is coming...First, they’d _torture_ me, till I begged for _death_ , then they’d torture me some more! Maybe torture my mother in front of me, and I to her… And _then-_ only after all that- would they kill me.” He stood up and walked over to Weasley, hissing at the fool “I would not risk her life. I would gladly give mine but I will not risk my Mother.” He walked past the man, trying to ignore the pity which had appeared on his enemy’s face. He made his way back to the manor, watching Aurous rip apart everything in his home. They would repair it, but that didn’t make the sight of it all being broken hurt any less. It was an invasion of his and his mother’s privacy. And Draco could do _nothing_ to stop it. He forced himself to repress the intense snarl of anger that rose within him.

His Mother walked up to him, holding out her arm. 

“We have another appointment. Come” Draco prepared himself for the feeling of apparition, finding that with all his ‘appointments’ these days, he was getting quite used to it.    
He also didn’t feel the fear he had once felt at the prospect of the 'appointments'- Just a grim determination to get on with it.

 

****

 

The appointment turned out to be another training session with Bellatrix, as she was the only one who knew about his mission to kill Dumbledore. She was teaching him dark magic that had never even been mentioned in the Defence Against the Dark Arts textbooks. When he enquired she had told him that “ _ these spells and curses are only covered when students reach a higher level Auror training. Though- they are never taught how to cast them, they only know how to defend themselves.”   _ Unfortunately, he had been struggling with the darker spells.

They trained in different locations each time they met, as Bellatrix was technically on the run. She had warned him that this wouldn’t be the case for too much longer. Draco dreaded to know the reason why.    
He had secretly hoped that the ministry would do it’s fucking job, and actually form a good defence against Voldemort, but apparently, his Father’s and his friend’s poisonous influence had spread too far, and the ministry had remained weak, and were unable to catch the Dark witches and wizards.

 

This time, the training session with Bellatrix was in an abandoned muggle warehouse, with strange, colourful paint on the wall which resembled strange lettering. He wondered if it was some secret muggle code.

Bellatrix was waiting inside, and nodded at her sister and nephew upon seeing them.

“I assume this place is secure?” Mother called out as she set her things down and sat in a transfigured chair. 

“Of course, don't be stupid.” Bellatrix was putting up some wards now that they had arrived, and so missed his Mother’s icy glare but heard her question, “Any news?” 

Bellatrix shook her head “We are going to have a little chat with Ollivander on Friday, as planned-” She turned to them, a cruel smile on her face “-but apart from that, nothing. You?” 

Draco’s stomach dropped, he had liked Ollivander… the old wandmaker was strange, sure, but deserving of torture and death? No.

Narcissa shook her head and then drew out a large book containing poison recipes. Since being assigned the task by Voldemort, all three of them had been researching manically to try and find  _ something _ that might kill Dumbledore. But so far nothing had gotten their hopes up. 

  
Bellatrix motioned at Draco to get ready, so he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. 

He planted his feet as Bellatrix had taught him, angled his wand and nodded at her. He was ready. 

Draco had learned that to duel well, one needed to go into a blank state of mind, and split it- not unlike occlumency.

You needed to allow your brain to react to the small signals your opponent sent you through their body’s and wand’s movements as it needed. You needed to let your subconscious mind react to these subtle signals while your conscious brain was on the offensive. 

Draco had found it surprisingly easy to slip into the right state of mind, as his brain had resorted to it so often in response to his extreme stress, anger or sadness.

So, when Bellatrix tightened her arm and shifted her weight slightly, time seemed to slow for Draco and he acted accordingly. As his subconscious mind moved him to dodge to the left, he fired off a stunning spell, its red crackling light passing Bellatrix’s spell- which was similar, but glowed blue- a much more painful paralysing spell. Bellatrix dodged Draco’s spell and proceeded to whip her arm around her head in a circular motion. 

That move meant one of three spells; A firestorm, which was unlikely considering the circumstances, a water trap, which was impossible as there was no water around...or the last and most likely option, a net conjuration. 

As the large net materialised out of the air and flew towards Draco. He used confringo to make it explode into flames midair. 

He barely had time to recover, as Bellatrix had already fired another spell at him. He spun out of the way and magically lifted some of the rubble around him as he went. The small stones hovered in the air for a millisecond before they fired themselves at Bellatrix, speeding faster than any curse he could have flung at her.

She cackled as she was already pushing a blasting force of energy back at Draco, causing the stones to come hurtling back at him. 

He panicked and threw up a Protego, but not quickly enough.    
He grunted as a few of the small stones pelted him, grazing his cheeks and thudding into his body. He looked down to find a couple had entered his flesh.

That was his mistake.  
  


The blasting spell hit Draco, throwing him off his feet. He hit the ground, a strangled cry came out of him involuntarily. 

It took a few seconds, but the pain arrived and jolted his mind out of it’s usually empty state. 

The pain was so real.

Still, on the ground, he cast a healing spell and the pain burned through him. He hissed and closed his eyes as the small rocks slowly fell out of his body and the holes they left began to close themselves up. 

He sensed someone come up to him, but didn’t bother to open his eyes as he already knew Bellatrix was levelling her wand at his head.

“Not good enough, Draco. At this level you will be able to put up a decent fight against some of the junior Aurors, but not against the senior ones we will face. Push yourself next time.” 

He grunted, not bothering to tell her he  _ was  _ pushing himself and finally opened his eyes. The light was very bright. He blinked, realising he was probably slightly concussed. Grunting again he pushed himself into a sitting position, almost falling back down as a wave of dizziness assaulted him. Bellatrix turned away, dismissing his injuries. “Come, I have a new dark curse I wish to teach you. Hopefully you will have conquered your  _ fear  _ of the magic by now” She said it in a voice she might have used if talking to a child. Draco looked away, shameful at his own skill which Bellatrix was alluding to. He didn’t know why, but he had been struggling with Dark Magic.

“Oh don’t be  _ ridiculous _ ! He’s hurt!” Narcissa snapped and rushed to his side, adding her magic to the healing. With a flick of her wand, Draco's dizziness went away.

“I’m fine Mum”, Draco pushed her wand away. He didn’t need her help.

Bellatrix seemed to think the same thing, as she snorted at her sister “Draco is going to have to learn to take care of himself in the upcom-” 

“He is just a boy!” Narcissa interrupted her sister, an angry and desperate note in her voice. “He shouldn’t be getting involved in any of this! Surely you can do something other than prepare him for-”

Bellatrix's exasperated groan echoed across the warehouse  “I have _told_ you, Cissy, I cannot change the Dark Lord’s mind! I have tried once to no avail-”   
  
“Then try again!”

“I  _ cannot _ _!_ ” Bellatrix's eyes were wild, “You think I would dare?! Ask Him when He has already made his decision clear to me? I would not dare! Draco will have Snape there to protect him, we have established that-” 

Draco had had enough. He pushed himself off the ground “Would you please stop talking about me as if I weren't here?” he said quietly, causing the two women to stop their argument and look at him. “I have told you, I don’t need Snape’s protection, it will only put him in danger... he holds a key position and I the Dark Lord will not be pleased if it is compromised in any way.”

Narcissa’s face crumbled “Draco, no darling, you must- if he-”   
“Mother no!” Draco’s yell rang out, causing her to step back in shock. “I cannot fail this. I cannot fail and put you in danger! I cannot allow Snape to do it and potentially cause the Dark Lord to be displeased with me. I cannot. I- cannot.” at his last, cracked words, his mother sobbed and came to take Draco in her arms. It felt strangely comforting, they had not embraced like this since... since before. 

“You are my son, I cannot lose you.” The words were whispered to him as she clutched him desperately. He worried she was losing what was left of herself. 

“Nor I you,” Draco said back and closed his eyes in pain.

 

“Well, this is very sweet, but I’m afraid I don’t have all day…” Draco sighed and detangled himself to glare at Bellatrix as she smiled sweetly at him. It didn’t suit her.

Draco was about to tell her as much when he considered the implications of such an action.

He stepped away from his mother and signalled to Bellatrix to continue. 

She nodded and raised her wand. “Pay attention to my wand work.  _ Watch closely _ ” she said, smiling sinisterly. 

Draco never liked this part.

“Adcaecum!” she hissed and Draco cried out as his eyes burned. It felt as if small needles were being stabbed into them. He squeezed them shut, trying to get rid of the pain. And was surprised as after a few seconds, the pain faded. 

He opened his eyes, relieved it was over, to find- Nothing. 

He could feel his eyes moving around in his skull as he tried to look around, and could feel his lids blinking, but he could see nothing.  _ He couldn’t see!  _ Panicking, he rubbed at his eyes, crying out, but then came to his senses. He looked to where he thought Bellatrix would be. “What’s the counter curse?” 

“Restituere” Bellatrix’s voice was much closer to his face than Draco had expected. 

He blinked as his vision came back from the outer edges and slowly resolved inwards, gradually putting the warehouse into focus. 

Bellatrix cackled as Draco gave her a rude gesture, then motioned him closer “Come, I’ll teach it to you.” 

They spent the next hour working on the curse, but however much he tried, Draco could not give Bellatrix anything more than eye pain, and he never took her vision away. 

After another failed attempt, Draco gave up. Screaming in frustration, he kicked a large rock on the ground and watched as it skitted away. 

As usual, Bellatrix spared him no sympathy. “What’s wrong? Itty bitty Draco diddums scared of the magic? Come now Draco! Man  _ up!”  _ Upon her last words, she whipped her wand at Draco and he flinched as the magic hit him. 

“Fuck  _ off!”  _ He screamed at her, and raised his wand without thinking. She blocked the curse easily, a manic grin on her face.

He snarled and fired another, the anger powering him on.

She cackled and fired a spell at him which he dodged adeptly.

He would have fired off another curse had a loud crack not suddenly echoed across the warehouse, signalling the unplanned arrival of someone.

Bellatrix whipped around “Did you tell anyone?” she said, fumbling with a small bottle which she had immediately taken out of her pocket. SHe took a large sip.  His mother quickly joined her side in the standard double duelling formation “Of course not” 

Draco watched as Bellatrix’s features changed, blonde hair curling down her back in smooth waves. She had taken Polyjuice.   
Draco took the back position, facing the opposite direction, in case they were flanked.

There was the sound of crunching footsteps as somebody approached the building. Draco breathed in deeply and put his mind back into the duelling state. Just before the stranger reached the door they heard a call “Just me, Mistress”  
  


It was the growl of Fenrir Greyback. They all lowered their wands and Bellatrix let out an angry snarl. “Why the bloody hell didn’t you send an owl, you fool?” 

Greyback looked to the blonde facade Bellatrix was using, his expression confused. “Polyjuice?” He asked.

“Of course you idiot, I am a _fugitive_ on the _run_.” Bellatrix hissed “And since you decided to appear without warning, I decided it was a safe precaution. Now answer my question!  _ Why  _ didn’t you send an owl?” 

Greyback pulled back his lips into his haunting smile and pointed to his jagged teeth, “They don’t like me much”

Bellatrix growled “Next time you come up unannounced like that I’ll jinx your balls. Send an owl first.”

Greyback nodded and gave a short little bow, the smile still on his face. “I shall  _ endeavour _ , to  _ never _ , do such a  _ silly  _ thing again.” At his sarcastic tone, Bellatrix’s upper lip curled into an expression of fierce displeasure and she whipped her wand towards the werewolf, causing him to yelp. 

“Don’t test me,  _ dog. _ Now, why the hell are you here unannounced? It’s against protocol.”

“I’m here as a messenger,” he said, straightening up with a pained expression on his face, “They told me to make sure this message got to you,” he said, nodding at Draco. “They figured it would be best to come here, as it would be difficult to deliver it once you return to that Auror infested Manor...” His expression changed to one of disgust. From inside his inner coat pocket he pulled a small, sealed envelope. 

Bellatrix snatched it out of his hands and quickly opened it, scanned it and then passed it to Draco. In small neat lettering were the words

‘ _ I’ve finally received confirmation that the cabinet in Borgin and Burkes is the one we are looking for, I’ve traced it back to the Hufflepuff Property, you will find my documentation of the paper trail on the next page. Still nothing on the sister cabinet. _

_ -H.’  _

The letter was from an informant that Father had placed within the ministry before he had been captured. The paper was charmed so it’s contents would only appear to people who had a dark mark on their skin. The informant had been helping them research the old and almost dead rumour that there was a vanishing cabinet in Hogwarts. 

Unknown to the informant however, was the fact that Draco already knew where the sister cabinet was located- it was the one that Montague had been shoved in by the Weasley twins the previous year. The one they had actually been looking for was the one the informant had just confirmed was in Borgin and Burkes.

They had spent weeks reading countless letters, books, diary’s and archived documents before they had even come across a mention of where the cabinets had come from. 

They had found the first mention of them in none other than Helga Hufflepuff’s great, great grand-son’s diary, who had apparently suffered from such bad homesickness that his father had placed a cabinet near the Hufflepuff common room so that the boy could return home whenever he wanted. This matched Montagues story, who had been coming from the kitchens when he had been attacked by the Weasley twins. Everybody knew the Hufflepuff common room was  _ somewhere _ near the kitchens.

Unfortunately, as Montague had not turned up in the sister cabinet in Borgin and Burkes, and had briefly spent time in a desert before the being deposited back at Hogwarts... they know the cabinet was broken, probably due to it’s age.

But often, what was broken could be fixed... one simply needed to know how.

He smiled at the words on the page “ _ the cabinet in Borgin and Burkes is the one we are looking for, _ ” 

They had a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> I really enjoyed writing the duel in this chapter, let me know how I went and what could have improved? Could you keep track of it, could I have been more detailed...ect? Its my first time in the story writing anything of this nature in such detail and its good practice for later in the story when Draco shall become a little more adept at duelling... as well as some other characters who ill write in the perspective of ;)  
> I can see it so clearly in my head but I don't know if that comes across...  
> 6th year! Its when everything goes to shit- Are you ready?  
> Love love love.


	20. Chapter 20

 

Draco was sipping his usual morning tea and was reading a book Bellatrix had instructed him to read, which was enchanted to look like a textbook when there was a small knock at his door.

“Enter” He called and distractedly waved his wand at the door, opening it.

“The morning mail, sir”

Draco looked up to find the small house elf which clutched the stack of parchment in its hand. He nodded and gestured to his table.

“Is there anything else that the master should need? A meal perhaps?”

Draco sighed, knowing he had not been eating as much as he needed. He rarely looked in the mirror, but when he had seen himself this morning he realised he looked far too skinny.  “Yeah, um, I’ll have some porridge”

“At once sir” the house elf totted out of the room and quietly shut the door behind itself.

Draco reached over and began to sift through the letters, which included some from his friends, the morning paper, some formal letters from the various causes that the Malfoy’s Gringotts vault supported, and some bills and receipts.

Draco had to check these letters, because, upon his father's incarceration, he was now the head of house.

It didn’t come with too many responsibilities, the house elves and his Mother dealt with most things.

But he did have to take the morning mail. He had tried to tell the house elves that it could go to his Mother, but they had insisted that his father had instructed that it go to him. Draco suspected it was to ensure he began to take on some responsibility.

He picked up and unrolled the Prophet, and was immediately saddened by the sight he had forgotten would be on the front page.

 

**_OLLIVANDER- THE FAMOUS WANDMAKER, TAKEN._ **

 

Underneath the headline was a picture that gave Draco the chills. The ransacked shop had not been treated with any mercy- it was a message to the wizarding world. Just as every attack so far had been.

_Cooperate, or mysteriously disappear._

Draco gazed at the photo of the shopfront, his mind taken back to the memory of when he had bought his wand there, beaming as his father had praised him for the hawthorn wand, which typically went to witches and wizards of proven talent.

Draco considered his wand which lay on the table in front of him. It was simple, not overly ornamented, and had served him well. He knew that the core, Unicorn hair, was the most faithful of the cores.

He also knew that Unicorn hair was the most difficult cores to turn to dark magic, which is what Draco told himself was the reason he had been struggling with Bellatrix when they had moved onto dark magic. He had hoped the dual nature of the Hawthorn- which favoured both healing spells and curses would help him, but it seemed the Unicorn hair was preventing him.

He tried to ignore the voice in his head. _Maybe you just don’t like using dark magic._

He growled and threw the paper across the room. He had to be better, and stronger- for his Mother and for himself.

 

It was only after getting up and hitting his boxing bag for ten minutes that his brain could focus enough to see the last two letters which lay unopened on the table.

One was his Hogwarts letter, which he had been expecting- and the other was one of the ministry envelopes, which he was familiar enough with due to his father’s position.

He opened it-

...to find his OWL results- something he had _completely_ forgotten about.

  


**Ordinary Wizarding Level Results**

 

_Pass Grades:_

Outstanding (O)

Exceeds Expectations (E)

Acceptable (A)

 

_Fail Grades:_

Poor (P)

Dreadful (D)

Troll (T)

 

_Draco Lucius Malfoy has achieved:_

Astronomy: O

Care of Magical Creatures: E

Charms: O

Defence Against the Dark Arts: E

Ancient Runes: O

Herbology: O

History of Magic: O

Potions: O

Transfiguration: O

 

The two E’s stuck out like sore thumbs, and as usual, upon seeing his grades, he wondered what the _mudblood_ had gotten.

He didn’t even bother to try correcting the programmed response.

One could only endure so much cruelty, stress, worry, anger and despair before they began to turn into somebody that they wouldn’t have liked in better times. And Draco’s better self wasn’t around anymore. He had long shoved the part of him the was sympathetic into a small corner- into the same place he buried his memories. He kept it there for it’s own protection, and for _his_ survival. The Dark Lord did not look kindly upon those who showed tolerance or mercy.

He could not stop it from occasionally rearing it’s head, speaking truths in loud whispers at the back of his mind, reminding him of his cruelty and hypocrisy.

 

Shaking his head, he turned back to his marks, which were good enough. He would be dropping Care of Magical Creatures, so there was no need to feel disappointed about that- but the neatly written E placed so innocently next to ‘Defense Against the Dark Arts’ annoyed the shit out of him. He blamed Umbridge, for her incredibly inadequate lessons the previous year.  


Potter had probably gotten an O.

 

 _Don’t think of him!_ He reprimanded his brain, cringing at the thought of the boy who the Prophet and other papers had now labelled as ‘the Chosen One’ after denouncing him for the entirety of the previous year.

Potter, who had shoved Draco into this fucking mess by forcing his father to go to prison, who didn’t have the Dark Lord breathing down his neck, didn’t have a mark he despised _branded_ onto his skin.

Draco felt the anger bubbling up, but didn’t care enough to try to control it.

Potter, who had friends he could lean upon and talk to in these terrible times, who actually had something worth fighting for.

 _Potter_ , who had a reason to be _happy!_

 

Draco let the anger and jealousy consume him, tired of trying to always suppress and control it, tired of the yearning which lurked underneath, a yearning which could never be realised. He let it burn through him, and was so caught in the high of the emotion, of the pain which was being crushed by the pure anger- that he almost didn’t feel it... _trying to control him_.  

He had let it go, and the consequence was an overwhelming flood of hatred- so strong that it was trying to overwhelm everything he held dear- _the small corner of his mind that contained the better him… all of his buried memories!_ Automatically he secured the walls in his mind, as he had been conditioned to do. They were strong and they would not break.

The presence tried to break the walls down and Draco was struggling to fight it. He had never experienced anything like it.

He screamed in defiance, he would _not_ be controlled, especially not by something within himself. As he screamed, he tried to push the anger into the box it usually resided in, where it could be controlled. It would not go.

 **_Give in_ ** _…_

He realised that it was futile- _No. NO!_ He shoved back at the presence in his mind, which was so alien, yet so _him_ \- and screamed again, then quickly separated the parts of his mind, isolating the anger.

He desperately searched around for anything else that could help contain the tempest in his mind as it battered itself against him. _There-_ he found the release that his wand could provide. He screamed one final time as he forced it from his mind and out of his wand, making it explode into his childhood bedroom.

It powered out of him, blanketing the room, a pulsating blackness that seemed like it was...sickness. It swirled around him, and as the last of it left, a strange emptiness settled within him.

Now that his anger had escaped him, he felt in control...in fact, in comparison to the minute before, he didn’t feel _anything._ The thought of violence didn’t seem so disturbing anymore, rather, it didn’t seem to be creating any emotion in him at all. Numbness filled the usual tightening of his chest. He looked again at the pulsating mass which had swirled into a person-sized mass in front of him. _Was that… his anger?_

He raised his wand and pulled the… _thing_ towards him. It took effort, but he managed to use reducto to shrink the massive darkness into a quaffle sized ball, which pulsated in and out of itself.

He had seen similar things in textbooks… this _looked_ like an Obscurius. But- No. It _couldn’t_ be one, he had not been suppressing his magic at all.  

He tilted his head, considering it....He _had_ been suppressing a lot of his emotions- primarily his anger... for a long time- perhaps this was similar.

He sat down and watched the ball for a long time. He felt empty without it, he couldn’t summon up any positive feelings- so he suspected that this ball was a magical manifestation of all of his emotions.

_But... what to do with it?_

He knew he could not continue on without emotions, he was not a fool. But he also knew that if he let this... _thing_ back into his mind, there might be disastrous consequences.

 

 _But only if he couldn’t control it_ ….and he had been controlling it for over two years. Now that he knew the threat it could pose, he would make sure to not let it out of it’s cage. He would keep his own emotions in check. He would use the breathing and exercise techniques Blaise had taught him.

 

It took a couple of minutes, but after separating the parts of his mind and building his walls, and double-checking their strength, he slowly stood up and walked towards it. It's measured pulsating sped up, it seemed to know something was happening. He wondered if it was conscious.

“I-... _Merlin-_ why am I talking to you- you're not even _alive_ -...anyway- I am… I am going to let you back in. But you have to-... _fuck_ this is so stupid…” He exhaled and then moved to touch the ball with his wand. “You have to behave- okay?”

As soon as his wand made contact- he could _feel_ again. In came the fear, and the anger, the desperation- but also a warmth he had not realised was gone. The ball began to move into his mind, separating itself from the physical world. He guided it carefully into its box, and breathed a sigh of relief as it settled in.

 

He was okay.

 

He was startled as there was a tapping on his door, accompanied by the muffled voice of the house elf “ _Your breakfast sir!_ ” He grunted then flicked his wand at the door, his heart still recovering from the ordeal. As it waddled in, he instructed the house elf to tell his mother they would have to go out to buy school supplies, and visit Borgin and Burkes. It was time to see the cabinet.

 

****

 

Diagon Alley was practically deserted. The normally packed street that was usually filled with the colours of various people and their things was now empty and exposed to the elements- the empty cobblestone seeming completely wrong. The street was far too quiet, as not only were the people gone, but many of the shops too. Boards filled the windows of too many shopfronts, and the most prevalent sound was that the footsteps of the few couples that hurried along the street, dodging the eyes and attention of anyone they came across. Draco and his mother quickly became one of these couples as they made their way to the various stores still selling the supplies he would need for school.

Each of the store owners were not the same people that Draco remembered. They were all distant, stressed and had large bags under their eyes. Eventually, they finished their shopping, and Draco swallowed as he realised they would now have to go to Borgin and Burkes.

“Draco...perhaps we should go get some robes fitted- like we used to...” His Mother looked around, sharing the same look of sorrow that Draco had in his eyes. He nodded- they both needed something to remind them of when times were better.

They made their way to Madame Malkins, and Draco smiled as the rows of brightly coloured fabric and clothes that filled the windows took him back to his childhood when he and his mother had often gone robe shopping together, it was one of the passions they had shared as he had grown.

As they stepped inside, Madame Malkin came to assist them and Draco noticed the same exhausted expression on her face. It wasn’t from over-working, Draco knew that- It was the face of someone burdened under excessive stress. He saw the telltale signs of it every time he looked in the mirror.

 

She ushered them in, seemingly excited by the possibility of work. As she bustled around, holding up various dark coloured fabrics to Draco and his mother, Draco felt something warm spreading in his chest-

The door dinged as some customers walked in.

Draco looked to see Granger, Weasley and Harry fucking Potter coming into the store.

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

Draco repressed the snarl that rose in his throat as the anger he had so carefully restrained began battering against its walls at the sight of Potter. The mere thought of Potter had induced his breakdown earlier that morning, and the sight of him was even worse.

Potter had been laughing, and Draco could see the smile fading from his stupid face as he made eye contact. Draco couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed like that.

The darkness seeped through the cracks it had created, and he could not stop it. Letting it back in had been a bad idea.

“If you're wondering what that smell is, Mother, a mudblood just walked in.” It slipped out of him as the emotional blackness began taking over, Draco reinforced the strong walls where his better self remained. It could not be touched.

He needed to hit something, or be hit- or at least breathe some air. Merlin, he needed to _control_ it. He began to breathe as Blaise taught him, _in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out throu-_

Potter and Weasley took out their wands, looking like they would hex him. He welcomed it- anything would be better than watching Potter any longer- with the darkness raging inside of him. Perhaps the pain would focus his mind enough to trap it back in.  
The mudblood, however, ruined it as she stepped between them “No, don’t, honestly, it’s not worth it.” _Ever the reasonable one._ She turned and glared at him over her shoulder and it was then that Draco noticed that she was sporting a swollen eye- but Draco could barely appreciate it and hissed “Yeah, like you’d dare do magic out of school...Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers.”

“That’s quite enough!” said Madam Malkin sharply, and looked to his mother for support who had just come out from behind a clothes rack “Madam, please!”

Narcissa looked sharply at the boys “Put those away. If you attack my son again, I shall ensure that it is the last thing you ever do.” Potter’s eyes switched from Draco to his mother

“Really?” Potter took a step forward- getting too close to Mother, and Draco felt the anger rise within him as his protective instincts took over.

“Going to get a few Death Eater pals to do us in, are you?” Potter taunted. Draco could take this, but how _dare_ Potter say such things to his mother.

Madame Malkin frantically tried to cool the situation, but was making no difference. “Really, you shouldn’t accuse… dangerous thing to say… wands away, please!”

But Harry did not lower his wand. Narcissa Malfoy smiled unpleasantly, and Draco clutched his wand tighter, the only thing stopping him was the knowledge of what would happen it _he_ , attempted underage magic... _Potter probably would have gotten away with it._ His sight and focus narrowed, the presence inside him was now a seething mass.

“I see that being Dumbledore’s favourite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter. But Dumbledore won’t always be there to protect you.” His Mother was handling the situation well, so Draco took the opportunity to stay back and try to get a grip on the anger in his head. _How the hell was it doing that?_ The seething mass grew and twisted in his mind. _What was it?_ _  
_ Potter looked mockingly all around the shop. “Wow… look at that… he’s not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!”

 _How_ **_dare_ ** _he!_ The anger swelled in Draco’s mind and he felt himself launching his body towards Potter, resisting the urge use of magic, but wanting to hurt him anyway. The animalistic hatred having almost full control. It wanted to punch Potter. He tried to yank back against it, and managed to stop himself from hitting Potter- physically stumbling in the attempt. His face burned as Weasley laughed loudly.

“Don’t you dare talk to my mother like that, Potter!” He snarled.

“It’s all right, Draco,” said Mother, restraining him tightly with her steady hand upon his

shoulder. “I expect Potter will be reunited with dear Sirius before I am reunited with Lucius.”

Potter raised his wand higher. In the back of his mind, Draco desperately hoped Potter would do it.

“Harry, no!” The Mudblood grabbed Potter’s arm and attempting to push it down by his side.

“Think… You mustn’t… You’ll be in such trouble…”

 

Madam Malkin suddenly bent toward Malfoy and grabbed his arm, apparently deciding the situation would go away if she ignored it.

“I think this left sleeve could come up a little bit more, dear, let me just…” She grabbed his arm with the Dark Mark on it.

Draco panicked, and it focused his mind enough that for a second, he felt in control. “Ouch!” He yelled and shoved Malkin’s hand away. “Watch where you’re putting your pins,

Woman!” He made eye contact with his Mother, who also looked slightly panicked “Mother, I don’t think I want these anymore.”

She nodded as he began pulling the robes over his head. “You’re right, Draco-” she glared at the Golden Trio “-Now I know the kind of scum that shops here… We’ll do better at Twilfitt and Tatting’s.”

And with that, they left, and as he passed by Weasley, the redhead smashed his shoulder into Draco, but Draco barely felt it, as his mind was currently at war with itself.

 

As soon as they got out of the shop Draco headed for a side alley, barely hearing his Mother’s footsteps behind him. He doubled over as they reached the safety of the darkness, and placed his hands over his head to try and stop the anger which was consuming him.

His Mother had gathered him up, and he could feel it, but he could not focus on her calming presence. The world seemed to be closing in on Draco, its entire weight focused on him and his chest. He couldn’t breathe,

 _Breath in- and out, Breathe in, and out._ The thought of Blaise’s calming voice only made things worse, and the anger grew inside him.

He was trying to fight but it was now becoming clear that he was losing. The darkness had escaped its small confinements and had been free in his mind for too long. It had spread its tendrils too far through his mind. It was _not_ going back in. It was a sick, poisonous thing and Draco somehow knew if he did not act quickly it would devour him. It would _become_ him. He fled to the small corner of his mind full of the good memories and better Draco, which had strong enough walls that Draco knew it would provide safety he needed and barred the entry with everything he had. Outside of himself, a strangled scream escaped his mouth.

“ _Draco! Darling are you alright?_ _Draco?!_ ” He could barely hear his mother’s voice echoing through his mind, but could see her pale, concerned face, and hear his vicious reply as clear as day.

“Im fine Mother, get off me. - I said I’m _fine_.”

His final defences went up and the younger, brattier, unempathetic Draco took over. Draco would have screamed if he could. But he could control nothing.

 

He had trapped himself in his own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well.  
> Y'all were wondering when it was going to happen...  
> Let's keep in mind he's been self-harming, and has cut himself off from his family and friends. Very vulnerable.  
> :(


	21. Chapter 21

“Im fine Mother, get off me. - I said I’m _fine_.”

His Mother stepped back from him, shocked at his tone. Draco tilted his head, finding that he did not care. She was being far too worrisome. Just like she had always been.

“Draco you were just screaming, do not try to tell me that you're fine.”

“I don’t know what came over me,” Draco said, dismissing her “I just really wanted to curse Potter-” He continued, ignoring her look of disbelief “But I'm going to go to Borgin and Burkes now, you should go have lunch somewhere. I have decided I don’t want you involved.”

He dusted off his hands and straightened his robes, and resisted rolling his eyes as his Mother gave him a look.

He returned the look “You know we are being watched. I think it’s suspicious if you walk into that store.” He offered as an explanation. His Mother scoffed, an affronted look on her face.

Draco sighed and spoke slowly to her, “Mother, be reasonable, this is dangerous, and you being there is dangerous too. They don’t see me as a threat. They are keeping an eye on you, and if you get involved in any of this-”  
“Draco I am allowed to go _shopping,_ for Merlin’s sake-”  
“Don’t interrupt me.” He ignored her reaction “I don’t want you involved. They know what Borgin sells- and we’ve already had multiple things taken from the Manor. We can’t give them an excuse... It _would_ be slightly beneficial if you did _not_ get sent to Azkaban. ” Narcissa’s anger vanished and the blood in her face seemed to follow it.

“Draco-”

“This is _my_ mission. I will have no one but myself responsible for its success.”

His mother began to shake her head- Draco sighed. He had had enough, he had to get rid of her some other way.

“Fine, let’s talk about it over lunch shall we?” He asked, gesturing to the bright street next to them.

  


****

 

As soon as they had ordered the food Draco slipped out of the back door with the excuse of going to the toilet. _Merlin, his Mother was annoying._ _  
_ And so Draco was currently making his way to Borgin and Burkes, but kept glanced over his shoulder, as he could have sworn he heard multiple pairs of footsteps following him-  he looked again… but found nothing. He dismissed it, knowing he was probably being overly paranoid. It was probably just the echoes of his own feet.

He glanced around, marvelling at the quietness of the street as he strode down it. It did make it easier to get where he wanted to go, but something… didn’t feel right.  
He looked over his shoulder again as he turned into Knockturn Alley.  
Still nothing.

He frowned and continued the few metres to the dark corners of the alley which were home to Borgin and Bourkes.

 

He set a sneer on his face as he pushed open the door of the shop, wrinkling his nose as the musky smell affronted it. He stopped for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the ever-present darkness of the store, and then walked in, his head held high and his back straight- just as his father had taught him.

_We must always be wary of how we present ourselves to the world Draco- you have the purest of blood, and you must present yourself in a way that honours that blood._

 

“How may I help you, Mr Malfoy? Are you here to pick up your order?” Borgin said from behind the counter, his dark eyes scrutinising Draco.

Draco nodded curtly and began to wander slowly around the store when Borgin disappeared into the back of the store.

His eyes wandered over the various dark artefacts and ornaments- and immediately found the tall cupboard which sat near the back of the store. It had old runes all over it, a brass handle, feet which curled gracefully and matched the description of the cabinet from his research exactly... he allowed himself to smile. _Finally,_ something had gone his way.

He stepped forward to inspect it, running his hands over the smooth mahogany wood, which was such a dark brown it looked black. He could feel the low buzz of magic emanating off it. This was the one.

“A vanishing cabinet-” Came Borgin’s voice from behind him. “Rare things, but the ones that do exist were used extensively in the war...Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to locate the sister cabinet of-”

“I’ve found it,” said Draco, turning to meet Borgin’s surprised face.

“Sorry- you’ve found wha-”

“The Sister cabinet.”

Draco raised an eyebrow at Borgin’s sceptical look. “You doubt me Borgin?”

Draco moved past him to inspect the package that Borgin had fetched for him and placed on the table beside them- the Opal necklace. It had been expensive, but would be required if Draco could not fix the cabinet.

“Of course not, Mr Malfoy, if you could provide evidence that it is the sister I would be more than happy to buy it off you for a considerable fee…”

Satisfied that the necklace was packaged well, Draco shrunk it placed it in his pocket.

“I shan’t be selling it to you, Borgin. It shan't be moving from its location. But I would like some advice... It’s broken you see- if someone enters it, it deposits them in a random place.” Borgin nodded thoughtfully, which gave Draco hope. “Would you know how to fix it?”

“Possibly,” said Borgin, his eyes lighting up with greed. “I’ll need to see it, though. Why don’t you bring it into the shop?”

“I can’t,” Draco gave Borgin a look which rightly inspired some fear in the eyes of the piggish man. “It’s got to stay put. I just need you to tell me how to do it.”

“Well,” he licked his lips nervously “Without seeing it, I must say it will be a very difficult job... perhaps impossible. I couldn’t guarantee anything.” He was obviously telling the truth, but Draco could not take that as an answer. He sneered and got closer to Borgin, making the man even more frightened. “No? Perhaps this will make you more confident.” Draco pulled up his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark. Borgin’s face turned from nervous to terrified and he let out a small gasp of surprise.

“Tell anyone and there will be retribution.” Draco pulled his sleeve back down, covering the mark. “You know Fenrir Greyback?” Borgin’s eyes darted up to Draco. _Good_. “He’s a family friend. He’ll be dropping in from time to time to make sure you’re giving the problem your full attention.”

Borgin shook his head, trying to recover himself “There will be no need for…” His voice had grown considerably higher.

“I’ll decide that,” Draco growled, but then smiled. “Well, I’d better be off.” he paused then gestured to the Hand of Glory which he had also purchased, but as it could not be shrunk by magic and did _not_ like being wrapped in packaging… “And don’t forget to keep that one safe...I’ll need it.”

“Perhaps you’d like to take it now?” Borgin was still quite pale.

“No, of course I wouldn’t, you stupid, little man, how would I look carrying that down the

street?! Just don’t sell it.”

“Of course not… sir.” Borgin made a bow as deep as the ones he had once given Father. _How times had changed._ “Not a word to anyone, Borgin, and that includes my mother, understand?”

“Naturally, naturally,” murmured Borgin, bowing again.

 

Draco left the store, feeling pleased. He would send Greyback to pick up the Hand as well as the instructions on how to fix the cabinet. He was going to succeed. He had to.

He sighed as he spotted his Mother hurrying down the street towards him a very angry look on her face.

 

_****_

 

 _One can only endure so much cruelty, stress, worry, anger and despair before they began to turn into somebody that they would have_ **_fucking hated_ ** _in better times._

 

The Hogwarts express seemed different. It could have been the Aurors prowling around the platform, or perhaps it was the tension and fear that was thick in the air.

Maybe it was just Draco who was different.

Everything did seem a little muted. Colour, smells, sounds- All of them, somehow… _dimmer._

It didn’t matter- _yet_ \- he felt he forehead crease. He stood there, watching the people swirl around him, the colours and sounds so bright, yet so… _dim._ It was as if he could not reach them… as if he wasn’t experiencing them the way he knew he should. His frown deepened, but he shook his head and and climbed onto the train after Pansy, who had given him a long hug a few minutes before. Even that had seemed subdued. Shouldn't he have felt something?

They made their way to a compartment and Draco floated his suitcase up onto the rack, then sat down by the window and watched as the train slowly took off, and worried parents waved goodbye to their children. He tuned out and began to focus on the thoughts swirling around his head.

Plans, so many of them. _How would he kill Dumbledore?_

He didn’t register the scenery as it rapidly flew by him. He didn’t notice Blaise, Pansy and Theo looking at him and each other, with concern furrowed in their features.

 

****

 

“Draco... _Draco!_ ” Someone was shaking his shoulder. It as Pansy. “Are you okay?” Some  distant part of him registered the deep concern on her face and slammed against it’s walls trying to reach out. Draco frowned and shoved back against it.

“Yes. I’m fine Pansy... thanks.” He pushed her hand away, but upon seeing her hurt expression, a small crack appeared in the wall and he withheld the harsh words he had been about to say. He found himself squeezing her hand. She squeezed back, and he forced himself to continue holding it. After a minute or two Pansy reached across and drew him into a long hug. He stiffened but then slowly relaxed into it… something about it felt… _nice._

He smothered it.

He broke the contact first. Pansy sighed and with a note of concern said “Come on, we have to go on duty and patrol the train.”

Draco shook his head, the thoughts which were in it were still too loud.

“I don’t want to, there are far better things to do”  
Crabbe and Goyle spoke simultaneously “What!?” apparently the two brain cells they shared couldn’t handle the information that Draco didn’t want to go bully people.

“Don’t be so petty” he snapped at them, enjoying it as their eyes widened. They were stupid, but they held too much confidential information for him to discard them.

“There are bigger dragons to catch my friends,” he said, knowing they would hear the word ‘friends’ and forget anything else he might have said.

_How had he ever let people that were so stupid become so close to him?_

 

****

 

_Draco was in the dark. And he could not find his wand, or any light, or- or anything of value to him._

_He had battered hard against the walls that he himself had once made as he watched his- other-self wreak havoc on the relationships that had been the only stable thing in his life. The other Draco has insulted his Mother, he had disobeyed her, had treated her like she meant nothing to him. And Draco had stood there in shock._

_(Well he hadn’t stood- what could you call it…? Floated?)_

_Regardless, he was ready when it came time for Pansy._

_It had been when the other Draco had pushed her hand away… The hurt in her eyes had given him a surge of strength and he had thrown everything against his walls. He had taken control for barely a second before he had been shoved back down, through what was but a slight crack in the solid walls._

_All he had been able to do was squeeze her hand and stop the other Draco from saying harsh words that couldn’t be taken back._

_He hadn’t had much energy left to spare Crabbe and Goyle. At least his other self had barely even looked at Blaise. He supposed that was better than insulting him._

 

_He watched as the other Draco began complaining about not being invited to the little slug club. He watched Blaise as he left to attend to the club meeting, wishing desperately he could call out to him. He wished he had listened to Blaise’s advice. He had never learnt to control his anger, he had never confronted his anger, he had just shoved it down._

And look where that got me. I’m just shoved down here instead.

_His other self had laid in Pansy’s lap, basking in the attention she gave him._

 

 _He._ **_Hated_ ** _. It._

 _  
_ _He had sat there, brooding in his little cage- and as a result, had almost missed a very odd event that had happened when Blaise had gotten back from the Slug Club. Everyone else had been paying attention to Blaise having trouble with the door and Blaise stumbling when he entered the carriage. And they had all missed the very brief appearance of a_ **_foot_ ** _come from nowhere and climb onto the luggage rack._

 

****

 

That had _definitely_ been a foot.

He did not know why a foot had appeared from nowhere- but he knew that it had been a foot.

Hiding his shock behind a snicker, Draco settled himself back onto Pansy, considering.

He engaged Blaise in conversation as he began to figure out whos foot that might have been.

He reached back into his past memories, inwardly sneering at all saw before finding that there was only one person he was aware of that owned an invisibility cloak. And was the only person who might be stupidly brave enough to spy on him.

 

_Potter._

 

His past self had found that out that little secret when he had been assaulted...by- _snowballs?  
_He dismissed the hazy memory, full of high pitched screaming. He had been so pathetic.

Back to the task at hand.

He searched the luggage rack above him, glad to he could do it easily as his head was in Pansy’s lap, but he could find no sign of Potter.

 

It wasn’t until the end of the trip when they were taking their luggage down that Draco received solid proof that Potter was there and it hadn’t been his imagination.  
As Goyle wrenched his trunk from the rack, Draco heard a thud and a sharp intake of breath.

If he hadn’t been listening out for it, he would have missed it.  


After telling the others to go, as he had to ‘check something’, he spun sharply and pointed his wand at the fool.

“ _Petrificus totalus!”_

  
Potter had evidently tried to move, because instead of freezing on the rack, his frozen body tumbled down and hit the ground. Hard.

Draco smiled as he pulled the cloak off Potter, whose body was frozen at odd angles.

He smiled.

 

****

 

_“You didn’t hear anything I care about, Potter. But while I’ve got you here…”_

_Draco watched in horror as his other self stomped on Harry’s face, the nose underneath his foot shattered._

_Why couldn’t Potter just kept himself out of his business? Why couldn’t he just keep himself safe?_

_The other Draco’s words echoed around him, “That’s from my father. Now, let’s see…” Draco watched as Potter’s cloak was pulled from underneath him and then thrown to cover his still frozen body  “I don’t reckon they’ll find you till the trains back in London,” Draco could feel the sick pleasure echoing from his other self._ _  
_ _“See you around, Potter… or not.” The other Draco strutted off of the Hogwarts Express, evidently pleased with himself. But Draco could not have felt worse._

_Draco watched as the other Draco smoothly integrated himself into the role that Draco had played for the previous two years, except this time there was no acting required. He was a spiteful, cruel, bastard._

_This was highlighted when Draco began telling the story of shattering Potter’s nose, much to the pleasure of the Slytherins that surrounded him. The concern that he’d seen on Blaise’s face had Draco screaming and battering against his walls._

_He was not that monster!_

_He no longer saw the ‘other’ Draco as a human. It didn’t have a hint of humanity in it._

  
  


_****_

  


_“Hello Draco” Draco whirled around to find Harry Potter standing in his dream._ _  
_ _Well, he wouldn’t have called it a dream. He already felt like he was living in a nightmare. But- what other word could he use to describe it? The other Draco was asleep, and so a strange sense of unconsciousness would settle over him, and he had to ‘sleep’ too._

_Having been alone for the last few days he was desperate for any other human contact.  Joy bubbled up in him and he threw his arms around the messy-haired boy. Draco felt the distant sensation of warm arms circle around him and he sighed, forcing himself to take the moment in and live in it for just a second. Who knew when he would get such an opportunity again._

_They stayed like that for an eternity...or perhaps it was just a few seconds. Harry pulled back and brushed Draco’s hair off his face, a small, sad smile was on his face “You needed me, so you’ve let me come back”_

_“What?” Draco withdrew, confused._ _  
_ _“You are the one who controls when I appear Draco...I guess with all of these memories you have of me buried here with you... well- Here I am.”_

_Draco shook his head, confused. “Hm- okay. I don’t really understand… but also-” he sighed and relaxed back into a comfortable position “-I don’t really care.” Draco was just happy that Harry had come back after he had sent him away so long ago when he and Blaise had begun dating._

_He slowly noticed that they weren’t in a place like they usually were, only darkness and emptiness surrounded them._

_“Even in your dreams you are trapped behind the walls” came Harry’s voice, which was full of pity. Draco frowned- he didn’t like it when people felt pity for him, it usually meant he was weak._

_Harry crooked an eyebrow at him. “Oh get over yourself, it’s okay to have people care about you on occasion.”_

_Draco sighed and sat on the ground, pulled his legs up to his chest and looked into the endless darkness. He was in no mood to talk about anything but... “The people I care about are being pushed away. And- and I can’t do anything.”_

_Harry came and sat next to him, resting his head lightly on Draco’s shoulder. “Perhaps it’s better this way- he will do the job you had to do… and you will feel no pain for it.”_

_Draco sighed and shook his head “I would prefer to have control, I cannot stand being trapped here a minute longer...watching him is like watching the worst play I’ve ever witnessed- but I have to stick it through- I’m forced against my will to watch it. And- I- I’m so alone. I have no one to talk to- it’s like- I feel as if I’m losing my grip on reality. I don’t know who I am anymore.”_

_Harry nodded, and Draco knew there were no more words to be said between them- what could Harry say to comfort him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEy!  
> Are you guys getting the switching perspectives? Also, how do you like Evil Draco? Borgin and Bourkes is probably the longest scene he gets... but if you like him ill put in more fleshed out scenes.  
> Let me know!  
> Thanks! :D


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!   
> I know I said I hadn't written too much on this new Draco... but... I wanted to show the deteriorating of his relationships and include some things critical to the story later. Ah! Sorry!  
> So almost all of the stuff in this chapter is freshly written- hence why it's taken me a bit to upload.
> 
> I also just want to thank all you commenters for your continued support! It always makes my day to see you guys freaking out and letting me know what you liked! No matter if you just say Great Chapter! it's always better to say something to let me know you're still here (This is the best compliment of all) then saying nothing for fear of nothing interesting to say... I love you all, I love doing this, I promise to finish this dumb story which won't leave my head alone!  
> :)

The next day, after a dreamless sleep, Draco strode towards the great hall to receive his timetable. Not that he wanted to of course... he hardly planned to turn up to most of his classes, but he supposed he would have to scrape by with the minimum attendance.

So there he was, surrounded by his friends, about to experience Hogwarts in its total, completely boring nature again. His friends chatted around him, but he ignored them, and ignored the strange empty yet buzzing feeling in his stomach.  _ He would  _ not _ be nervous. _

They sat down for breakfast, today it was either oats and fruit, or scrambled eggs on toast. 

_ Or nothing _ , mused Draco as he summoned the coffee pot which was reserved for the 6th and 7th years.    
He poured the black liquid into his cup, then flicked his wand, adding one sugar and milk. 

He sipped it, his face scrunching, then added another sugar. 

“Since when do you drink coffee?” said Theo from across the table, pouring himself one. He didn’t add any sugar, but did put some milk in. He sipped it and sighed contentedly. 

“What’s it to you?” Draco tilted his head back, looking down his nose at Theo.

Theo raised his eyebrow “Um,  _ okay _ Draco. Usually, you drink tea, that’s all.”

Draco turned back to his coffee, “Well, I need coffee now” he sipped it, and struggled not to scrunch up his face in disgust again. He managed to reduce it to a slight twitch. 

Theo snorted. 

Draco felt a growl coming on, and without thinking, he flicked his wand causing a lone strawberry to launch itself at Theo, hitting him on his forehead. Within himself he felt a surge of shock and the rattling of the small part in the back of his own mind. He shoved it down.

“Agh!” Theo raised his hand to where the strawberry had hit him, his hand coming away red.    
“What the  _ fuck  _ was that fo-” Theo was halfway through getting his wand out when a dark shadow loomed over him. 

“Language Mr. Nott” came the sour drawl of Snape.  

Theo scowled at Draco, shoving his wand back into his robes while Draco smiled to himself.

“Here,” said Snape, flicking his wand, “Your timetables. If you have any questions or concerns… attempt to figure it out yourselves,  _ before  _ bothering me.” 

Draco inclined his head at the man, then snatched his timetable from the air. He looked down, quickly assessing the information there, then stood up and left the room. He had nearly an hour before his first class. He was going to spend it locating the cabinet.

He wandered the corridors beneath the great hall, searching.

It took too long, in fact- his hour was almost up when he found it. 

From afar, it stood rather innocently, looking like any other cabinet or broom cupboard that occasionally stood in the hallways.

But upon closer inspection, Draco found the matching runes, curved feet, and other defining features of the cupboard. 

He smiled, looked around for landmarks to make sure he could find it again, then made his way to his first class- Ancient Runes. 

  
He was quiet all the way through the class, barely interested in the coursework. Instead, he was going over his plans.  _ How was he going to get the cabinet into the Room of Requirement? _ _  
_ _ How was he going to code the letters to Borgin and Bourkes? What if he needed something for the cabinet? How would he sneak that through the mail checking- _

“Mr Malfoy!”    
Draco’s head snapped up to meet the eyes of Professor Babbling. He felt his face heat.

“Mr Malfoy, I am aware that this is your first lesson- but I would remind you,” She paused, then gestured to the rest of the class “-I would remind  _ all  _ of you, that we are now past OWL level. We are now studying for NEWT levels. You cannot be here unless you are devoted to learning. So would you  _ please  _ pay attention!” She breathed in deeply. “Would you please answer the question, Mr Malfoy?” At his blank look, she clarified “The question was- Why are felines in so many ancient runes all around the world? Specifically the kneezle and the cat?”

Draco reached back to his work over the holidays. He had spent much of it studying.

He noticed the Mudblood’s hand was up. 

He wasn’t going to let her answer. 

So, rather lazily, he pulled the answer forward.

“Wizardkind has had a special relationship with cats ever since they have been around... All felines are instinctively aware of magic, which is why they are so unreceptive to Muggles- while they treat Wizards with great respect... Ancient Wizardkind in Egypt discovered this and are thought to have domesticated the first kneazles. They began treating them as companions, such as a Muggle treats a dog, raising their status above that of the slaves and lower classes. They became obsessed with how receptive the kneezles were to untrustworthy characters and so valued them greatly- every wizard who was anyone had one in their home, and their obsession with the kneezle was passed onto the Muggles. Eventually, the wizards and the muggles began to worship all felines, but specifically kneazles and cats, as Gods.” Babbling nodded, urging him onwards. 

“Thus they started to appear in many of the runes and the art. Harming any kneezle or cat was punishable by death. The same obsession can be found in areas of Sound America, Japan and parts of Africa. So in answer to your question of why felines appeared in ancient runes globally, as I said, it is because cats and kneezles are instinctively receptive to magic.” 

Babbling nodded. “5 points to Slytherin.” Her eyes wandered to Granger, who still had her hand raised. “Do you have something to add Miss Gra-?” 

“Yes Miss! I would like to just mention the important role cats have had… although this relates more to the history then the runes themselves, but-  as Malfoy said- Muggles were aware of the relationship between cats and Wizardkind, and so around the witch burning times, muggles connected their presence- not to God, as the other religions did- but to the Devil. They were associated with evil, and so, they also burnt cats during the witch burning times. An interesting continuation of history I would say.” She took a large breath as she finally finished speaking. Draco shook his head,  _ nothing  _ she had said had been remotely related to ancient runes.

Babbling nodded “Well Miss Granger, you are quite correct on a few fronts, this is an interesting point, somewhat connected to my question. And you are also correct in saying it has more to do with history than ancient runes. As interesting as it is... I would warn you against including such information in your essays, as you will be marked down for rambling.”

She had not said it unkindly, yet Granger went red as a tomato all the same. 

Draco smiled.  _ Serves her right. _

Remembering his own embarrassment, he paid attention for the rest of the class.

 

His next class was Defense Against the Dark Arts. He strode through the corridors, looking forward to the entertainment that awaited him. Snape had finally been allowed to take the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, which Draco knew was a good thing.  _ But… _ he had enjoyed Snape’s favouritism in his favourite subject. The new potions teacher was this-  _ Slughorn-  _ Whom Draco knew annoyed him already. Already the  _ Slugclub  _ had been invited to another dinner. Draco felt his lips curl into disgust.  _ He had not been invited. _

 

Draco pushed through the heavy door that guarded the entry to the DADA classroom, and 

his eyes were immediately drawn to the messy hair of Potter, Granger and Weasley. 

_ Don’t they have access to a fucking brush? Disgusting. _

He didn’t bother to remove the sneer from his face as he shoved past them to take his usual seat near the front of the class.

Snape walked in, reprimanding the class for taking out their books. Draco smiled- Snape was being unfair. Draco watched in amusement as the Mudblood scrambled to put her's away. 

Immediately Snape launched into a lecture about the Dark Arts and Draco immediately found he was bored. His thoughts once again drifted to his plans.  _ What am I going to do if the cabinet won't be fixed? How long do I realistically have to do this task before the Dark Lord punishes me? _ He tuned in and out of Snape’s lecture, hearing they would be learning about non-verbal spells, something he was already proficient at- and then sniggered as Snape dismissed the Mudbloods answer to his question as being "almost word for word out of the standard book of spells."

“You will now divide,” Snape said in a louder voice, causing Draco to pay attention, “into pairs. One partner will attempt to jinx the other without speaking. The other will attempt to repel the jinx in equal silence. Carry on.”

Draco looked to Theo, who was his usual partner but found the boy had already grabbed Blaise and marched him to the corner of the room. 

He looked to Pansy, who was frowning at the other two. She made eye contact with him and he shrugged, not caring.  

“What’s got Theo’s panties in a twist?” She asked as she wandered over. 

Draco cast his memory back to the coffee/strawberry incident that morning.

“No idea.” 

Pansy made a ‘hmph’ sound and then asked: “Would you like to jinx first or defend?”

He shook his head at her “I don’t particularly care, I already know how to do it- this is just a waste of my time.”

“Well in that case,” said Pansy, smiling, “I shall jinx you first.”

 

They stepped back so they were the required distance from one another and raised their wands. 

Pansy, whom he had taught how to cast wordless, immediately fired a jinx at him. 

After all his training with Bellatrix, he didn’t even have to think about the shield charm which spread itself in front of him.

She fired another, and another- Draco easily blocked them all. 

Quickly enough, their display of skill drew Snape towards them. He looked- pleased- if you could call it that. “50 points to Slytherin. Very well done. I see you have all-” he gestured to Theo and Blaise as well, whom Draco had also taught “-managed to learn this very quickly. Because of this, I will give you an early mark.” They all grinned and immediately began packing their things away. “Draco-” Snape said before Draco could leave. “Come to my office tonight at the usual time.”

Draco looked at him, and saw the concern hidden behind the steely eyes “Why?” 

“I wish to speak with you, that is all” 

Draco frowned. He would not be going. He had a cabinet to fix. Once again, the back of his mind began to bash against the walls that held it in check. He twitched as he said, “Sorry sir, I have a lot of study to catch up on, perhaps this chat could wait?” 

Snape looked taken aback, he frowned and the monotone words slipped from his tight lips, “Then see me whenever you can, Mr Malfoy.”

Draco nodded, having no intention of doing that, and left. Breathing hard. The presence in his mind had been rather violent. Nut he had quashed it.

He mused to himself as he walked down the hallway, thinking of Snape’s request.  _ He could see through Snape- He was a loyal servant to Voldemort- he wanted Draco’s glory... _

 

Draco made his way to the common room and sat waiting for Crabbe and Goyle to turn up. They would help him move the cabinet. 

So he waited. And waited.

Fifteen minutes late, they walked in.

“Where the fuck have you been?” He stood up, ignoring their looks of confusion and the crumbs on their faces-  _ he knew exactly where they had been. _ “I told you I would need your help once I found the cabinet- and I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes for your lazy asses to turn-” 

“Sorry, Draco- we didn’t know” Crabbe stuttered while Goyle looked on like a stunned fish.   
“Well now you do- idiots- come on... we only have forty-five minutes now.”    
He swept past them and out of the room- knowing they were following him.

As they walked down the hallways towards the kitchens, Goyle spoke up “You missed a pretty good display from Potter in Defense Against the Dark Arts- after you left.”

“What happened?” asked Draco, his curiosity piqued.

“Well Snape tried to jinx Potter, and then Potter used a verbal protego, but it was like, super strong, and so it propelled Snape backwards into a desk and- fuck- he was so angry... he was like ‘Don’t you remember me saying non-verbal spells Potter?’ And Potter was all shitty and said ‘ _ Yes’  _ and Snape was like ‘ _ Yes  _ **_Sir_ ** -’ _ ”  _ Goyle snorted, interrupting himself “-but get this… Potter said back to ‘im “No need to call me Sir professor” beside him, Crabbe cracked up, and seemingly triggered by it, Goyle began laughing too. 

“Sounds amusing,” said Draco sarcastically, “I’m sorry I missed it.”

Knowing they were close, he picked up the pace. They struggled to keep up with him. He rounded the last corner and smiled... There it stood... waiting for him. 

He turned to Crabbe “You’re on lookout,” 

He turned to Goyle “You’re going to help me move it.” 

They both nodded at him, and did as they were told. 

_ I guess they are useful after all. _

They spent the little time they had putting a large disillusionment charm on the cabinet and moving it up 3 flights of stairs. 

They might have been able to do more, but had to time all moves perfectly, as no one could see them- or if they did, they could not know what they were doing.

 

Draco was late to potions because of it.

He pushed his way through the heavy door, blinking slightly at how light-headed he felt. 

_ I need to eat.  _

He dismissed the thought. Lunch would be soon enough.

 

Within seconds he had his textbook, parchment and quills out, and only after setting up his desk did he notice the odd looks of everyone's faces. 

“Theo, why do you look like you just got given a bottle of firewhiskey?”

“You can smell it too? I wonder if I can get my hands on any...”

Draco frowned, confused. He looked to Pansy and Blaise “Do either of you smell it?” 

“No…” Blaise closed his eyes “Draco I can smell- my house in America- he must have brewed… what did you call it? The most powerful love potion in the world?” He was sporting a cheeky grin. 

Draco reached through his memory, and came across the memory of Valentine's day. He frowned, getting caught in the memory of Blaise and his time alone in the empty classroom. 

He frowned. He didn’t feel anything. Shouldn’t he have felt…

“Ammortia” said Pansy. Her face was a light shade of pink, and she was avoiding Draco’s eyes.

 

It was then that he looked up to find Granger was, as per usual, answering every single question, and confirmed that it was Ammortia. She wasn’t even giving Slughorn a chance to finish most of his questions because she had shrieked the answer. He began imitating her to Theo. 

Theo frowned and ignored him.

 

Draco lost interest- getting nothing from Theo- and he already knowing what all of the potions were...  _ apart from that gold stuff.  _ He hadn’t noticed the small black cauldron that sat on Slughorn's desk. 

He could almost recognise it... 

He reached back through his memories.

 

_ **** _

 

_ Draco re-enforced his walls, realising early enough that the other Draco was going to come looking for any memory containing Felix Felicis. Draco had one memory with any significance that contained the potion. It had been Snape’s Birthday gift to Draco. But luckily, he had long ago buried that memory- not having wanted his father to know he had the potion- and it was behind the very walls which trapped him. He enforced them- the other Draco could not have any help in his task. Liquid Luck would mean that Dumbledore would be dead in a matter of days and the world would go to hell. Draco had been hoping to put it off until the end of the year so he could have one last year with his friends as a normal teenager. _

_ He felt the odd pressure against the walls as the other Draco tried to access the buried memories.  _

_ Draco felt as if he were mentally gritting his teeth, making sure that it did not get through.  _

_ After a moment or two, the other Draco withdrew. _

_ He paused, surprised. He...had something. Had something to cling to. This other Draco, didn’t know about the best of him. He didn’t have access to the memories that Draco had buried, he didn’t know about Harry.  _

_ It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep him sane. He still had something to do, something to protect- at least until he figured out how to escape this situation. _

 

_ **** _

 

_ Despite his newly found task of protecting himself..each day- each week- each  _ **_month_ ** _ that passed made Draco incredibly weary. He had begun to fade. To lose hope that he would ever be in control again. Every time he pushed through the walls and grappled with the monster, it seemed to be stronger.  _

 

_ It was because of this that when the other Draco used the imperious charm on Madame Rosmerta had barely cared. _

_ When he heard the news that the Bell girl had not been killed- he also couldn’t find any happiness.  _

_ He was running out of time.  _

_ Even this realisation did not cause him to panic.  _

_ Perhaps he had already run out of time.  _

 

_ However, he had noticed that each of the other Draco’s failed attempts had caused his mental state to worsen. The thoughts that had once been so clear on the other side of the wall were now jumbled- messy- and full of panic. Having finally managed to get the cabinet into the room of requirement, the vanishing cabinet had been more difficult to fix than he had predicted. And the necklace hadn’t worked. _

_ This managed to cause Draco to feel some sick feeling of satisfaction- not because Hogwarts wasn’t going to be swamped by death eaters anytime soon, but because the other Draco had failed.  _

 

_ He clung to the feeling. Refusing to let it go.  _

 

_ The other Draco was walking back to his dormitory- needing but not wanting sleep- when Filch caught him. _

_ Draco added this little mishap to his small pile of joy.  _

_ He was so preoccupied with holding onto the small bundle of joy, he did not notice that they had just entered Slughorn’s party.  _

_ The other Draco looked around, the bright colours and pretty music not impressing him. _

_ Draco noticed the Christmas decorations.  _ **_Christmas?_ ** _ It had been three months?  _

_ He hadn’t noticed it pass. _

__ He did, however, notice someone out of the corner of the other Draco’s eyes.   
  


__ Snape.  
  


_ Hope surged in him- the other Draco had been avoiding Snape as much as possible, and he could tell that his old mentor was becoming increasingly suspicious. _

_ Perhaps- just perhaps- he would try to get into Draco’s head and help! He would have to be ready, he would have to break out and weaken the other Draco’s outer walls. _

_ It was with great pleasure that soon enough Draco found the other Draco being escorted to an empty room by Snape.  _

 

_ “Sit” _

_ The other Draco rolled his eyes and plonked himself upon a desk. _

_ “Draco- What is going on?” Snape had the very rare expression of concern on his face. _

_ “Nothing is going on, Sir”  _

_ Snape took a step back at the venom in his voice. Good. Perhaps he will realise I am not who I should be.  _

_ “What you did with the Bell girl was beyond stupid. You cannot afford mistakes, Draco, because if you are expelled-” _

_ “I didn’t have anything to do with it, all right?”  _

_ Snape’s features were gradually becoming suspicious “I hope you are telling the truth, because it was both clumsy and foolish. Already you are suspected of having a hand in it.” “Who suspects me?” Inside his walls, Draco was focused, but he still almost missed the small probe that Snape sent out to examine his walls.  _

_ “For the last time, I didn’t do it, okay? That Bell girl must’ve had an enemy no-one knows about-” The other Draco stopped talking, having just felt the gentle pressure that Snape was applying to his walls. Snape pulled back before assaulting the walls with force. _

_ Now was the time. _

_ Draco began battering against his walls, meaning the other Draco was now facing an attack on two fronts.  _

_ The struggle was over quickly. _

 

_ Draco wasn’t even able to escape his box, as the other Draco had sacrificed any resistance he might have been able to hold against Snape to make sure Draco stayed contained.  _

 

_ At Draco’s sacrifice, Snape had gotten through.  _

_ He had hope. _

 

****   
  


Having dealt with the part of his brain that had attacked him, Draco turned his attention to Snape's presence in his mind. 

 

He immediately surrounded Snape with a barrage of confusing thoughts and memories, a technique Bellatrix had taught him. 

_ “Get out”  _ he sent the message to Snape. “ _ You are not welcome here. _ ” 

Snape recoiled at the vicious mind and the confusing memories. He withdrew. 

Snape was quiet when he spoke- seemingly shocked “Ah… Aunt Bellatrix has been teaching you Occlumency, I see...What thoughts are you trying to conceal from your master, Draco?”

“I’m not trying to conceal anything from him, I just don’t want you butting in!” 

“So that is why you have been avoiding me this term? You have feared my interference? You realize that, had anybody else failed to come to my office when I had told them repeatedly to be there, Draco-”

“So put me in detention! Report me to Dumbledore!” mocked Draco.

Snape looked at him with a fierce anger filling his features, “You know perfectly well that I do not wish to do either of those things.”

“You’d better stop telling me to come to your office then!”

“Listen to me,” said Snape, his voice a deathly quiet “I am trying to help you. I swore to your mother I would protect you. I made the Unbreakable Vow, Draco-”

Draco took a second to process this information, then smiled cruelly “Looks like you’ll have to break it, then, because I don’t need your protection! It’s my job, he gave it to me and I’m doing it, I’ve got a plan and it’s going to work, it’s just taking a bit longer than I thought it would!”

“What is your plan?”

Draco sneered “It’s none of your business!”

 

****

 

_ Draco had begun to sink down. Snape had not done anything. He hadn’t noticed Draco but had actually recoiled from the mind he had found. _

_ Fuck. _

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

 

_ **** _

 

_ “Draco”  _

_ Harry was back. _

_ Draco didn’t even bother to turn around.  _

_ “Draco..”  _

_ Harry was closer this time. _

_ “I’m fucked” said Draco - he had finally released the hopelessness of his situation.  _

_ He was never getting out.  _

_ “Don’t lose hope Draco- you never know-” _

_ “Snape  _ **_was_ ** _ my only hope” Draco spat. “Don’t tell me not to lose hope.”  _

_ “Snape is not a good man to put hope in Draco- remember, he fights for the wrong side... But don't give up hope! You never know what the future will brin-  _

_ “Fuck the future! I’m here now aren’t I? Who else could help me? What could save me now?” _

_ Harry was silent...then- “If he grows stressed or tired as you did...you may be able to overpower him, no?” _

_ Draco felt the spark. _

_ “You already have hidden the memory of Liquid luck from him-” continued Harry “All the odds are stacked against him… Voldemort gave you this mission to fail, you  _ **_know_ ** _ that Draco. It was just a punishment to your father for failing him.”  _

_ Draco slowly turned around, the spark growing into a small flame. “And if he gets too weak, I can overcome him?” _

_ “Yes-... Maybe” The uncertainty in Harry’s voice threatened to quash the small bit of hope that had just started to flourish. But Draco pushed through it. _

_ “I think it’ll work.” Draco said, a grin making its way onto his face. Then he faltered and almost choked. "It has to." _ _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, once again it might be a bit until my next upload as there is quite a bit I have to write. :(   
> Love Love Love!   
> :)


	23. Chapter 23

Draco stomped towards Hogsmeade, his cloak billowing behind him and his luggage floating behind him. 

His stomach felt constricted… he tried to ignore it.

_ He would  _ **_not_ ** _ be nervous.  _ _   
_ _ He would not be frightened.  _

He would not be terrified. 

He wondered who they would send to take him home for Christmas this time. Last time it had been Greyback- but he was a wanted criminal now. He dared not to think back to that time. It reminded him of Blaise.

And he didn’t feel anything towards Blaise... and he knew he should have. 

 

Huffing in annoyance, Draco tried to push the uneasy feeling away. 

_ He would not be nervous.  _

 

He finally reached the old door that barred the entrance to the Three Broomsticks. As he pushed through, The warm air inside strung his cheeks, the smell of fire and alcohol filled his nose and the loud chatter assaulted his ears. 

He frowned, disliking the feeling.

 

He went up to the bar and looked at Rosmerta. She looked back at him, and a confused expression came onto her face. It was the look of someone who recognised someone, but did not know who they were.

He summoned her with a jerk of his head in the direction of one of the back rooms- He did not look back as she followed him into it. 

 

“Shut the door behind you,” he said as she wondered in, looking lost. 

She obeyed him at once. 

“Here-” he took a small gold coin out of his pocket. “This will allow us to communicate when I am not here.” 

She nodded. 

“Just speak short sentences at it when you're touching your wand to it, and I’ll see it. If the coin grows warm, it means I’ve sent a message to you. Keep the coin on you at all times.” She nodded again.

“I’ve heard Dumbledore has been going on some outings… and stopped by here on his way. Did he say where he was going?”

Rosmerta shook her head “No sir, he just stopped for a chat and I engaged him with talk about the weather.”

Draco sighed. “Next time ask him where he is going, but intrude no more than that- it would not bode well if he grew suspicious of you.” 

She nodded. 

“We are done.” Draco said, and watched as she exited the room. 

He followed her out a minute later. She was at the bar now, talking amicably to Slughorn, the new potions teacher. He looked quite drunk.

Sneering at the pathetic sight, Draco looked around the bar, knowing his courier would have arrived- he tilted his head upon finding that it was his Mother whom his eyes found.

He had not expected her to come. 

 

Draco inclined his head at her, then walked out the door, collecting his luggage on the way. 

His Mother stepped out a second later. 

Draco looked at her with even eyes. “Why didn’t you send anyone else?” He already knew why-  _ his Father was a disgrace. Their family had no power anymore.  _ He just wanted to hear her say it.

His Mother’s nostrils widened “I thought it my duty to collect my own son- especially while your father is… indisposed” her voice was cold.

Draco raised his eyebrow, letting amusement radiate from his expression. “Very well.” 

Narcissa pointed her wand at his Luggage, vanishing it back to the Manor, then held out her arm. “Come Draco.” 

 

They vanished with a faint  _ Pop! _

 

They apparated to the gates, where the apparation barrier stood unseen. 

His Mother immediately walked off, her shoulders thrown back.

She was still mad at him for how they had parted before school had begun. 

He did not care.

 

Noticing suddenly how cold he was, he followed her inside the mansion, handing his coat to the waiting arm of an elf when he got inside. 

 

He followed the clipping heels of his Mother all the way to his Father’s old study. 

_ He would not be scared.  _

He knew who would be waiting for him there- he knew he was currently failing at the task the Dark Lord had set him. He was not returning to the Manor for a holiday, rather, a progress report. If he could have stayed at the school, he would have. He did not want to be here.

“My Lord,” Narcissa said as she entered, bowing low. 

Draco did the same. 

He looked at the floor, not daring to look up into the eyes of his Master.

 

“You have not succeeded, Draco Malfoy.” 

“I am trying my Lord… the cabinet is taking longer-”

“Silence! … I do not wish to hear your pathetic excuses.” 

Draco fell silent and could hear the blood pumping through his ears, could feel his heart thundering in his chest and the ragged breath that rushed in and out of him. 

The silence was dragged out, then the Dark Lord hissed quietly “Did I not make myself clear? If you do not succeed, you and your family will die.”

Draco was silent.   
“I said did I not make myself clear!?” The yell made Draco flinch.

“Yes my Lord, you did my Lord” gasped Draco, struggling to speak from the utter terror coursing through him.

“Then go. Go back to your task Draco Malfoy… you should not even be here.”

 

Draco bowed low again, then turned on his heel and strode from the room. He heard the sounds of his Mother’s heels behind him. 

He reached the entryway and finally turned to her. “I assume you will take me back”   
“Draco-” 

He cut off her sob, “Let us go now then…” he clicked his finger, summoning an elf to his side. He sneered at it’s quivering  form “Bring me my luggage and coat.” 

“At once M’lord” Squeaked the elf then  _ Popped!  _ away. Draco strode out the doors, all the way past the apparition barrier. 

The elf appeared beside him, and handed him his belongings. 

“Mother?” he called out, then lifted his arm up, signalling he was ready. 

She came up to him a moment later, and took it- Her hand shaking.

His disregarded this observation as his world suddenly turned inside up and upside down.

 

He was back in Hogsmeade. 

 

“Goodbye Mother-” He went to pull his arm from hers, only to find that her grip was tight. 

“Wait- Draco- take this.” 

Her turned to her, eyebrow raised, to see her take a small bottle out of her pocket. 

“This will cause death in under a minute. It may come in use.” Her eyes were fearful, but her mouth was set in a grim line. 

Draco nodded at her and then took it- an idea forming in his head. 

He walked back towards the Three Broomsticks- it was time to give Slughorn a little gift for all the  _ nice  _ treatment he had given Draco...

 

****

 

_ Having gained some sense of hope, Draco resigned himself to staying trapped in his own mind once more- but this time with a renewed sense of determination. The feeling of restlessness that the hope had inspired lasted for some time, but with all the repetitive days- It dwindled down into nothing. He felt nothing- He had been reduced to his one purpose- wait until the other Draco grew weak from stress- then he would pounce. _

 

_ He barely noticed the other Draco’s actions, considering they were so repetitive. Each day they would spend hours in the Room of Requirement, trying desperately to fix the cabinet and each day they failed. Draco practically lived in the dusty cathedral-sized space, filled to the brim with centuries of old discarded objects. _

_ Harry visited him in his dreams, almost nightly- and he felt that might have been the only thing keeping him sane. _

_ With each of the days that passed, the other Draco got more and more agitated. He soon became unable to repress the feeling of hopelessness and took to going to the boy's bathroom to cry the tears which forced their way out.  _

_ It was then that they met Moaning Myrtle.  _

 

****

 

Draco felt like killing something. Perhaps he could find a rat, or- or a mouse… A tear fell from his chin into the sink. Unable to help himself he looked up at himself in the dirty mirror. 

He did not see the proud man anymore. 

Just a scared, pathetic boy.

_ “ _ He’s going to kill me _ ” _ he hadn’t meant to let the whispered words slip from his lips. 

But there it was. The truth. 

He was going to kill Draco.

Letting out a snarl of rage, he struck his fist out and relished the feeling of pain it caused. 

He looked away from the now cracked mirror and back down at the sink where his blood was now dripping off his hand and making its way lazily towards the drainage hole. Is this what he had become? Some boy who cried in a bathroom, and punched mirrors? 

 

“It’s okay to want to cry you know” 

Draco jumped a mile in the air before spinning around and drawing his wand. 

“Who’s there?!” There was no answer. Draco narrowed his eyes. “Show yourself... before I make you.” 

There was a huff and a small giggle, which were followed by a pale girl who drifted through one of the cubicle doors. 

Draco put two and two together. “Moaning Myrtle- this is a boys bathroom. Leave.” 

She ignored him, drifting upwards to ‘sit’ on a large pipe which crossed the ceiling of the bathroom. She dangled her legs off it and smiled down at him in what she obviously thought was a caring way.

“I heard you crying… and I simply couldn’t help myself. I know all about crying in bathrooms you see,”

“Go away.” 

She frowned and then drifted down until she was barely two feet from his face.

“I could help you.”

 

****

 

_ Draco had begun to pay attention as Myrtle had begun to talk to them. Any interactions were something to entertain him these days.  _

_ The other Draco had an inbuilt hostility towards her, but underneath that Draco could sense his want to rid himself of the stupid emotions he felt. He could also sense that the other Draco was so, so tired of this mission he was failing again and again.  _

_ The other Draco was mentally exhausted.  _

_ Draco perked up.  _

_ For the first time in… well, this was the first time- he could see that the walls were weak. The presence on the other side was  _ **_weak._ **

 

****

 

_ “Let me out”  _

Draco barely managed to ignore the small voice in the back of his mind. It had never  _ spoken _ to him before.

“ _ Let me out… I can help you with these emotions- I swear I can.” _

Draco looked at Myrtle and ignored the small voice “How can you help me, Myrtle?”

The ghost perked up as if Christmas had come for the second time that year. 

“Well, when  _ I _ was alive- I had no one to talk to… and  _ oh _ how I wanted to! This is your chance- to talk to someone! I promise I won’t tell anybody your secrets!” 

_ “Surprisingly, she's right. If you talk to people about your feelings it makes them easier to cope with… To share the load is to lighten the load. If you let me out I can show you” _

Draco frowned and sent a clear “ _ No”  _ back to the small voice. 

Myrtle took the frown to be meant for her, but that only seemed to encourage her “Oh I can see you’re thinking about it!” She circled him and then flew upwards, and dropped down so her upside down face was level with his “Tell me- What's wrong?”

Draco was about to tell her to  _ piss off _ when he received the assault on his inner walls. Within seconds, the thing in the back of his head had broken out, and his mind was flushed with a massive sense of pure joy. 

He spluttered and stumbled back into the sink and the mirror he had just cracked “NO!” 

Myrtle screamed at his outburst and fled into a stall.

 

To anyone who might have seen him just then- Draco might have seemed a bit odd. He was gripping the sink behind him so tightly that his knuckles had turned white and his feet were planted firmly on the floor. His eyes flickered as if he had been possessed by a poltergeist and a small growl had just escaped his throat. 

“This is my mind. It is mine! Leave!”   
“No! It was mine to start with before you took over, you- sick- bastard! … Get- Back- In- Your- Box!” 

This was followed by a large snarl.

 

****  

 

Draco came into consciousness. He inhaled the scent of blood, shit and piss.

He found himself to be crying, on the floor. Tears streaming down his face. The floor beneath him was wet. And something was dripping on his face.  

He wiped at it, pulling his hand away, to find blood all over his hand.

He went through the now incredibly hazy memory of punching the mirror  _ Ah, so it was his blood. And... _ and the conversation that had come after that. 

He looked around. “You- you can come out now Myrtle” 

He did a quick  _ scourify  _ to clean the blood from his face and hands, and did a small healing charm too. 

Moaning Myrtle drifted out of the stall she had fled to. She looked at him for a second or two before asking “Are you possessed? Like that girl from a few years ago?”

“A possessed person wouldn’t tell you they were possessed- would they?” Was all Draco could gasp out, as exhausted as he was. 

“Hm-” Myrtle seemed miffed, but her expression changed quickly enough, and she floated upwards, her voice echoing off the walls, “But you don’t seem possessed, otherwise you wouldn’t have been so rude-” She was now upside-down and talking to Draco again. 

“- Possessed people don’t have the energy or mental ability to care about being rude. I should know, I’m a ghost.” 

Draco took a deep breath “...What?”

She ignored him “Also, I’ve never seen a possessed person crying before, or being scared about the possibility of someone killing them. Usually, they are completely unaware of those sorts of things...so- perhaps you were having a fit?”

“Yeah, maybe I was.” Draco hoping she would go away.

Myrtle considered him, seemingly not understanding the sarcasm “Maybe it was from all that stress you were feeling?”

Draco grunted at her and then pushed himself up from the floor. He once again came face to face with the mirror, reflecting the shattered image of his face back at him. 

It had been too close. The small part of his mind had almost gained control. 

“It won’t happen again” He whispered to his reflection. “I will stop you”

“Stop who?” Myrtle asked. 

“A boy whos trying to take over my life. I refuse to let him.” He hoped the other part of his brain was hearing this.  

“Oh, you’re being bullied! No wonder you’re going crazy…” Her voice dropped to a scandalous whisper “People thought I was crazy too… but I wasn’t. Just lonely and scared!” 

Draco grunted at her again.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be your friend! You can talk to me… what did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t,” Draco said, and finally glanced at Myrtle. “See you round.” 

As he was leaving Myrtle shouted at him “Don’t worry about me telling anyone! I’ll see you later! Make sure you come back!”

Draco could not escape quickly enough. 

 

**** 

 

_ The walls had only gotten stronger.  _

_ Draco screamed and battered himself against them.  _

_ He had gained control for that sweet couple of seconds. He had been able to see, smell and  _ **_feel_ ** _. It had been wonderful. _

_ But he launched his attack with no preparation. The other Draco had been emotionally weak, but Draco had not thought his attack through at all, and had not realised that he had also been incredibly weak. The months of entrapment had not been the best for his mental control. _

_ He was such an idiot.  _

_ He felt the anger radiating around his little box, and for once, he just let himself feel it. _

 

_ **** _

 

_ “Draco. You need to control your anger.”  _

_ Draco didn’t even bother to acknowledge Harry. Weeks had past and he could no longer give a shit. _

_ “Last time you didn’t control your anger- well, you know what happened.” _

_ Draco laughed, knowing he sounded crazy. “Yes I am very aware of what happened, it’s hard not to be when I’m literally living through it as we speak.” _

_ “Draco. It’s not your fault you are here. This… parasite, that lives in you. It’s not you. It’s a magical anonymity.” _

_ “Knowing what it is doesn't change the fact that it seems I’m going to be here for-fucking-ever.” All the humour had evaporated from his voice. _

_ “It’s just making it easier for it to control you… the angrier and sadder you are-”  _

_ “What's the point!” Draco interrupted.  _

_ “Because Slytherins don’t give up like this you absolute nut! Draco Malfoy- Draco Fucking Malfoy does not just give up!” Harry was shaking him.  _

_ Draco looked into his eyes and saw panic there. He also saw that they weren’t quite as solid as they used to be. He frowned. _

_ Harry sighed, “Yes. With every bit of hope you lose, I begin to go too. I am the representation of your the part of your subconscious that is sane Draco- the part of you that is good and kind and. You are letting that go- so you're letting me go too.” _

_ Draco began to shake his head. “No- no! No, you’re keeping me sane. You’re the only one I have to talk to...You can’t go!” _

_ “No Draco, I am a representation of your sanity. And you are  _ **_letting_ ** _ me go.”  _

_ Harry leaned forward to kiss him and Draco felt the slightest brush before- _

 

_ ****  _

 

Draco awoke. He did not feel rested. 

He sat up, got out of bed, dressed himself and then walked down the steps to the common room. 

Crabbe and Goyle were already waiting for him. 

“Come” 

They all left- Draco ignored Pansy, Theo and Blaise who were giving him their looks again. 

 

****

 

The cupboard would not be fixed. Nothing he did was working. 

He felt the tears coming, uncontrollable.

“Gah!” He ran out of the room, telling Crabbe and Goyle to wait and hurried towards the bathroom. 

 

****

 

“Don’t,” crooned Moaning Myrtle as the tears continued to leak from his eyes “Don’t… tell me what’s wrong… I can help you…” 

“No one can help me,” whispered Draco, more to himself than her. His whole body was shaking. “I can’t do it - I can’t… It won’t work… and unless I do it soon… he says he’ll kill me..”

Draco looked into the cracked mirror, as he had so many times in the last few weeks. He followed the ever complicated lines of the mirror to distract himself from his head. He was concentrating on them so hard he almost missed the reflection of the figure standing in the doorway of the bathroom. 

It was Potter.

Anger and embarrassment surged within him.

 

Draco spun around, drawing his wand. Potter pulled out his own. Malfoy’s stupify missed Harry by inches, shattering the lamp on the wall beside him; Harry threw himself sideways, and fired his own jinx. The training he had done with Bellatrix had paid off. Malfoy blocked the jinx and raised his wand and fired, but Potter once again dodged.

“No! No! Stop it!” squealed Moaning Myrtle, her voice echoing loudly around the tiled room. “Stop! STOP!” Draco missed Potter again and there was a loud bang as the bin behind Potter exploded. In return, a cistern exploded behind Draco. Potter wasn't bad. Draco focused his mind, letting the anger focus him as water poured everywhere and Potter slipped. Draco saw his chance “Cruci —” 

 

****

 

_ Harry. _

_ Harry had found the other Draco crying.  _

_ They were now duelling.  _

_ Draco watched in horror as the other Draco fired off each curse, and Harry dodged each one. The bin exploded- then the cistern behind Draco did too. Water rained around them, and the floor was covered with it, as well as the rubbish from the bin.  _

_ He had to do something.  _

_ Draco began feeling at the walls around him, they were strong. The other Draco’s mind was focused and full of hatred and therefore power. Potter had always done this to him. _

_ Draco tested out some more spots but paused as he felt the surge of hatred on the other side of the wall- the want for Potter to feel pain. To  _ **_really_ ** _ want Potter to feel pain, and the  _ **_focusing_ ** _ of this.  _

_ The other Draco was going to cast crucio.  _

_ Draco could not let that happen. He would not let it.  _

_ He did not think, all he could do was act.  _

_ As the other Draco began to pronounce the unforgivable word, Draco exploded.  _

 

_ **** _

 

_ “Cruci-”  _ Draco never got the chance to get through the word as a force of energy exploded within his own mind. It wasn’t an emotion, it wasn’t something he could repress. It was just,  _ energy. _ He choked and stumbled, giving Potter his chance.

 

“SECTUMSEMPRA!” bellowed Harry from the floor, and Draco felt invisible blades cutting through him. He felt them in his chest, abdomen, and one hit his thigh. The pain was excruciating and a broken cry wailed from his lips. It all happened so quickly. He barely had time to blink before he had staggered backwards and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash. As the cool water surrounded him, so did the darkness, embracing him.

The last thing he heard was Potter’s voice “No- I didn’t-”  

 

****

 

There were no walls between him and the darkness now. Draco had blown it down.

They were both incredibly weak- too weak to act. 

They were in the hospital wing, Draco had figured that much out from the odd sounds which surrounded him. A clink of a spoon on a bowl. Little groans and moans. The clean smell.

That was something he had missed. His sense of smell.

 

He considered the entity that shared his mind. And it considered him. He knew if it could have, it would have devoured him.

 

After an eternity, it spoke. 

 

**_You had Felix Felicis this whole time?_ **

 

It had accessed his memories now that there was nothing separating them. 

 

_ I can’t let you kill him. _

 

A small amount of amusement radiated from it. 

 

**_I am a part of you, I will not kill him._** ** _We_** **_will._**

 

_ I am  _ **_not_ ** _ you. You are a parasite- and I’m just- _

 

**_I’m not a parasite. I have grown out of your anger… I’m just as much a part of you as everything else-_ **

 

_ You would have devoured me if you had the chance. I was lucky to have had walls to hide behind.  _

 

**_That is true- It is part of my nature to try and eliminate that awfully boring bit of you that-_ **

 

_ Loves?  _

 

Draco could not believe he was talking to it. He continued as sick amusement radiated from it.

_ I love! And you do not. I know that you kept feeling you were missing something. Every time you talked to one of my friends- you felt empty! Well that was what it was! To be human is to love- and- and to kill the bit of me that loves would mean you cease to be huma-  _

 

That was the last thought that Draco had before it devoured him. The truth that he had realised over the last couple of years. 

His mother had shown him through her devotion. Blaise had helped him to understand. And Harry Potter, his sworn enemy- had helped him to prove it.

 

_ To be human is to love. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha imagine if I ended it on the last chapter.  
> This is going to be the last chapter for awhile- 2-4 weeks. Im in finals time and everything is stressssss

Armed with a large gulp of the Felix Felicis that had taken days to be delivered to him- (thanks to no owl allowing Greyback to go near it until he thought to paralyse one) Draco walked into the Room of Hidden Things.

It was going to work.  _ Felix told him so.  _

He knew the spell was incredibly difficult, but he also knew the spell backwards, forwards, in and out and upside down.

He just needed to be precise, and lucky enough to say the words with perfection and do the wand movements without one mistake. 

Fortunately, today he had luck on his side. 

He could do it. And he would.

 

It took him three hours. But the time seemed to pass so quickly. Draco’s wrist might have hurt, but he was lucky enough that no pain bothered him. 

He might have needed to sneeze, as he had multiple times in the old, massive, dusty room (Which had messed up the spell three times previously) But no dust bothered him that afternoon.

He might have gotten tired, but tiredness did not creep towards him that day.

 

It was almost ten o'clock at night when Draco completed the spell. 

 

Greyback was in Borgin and Burkes and knew to expect the rat which he placed in the cabinet. 

He closed the door- spoke the words that would trigger the spell- and waited. 

A minute later he heard a thud and panicked squeaking. 

It had worked.

 

Draco let out a loud whoop as the immense satisfaction filled him. 

He had done it. 

He began to laugh. 

It was as if it were a spring day and he was playing quidditch- no it was better. Far better. 

The relief and joy were almost overwhelming, they filled him from his belly to his chest, and spiralled up to his head, making him feel dizzy. 

 

“YEEEAS. FUCK YE-”

“Who’s there?” 

Draco whirled around as a woman's voice came echoing through the large stacks of various junk.

He pulled out his wand and sneaked towards the exit, not making a sound. Just before he rounded the corner, he had a strong urge to wait. 

A second later he heard the voice again, but this time he noticed the telltale signs of a drunken slur to it.    
“Oh bloody Merlin” There was a loud sound of what must have been an empty bottle hitting the floor. 

Draco poked his head around the corner, to find Professor Trelawney bent over picking up her dropped bottle. 

Luckily- she had not seen him. 

He stupefied her. 

 

After magically throwing her out, Draco returned to the cabinet. He stared at it, the joy having faded a bit… it was now sharing the space… with _ nervousness. _

 

He hated feeling nervous. 

_ You’ll be fine.  _ Felix told him. 

 

Realising he was putting it off, Draco opened the cabinet door. It creaked as it did, and Draco felt his heart rate increase. 

_ He would be fine. _

He looked into the dark corners of the cabinet, which seemed bigger on the inside, took a deep breath and stepped in, closing the door behind him. 

He muttered the words which would hopefully take him to Bourgin and Burkes, “Quandoquidem Fortuna mihi tete abstulit ipsum” he repeated the phrase 3 times- Felix guiding him through the words.

He paused and listened out. Silence greeted him. 

It hadn’t worked-

The door was wrenched open by Greyback, who greeted him with a howl of pleasure and pulled him out to embrace him. 

Draco laughed and hugged the man back- then came to himself. “That’s enough, get off me.” Draco shoved him away, and frowned as Greyback winked at him. He looked around, smelling the musky smell and letting his eyes adjust to the higher level of light. He was in Borgin and Bourkes. 

He chuckled.

He had done it. 

 

“Inform the others, and the Dark Lord,” Draco said, ignoring the look of contempt Greyback gave him. The wolf didn’t like being bossed around. 

Draco walked to the back of the store where Borgin stood waiting. He was looking at Draco with a new fear and respect in his eyes. 

“Do you have my things?” 

Borgin nodded and pointed with a shaking hand at a small pile. 

A few lumps of Instant darkness powder, which he had found at the Weasley’s joke store, and the Hand of Glory. They would provide an escape should they need it.

As Draco stood inspecting them, Borgin spoke quietly from beside him. 

“My Payment... Sir?” 

Draco looked at him from the corner of his eyes, enjoying the look of fear it gave Borgin. 

“You’ll get you money Borgin. And when we take over this stupid society, you’ll get special treatment too… We Death Eaters, we treat our friends well.” Draco smiled and clasped Borgin’s shoulder, who suddenly had a very pleased look on his face. 

 

Just then, Draco felt his pocket warm. He fished the coin out of his pocket.

 

_ Dumbledore has gone for a drink at the Hog’s Head.  _

Putting Rosmerta under the imperio charm had been a wise move.

 

“Greyback!” He called out.

“Yeah?” The wolf’s voice was muffled by the piles of junk between them. 

Draco walked over to him, to see he was inspecting some jewellery. 

“Have you sent those messages?”    
Greyback looked up with an unimpressed look, “I don’t see why  _ you  _ can’t-”   
Draco silenced him with a look he had often noticed Bellatrix using- it worked.

“I haven’t been taught how to cast a Patronus yet you idiot, so I can’t send them an instant message” Greyback ‘hmph’ed and took out his wand. Draco held up a hand, causing Greyback to pause, “No, the situations changed anyway. I just received a message from a contact. Dumbledore has left the school. So the plan has changed. We do it tonight.” Greyback bared his teeth in what Draco supposed was meant to be a smile.

“Summon the others here, and get Bellatrix to inform the Dark Lord that I have succeeded.” 

“We are going into the school tonight?” 

Draco felt slightly disgusted by the sight and sound of a joyous Greyback. 

“Did you even listen to a word I just said? _ Yes.  _ We do it tonight.” Draco paused, letting the reality hit him “Tonight- Dumbledore will die.”

He smiled.  _ Felix told him so. _

 

****

 

The next hour was chaotic as Draco tried to control Greyback, Gibbon, Amycus and Alecto. Voldemort had apparently been able to spare no one else on the incredibly important mission to defeat his arch enemy. 

 

But, if Draco had had a say, Greyback would not have come. 

The dog would _ not  _ stop talking about children and how  _ soft _ their throats were. As disgusting as that was, Draco also thought he might put the mission at risk. He did not follow orders very well.

 

They were halfway through revising the plan- Amycus and Alecto arguing about who was going to have to hold Greyback’s hand if they had to walk through the instant darkness powder- much to Greybacks enjoyment while Gibbon mused about whether he should use Crucio or just Avada Kedavra if it came to that- when the small bell on the door of the shop tinkled and they all looked up to find a hooded figure in the door. They all raised their wands at the stranger.

“Well  _ done  _ Draco.” Came Bellatrix's voice as she threw off her hood to reveal her shadowed face. 

“Merlin, you could have warned us you were coming,” said Amycus, lowering his wand. 

Bellatrix smiled at him then turned and locked the door behind her. 

She stalked over, all eyes on her. “The Dark Lord sent me to supervise… Draco, he specifically requested that you kill the old man- to prove yourself loyal. You shall become honoured beyond all your dreams when you do so.” She smiled at him, something like pride in her expression. 

Draco just looked at her cooly and gave a nod. 

Her smile grew wider.

“Well,” said Greyback “Let's do it then” 

Draco sneered at his eager expression but agreed regardless “Yes. Lets.” 

 

****

 

The room of requirement was incredibly quiet as the entered, but that was ruined by the howling and laughter of the Death Eaters around him as they realised it had worked.

 

“Shut up!” He hissed “I’m going to check the corridor. Stay close and say nothing!” 

  
He made his way towards the exit, clutching the Hand of Glory he had just picked up from Boring and Burks, weaving around various chairs, cupboards and other junk. 

Just before he opened the door, he paused.

“What is it?” said Gibbon. 

“Nothing” Draco lied, shivering as the fear threatened to overwhelm him.    
_ You’ll be fine.  _ Felix told him. 

He breathed deeply, then motioning for the others to stay, he opened the door, gripped the Hand of Glory tightly and slipped out. He looked carefully around and almost jumped out of his own skin when he spotted two redheads-  _ Weasley’s _ \- accompanied by the wispy blonde hair of Luna Lovegood. They only had the time to look at each other in surprise before Draco threw the instant darkness powder straight at them. He enjoyed their looks of fear as their world suddenly went black, and their fumbling and screams which followed it. He felt tempted to pat the Hand of Glory for the ability it had given him, but knew it would probably strangle him if he did.

 

Draco hurried back to the others, “I used the powder. Join up” He grabbed Gibbons hand. The all formed their little line- it turned out the Amycus was forced to hold Greybacks hand- and walked through the door.

 

****

 

Chaos. Absolute fucking chaos. But Draco just ran through it all unscathed. Felix Felicis was a useful potion.

A fight had erupted around him between his comrades and their surprise opposition- (Dumbledore had left members of the Order of the Phenoix on patrol in his stead) so no one really paid Draco much attention as he sprinted past them towards the stairs leading towards the astronomy tower. 

He knew that Gibbon had just gone up there to fire off the Dark Mark- Draco aimed to be on top of the tower when Dumbledore arrived back.

It was as he was dancing; a sidestep here, a twirl there. Spells missed him as if they were being drawn away by a magnet. 

Draco stumbled- and fell, but this was for the best, as a green curse- probably Avada Kedavra- flew over him. He smiled, feeling giddy. 

He felt his pocket warm. 

He crawled over to the wall to take the small coin out of his pocket.    
_ Dumbledore is coming by broom- he looked very weak. He was with-  _

The coins lettering cut off, it could not fit a message any longer. 

Draco frowned,  _ who was Dumbledore with?  _

He shrugged, guessing he would soon find out, and then launched himself off the floor and ran towards the stairs. On the way, he went past Bellatrix who was cackling as she took on two members of the Order. Her face was lit with the glowing colours of her curses- green, red and blue. 

A stray spell from one of the Order members shot out, and Draco ducked- then once again he was dancing- twisting and turning- he jumped over some rubble and noticed his cousin- Nymphadora- was in the way of the door to the astronomy tower. 

Raising his wand and aiming- he had a sudden urge to  _ wait!  _

He did so, then smiled as he watched Gibbon smash into Nymphadora from behind, as he came out from the tower door, causing her to stumble. They began to duel and Draco took his chance. He sprinted towards the door and slipped through unnoticed and ran up the stairs, feeling as if he were light as a feather.

_ How gay,  _ some cynical part of him thought.

The run up the stairs was awfully quiet compared to the battle down below. He huffed as the stairs went up and up and up. Eventually, the solid door at the top appeared. He burst through the it, and saw an old man leaning against the battlements of the tower...  _ Dumbledore _ . 

“Expelliarmus!” 

Dumbledore's wand flew in a beautiful arc towards Draco. He caught it, feeling rather pleased with himself. 

He glanced around, also pleased to find that they were alone-  _ except- _ he looked around- there were two brooms on the ramparts. Dumbledore was with someone, just as Rosmerta had said… however it seemed they were alone, perhaps whoever he had been with was already downstairs fighting.

“Who else is here?” He questioned the old man, who looked  _ awfully  _ frail. Wonderful.

“A question I might ask you. Or are you acting alone?” 

“No, I’ve got back-up.” He said simply, then a sick feeling of glee spread throughout him, “There are Death Eaters here in your school tonight.” 

“Well, well,” said Dumbledore, obviously impressed. Draco might have been happy to have been praised once, “Very good indeed. You found a way to let them in, did you?” 

  
****

 

Draco Malfoy was not a killer. Perhaps he knew this, perhaps he did not. But in that moment, he did not have to courage to do the job Voldemort had set him. He greatly feared the consequences of not completing the task, of what it would mean to him and his Mother, but he was not a killer.

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore knew this,  _ and yet,  _ there was something in Draco that did want to kill. Badly. 

He had seen this too many times before.

He had seen it corrupt the man he had once loved most in the world and had seen it almost corrupt him too.

Emotions were tied inexplicitly to magic. It was why one could only cast an unforgivable if there was true hatred in their heart, a true want to make the person before them suffer or die. 

It was why the sacrificial charm, which was not enacted through will, but through the purest of love, was one of the most powerful, long-lasting charms known to wizardkind. 

Anger, when allowed to sit in a magical being and fester for long enough, could take on magical properties. Anger, when left to rot and corrupt the brain, could turn a kind person into someone they would not recognise; and when you fed the anger, with fear, ignorance or pain- an Obscurus de Animo could form. A close cousin to the Obscurus, the Obscurus de Animo could be more dangerous- because it did not kill it’s host, but erased the host's human side and inhabited the body. The person would still appear to be themselves, but far crueller.

But... Draco Malfoy was lucky, for Albus Dumbledore could see that there was hope. Draco had not killed him, so, therefore, the Obscurus did not have total control. There was still some part of Draco that could recognise that killing was a heinous act, and he fought against it.

Albus suspected that if he did get killed, it would be the act which would push Draco over the edge and he would be lost forever. He had known Draco was in distress, but Albus had feared what might happen if Tom Riddle saw him in the boy’s memories so had never helped Draco. 

_ I should have acted sooner. _

He criticized himself, the old habit of putting the greater good above individuals had never stopped haunting him. 

He looked to where he knew Harry was standing- petrified, and sighed, hating himself so very much.

At least it would be over soon.

Now was the chance to fix one last mistake of his before he left this world.

“Draco, Draco, you are not a killer.” He said as he considered Draco’s walls, which were incredibly strong for someone his age, but nothing to Albus.

“How do you know?” said Draco, not noticing the gentle probes Dumbledore was passing through his walls, careful to only remove the tiniest of pinpricks from the mental barrier. Unlike Tom Riddle- who had a fondness for bowling the barrier down like a toddler who had just come across building blocks, Albus was much more precise. Extracting an Obscurus de Animo was incredibly difficult, as you were playing around with the fabric the wizard or witch’s mind, one wrong move and you could rip or remove something- something that was essential to their mental wellbeing. 

“You don’t know what I’m capable of, you don’t know what I’ve done!” Draco was oblivious to the mental surgery he was being put under. 

“Oh, yes, I do,” said Albus distractedly “You almost killed Katie Bell and Ronald Weasley. You have been trying, with increasing desperation, to kill me all year. Forgive me, Draco, but they have been feeble attempts… so feeble, to be honest, that I wonder whether your heart has been really in it…” The bait worked, the obscurus surging forward in his mind, angry,  becoming so obvious and easier to grasp. In its own anger, it did not feel Albus gently pulling it out, like an overgrown weed. Root by root, strand by strand. It was massive, almost all consuming. Albus had almost been too late- perhaps he  _ was _ too late. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to save Draco’s mind- or if the process would destroy his mind as well as the obscurus.

“It has been in it!” said Draco, the obscurus still in control. He would allow it to believe that until the last possible second. He continued to engage the boy in conversation, knowing his time was short. 

“Very gratifying,” said Dumbledore mildly. “We all like appreciation for our own hard work, of course… but you must have had an accomplice, all the same. -Someone in Hogsmeade-”  _ Albus had been curious about this for sometime  _ “-Someone who was able to slip Katie the -” the memory of Draco putting Rosmerta under the imperius curse swam to the front of Draco’s mind.    
“Aaaaah” he closed his eyes again and nodded, chastising himself for being so blind. “Of course… Rosmerta. How long has she been under the Imperius Curse?” 

“Got there at last, have you?” Malfoy taunted, still completely ignorant to the presence in his own mind. Draco tattered on for awhile longer about his own brilliance.

 

Eventually, Albus felt he was ready.“...So let us discuss your options, Draco.” 

“My options!” said Malfoy loudly. “I’m standing here with a wand- I’m about to kill you-” 

“My dear boy,” Albus had done enough gentle caressing of the tendrils clinging in the depths of Draco’s mind. “-let us have no more pretence about that. If you were going to kill me, you would have done it when you first disarmed me, you would not have stopped for this pleasant chat about ways and means.” 

He began ripping the weeds out. It would cause damage, but there was no other way from that point- to preserve the original host, one had to act quickly before the Obscurus de Animo began doing damage on its own. 

“I haven’t got any options!” said Malfoy, and he suddenly turned pale as the parasite in his mind began to thrash is Albusus grip. Draco’s brain processed the sudden fear in a different way and manifested itself as a thought, it did not quite know what was happening yet and was still catching up, all it felt was the flood of fear.

“I’ve got to do it! He’ll kill me! He’ll kill my whole family!” 

“I appreciate the difficulty of your position,” said Albus, “Why else do you think I have not confronted you before now? Because I knew that you would have been murdered if Lord Voldemort realized that I suspected you.” Draco winced at the sound of the name as awful images came to the forefront of the boy’s mind, Albus felt immense sorrow for him. “I did not dare speak to you of the mission with which I knew you had been entrusted, in case he used Legilimency against you,” Albus continued to rip the tendrils out, being careful not to let any of it go it back into Draco’s mind “But now, at last, we can speak plainly to each other… no harm has been done, you have hurt nobody, though you are very lucky that your unintentional victims survived… I can help you, Draco.” 

“No, you can’t,” said Draco, his wand hand shaking and his mind reeling as it the parasite put up it’s last fight. Albus was weak, but he still had enough strength for the boy. “Nobody can. He told me to do it or he’ll kill me. I’ve got no choice.” 

“Come over to the right side, Draco, and we can hide you more completely than you can possibly imagine. What is more, I can send members of the Order to your mother tonight to hide her likewise. Your father is safe at the moment in Azkaban… when the time comes we can protect him too… come over to the right side, Draco… you are not a killer…” 

Malfoy stared at Dumbledore. “But I got this far, didn’t I?” he said slowly. “They thought I’d die in the attempt, but I’m here… and you’re in my power… I’m the one with the wand… you’re at my mercy…” 

“No, Draco,” said Dumbledore quietly. “It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now.” 

He finally pulled the last of it free, and packed it away with great effort, into a small box, to starve it back to it’s original state. It was a piece of Draco, and so it had to remain. Negative thoughts were a part of being human. He just hoped that Draco would never let it grow into such a state ever again.

  
  


****

 

_ You have been the prisoner of an Obscurus De Animo Draco, research it and learn to control it. You must learn to confront, accept, understand and control your anger. To suppress it, is to let it grow, ignored and uncontrolled. _

 

The words were whispered ever so gently in his mind, and they would stay with him forever.

 

****

 

_ It was like coming out of a long sleep.  _

 

The presence that had so long made it’s own home in Draco’s mind was gently removed at first, like the way the a light breeze slowly removes the fog in the hazy light of a winter morning. Then, out of nowhere, the breeze had changed into a gale and Draco had struggled to hold on. It had grown into a storm, and had been violent, had bought battle- but had been a cleansing force in the end. The presence in his mind had been folded, like one folds a cloth, over and over, the material of his mind shrank to something manageable, and was put into a small cage where it now slept, exhausted.

 

It was like coming out of a long sleep.  And coming awake into a nightmare.

 

_ Draco Malfoy _ , son of the Death Eater Lucius Malfoy.  _ Draco Malfoy, _ who was a Death Eater  _ himself _ , sworn to serve Lord Voldemort- found himself face to face with the Dark Lord’s greatest enemy, Albus Dumbledore, with his wand in Draco’s hand and Draco’s own wand pointing at him. 

 

_ Draco Malfoy-- _ finally had Albus Dumbledore in his power… And he did not want to kill him. 

  
Draco began to lower his wand, not hearing the jeers from the Death Eaters around him- blinking in confusion- when he was pushed roughly out of the way, the wand belonging to the old man in front of him dropping from his hand. He barely had time to realise it was Snape before the man’s mouth moved and then, far too slowly for it to have been real, green light shot from his wand. 

 

Draco looked back to Dumbledore, surprised to see the old professor was no longer there. 

  
  


****

 

It took Draco a lifetime, or maybe it was just a few seconds, to realise what had happened. By the time he came to, he was already being dragged by Snape down the stairs of the astronomy tower. 

 

Dumbledore was dead.  

 

Snape had killed him. 

 

The words echoed around his mind, which was still in shock, as they sprinted. To where- Draco did not know, he just followed Snape.

  
  


He is dead. Dumbledore is dead. He is dead. Dead. He won’t be back. Dead. What the fuck?!  **_Dead_ ** . 

 

“Wait here” The grip on his shoulder pulled him out of it. He watched as Snape ran back to meet a figure who was being outlined by the flickering light of a fire that was as big as Hagrid's Hut--

Wait. 

That  _ was _ Hagrid's Hut. Burning. 

 

Draco frowned, confused.  _ When had that happened?  _ He watched the flames as they danced around. They were beautiful. 

_ Dead. Dumbledore was- _

 

Draco was distracted as a very familiar voice rang out, screaming half of a curse that had once been aimed at Draco.  _ “Sectum —!” _

Draco looked back to the figure illuminated by the flames. 

 

It was Potter.

 

Harry Potter. 

 

Harry. 

 

Draco gasped as a flood of warmth and attraction flooded into him, and brought him back into the world slightly. 

A hand gripped his shoulder. He looked to find it was Snape again. He frowned. 

Then suddenly he was being dragged forward. He stumbled as trees surrounded him. Then the dragging became twisting and turning and he pulled through a tiny hole and then he was in a large ornamented room. 

 

Snape had just apparated with him. 

 

It was familiar to him...his...father's study.    
  


“Is it done?” The cold voice of Lord Voldemort came from beside the fireplace. He was dressed in black, the robes falling like a black waterfall to pool on the ground. The fire in the fireplace was much smaller than the one Draco had been looking at before. It lit the Dark Lord rather creepily. 

“Yes my Lord. Everything went according to Draco’s plan. But I stepped in to kill Dumbl- Agh!” Snape had fallen to the floor.

“Draco was to kill him!- Draco!” Draco felt cold magical hands wrap around his neck.  _ He had felt this before. _ His brain panicked. 

He began scratching at his neck, unable to breathe. His thoughts tumbled over one another- having gone from very slow to very, very fast. 

He was going to die, he was never going to see his mother again, Dumbledore had died for nothing, he would never get to say goodbye to Pansy, or Blaise- or Harr-

He was thrown to the floor and he grabbed and swallowed at the air that was given to him again. 

“Stupid boy. Your thoughts have betrayed you. You cannot cope with this sort of work.” Pain lashed across Draco’s face and he yelped, curling into a ball. He was going to die. Like Dumbledore had. He wouldn’t ever see Harry and be able to tell him that he lov- 

“You must learn to love pain! Crucio!” 

Draco screamed as the curse lashed through him. Pain like nothing else consuming him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so- its against Canon that Bellatrix is in this scene- I know. But I think this is one of the things the movie got right...  
> Why the heck wouldnt Voldemort send his best witch to do the dirty work- and why wouldn't she come herself to prove herself or some bullshit- I understand its probably because he doesn't expect them to succeed and doesn't want to sacrifice her- but Draco had pretty good odds with this one when he fixed the cabinet... right? Anyway, I just like her being there and think its more to her character to take crazy risks like that.  
> Alright- remember no upload for awhile- see you then!! <3


	25. 7TH YEAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. THERE IS A SUMMARY BELOW.
> 
> If you do not want to read spoilers for this chapter, skip down to the writing below! 
> 
> Hello there! Thanks for reading. Summary of this chapter is as follows;  
> Luna Lovegood is bought in to be tortured in the Christmas holidays by the Carrow Twins. Knowing she is an unimportant prisoner who is only there to force her father to co-operate, (ie, no one will look into her mind and see Draco helping her) Draco pretends he wishes to take her to his rooms so he can get her out and save her.  
> Amycus Carrow isn't happy about this when Draco says he doesn't like to share, they duel. Draco wins. Alecto warns Draco that her brother will not forget this.  
> Draco- still putting up a facade as a monster as Ollivander is in the dungeon (He fears Ollivander may unwillingly betray him if Voldemort looks into his mind) he takes Luna to his rooms. She then proceeds to attack him until he convinces her that he is trying to help her.  
> A week later Draco tells Luna about her Father sighting Harry Potter, Luna asks Draco to help free her. He says he can't because he is scared for his Mother's and his own life and he believes there is no point in fighting a war you have already lost. Luna convinces him that it is because good people like him stand by and do nothing that the wrong side gets to win.  
> She inspires something in Draco.
> 
> That's it! Sorry, I didn't plan this scene until I wrote it so I didn't put it in the tags... my deepest apologies.

Draco stood near the back of the dungeon which always bought the dead’s screams into his mind and listened to the sounds of yet another’s pain coming down the stairs. He sighed. It was just one more. 

Cruel laughter echoed around him too, as the Snatchers dragging the screaming girl came towards them. 

Draco’s face was calm, almost emotionless. It was nothing like the Carrow’s, who walked through the door first, visibly excited. They had led the snatchers to capture the girl.

Draco glanced to the side, where the ragged form of Ollivander was tied up.    
Ollivander made no movement or sound as the screams got closer… He had been broken. He would not fight for the girl. 

He would sit there quietly, just like all the other times. 

Draco looked away from him, and looked at the twins who now stood next to him.

“Good Morning Draco,” Amycus said as they made eye contact. He was twirling his wand around his fingers- he did that when he was excited.

“Amycus,” said Draco nodding at the twisted man.   
“What- not even going to ask me about how I’ve been? How Hogwarts has-” 

“I don’t particularly care,” said Draco, speaking truthfully.

Amycus gave him a rude gesture, but the cruel smile was still gracing his features. He turned away from Draco and looked towards the door, sighing as the screams got louder.

“Such a lovely Christmas present they’ve allowed us today, don’t you think?”

Draco grunted, “Yes, should be fun.”

“Bring the girl in!” Alecto called.

A girl was dragged in, her blonde hair ratty from fighting and her face tear-stricken. She was putting up a valiant effort, still struggling and screaming against the grips of Greyback, who was halfway through telling her how she would make a tasty little snack- when Alecto interrupted him. 

“Oh shut up Greyback, she's not yours today, she’s ours... Quiet!” At a flick of Alecto’s wand, the girl stopped screaming. She was still trying to of course, but the sound wasn’t coming out. 

“Leave us,” Alecto pointed to the door, 

“What about our payment?” Asked a Snatcher

“You’ll get it… Now- Out.” 

Greyback nodded, looking longingly at the girl’s neck, then motioned to his men. They left. 

 

“Hello Lovegood,” said Amycus, the cruel smile still on his face. At his words, Lovegood stopped trying to scream, her gaze focused on him with an intensity most prisoners didn’t have. Usually, their eye’s didn’t contain as much fiery rebelliousness. “Did you miss me? I haven’t seen your pretty face in quite a while… Last time we met I seem to recall having to punish you for not torturing that boy… what was his name?”

He was met with silence.

“James” Alecto spoke up “One of the half-bloods,” 

Lovegood looked down, her eye’s filling with tears. 

“Miss him, do you? Filthy little boy…” Alecto turned to Draco “The son of even filthier parents-” she explained “-They were quite naughty...tried to rebel. So we killed their son as punishm-”

Lovegood broke the silencing spell upon her “YOU’RE THE FILTHY ONES, YOU DISGUSTING MONST- AGH!” Lovegood cried out as her cheek was slashed open by Amycus.    
“You really shouldn’t interrupt, I thought we already taught you that, Lovegood” Amycus stalked over to her, sweeping her to the floor with his wand and began kicking her. Her screams filled Draco’s ears. He did nothing.

Alecto began cackling. After Amycus had gotten quite a few kicks in she called out. “Brother! Brother!… you really should let me punish her, since it was  _ I  _ she interrupted” 

Amycus stepped back, smiling “Of course, how rude of me.” 

Alecto nodded at him, then without hesitating stabbed her arm towards Lovegood and screamed “ _ Crucio!” _

Draco watched for a while as Lovegood writhed around in pain, her screams becoming more strangled. He knew how that felt.

He sighed then stepped forward- shocking Alecto into stopping her spell. He walked over to Lovegood and squatted down, grasping her face in his hand. She didn’t even open her tear soaked eyes. 

“Pity you had to cut her face Amycus, as you said, she has a pretty one” He turned it in his hands, inspecting the cut. Her eyes had snapped open at his words, intense fear had replaced most of the hate. 

Amycus was laughing “Are you saying what I think you are saying Draco?” 

“Well she is more pure-blooded then most of the whores they usually bring in here... I think I might have a go.” Draco allowed a small smile onto his lips.

Draco had expected Lovegood to scream. Instead, she just whispered, “No. Please, Draco. Don’t.” 

He continued to turn her face- she was deathly white, and her eyes were wide. 

“Huh,” Amycus’s voice was vicious, “I’d heard from Greyback that you were a fag.” 

Draco raised his eyebrow but ignored the childish insult. “No, I’m impartial to gender-” He stood up, wiping his hands on his robes “-just whoever looks pretty and is worth my time. I dated Pansy Parkinson before Blaise.” 

Amycus shrugged. “Well, doesn't bother me, as long as you bring her back after... I think I’d like a go too.”    
“No” Draco cut him short “I don’t think I will. I don’t like sharing.” Lovegood began whimpering. 

Amycus scoffed “You're not taking my plaything away from me Malfoy” 

Draco raised an eyebrow. “You have plenty of pretty things to play with, besides, the Dark Lord instructed us to keep her alive, and you always seem to have trouble doing that when it comes down to it.” Amycus had killed quite a number of prisoners prematurely.  _ Much  _ to the Dark Lord’s displeasure. It was why they had been placed at Hogwarts, it would fulfil Amycus’ insane need to torture, but he was not part of anything important. The teacher's presence there also stopped him from killing anyone.

Alecto held her brother back before he could launch himself at Draco.  “He’s not wrong brother-” Her voice was filled with caution. That was the one human trait Alecto possessed... She loved and looked after her rather stupid brother “-And you always do have trouble with the pretty ones. Come, let's not cause any more trouble than we are already in. The girl isn’t important.”

“You fucking little shit,” Amycus growled at Draco, raising his wand aggressively. Draco didn’t bother to raise his. He smiled. “She’s mine to play with this time.  _ You _ won’t take her away from  _ me _ .” 

Amycus roared, stabbing his wand towards Draco.    
Draco parried the curse but didn’t send one back. Alecto would get involved if Draco retaliated, and he didn’t fancy the odds of two against one. Amycus was breathing raggedly, his eyes full of animalistic hate.

“Be careful of with your next choice Amycus… the Dark Lord does not look kindly upon anyone who harms a Death Eater.”

“You’re a coward if you tell him” Amycus sneered.

“Only a coward would attack someone when it’s two against one.” 

Amycus eyes flashed with pride as he took the bait “Alecto. Stay back. Let me deal with this little shit.”

Alecto bowed her head and stepped back. She stood beside Luna, who was watching them with wide eyes. 

Draco rolled up his sleeves and adjusted his stance. “Alecto, if you would put up some barriers and count us in, please. I won’t hurt him… too much”    
She gave him a sarcastic smile but put up standard duelling barriers. 

“You won’t hurt me Malfoy-” Amycus growled as his sister raised her hands and muttered a few charms, “But I do assure you, I will spare your life” 

Draco nodded at Alecto, ignoring Amycus. 

She rolled her eyes. “Gentlemen. You may begin in Three…. Two…. O-”   
Amycus fired early, a sinister looking grin on his face. Alecto didn’t call it.   
But Draco had been expecting it, and blocked the curse easily. Amycus fired another two in quick succession, on the offensive. 

Draco spun out of the way and fired his own curse. Amycus parried. 

Back and forth they went, the snaps, cracks and fizzes echoing around them. A ‘beautiful dance to the death’ as Bellatrix had always put it. But there would be no death on this day.   
Amycus, who had started the duel grinning, was now frowning with worry. Sweat dripped down his forehead.

Draco’s face held no such fear, and his breaths were even.    
His training with Bellatrix had not been for nought. 

With a complicated twist of his arm and flick of his wrist, Draco launched his stinging hex in a smooth arc- right over Amycus’s protego- and straight into his left eye.  

“Aagh!” Amycus had barely completed his cry of pain before Draco had fired an underarm stunner at him,  crumpling him to the ground. 

Draco lowered his wand, glancing at Alecto, who was holding Lovegood by the hair. He raised his eyebrow questioningly. 

“She tried to escape” She gestured to her brother with her free hand “...You really are a little shit” 

“What?” Draco asked sarcastically “Do you want a go too?”

She shook her head and walked over to Amycus’s motionless body. “No, I have seen Bellatrix duel often enough to recognise her handiwork…” she magically lifted Amycus off the ground. “And I don’t particularly feel like embarrassing myself today- Unlike this idiot.” She sighed, then sneered at him “Watch your back, my brother will not take this lightly...” She gestured to Lovegood, and smiled “Enjoy your filthy little prize.”   
Draco didn’t move, but waited until she left. You could never trust the Carrows. 

He once again spared a glance at Ollivander, who was still curled silently in the corner. Small haunted eyes had appeared and were staring out at Draco. When Draco made eye contact with him, it was like doing so with a frightened animal- the old man flinched and his eyes disappeared from view.

After the sound of Alecto’s footsteps had faded, Draco exhaled, glad it was over. “Right” he turned to Lovegood, who was shaking her head, horror in her eyes. 

“No, no... Please don’t, I would rather be tortured then-”   
“Shut up” Draco growled, then flicked his wand at her, binding her with magical ropes and causing her to be lifted from the ground. She began struggling and screaming- It made it quite hard to hold her up, but he managed. 

He made his way with her to his room, she screamed and begged the whole way, and it echoed all throughout the halls.

 

Eventually, he got her into his room and placed her on his bed. He turned to lock the door and then put up a silencing charm- It wouldn’t do for someone to listen in.   
Satisfied they had privacy, Draco let his breath and all the tension he had been holding in go-

Only to be hit in the head with something very hard.

Glass shattered and he fell to the ground, pain swarming his vision. He was saved by his instinct to roll- something Bellatrix had conditioned into him.  
The glass cracked under his body and stabbed into him as he rolled over it. He cried out as the pain shot through him. Pushing it aside, he sprung up, and blinked as his head went woozy from the sudden movement- then threw himself backwards, being narrowly missed by the half broken lamp which Luna was wielding. She screamed a loud, mangled cry and swung at him again.

“Expelliarmus!” He cried out, and the lamp tore itself from Lovegood’s grip. “Petrificus totalus!” 

Her body went stiff and fell forward- straight towards the glass.  Draco cried out and flicked his wand causing Lovegood to hover mere inches from the glass. 

“Merlin’s fucking balls!” he cried, then gave himself a second to breathe before moving her back onto the bed where the ropes he had bound her with lay, cut. 

After casting a few healing charms on himself he picked one of the pieces of the rope up “How the fuck did you do this?” Realising she couldn't reply, he unfroze her head. 

Luna began sobbing “Please, no- you can’t-” 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Draco interrupted.   


“Don’t you dare try to make this nice! You’ll hurt every inch of my being if you rape me!” 

“I’m not going to rape you Lovegood.” 

“What-” she began to sob “What are you going to do then? Something more twisted than that? You- you- sick bastard!” Even restrained and crying on his bed, she still had a rebellious soul.

Draco could respect that.   
“I’m not going to rape you.” He held up his hand as she began again “and I’m  _ not _ going to hurt you.” She looked at him, confusion and fear in her eyes. 

Draco sighed and held up his wand. “I, Draco Malfoy, do promise to you, Luna Lovegood- that I have no intention of torturing or raping you.” The light blue strands of a promise charm leapt out of his wand, and twirled around each other each until they reached Lovegood and connected his wand to her chest. 

Lovegood’s eyes still contained fear as she whispered “Promise charms can be broken”    
Draco shrugged. “It’s all I can do. Besides, you’d know if it was broken so, and it’s not broken, so I obviously have no intention of hurting you.” 

She looked at him, and frowned. “You could intend to later...”   
Draco sighed and shook his head “Lovegood, you’re just going to have to trust me. I haven’t and don’t plan to hurt you. Despite having this…” he gestured to his arm, where the Dark Mark swirled around itself “I am trying to help you” 

At her shocked and confused look he continued, “Look- I’m actually gay. Amycus was right. I have no interested in having sex with you. I’ve just bought you here so that they didn’t kill you…” it felt odd letting his secret about his sexuality to someone he'd never spoken to, but it felt right to trust her with a secret if she was going to trust him.   
He trailed off and watched as Lovegood’s face went through a range of emotions. Eventually, something like acceptance settled into her eyes.

Draco nodded. “Don’t try and run, there are traps all over the property, and the floos are closed." He paused, then grimaced, " _And_ your Father would be punished if you escaped. They have tracking spells on him.” She nodded slowly. ”I mean it Lovegood… don't try to hit me with a lamp again… you won’t get far at all. And if you turn against me, I won’t be able to stop what they will do to you. But here...I- can keep you safe.” He flicked his wand and released her from his spell, then walked over to his potions cabinet. He kept an ear out while and rummaged around, scared he might get a second object to his head. But nothing came, and Draco allowed the gentle tinkling of the bottles calm him. He was very nervous.  _ Why am I doing this? _

He found what he was looking for and bought them over to the bed, only to find Lovegood crying- soft sobs and sniffs coming from her.

“Hey... it's- it’s okay.” He sat on the bed, not too close to her, but close enough to be comforting- he hoped. 

Lovegood, looked up and wiped at her eyes. “Can you get a message to my father?” 

Draco shook his head, cringing at the broken expression on her face. “It’s too risky. You’re safe- that's what matters... Here,” he summoned a small cup from the potions cabinet “take a cupful each of these.”

She looked at the potions, mistrust mingling with the intense fear on her face. 

Her eyes snapped to his. He tried to make his expression gentle. She would be going through hell at that moment “I swear I’m not going-”

She tilted her head, then her lips parted and a whisper came from them, capturing his attention “Look at me” Her voice was softer and lighter than before.

He frowned “-I am” 

“No, not like that. Look at me” 

He almost laughed, glancing away uncomfortably, then caught her gaze again. It was intense. He stared into her eyes, they were  _ very _ blue. He knew it  _ could _ be weird yet it wasn’t. He felt… 

“Hm. Call me Luna” she said, then leaned back, looking a little less frightened. She reached out and calmly took the potions from his hands, measured them and took them. All the while he stood there, confused. He had thought it might be a little more difficult to convince her.

She sighed as the potions took effect, “...Thankyou.”

He nodded, then coughed then turned around, walking to where he kept his teapot “Those were pain and internal bleeding potions...I can’t give you a cut or bruise healing one potion, as that would be suspicious...Would you- ah- like some tea?”

“Yes please…” Draco paused, something in her airy voice stopped him from moving “Draco- Why are you helping me?” 

Draco closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his confident facade crumble a little- then continued on his way towards his tea pot. “I… well, doing whatever I can- it keeps me… sane.” He breathed a shaky breath “I- do what I can. I always try and numb people’s pain when they are being tortured, I try to kill them as quickly as the Dark Lord will allow me to… I- well there's not much else I can do. But you’re unusual because you’re a hostage we’re using for ransom, and we were told to batter you up a bit but not to kill you. So I thought I might- I might help you. I think the Dark Lord hopes that Potter will eventually seek refuge with someone who was friendly to his cause… that and you missing will keep your Father in check.” The words tumbled out of him. He poured the tea, it’s smell comforting “You’re not important enough that they’ll check on you. They won’t interrogate you... They won’t notice anything except any cuts and bruises I’ll have to leave on you” He looked over his shoulder. She was looking at him with a strange look upon her face. “Sugar?” he asked, quickly looking back to the tea. 

“Just one… and a good dash of milk.” They were both silent while he made the tea. Then once again, her tentative voice broke the silence “But...” He paused again “Why are you helping me, and not the man who was in the corner?” 

Draco felt the guilt wrench in his chest- he inhaled, her words had hit him where he was most insecure.

“That was Ollivander-” Luna let out a little gasp at his words “-he’s been here for almost a year... if I had ever helped him like this the Dark Lord might have looked into his mind and seen it. He’s been with Ollivander several times. And each time-” he sniffed and shoved back at the tears which threatened. He whirled around, looking Luna right in the eyes. “He is a master of Legemency- so each time he visits Ollivander, and his screams echo throughout the Manor- I- I cannot help but be glad I have shown him no mercy but the extra rations I put on his plate, and the numbing spells I slip him whenever I can. I-” Draco wiped angrily at the tears which threatened to spill over his cheeks “I am a coward. I will admit it- I'm not a crazy Gryffindor or something…” He gestured at her “-I don’t know why I’m doing this!” 

Luna looked taken aback. Her expression made the fear and anger in him drain out, and suddenly he just wanted to sit down. 

He walked back over to the bed. “Sorry... “ he whispered as he sat.

Her hand had come out tentatively while when he sat down and now held the side of his arm, a small, but comforting presence.

“It’s okay... “You are doing all you can, and that is all any of us could hope for.”   
There was a small silence, then Draco’s quiet words filled it, “I didn’t want to see someone I knew- well I don’t  _ know _ you but-...I couldn’t see you get raped- or- tortured… or both. Not if I could stop it.” 

She squeezed him harder. 

Eventually, he cleared his throat and she let her arm drop.

The moment had seemingly changed the air between them, for Luna no longer looked fearful and Draco felt somewhat relaxed. 

“Are- are you okay Lovegood?”

She frowned “I told you to call me Luna…” she sipped her tea, humming contentedly “I am better than I thought I was going to be…” She trailed off, her eyes going distant. “I am quite used to the Carrows, but I wasn’t ready to be raped.”   
Draco sipped his tea, feeling sick “I’m sorry, it was the only way I could think to get you out…”

She shook her head “Don’t apologise. You have put yourself at great risk, helping me. Thank you.” Draco looked into her eyes again, feeling less ashamed. Her presence was… nice. 

Draco stared, causing her to tilt her head. She did that a lot. “What?” She asked, voice gentle.   


“You are… the only one that knows the truth about me right now...That I’m not a- total monster.” He smiled abashedly. 

She smiled back, and it was so genuine. Draco found he immediately liked her.

 

He flicked his wand, and the two steaming cups he had just made began to drift over. As they did, Draco once again picked up one of the cut ropes off the bed.

“So- how did you do this?”

Luna smiled abashedly. And pulled a butter knife out from her sock.

Draco frowned at it, confused.

“How did you cut ropes with that? And... how did you get it in?” 

She handed it to him to inspect and explained “It doesn't set off the dangerous item's charm they run over us…because it’s a butter knife and only has a charm that let’s it cut through magical bonds only. I keep it down my sock at all times…” Draco turned it, watching it glitter with a greeny gold charm. 

“It has some undetectable charms on it, so the snatchers had trouble finding it.” She was smiling, looking pleased. 

Draco nodded, impressed “Who came up with these?” 

“It was a joint project between Ginny and I...but her brother’s- the twins- helped us execute the magic- but we designed them. They came in handy when we needed to escape from the Carrow’s… It drove them crazy.”

Draco laughed, the first time he had in a while. It felt good. “I almost wish I had been there to see their faces.”

Luna smiled and the conversation faded into a comfortable silence.

 

They sat there for a while, sipping their tea. Luna, who seemed to be processing what was happening to her, was a comforting presence.

Eventually, she spoke up. “So, I can’t tell Ollivander what happened here?”

Draco shook his head. “You can’t tell anybody- if this somehow gets out...”

Luna nodded, a sombre expression on her face. “Okay, I promise to never reveal the best of you, Draco Malfoy.” She placed her hand over her heart as she said the words, and Draco found himself smiling- she interrupted the moment as she moved on “What do we do now?”

Her tone sounded as if she were asking about the weather. 

Draco grimaced. “Well-” He opened his bedside drawer, taking out the small telescope hidden there and the bottle of Dragon blood.“-They’ll expect you to be a bit bruised up, I’m sorry- but- look into this, it’ll be the least painful way to give you a black eye…” He handed the small telescope that he had found at the now-closed  _ Weasley Wizard Wheezes _ to Lovegood. 

She took it from him tentatively then hummed to herself. “This is Fred and George’s work isn’t it?” At Draco's confused look, she clarified “The Weasley twins?”

He nodded.

She hummed again and then opened the telescope and looked down it’s lens.

“Oh!” Her shocked cry was followed by a laugh. She tilted her head, inspecting the telescope, a black bruise surrounding her eye. “I doubt they ever expected their pranks to be used in such a way…” She looked up at Draco smiling slightly “How do I look?” 

Draco frowned, utterly awestruck by the strange girl, “You look… fine.” 

He shook his head, getting back to the task at hand.

“Uhm… After a bit more time- I’ll have to take you back to the basement… and I’ll have to put a couple more cuts and bruises on you…” 

She nodded solemnly, spurring him on “But we will use this” he held up the dragon blood “to make them look worse then they are. I had some time to prepare for this so…” Luna had something in her eyes. “I won’t be able to visit you often,” he admitted. But she just nodded, face grim. “But when I do I’ll give you food each time for you and Ollivander... just tell him- tell him I like you so I’ve been giving you extra.” 

She nodded again “Cuts and bruises can be healed. Don’t worry. I’ll be okay” 

Draco nodded. “Speaking of Ollivander…” He grabbed the butter knife off the bed, then paused and concentrated on his spell. With a little ‘Pop!’ it changed into an old, rusty nail. Draco smiled, satisfied. He had always been good at transfiguration.

“The spells should be active on it. It'll just mean you can hide it more easily” He said as he handed her the nail.  
  
Luna ‘hmmed’ contentedly then held her hands up in a  “Shall we test it?” 

Draco nodded, then bound her with some ropes. 

Within seconds she had them off.    
Draco grinned. “Nice.” 

She smiled back, then made a face “Can I use the toilet?”

Draco nodded showed her where it was. He shut the door behind him, only to immediately jump when a muffled “Oh!” came through the door.

“Everything okay?” he called through it.

“Yes, I’m fine, just a bit shocked by my face,” 

Draco had seen the sight of bruises on his face and others so often, he had almost forgotten it was strange. 

He wandered back to his bed and became lost in his thoughts. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening a minute later jolted him from them.

 

He looked at Luna, and she looked back at him. Her eye bruised and her cheek cut, her hair still very messy from when Alecto had held her.

She looked like a mess. 

She had a grim face. “Well, I suppose we should get this over and done with then. You’ve had me for long enough.” 

Draco nodded and took out his wand. “I promise I’ll keep you safe.” 

Luna shook her head “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Draco.”

Draco approached her, “What would you like me to do?”

She tilted her head, considering with a grim look on her features. “Well I suppose a split lip would look good, and bruises around my wrists?” 

Draco nodded. She nodded back at him. Urging him on. He took a breath then numbed her lips and wrists and got to work.

 

****

 

 _You have been the prisoner of an Obscurus De Animo_ _Draco, research it and learn to control it. You must learn to confront, accept, understand and control your anger. To suppress it, is to let it grow ignored and uncontrolled._

 

As he had slowly regained his mind, the words had stuck with him. A constant companion. They were imprinted into his thoughts, in a hidden place in his mind. It had been an itch he had to scratch. 

And so Draco had researched this "obscurus" and slowly regained his memories. They were damaged, but due to his runs and time alone, he had eventually dug them up, had pieced the puzzle together.

He had read the very limited material about what the ‘mental obscurial’ could do, had been able to relate to the words so well because he himself had been through it. He had learnt about new meditations he could do, through physical and mental exercises. He had regained and then maintained his mental state. Barely. 

Somehow, he was still sane, and still held onto his morals.  
  


It had been six months since he had pointed his wand at Dumbledore and almost killed him. It had been six months since Dumbledore had rescued him from within his own mind. 

He no longer went to school, but studied from home, still pretending he could become a Curse Breaker some day. That particular fantasy got him through some days. 

The mark on his arm kept him home in the Manor, which had become the central base of operations. He was expected to attend meetings, to take part in the torture and killings. He usually stood in the back, praying not to be called upon. Sometimes he was.

He usually asked if he could kill them. He had convinced the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters around him that he liked to kill and this need had come from his failure to kill Dumbledore. He would always choose it over torturing. They were going to die anyway. Might as well make their time in the hell that was the Manor’s basement as short as possible. 

It was not hard to summon the want to kill them. He only needed to look in their eyes. Their eyes always begged for death. They always haunted his dreams too.

Draco had learnt to not only put a mask upon his face, but to put one into his mind. He would clear all his thoughts, just as he had to for occlumency- he would distance himself so far from himself that his body no longer felt like his own. Then he would look into their eyes, see the pain there, and that would give him the courage and drive to kill them. If he had to torture them, he never looked into their eyes.

  
But, he was not perfect, and there were some tasks he was not able to take part in. The very first time he had been asked to torture someone he had been unable to do it. 

It hadn’t helped that he had known them.

Charity Burbage had not died peacefully. Draco had never really spoken with the old Muggle Studies teacher, but he had known her face. 

He had not slept for three nights after she had looked into his eyes and begged. She had not recognised him, her mind and body so tortured that she had looked and sounded as crazy as the people that surrounded her, taunting and cackling at the ‘blood traitor’.

When he had passed out from exhaustion on the fourth day she had haunted his dreams too.

 

He also refused to take part in it when they bought women in that were half-blooded and beautiful enough for the tastes of the Death Eaters. 

Draco could get away with not raping women, as the Dark Lord knew he was gay. To the others… well, he could claim they were too ‘dirty’ for his taste anyway.  

The only other times Draco could not go through with it was when they bought people Draco’s age or younger in- the death eaters gave them no extra sympathy. Draco could not distance himself from his body in those situations. The Dark Lord sensed his weakness and had called upon him the first time- and then had tortured him himself when Draco had been unable to do it.  But it seemed Draco did enough to convince him that he was loyal, for he left Draco alone for the most part. He didn’t care too much for the Malfoy’s anymore- wasn’t keen to promote them as the exemplary Death Eaters. No- Draco had saved his family’s lives because of his success at capturing Dumbledore- but his failure to kill the man meant they had remained disgraced and rejected by the Dark Lord. 

Draco didn’t know if he was grateful or scared by that little reality.

Harry Potter and his two friends had gone missing at some point, and occasional reports came through the whispered words of the snatchers. Harry Potter was still working against the Dark Lord. 

It gave Draco some sense of hope.

The Golden trio had apparently broken into the Ministry...and while that had been a particularly bad day in the basement, it had made Draco secretly smile whenever he thought about it. He thought about Harry almost daily and dream Harry accompanied him at night whenever the screams left him alone.

He thought about what he would have done differently. What if he hadn’t been such a dick. 

He thought about what he might say if he ever saw him again… Of course, he didn’t actually expect to see Potter ever again…  
  


****

Luna smiled as she came out of the shower, her hair wet. She took the tea from Draco and then went over to his cabinet to grab some ginger biscuits. After Draco had discovered they were her favourite he always made sure to keep them stocked for her when he brought her into his room.

It had been a just over a week since he had first done so, and they had established a shaky routine. Every day Draco would get Luna and bring her to his room. 

Luna would always go to bathroom, shower and get into some of Draco’s clothes while Draco made them tea. She did this out of consideration to Draco’s nostrils then for her own self. “I feel guilty enough already” she had told Draco after he had once offered her a bath “Ollivander is alone while I am here...” Ollivander was also the reason their visits were short- she would only take things that would benefit them both- news and food.

Draco always offered to let her stay longer, but she always insisted on going back to the dungeon, to keep Ollivander company. “It’s not fair” she often told him.

When she had heard all the news he had to give, she would change back into her clothes which Draco got the elves to clean, and he would place some superficial cuts and bruises on her. Returning her to hell.

His Mother had never spoken to him about it. 

Once he had seen her in the hallway when he was leading Luna to his room. 

Luna had played her part well. Looking down, looking empty. 

His Mother had gone pale, and walked in the other direction. She spoke coldly to him ever since. That was the price he had paid. 

Well, the obscurus had already damaged their relationship, and this had just been the final nail in the coffin.

He told himself it as worth it. He had someone who knew him.  _ Really  _ knew him. 

Luna knew that he was  _ good.  _ He probably could have told his Mother, but he feared she would take Luna away from him. He wouldn’t risk it.

He could actually be himself around her. 

She sat down and began to nibble on her biscuit

"Any news?" 

Draco nodded grimly and crossed his hands on the table.  "Harry Potter was sighted…" Luna's face lit up "-at your father's house." Her smile was wiped from her from her face and the blood accompanied it.

"Your Father called the Death Eaters… and they didn’t believe him until Potter apparently blew up the ceiling and fell through it.”

Luna’s trembling hand was covering her mouth. “My Father… is he-”

“They roughed him up a bit… but he’s fine.” Draco rushed out.

Luna’s hand fell from her face and she closed her eyes. Her whole body was shaking. Draco reached a hand out and held her arm. 

“Draco, please-” Luna grabbed his arm as if it was the only thing keeping her there. Her nails bit painfully into him through the fabric of his shirt, but he didn’t move. “Draco, you have to help me leave this horrible place.” Her voice was desperate.   
  


Draco’s arm froze- he wanted to, but he couldn’t seem to bring it back to himself. “Luna, you’re  _ safe  _ here.”

She turned to him, every part of her looking exhausted “For how long Draco? I have sat down there for a _week._ ” Finally, Draco’s arm falls from hers, pushed by her forceful words. “Every time someone walks overhead I’m held by the most terrible fear, and every time that door at the top of the stairs open I am beyond ecstatic when I see it’s you pretending to come and take me and not someone else...” she grew quiet, her unspoken words lingered in the air.

Draco was silent. 

What could he say? That he thought it was too risky? And he thought she would just get captured again? That if they did capture her again, they would want to know how she got out? That even if she made it to safety, she would tell people and it might somehow get back to the Death Eater’s?

That he was too _scared?_

It was like she read his mind. 

“I would never tell  _ anybody _ … besides, you could come with me, Draco.”

He shook his head, the thought of the impossible nature escaping and of the fact that the no one on her side would  _ ever  _ accept him, and even if it somehow worked out… the consequences of such actions made him feel sick.

“Luna, they would kill my Mother- they would kill me. I can’t let you go.” 

Luna responded as if his word’s had been an assault. 

She recoiled, the stood up and strode away from him. 

“How long are you planning on keeping me here?!”

Draco could hear the panic surfacing in her voice. 

“Luna, I’m not  _ planning  _ anything… we are in the middle of a  _ war,  _ nothing is certain.”

“How long, Malfoy?!”

And in that moment, Draco heard the truth in her voice, heard the hope she had felt being crushed.

The hope Draco had given her. 

“I never thought about getting you out, I only thought about saving you-”   
“You haven't  _ saved _ me if I am still in a cage!” It was Draco’s turn to recoil. “I thought all this time you were waiting for an opportunity... I’m a person Draco! I’m not just here to make you feel better about yourself!”

_ “Well, what am I supposed to do?!”  _ His angry words rang out into the silence he had created with them.

He refused to look at Luna, to see the hurt he knew would be in her eyes. Then- “Be brave. Be the person that you want to be.” Her words were gentle, and cut through his anger- straight to his fear.

Draco shrugged off the words, “I’m not a fucking Gryffindor.”

“No,” Luna said simply, “You’re Draco Mal-”

“I am a  _ coward! _ ” He spat out, the anger returning. 

“If your a coward then why am I here?”

“I don’t know!” he shot up and strode away from her, trying to hide the tears which threatened to fall. 

“Why am I here, Draco?”

“I don’t  _ know! _ ” His voice broke on the last word, betraying his emotion. He sat down in an armchair, cradling his head in his hands.

Luna’s voice was quiet, “I am here because you want to be good, but you are too scared of the consequences-” at Draco’s snort, she continued more forcefully “No, you are not a coward, but you are scared. There is a difference..." her voice went quiet, "Draco, you have to commit to the side you have chosen… You have to help us win the war.”

Draco was silent, and so was Luna. 

“There’s no winning a war you have already lost, Luna.”

“Bullshit.” The curse word sounded so strange coming from Luna, so much so that Draco almost smiled. “It takes people like you,” She continued “people who are  _ good,  _ believing that there is no chance, that allows them win. If you help us, Draco, and if those like you help us, then we win.” 

Draco finally looked at her, and the fiery rebelliousness in her eyes sparked something in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! Thank you for waiting! 
> 
> Let's all say it together...  
> I. Did. Not. Expect. This. Fic. To. Be. This. Long.  
> Fuck.
> 
> Yeah, thanks for sticking around if you have, I'm kind of convincing myself that no one likes this fic anymore hahaha- because its gone on for too long with no romance.  
> Oh well.  
> I'm going to finish it anyway. And there will be romance. Someday. ahA.
> 
> As a thankyou, I've given quite a long chapter, but it comes at a price. I have nothing written in reserve. I know where I want the story to go, but up until this point I was editing and adding to stuff I had already written. This means its going to take me a bit longer to put out chapters from now on- sorry!  
> Next one should be up in maybe 2 weeks. Still have assignments to do and then Im going away for a weekend. 
> 
> Right well see you when I see you!  
> Love, Anna.
> 
> Also can someone help me with the tags... like there is no rape, but it might trigger something in someone so I'd like to tag properly but I don't know what to tag...


End file.
